What’s next…the unknown
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My son was attested feb24 for an offence in feb 23. Here we are in may 25 and not really knowing anything further.
second interview at the weekend, he's an adult so I sat in the car park and waited.
The second interview turned up 30 images, 4 of which were cat A. There was something about 2016 on his pc, he would have been 11 or 12!
it's breaking my heart as we'd had a really good year prior to the arrest. We've had to deal with my ex (the dad but a real nasty piece of work) cutting all of us down, domestic violence, threats, family loss and the list goes on- we came out the other side and had such a positive year....then we had the knock and our little family of three and four paws fell apart.
its the waiting...you're told one thing and as my son is a young adult I can't interfere with the investigation/decisions. I just know all of what he did came from a dark place of him being completely unhappy and not feeling he could talk to anyone.
i feel like I've failed him epically as a parent and as someone who should have known when I work in education.
sorry I'm rambling a bit
i juat don't get where or how you are still even able as a child to search and find such things online.
i feel like where was the protection my son needed, it wasn't there for him when I asked for help (reported to the police) after his dad beat him but not my son has stepped out of line he doesn't get a chance.
anyway I'm rambling and not making sense, I'm just at my wits end, he feels like his life is over and his given up on his dreams of uni, his social anxiety is through the roof. My daughter is about to go to uni and he should have been in his second year.
the whole way that young adults and young people are treated by the system angers me. I'm just so miffed off with the whole situation, I'm annoyed with my son but can't tell him that. Just found out he's been self harming too which is great...
any words of wisdom for us would be great and thanks for reading my ramble of scrambled thoughts.
thinking of everyone taking the wrong turn with someone else driving and entering this process of crap, crap and more crap x
second interview at the weekend, he's an adult so I sat in the car park and waited.
The second interview turned up 30 images, 4 of which were cat A. There was something about 2016 on his pc, he would have been 11 or 12!
it's breaking my heart as we'd had a really good year prior to the arrest. We've had to deal with my ex (the dad but a real nasty piece of work) cutting all of us down, domestic violence, threats, family loss and the list goes on- we came out the other side and had such a positive year....then we had the knock and our little family of three and four paws fell apart.
its the waiting...you're told one thing and as my son is a young adult I can't interfere with the investigation/decisions. I just know all of what he did came from a dark place of him being completely unhappy and not feeling he could talk to anyone.
i feel like I've failed him epically as a parent and as someone who should have known when I work in education.
sorry I'm rambling a bit
i juat don't get where or how you are still even able as a child to search and find such things online.
i feel like where was the protection my son needed, it wasn't there for him when I asked for help (reported to the police) after his dad beat him but not my son has stepped out of line he doesn't get a chance.
anyway I'm rambling and not making sense, I'm just at my wits end, he feels like his life is over and his given up on his dreams of uni, his social anxiety is through the roof. My daughter is about to go to uni and he should have been in his second year.
the whole way that young adults and young people are treated by the system angers me. I'm just so miffed off with the whole situation, I'm annoyed with my son but can't tell him that. Just found out he's been self harming too which is great...
any words of wisdom for us would be great and thanks for reading my ramble of scrambled thoughts.
thinking of everyone taking the wrong turn with someone else driving and entering this process of crap, crap and more crap x
Hello Momma bear
How are you doing today?
I am sorry that your son has had such a long wait in this process, so far. Now he has had his second interview, hopefully the CPS will make a decision soon and then things can move a little bit quicker. Has your son contacted the helpline at all, he may find it useful to look into doing the young persons inform course with them, maybe?
In your post you say that you feel you have failed your son somehow. I feel you have not failed as a parent at all, so please don't be so hard on yourself.
It must have been so difficult to sit in the car park waiting for him with the feeling that as a parent your hands are completely tied , not being able to help him in that moment. How is he doing now?
In my opinion technology has a lot to answer for and as a society we have not protected our young people from the darkside of tech.
It may be of help to you to speak to the charity Young Minds about your worries around your son's wellbeing and how you can best support him and you.
Thinking of you and your son.
How are you doing today?
I am sorry that your son has had such a long wait in this process, so far. Now he has had his second interview, hopefully the CPS will make a decision soon and then things can move a little bit quicker. Has your son contacted the helpline at all, he may find it useful to look into doing the young persons inform course with them, maybe?
