Sleeping with ex partner
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Hi
I'm hoping someone can give me some advise we I'm unsure where I stand or what to do. For reference my children are 12, 10 and almost 6
My children's dad got arrested 2021 for indecent images of children in all categories. He then got arrested in 2022 and accused of abusing our daughter. This was dropped as no evidence what so ever to back up the accusations and daughter never told anyone anything to suspect suspicion of it.
He got sentenced Dec 2024. He got 2 year community order, 5 years on register, 5 year SHPO. No restrictions to contact or children at all. Was a non contact offense
My sister and brother In law was supervising up until February this year when I questioned why I couldn't supervise. Social had closed my case in 2023. I rang them to request supervising. They said I should have been able to supervise from the case being closed due to being a good protective factor to my kids.
Fast forward 3 months later, myself and Thier dad had gone birthday shopping for our youngest. All children were at school. We was at his house. We ended up sleeping together and he told probation. Nothing was said. No referral made what so ever. Probation and his sex offender officer also asked Thier dad if he still loved me and if so why didnt he ask me if I felt the same.
I rang social last month to discuss overnight stays due to a holiday that is upcoming and I wanted him to come for a few days to make new memories with our children. He's just started a rehabilitation course with probation.
He started a course last week and they did a referral to social to say we slept together, are getting back together etc. Social contacted me and I said yes we slept together and we regretted it the minute it happened. But my children were not around and they were not at harm or risk at all.
Social are now stating and probation that I shouldn't be supervising at all due to the fact we slept together. I said to them I'm sorry but having sex once in 4 years since this happened with the police. They said we have history and that isn't fair to use! I was in a relationship with him for 11 years prior to that knock on the door. I've asked to be put on a course as I've had enough of this. He's never left alone with the children at all.
Social want to put my children on child protection whilst I do the course and Thier reasoning for child protection is because we had sex. I dont feel this is right.
Also with regards to his SHPO can they actually stop him having contact or unsupervised as it isn't even on his order. He asked his worker out of curiosity if he spoke to a strangers child in the street and said hello on his own would he get in trouble. His worker said no. He said so why am I now being told supervised contact isn't okay with my children when I've been seeing them for 2 1/2 years supervised and never been a issue. No concerns.
With regards to the relationship with me and him. If we decided we wanted to be together can they actually stop this from happening?
Someone please help me. I have contacted my solicitor but I need someone who's been through this to advise me
Thankyou for reading
I'm hoping someone can give me some advise we I'm unsure where I stand or what to do. For reference my children are 12, 10 and almost 6
My children's dad got arrested 2021 for indecent images of children in all categories. He then got arrested in 2022 and accused of abusing our daughter. This was dropped as no evidence what so ever to back up the accusations and daughter never told anyone anything to suspect suspicion of it.
He got sentenced Dec 2024. He got 2 year community order, 5 years on register, 5 year SHPO. No restrictions to contact or children at all. Was a non contact offense
My sister and brother In law was supervising up until February this year when I questioned why I couldn't supervise. Social had closed my case in 2023. I rang them to request supervising. They said I should have been able to supervise from the case being closed due to being a good protective factor to my kids.
Fast forward 3 months later, myself and Thier dad had gone birthday shopping for our youngest. All children were at school. We was at his house. We ended up sleeping together and he told probation. Nothing was said. No referral made what so ever. Probation and his sex offender officer also asked Thier dad if he still loved me and if so why didnt he ask me if I felt the same.
I rang social last month to discuss overnight stays due to a holiday that is upcoming and I wanted him to come for a few days to make new memories with our children. He's just started a rehabilitation course with probation.
He started a course last week and they did a referral to social to say we slept together, are getting back together etc. Social contacted me and I said yes we slept together and we regretted it the minute it happened. But my children were not around and they were not at harm or risk at all.
Social are now stating and probation that I shouldn't be supervising at all due to the fact we slept together. I said to them I'm sorry but having sex once in 4 years since this happened with the police. They said we have history and that isn't fair to use! I was in a relationship with him for 11 years prior to that knock on the door. I've asked to be put on a course as I've had enough of this. He's never left alone with the children at all.
Social want to put my children on child protection whilst I do the course and Thier reasoning for child protection is because we had sex. I dont feel this is right.
Also with regards to his SHPO can they actually stop him having contact or unsupervised as it isn't even on his order. He asked his worker out of curiosity if he spoke to a strangers child in the street and said hello on his own would he get in trouble. His worker said no. He said so why am I now being told supervised contact isn't okay with my children when I've been seeing them for 2 1/2 years supervised and never been a issue. No concerns.
With regards to the relationship with me and him. If we decided we wanted to be together can they actually stop this from happening?
Someone please help me. I have contacted my solicitor but I need someone who's been through this to advise me
Thankyou for reading
Hello.
You are two consenting adults and it's your private life. Social services can not tell you what to do however they often have a blanket approach on this. They will suggest that you are putting 'your needs' ahead of your children's safety, and you need to work with them to prove that you are not.
Social workers work with probability, ofcourse a probability of a registered sex offender, offending against available children in own home is high. Just like that, your children are at risk.
We were all blinded by the knock, including myself, therefore social services will want reassurance that you are not going to be in the same position again, you are educated in signs, and warning behaviours, as well as willing to even report your ex if there was ever a need.
If you are wishing to get back with him, you will need to work with them and it's not for the faint hearted. It's a long process, frustrating and quite dehumanising at times.
Best of luck x
You are two consenting adults and it's your private life. Social services can not tell you what to do however they often have a blanket approach on this. They will suggest that you are putting 'your needs' ahead of your children's safety, and you need to work with them to prove that you are not.
Social workers work with probability, ofcourse a probability of a registered sex offender, offending against available children in own home is high. Just like that, your children are at risk.
We were all blinded by the knock, including myself, therefore social services will want reassurance that you are not going to be in the same position again, you are educated in signs, and warning behaviours, as well as willing to even report your ex if there was ever a need.
If you are wishing to get back with him, you will need to work with them and it's not for the faint hearted. It's a long process, frustrating and quite dehumanising at times.
Best of luck x