Mums & sons my first post
Notifications OFF
Hi I'm new to posting, but read a lot on here.
It took me an hour or more to write my post the it vanished when I clicked post topic, so I tried again. Here goes...
I'm 2 years in to this and have plucked up enough courage to actually write something..
I'll try keep it brief... Lol.. sorry doubt it will be, but I just wonder of anyone Feels like me?? ...2 years ish since the Knock, re my son , all angry, devastated, heartbroken, confused, depressed, I could go on..The police were as nice as they could be, but very very wrong ( to son " it will be Just be like a chip on your shoulder, then in 6 months it will be a memory.) How wrong!!Interview under caution ( I was appropriate adult, due to SEN)Rang Lucy foundation, couldn't get thru, numerous times, police gave us leaflets, needed immediate help so went with the private (expensive) option. Son, so depressed, suicidal, upset, distraught, ashamed, scared, the list goes on.Got immediate private help, which was good, continued counselling sessions after initial sex offenders course, cos it was good for him to talk to someone, other than me (mum) .After a year and a few major traumas, cars crashed, binge drinking, sobbing, in which time both me and councellor thumbscrewed him to get anti depressants doc didn't know all facts but just saw very distraught boy. Tried and did build up social life, made some friends, had something to look forward to aside from his work. Court date 16 months on, private solicitor, not interested in SEN, just let's keep him out of prison which sounded OK to me at the time. Now on SOR, SHPO, offender counselling 27 sessions although its actually 33 as they didn't have enough staff for the 27 and something called RAR days, which we've had no info on, probation appointments and police visits are our norm now.Published in paper, all over Facebook, death threats, throw him to the dogs.. really!! Social life over after publication, some friends totally with us, still love him, silly boy made stupid mistake, others don't know what to say, or don't know, our extended family don't know.Trying to rebuild him, he's my son, he's not a monster, just someone who ventured down the wrong wrong path, I wish it would have been gambling or something, but I know 100% no teenager is gonna stomp in and say, hey, I've been looking at something I shouldn't online. I know he was wrong, but I kind of feel like I'm thrown in there after the horse has bolted, and wishing I'd never built the stable and put bloody internet in it. There was no margin for error, and he crossed the line, teenage pubescent curiosity, no filter, easy to access but oh so wrong.So I've finally posted this, I'm sure in the coming years I may have more to say. Sorry its a long one. But like all of you, all the worst case possible scenarios I'd ever dreamed of, NEVER included this!!Its been so nice and not and tearful reading all you're honest, to the point and heartfelt posts. I wish the education was rolled out in schools, or something, there's always child line adverts on or gamble aware, but not this and to be honest, after the event is the only time u look this place up. Which in my mind is way way too late. So thanks for reading the post I'd never imagined I'd ever write on a site I never knew existed till the proverbial hit the fan. X
It took me an hour or more to write my post the it vanished when I clicked post topic, so I tried again. Here goes...
I'm 2 years in to this and have plucked up enough courage to actually write something..