In your post you say that you feel you have failed your son somehow. I feel you have not failed as a parent at all, so please don't be so hard on yourself.
It must have been so difficult to sit in the car park waiting for him with the feeling that as a parent your hands are completely tied , not being able to help him in that moment. How is he doing now?
In my opinion technology has a lot to answer for and as a society we have not protected our young people from the darkside of tech.
It may be of help to you to speak to the charity Young Minds about your worries around your son's wellbeing and how you can best support him and you.
Thinking of you and your son.
Hey, it's a perfectly natural reaction to feel that you've let your son down. It sounds very much from what you've said that it is his dad who has let him down, and you also. If you haven't already, I would encourage you to seek out some sort of counselling for him. I say this because I did let my child down. I didn't help them enough with self harm (though I couldn't find the help at the time), and they became a prolific self harmer and their body is covered in scars, every inch of it. Self harm is incredibly addictive. Stop SO have specialist counsellors. I really hope your little family and the four paws (we have 8 paws), can come through this stronger. X
Thanks for the replies.
my son has counselling aet hi for tomorrow and has been referred to adult SS.
I had to go out looking for him last night as he didn't want to be here. He was sat in some of woods alone.
id like to think there would be more care for young adults but there really isn't.
srill nine the wiser as to the future
im dragging him away for some sea air next week with my other adult child and four paws.
my son has counselling aet hi for tomorrow and has been referred to adult SS.
I had to go out looking for him last night as he didn't want to be here. He was sat in some of woods alone.
id like to think there would be more care for young adults but there really isn't.
srill nine the wiser as to the future
im dragging him away for some sea air next week with my other adult child and four paws.
Hello Momma Bear
It sounds to me that you are doing the best you can with everything that is going on. Are you and your son being supported by your GP at all?
Please remember that you can speak to the helpline for support for you too.
In your previous post you mention that your son has missed out on uni and he would be in his second year now had he gone. If uni is something your son wanted to do, he can definitely do this in the future. As a society we tend to expect to do things at set times, like uni straight after A levels. The young person in our family missed out on uni when he peer group went off but it was something he did a little later, so he still had something positive to focus on for his future. Is this something that your son could consider, maybe?
Take care and thinking of you and your son x
It sounds to me that you are doing the best you can with everything that is going on. Are you and your son being supported by your GP at all?
Please remember that you can speak to the helpline for support for you too.
In your previous post you mention that your son has missed out on uni and he would be in his second year now had he gone. If uni is something your son wanted to do, he can definitely do this in the future. As a society we tend to expect to do things at set times, like uni straight after A levels. The young person in our family missed out on uni when he peer group went off but it was something he did a little later, so he still had something positive to focus on for his future. Is this something that your son could consider, maybe?
Take care and thinking of you and your son x
Thanks Alison20.
We have been looking at uni, he just thinks he will be too old. I know that's not the case at all. Starting a bit older can be a better choice for some people.
I think it's just the waiting game that has crushed all of his plans. Almost 21 and he feels like he has not future, compares himself to others and he feels he's a failure.
the case has been referred to CPS now.....We will know in about 4 weeks if they intend to prosecute. They were referring to evidence from 2016 when he would have been 11 or 12!
I don't know, I've lost my faith in the police and justice system somewhat as this is no way to conduct yourself when investigating something relating to such a young person in my view.
I've got a lot of anger myself about all the social media, search engines etc allowing these kind of images to be in front anyone. With AI developments it should be getting locked down completely and no one should be dealing with their children being pumped full of sexualised images from a young age.
Half term break for me so we are spending some quality time together or at least trying to.
We have been looking at uni, he just thinks he will be too old. I know that's not the case at all. Starting a bit older can be a better choice for some people.
I think it's just the waiting game that has crushed all of his plans. Almost 21 and he feels like he has not future, compares himself to others and he feels he's a failure.
the case has been referred to CPS now.....We will know in about 4 weeks if they intend to prosecute. They were referring to evidence from 2016 when he would have been 11 or 12!
I don't know, I've lost my faith in the police and justice system somewhat as this is no way to conduct yourself when investigating something relating to such a young person in my view.
I've got a lot of anger myself about all the social media, search engines etc allowing these kind of images to be in front anyone. With AI developments it should be getting locked down completely and no one should be dealing with their children being pumped full of sexualised images from a young age.
Half term break for me so we are spending some quality time together or at least trying to.