Struggling, take him back or not
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My person had vigilants at our house back in October, he's on bail and can visit our kids under supervision by me.
He has taken full accountability for his actions he didn't see what he was doing at the time. He was communicating on qna adult chat room and said he's was doing this to get out his head and then at the end he was communicating with vigilants for three weeks before they turned up at the house, he did send indecent image of himself.
Since the end of Feb I started to think about working through things with him, hes doing therapy and just about to finish Lucy Faithfully Foundation. In March I said let's have a go, not ready to say move back in ect but to work at possibly rebuilding the relationship. I see him and still love him, do not condon any of his actions but as my therapist say I love the person not the behaviour and behaviour can change. In the past three weeks things have been hard, my partners won't come near the house when he's here even to drop the kids off (my dad sometimes collects my son from his clubs) just found out one of my friends won't come any where he is
He's now saying things would be better for me and the kids if he just left. Packed up from his home town and went elsewhere. The thought breaks me.
If I want to have a relationship with him I'm going to those everyone else. There's only 2 out friends that will be there. I'm worried about our kids future if we do have him back. Mu sons just about to start high school.
Just need a space to put these thought out there
He has taken full accountability for his actions he didn't see what he was doing at the time. He was communicating on qna adult chat room and said he's was doing this to get out his head and then at the end he was communicating with vigilants for three weeks before they turned up at the house, he did send indecent image of himself.
Since the end of Feb I started to think about working through things with him, hes doing therapy and just about to finish Lucy Faithfully Foundation. In March I said let's have a go, not ready to say move back in ect but to work at possibly rebuilding the relationship. I see him and still love him, do not condon any of his actions but as my therapist say I love the person not the behaviour and behaviour can change. In the past three weeks things have been hard, my partners won't come near the house when he's here even to drop the kids off (my dad sometimes collects my son from his clubs) just found out one of my friends won't come any where he is
He's now saying things would be better for me and the kids if he just left. Packed up from his home town and went elsewhere. The thought breaks me.
If I want to have a relationship with him I'm going to those everyone else. There's only 2 out friends that will be there. I'm worried about our kids future if we do have him back. Mu sons just about to start high school.
Just need a space to put these thought out there
Only you can answer the question really.
I'm at the start of all this (and the end as he won't speak to me).
I'd give anything to just talk to my partner. I think l would have stood by him and tried again, even though he's treated me terribly.
Ask yourself, can you trust him again?
I'm at the start of all this (and the end as he won't speak to me).
I'd give anything to just talk to my partner. I think l would have stood by him and tried again, even though he's treated me terribly.
Ask yourself, can you trust him again?
I'm struggling with this too, but as each week passes the feeling gets stronger and clearer that I can't get past this. At least, not yet. I wish we all had crystal balls to see the future, but no-one can tell us what to do. We have to weigh up the benefits of staying against the disadvantages of staying. I really don't think I want to deal with potentially years of waiting for court, the aftermath of my husband being on the SOR, probably losing his job and finding it difficult to get another, not wanting to do things we would normally do because of his shame and anxiety, possible media attention, and my friends who know not wanting to come over anymore. And the trust and security have gone. I know his bad choices don't define him as a person. Hes having counselling and will be starting the Inform Plus course soon. But...
Its just so damn hard. I don't hate him. I probably should, but I don't. But I hate this situation. Hugs to you all struggling. xx
Its just so damn hard. I don't hate him. I probably should, but I don't. But I hate this situation. Hugs to you all struggling. xx
Same as the other ladies. It's very hard choice and I have no idea how or when to make the call. I'm just riding the waves as they come. Like you've all said, I love him and not the behaviour. But I worry about media exposure and trust rebuilding. It feels like I'm facing a mountain. One day at a time.
Thanks everyone
It is the trust and the fear of media attention
I do trust he won't ever do this again he has fear of online now and is off all social media. He's also last is job through this
The whole thing has already been put on Facebook last October I think if there is media coverage it will just bring it all back up. I know the vigilant group will post the courts out come on their page.
I'm also worried about how this will all effect the kids.
It's hard to still love them and go through all this.
It is the trust and the fear of media attention
I do trust he won't ever do this again he has fear of online now and is off all social media. He's also last is job through this
The whole thing has already been put on Facebook last October I think if there is media coverage it will just bring it all back up. I know the vigilant group will post the courts out come on their page.
I'm also worried about how this will all effect the kids.
It's hard to still love them and go through all this.
Hi, my now ex said he did this to avoid the things in his head. He went to prison, first offence, IIOC. We divorced but I supported him. I believed he'd never ever put us all through this again. He did. He reoffended and it's broken me and my now adult children. I guess what you need to think about is, will he do this again? My ex did all the right things. He was open and honest about what he'd done first time round. He did the courses. We gave him so much love and support but he threw it all back in our faces. No one should have to live like that. I'm sorry to be so negative. I'm simply giving you my experience. I wish you all the very best. X
Took me 10 months to make the decision to leave. 10 months where his actions made me think about taking my own life.
I didn't hate him. I felt so sad. Grid ing the life I had lost.
But I knew his offending would never go away. If I stayed my kids would have less and less to do with me as they wanted nothing to do with him.
Almost 3 years later I'm starting to feel I'm getting through this. I see him and feel absolutely nothing.
My life has been on hold for 3 years. Hopefully soon I will have a new home. I have a wonderful new partner and amazing friends. It's time to put all this behind me and start living again.
It's a slow process. One that is for different for each of us. Don't rush.
I didn't hate him. I felt so sad. Grid ing the life I had lost.
But I knew his offending would never go away. If I stayed my kids would have less and less to do with me as they wanted nothing to do with him.
Almost 3 years later I'm starting to feel I'm getting through this. I see him and feel absolutely nothing.
My life has been on hold for 3 years. Hopefully soon I will have a new home. I have a wonderful new partner and amazing friends. It's time to put all this behind me and start living again.
It's a slow process. One that is for different for each of us. Don't rush.