Normal behaviour by offender’s parents?
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I'm just perplexed and saddened by the lack of support from my parents in law. I don't know if I'm being self centred as I know they're going through their own pain as the offender's parents.
At the beginning I sent them frequent messages thanking them for looking after my husband on those first scary weeks after his arrest. I got not a lot in return despite solo looking after their grandchildren, and their son (my husband) as he was broken.
Prior to further disclosure from the police, I made the possibly questionable decision to forgive my husband the pain he's caused ME (not anyone else, as that's not my pain to forgive) and THEN his mum reached out to say what a great job we were both doing (her and me) but not recognising my pain or thanking me.
They have 2 grandchildren (the offender's daughters with me) who appear to be largely forgotten. They have not contacted me to offer support, be that practical, emotional or financial. They've made it clear they will only financially support their son to move back into the family home 'where he rightfully belongs' (which I won't allow).
Bearing in mind my husband's emotionally distant / neglectful demeanour throughout our relationship, this all makes sense as a pattern of behaviour and explain why he is the way he is.
but it's not right is it? They could just reach out and thank me for everything I do for their grandchildren and their son? Or just ask how I'm coping? No?
After sentencing (in July sometime) my mother in law tells me she's 'looking forward to celebrating'. WTAF. Both of my husband's parents have just minimised and deflected since his arrest.
I suppose one bonus of the end of my marriage will be the end of my involvement with these money grabbing tight arse soulless [etc etc]. I just want rid.
At the beginning I sent them frequent messages thanking them for looking after my husband on those first scary weeks after his arrest. I got not a lot in return despite solo looking after their grandchildren, and their son (my husband) as he was broken.
Prior to further disclosure from the police, I made the possibly questionable decision to forgive my husband the pain he's caused ME (not anyone else, as that's not my pain to forgive) and THEN his mum reached out to say what a great job we were both doing (her and me) but not recognising my pain or thanking me.
They have 2 grandchildren (the offender's daughters with me) who appear to be largely forgotten. They have not contacted me to offer support, be that practical, emotional or financial. They've made it clear they will only financially support their son to move back into the family home 'where he rightfully belongs' (which I won't allow).
Bearing in mind my husband's emotionally distant / neglectful demeanour throughout our relationship, this all makes sense as a pattern of behaviour and explain why he is the way he is.
but it's not right is it? They could just reach out and thank me for everything I do for their grandchildren and their son? Or just ask how I'm coping? No?
After sentencing (in July sometime) my mother in law tells me she's 'looking forward to celebrating'. WTAF. Both of my husband's parents have just minimised and deflected since his arrest.
I suppose one bonus of the end of my marriage will be the end of my involvement with these money grabbing tight arse soulless [etc etc]. I just want rid.
I am so sorry that you have been let down by your in laws. You aren't going mad, they truly let you down by your description of events, and their granddaughters. It is really difficult to be a partner of an offender and a position nobody could understand unless faced with. I am sorry they showed no empathy and treated it as an issue (minor one at that!) that surrounded only their son.
They could ofcourse be in denial, believing his version of events, and concluding that you are reacting over the top. It's not uncommon to read on this forum for offenders to wallow in self pity and declare themselves victims. But I am not making excuses for them. You will indeed well rid off.
They could ofcourse be in denial, believing his version of events, and concluding that you are reacting over the top. It's not uncommon to read on this forum for offenders to wallow in self pity and declare themselves victims. But I am not making excuses for them. You will indeed well rid off.
Thanks flower. It might be needy, and I have my own support network so I'm not reliant on them, they're just so callous seeming.
No, it's not right. They sound like they're in denial and that their son is VERY precious. My father in law and brother in law were a total nightmare after the first arrest. They didn't lift a finger for me and I was left dealing with 4 children, threatened with eviction and on benefits. After sentencing they said my ex had been hard done by and treated harshly and was "misunderstood ". What?!
Robin they've been saying things like 'it's just silly messages' and 'he's been an idiot but he only loves you' etc. The lack of validation of my pain is a whole separate pain.
Lisamargemaggie
your in-laws comments sound so very familiar to me. The complete lack of taking any sort of understanding of the seriousness of all this is incredible. Perhaps they'll understand if their son ends up in the press for all to see? People will recognise him as their son. But obviously I don't want that to happen to you.
You have my sympathies, it's infuriating! X
your in-laws comments sound so very familiar to me. The complete lack of taking any sort of understanding of the seriousness of all this is incredible. Perhaps they'll understand if their son ends up in the press for all to see? People will recognise him as their son. But obviously I don't want that to happen to you.
You have my sympathies, it's infuriating! X
My parents walked away from me when I decided to stay with my partner (although the relationship was hard before then with them).
We had a daughter in 2022 who was taken into care but they did nothing to support me or her as they didn't like my chooses etc.
After fighting 18 months alone I got my little girl home only then did they decide they want to be part of my life again and his as well now apparently. For 6 years they made me feel crap and alone despite I was there daughter.
They met her for the first time 2 weeks ago.
On tne other hand his parents were very supportive howver his mum constanlty made excuses for him and couldnt understand where social or anyone else was coming from. She agreed to offer me help etx with our little one but nevee actually does tbh.
I am sorry his parents are being the way they are.
We had a daughter in 2022 who was taken into care but they did nothing to support me or her as they didn't like my chooses etc.
After fighting 18 months alone I got my little girl home only then did they decide they want to be part of my life again and his as well now apparently. For 6 years they made me feel crap and alone despite I was there daughter.
They met her for the first time 2 weeks ago.
On tne other hand his parents were very supportive howver his mum constanlty made excuses for him and couldnt understand where social or anyone else was coming from. She agreed to offer me help etx with our little one but nevee actually does tbh.
I am sorry his parents are being the way they are.