I'll try keep it brief... Lol.. sorry doubt it will be, but I just wonder of anyone Feels like me?? ...2 years ish since the Knock, re my son , all angry, devastated, heartbroken, confused, depressed, I could go on..The police were as nice as they could be, but very very wrong ( to son " it will be Just be like a chip on your shoulder, then in 6 months it will be a memory.) How wrong!!Interview under caution ( I was appropriate adult, due to SEN)Rang Lucy foundation, couldn't get thru, numerous times, police gave us leaflets, needed immediate help so went with the private (expensive) option. Son, so depressed, suicidal, upset, distraught, ashamed, scared, the list goes on.Got immediate private help, which was good, continued counselling sessions after initial sex offenders course, cos it was good for him to talk to someone, other than me (mum) .After a year and a few major traumas, cars crashed, binge drinking, sobbing, in which time both me and councellor thumbscrewed him to get anti depressants doc didn't know all facts but just saw very distraught boy. Tried and did build up social life, made some friends, had something to look forward to aside from his work. Court date 16 months on, private solicitor, not interested in SEN, just let's keep him out of prison which sounded OK to me at the time. Now on SOR, SHPO, offender counselling 27 sessions although its actually 33 as they didn't have enough staff for the 27 and something called RAR days, which we've had no info on, probation appointments and police visits are our norm now.Published in paper, all over Facebook, death threats, throw him to the dogs.. really!! Social life over after publication, some friends totally with us, still love him, silly boy made stupid mistake, others don't know what to say, or don't know, our extended family don't know.Trying to rebuild him, he's my son, he's not a monster, just someone who ventured down the wrong wrong path, I wish it would have been gambling or something, but I know 100% no teenager is gonna stomp in and say, hey, I've been looking at something I shouldn't online. I know he was wrong, but I kind of feel like I'm thrown in there after the horse has bolted, and wishing I'd never built the stable and put bloody internet in it. There was no margin for error, and he crossed the line, teenage pubescent curiosity, no filter, easy to access but oh so wrong.So I've finally posted this, I'm sure in the coming years I may have more to say. Sorry its a long one. But like all of you, all the worst case possible scenarios I'd ever dreamed of, NEVER included this!!Its been so nice and not and tearful reading all you're honest, to the point and heartfelt posts. I wish the education was rolled out in schools, or something, there's always child line adverts on or gamble aware, but not this and to be honest, after the event is the only time u look this place up. Which in my mind is way way too late. So thanks for reading the post I'd never imagined I'd ever write on a site I never knew existed till the proverbial hit the fan. X
Well done Lizzy 2.0. You are so right about education on this subject
It is destroying so many families and yet is never discussed in the media in a constructive manner. All the media want are salacious headlines about predatory monsters. They never consider that these people might need help
I wish you and your son all the best for the future.
It is destroying so many families and yet is never discussed in the media in a constructive manner. All the media want are salacious headlines about predatory monsters. They never consider that these people might need help
I wish you and your son all the best for the future.
Thank you for replying Izzy, that brought tears, x bless x
Dear Lizzie 2.0, I am so sad that you are going through this with your son. For me ist hubsand of 30 plus years. And I would never in my wildest dreams thought the sweet kind and thoughtful man I was marrie to would get caught up in this vile world. This on line porn is soooooo dangerous. Social media sites have to take some responsibility and control over this. It will be an epidemic. I'm very scared for society.
I just wish some brave policitician or celebrity or someone would stand up and talk about this. There needs to be some honest dialogue. Our men, women, boys and girls, who get caught up in this are victims who need help and support, not vilifying.
I hope you and your sons and family can move on from this, and find some peace. Xx
I just wish some brave policitician or celebrity or someone would stand up and talk about this. There needs to be some honest dialogue. Our men, women, boys and girls, who get caught up in this are victims who need help and support, not vilifying.
I hope you and your sons and family can move on from this, and find some peace. Xx
By the way, I am not condoning my husbands behaviour at all. He should never had turned to porn in the first place. Oh how i wish he'd asked for help. But the way the internet works, pulling vulnerable people in through alogorythyms, is so sinister. Porn became a drug of choice. I'm learning that once you start looking it just pulls you in.
I can't imagine it would be so with the old fashioned magazines and books. It's all there.
I can't imagine it would be so with the old fashioned magazines and books. It's all there.
Thank you, Tabs, I know its way too easy to access, in my day childhood curiosity was what u could see in the Grattan or Kay's catalogue, not an open ended web based photoshoot, its so wrong its out there, and I really fell for the kids involved, but i know that doesn't make it OK to look at .. Our solicitor said he deals with hundreds of cases every month as its so easy to find, and get drawn into. Still crap place to be in dealing with the aftermath...
Oh and just a point to consider, alcoholics/drug addicts (celebrities) don't usually get help until they admit they have a problem after hitting rock bottom, gamblers don't look for help until the end of their relationships because of it, and hit rock bottom, these are classed as addiction diseases.
