To The Mothers Of ASD Sons
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I'm not sure where to start. Firstly thanks for all the support. My question is does anyone think it would be helpful for an article to be done in a national newspaper with a wide reach eg Daily Mail. From my first post while I was stuck abroad for 2 days after my son was arrested & I made a judgement & said something horrible which someone quite rightly told me off for!
So like you all I'm thrust into a world I never knew existed. My first eye opener was the fact everyone on here whose sons whete 'their person' were on the spectrum. Then in a private message Tony Atwoods book being reccomended to me. Co written by Nick Dubin, I highlighted the parts of his story that resonated with me about my son, and most of it was yellow! Again this link between ASD & viewing/downloading IIOC (and acessing terrorist/right wing material a separate issue but the same MO). Then the suggestion I look up the person whose area of expertise is the above. So this is a known thing here & in the USA, and with the growing numbers of children being diagnosed with ASD surely this will be a growing problem.
If I had ever read anything about this prior to 'the knock' it would have 100% have rung huge alarm bells & I would have spoken to my son about it. Bullied at school, friendless, lonely, isolated, cannot work, agoraphobic, all relationships online, only sexual outlet online etc. So I emailed the NAS to say don't you have a duty to address this growing link so parents & family's can be aware of the pitfalls of someone lonely & vulnerable living their life online. I believe they could address this someway, articles, press etc. They sent a defensive reply with links to articles that weren't relevant.
Does anyone know a journalist or are in that field as I wouldn't know where to start? Experts in these fields are aware this is a growing problem so why shouldn't parents if ASD boys & men be? Does anyone think that would be a good idea if written sensitively?
My kind, gentle, loving son ( with no sexual interest in children whatsoever) faces potentially being on the SOR for life. There were innocent victims in the images, don't think I don't care about them, I do. My son is devestated at the rabbit hole he went down & will regret it for the rest of his life.
So like you all I'm thrust into a world I never knew existed. My first eye opener was the fact everyone on here whose sons whete 'their person' were on the spectrum. Then in a private message Tony Atwoods book being reccomended to me. Co written by Nick Dubin, I highlighted the parts of his story that resonated with me about my son, and most of it was yellow! Again this link between ASD & viewing/downloading IIOC (and acessing terrorist/right wing material a separate issue but the same MO). Then the suggestion I look up the person whose area of expertise is the above. So this is a known thing here & in the USA, and with the growing numbers of children being diagnosed with ASD surely this will be a growing problem.
If I had ever read anything about this prior to 'the knock' it would have 100% have rung huge alarm bells & I would have spoken to my son about it. Bullied at school, friendless, lonely, isolated, cannot work, agoraphobic, all relationships online, only sexual outlet online etc. So I emailed the NAS to say don't you have a duty to address this growing link so parents & family's can be aware of the pitfalls of someone lonely & vulnerable living their life online. I believe they could address this someway, articles, press etc. They sent a defensive reply with links to articles that weren't relevant.
Does anyone know a journalist or are in that field as I wouldn't know where to start? Experts in these fields are aware this is a growing problem so why shouldn't parents if ASD boys & men be? Does anyone think that would be a good idea if written sensitively?
My kind, gentle, loving son ( with no sexual interest in children whatsoever) faces potentially being on the SOR for life. There were innocent victims in the images, don't think I don't care about them, I do. My son is devestated at the rabbit hole he went down & will regret it for the rest of his life.
I think the Guardian is a newspaper with a suitable level of nuance and sensitivity to approach. They've previously run articles on people who've been through the knock, people with porn addictions etc. But I agree I don't there's a public understanding of the dangers of online porn/sexual communication. It's essentially a public health emergency.
There needs to be a more frank and forthright discussion that highlights it could be your totally normal seeming husband (as in my case and many others) or it could be your reclusive ASD son, and that no one should be complacent that their family is not at risk. My husband did indeed get diagnosed with autism after his arrest, but I had no idea about the availability and addictiveness of this massive bloody sewage pipe of porn, running through my home!
There needs to be a more frank and forthright discussion that highlights it could be your totally normal seeming husband (as in my case and many others) or it could be your reclusive ASD son, and that no one should be complacent that their family is not at risk. My husband did indeed get diagnosed with autism after his arrest, but I had no idea about the availability and addictiveness of this massive bloody sewage pipe of porn, running through my home!
The Guardian, good idea thanks
Hi
My son aa also got autsim
He got caught by decoys
He saud at the time he waa feeling lonely, abd unwanted by his wife
He said he was looking for friend ship
My son aa also got autsim
He got caught by decoys
He saud at the time he waa feeling lonely, abd unwanted by his wife
He said he was looking for friend ship
The conversation absolutely does need to start happening. And soon because every day it's happening. I keep thinking, today will be the first time someone does it for the first time... It's at crisis point I think. My fear is always that our stories will be weaponised against us. You see it all the time in how gutter journalism frequently tries to link poor mental health with criminality.
Perhaps The LFF and others will take up the mantle...? The story of children is particularly poignant because I don't think many families can tolerate the idea that their kids are even watching porn. And they pretty much all are, girls included and it's damaging in so many ways.