Sex offenders are criminals immediately.. No questions no exceptions, its so hard, wrong, and preventable with education, but no funding or resources, so just slap em all on the SOR and be done. .. Sorry that's just how I feel the inadequacies of the system are.
Sex offenders are criminals immediately.. No questions no exceptions, its so hard, wrong, and preventable with education, but no funding or resources, so just slap em all on the SOR and be done. .. Sorry that's just how I feel the inadequacies of the system are.
Hi Lizzy
my son is 6 months post sentence we had the most horrendous 18minths leading up to it an now it's still crap! Family life is no longer as 1 off my soms has disowned him
We had a serious suicide attempt which ended up 36 hours on life support was sent to local sphycriatric (?) ward but they didn't have a clue what to say to him an their attitudes showed what they thought ! No1 heard me when I said about his struggles as an overly anxious depressed child , tried for many years to get a diagnosis for him he is most certainly on the ASD spectrum NOT that this is in any way an excuse for the path he took! But I can't help thinking would his life be different if I was heard? I spend every day with thoughts of what could I have done ? With his depression how long will he survive? How can he live a life that's fulfilling ? Is it enough that he keeps breathing? This situation is crap there has to be a way of educating people !
how many more families are gonna be broken ???
my son is 6 months post sentence we had the most horrendous 18minths leading up to it an now it's still crap! Family life is no longer as 1 off my soms has disowned him
We had a serious suicide attempt which ended up 36 hours on life support was sent to local sphycriatric (?) ward but they didn't have a clue what to say to him an their attitudes showed what they thought ! No1 heard me when I said about his struggles as an overly anxious depressed child , tried for many years to get a diagnosis for him he is most certainly on the ASD spectrum NOT that this is in any way an excuse for the path he took! But I can't help thinking would his life be different if I was heard? I spend every day with thoughts of what could I have done ? With his depression how long will he survive? How can he live a life that's fulfilling ? Is it enough that he keeps breathing? This situation is crap there has to be a way of educating people !
how many more families are gonna be broken ???
Oh dear Lizzy2 - Where you say 'son' - if you substitute 'husband' you could be telling my story (albeit we are only 6 weeks or so into limbo land - and I hope our ending turns out a little better than yours appears to have done). My husband too, is remorseful, despairing, lost and suicidal after 'the knock' - and I feel helpless. He is going to for a first appt with a 'stopSo' counsellor this week and I'm crossing my fingers that THAT holds out a lifeline for him.
This is such a horrendous trap - this internet porn and IIOC and nasty online stuff - who knew? But word is getting out - a friend posted my a vid/article on BBC news published just this last December
'Online child abuse - don't do what I did'
The more the publicity the more word gets out - the less people will get ensnared.
I so wish I'd known more about this whole topic BEFORE the knock - but would I have been able to stop the compulsive behaviour? I have my doubts - because I didn't have a CLUE it was going on.
As for ringing the Stop it Now helpline - I found if I put the number on redial and just kept pushing the redial button on the receiver - I eventually got through. Talking to the counsellors from the Helpline was SO worth it.
This is such a horrendous trap - this internet porn and IIOC and nasty online stuff - who knew? But word is getting out - a friend posted my a vid/article on BBC news published just this last December
'Online child abuse - don't do what I did'
The more the publicity the more word gets out - the less people will get ensnared.
I so wish I'd known more about this whole topic BEFORE the knock - but would I have been able to stop the compulsive behaviour? I have my doubts - because I didn't have a CLUE it was going on.
As for ringing the Stop it Now helpline - I found if I put the number on redial and just kept pushing the redial button on the receiver - I eventually got through. Talking to the counsellors from the Helpline was SO worth it.
Hi lizzy 2.0
When I read your post it was just exactly the same as what happened to my son 4 years ago , I think it's really getting more important that we educate these lads why they are still in education , as to the risks they run looking at these sites, I was watching the ch 4 program last night called living with mypeado husband which was first aired in 2018, I wonder if the producer would be interested in making similar aimed at educating young lads.