Perhaps The LFF and others will take up the mantle...? The story of children is particularly poignant because I don't think many families can tolerate the idea that their kids are even watching porn. And they pretty much all are, girls included and it's damaging in so many ways.
Absolutely more awareness needs to happen, especially seeing as the professionals involved in this field know these offences are growing - amongst people with and without neuro divergence. Being online education needs to be on the national curriculum in some way too. I'm really not sure which avenue would be best. Channel 4 are good at these types of documentaries, and Panorama. The problem with the newspapers are that they're all biased towards certain demographics/political leanings, and this message needs to reach everyone. There are also good online media publications such as Huffpost who have a large social media following. Maybe someone like James O Brien on LBC could handle this sensitively?
Definitely not The Mail, very much a readership of "lock 'em up and throw away the key".
The Mail readership have presumably never had anything truly awful happen to them or their loved ones, or have turned a blind eye. Weird creepy combination of perving over barely adult celebrities, and sweeping moral judgments.
Cedar key and Starr, Poppet and everyone else , oh I have given this so much thought and lost so much sleep over my Son and the abyss we are in. I have searched and scrolled and even thought about trying myself to find an investigative journalist who will take this on .
please count me in on any way of moving forward with this - I've thought about so many ideas but we need weight behind us . There must be many others like us, silenced by the stigma !
please count me in on any way of moving forward with this - I've thought about so many ideas but we need weight behind us . There must be many others like us, silenced by the stigma !
As a man who has recently been diagnosed as autistic later in life I can see how easily other autistic guys end up down this rabbit hole. In fact given whats happened I often think that if I was a teenager/younger adult now I would probable be in the same situation and its only the fact that when I was at school the internet was in its infancy and yahoo messenger was the limits of social media. It was only as I got older I gained the self awareness to know where the limit is with regards to interacting with people online, fortunately I tended to interact with older people not younger, if I was a younger person now I’m not sure how I would have been able to limit and control that especially if I was still undiagnosed and it would probable be my mum posting on here about me having been arrested.
I’m fairly appalled to hear that the NAS has fobbed you of in this way, for a lot of individuals with autism the internet is an absolute lifeline enabling us to have some sort of social interaction and more needs to be done to highlight the risks that we face in using the internet and how easily we can be sucked into illegal activity all in the search for a bit of human interaction. I wonder if the NAS are reluctant to get involved as they think it would be seen as them supporting child sex offenders.
Any sort of newspaper article would need to be carefully written however as it risks painting the picture that all autisic men are paedophiles.
I’m fairly appalled to hear that the NAS has fobbed you of in this way, for a lot of individuals with autism the internet is an absolute lifeline enabling us to have some sort of social interaction and more needs to be done to highlight the risks that we face in using the internet and how easily we can be sucked into illegal activity all in the search for a bit of human interaction. I wonder if the NAS are reluctant to get involved as they think it would be seen as them supporting child sex offenders.
Any sort of newspaper article would need to be carefully written however as it risks painting the picture that all autisic men are paedophiles.
Thanks for your responses, as I guessed I'm not the only person who has thought about this issue being addressed that could help & protect future teenagers, young men & adult men. After all even the adult men as my son is are basically a child in a man's body when it comes emotional/ maturity age rather than chronological age. I've emailed the Guardian. Unfortunately I'd already emailed The Mail, which I wish I hadn't now. I doubt I'll get a response from either.
I'm just a Joe Bloggs housewife, so I have no idea how to contact an investigative journalist or how to go about this!
If anyone has any ideas let me know.
Perhaps you could all, also email the NAS?
I'm just a Joe Bloggs housewife, so I have no idea how to contact an investigative journalist or how to go about this!
If anyone has any ideas let me know.
Perhaps you could all, also email the NAS?
I wonder if a letter, co-signed by a significant number of us using just our initials, could be a starting point? With an anonymised email address for them to contact us, and agreement to speak confidentially?
I would be up for tha Lisa x
Great idea Lisa.
I just emailed Dispatches, not sure if that's the right investigative place but sent it anyway.
I just emailed Dispatches, not sure if that's the right investigative place but sent it anyway.
I'd be happy to lend my support too, as long as its totally anonymous. I believe that the ASD link should be explored more, but I think its equally as important to raise awareness of how anyone can come to committ these offences. There's so much generalisation and misunderstanding among the public, and all offenses seem to come under one umbrella as far as they are concerned. As we all know now, its far more nuanced that that and isn't at all black and white.
Though I'm not a parent of an autistic child I would definitely support this.
CedarKey- it funny you use the term child in a mans body, when I was younger I was usually described the opposite, an adult in a child’s body. Though I think I get what you mean in terms of the delayed emotional intelligence, it is generally accepted that this is delayed in autistic individuals by around 10-15 years particularly in those who are high functioning. It’s only now that I have hit 40 that adulting has actually begun to make sense, something that as I understand it for neurotypical people usually occurs at around 30.
CedarKey- it funny you use the term child in a mans body, when I was younger I was usually described the opposite, an adult in a child’s body. Though I think I get what you mean in terms of the delayed emotional intelligence, it is generally accepted that this is delayed in autistic individuals by around 10-15 years particularly in those who are high functioning. It’s only now that I have hit 40 that adulting has actually begun to make sense, something that as I understand it for neurotypical people usually occurs at around 30.