When I read your post it was just exactly the same as what happened to my son 4 years ago , I think it's really getting more important that we educate these lads why they are still in education , as to the risks they run looking at these sites, I was watching the ch 4 program last night called living with mypeado husband which was first aired in 2018, I wonder if the producer would be interested in making similar aimed at educating young lads.
I have just watched that channel 4 documentary Nonna. It has terrified me even more as wife of someone who has been arrested and is under investigation. Definitely need another documentary, more educational. Perhaps talk to experts in the field too. I came away from it feeling the message was these men have made thei bed and nees to be punished forever. And as a spouse you should leave them!!!! Not very balanced in my view. But then I am constantly questioning g my own views!! Yesterday I was informed by someone that as his wife I could be accused of being complicit! That statement hurt me so much. I DIDNT KNOW!!
Hi Lizzy
At first i thought i had written your post. Apart from our name it seems so very similar. I agree with you that it seems so so harsh these young experimenting kids are labelled for life for one error. Almost all other crimes dont carry that. Like you i agree what my son did was wrong. He knows that and stopped. Has done everything to prove and show remorse and change. We are not as far on in the process as you so we wait for his sentence. Another lad at my sons school pass his driving test and was quickly caught for severe speeding. He was read the riot act told to re sit test and that was it yet he could have killed someone.
I do hope your son learns to realise he has a futyre and IS entitled to a future to a life.
Like you it was such a shock. I mean anything but not this. So damaging.
I am glad you have come onto the forum.
I am on mumsnet if you wish to PM anytime. I dont have the answers but sharing the feelings and so on. Xxx take care Lizzy1971 (on mumsnet)
At first i thought i had written your post. Apart from our name it seems so very similar. I agree with you that it seems so so harsh these young experimenting kids are labelled for life for one error. Almost all other crimes dont carry that. Like you i agree what my son did was wrong. He knows that and stopped. Has done everything to prove and show remorse and change. We are not as far on in the process as you so we wait for his sentence. Another lad at my sons school pass his driving test and was quickly caught for severe speeding. He was read the riot act told to re sit test and that was it yet he could have killed someone.
I do hope your son learns to realise he has a futyre and IS entitled to a future to a life.
Like you it was such a shock. I mean anything but not this. So damaging.
I am glad you have come onto the forum.
I am on mumsnet if you wish to PM anytime. I dont have the answers but sharing the feelings and so on. Xxx take care Lizzy1971 (on mumsnet)
Hi Lizzie 2.0.
I'm so sorry to pry but can ask how old your son was. because i feel like me and you are in a very similar situatiuon. We are not at the end of our process yet but hopefully soon. Like other people i could feel your emotion and frustration but what little i can read into your post. I think you have done the most beautiful most marvelous job and no one could ask you for more.
Lots of love and stay strong
I'm so sorry to pry but can ask how old your son was. because i feel like me and you are in a very similar situatiuon. We are not at the end of our process yet but hopefully soon. Like other people i could feel your emotion and frustration but what little i can read into your post. I think you have done the most beautiful most marvelous job and no one could ask you for more.
Lots of love and stay strong
Hi anxiousbuthopefully and Lizzie02. Lovey to hear from other mums. I'm a month in and would love to hear how you are all coping and what the outcome was for your sons. I feel mine has so much more than everyone else, 1000s of images and videos, sharing, chatting, accessing other email etc I don't know what to expect, everyone else seems mild compared, I feel sick to my stomach. Any advice please .
My son was 19 by just over 8 weeks when we got the knock, 16 months on it went to court, published, undid all the good counselling we / he paid for after knock. I'm sorry I can't give positive outcome, were still living in hell, probation courses postponed, corona Virus, isolation, not a good time at the moment. But as they say keep calm a and carry on, well they obviously don't know me! X
Thank you Lizzie 2.0 I guess we all went a happy ever after, but it doesn't always happen, I'm so sorry for what you are going through, I'm sure I have it all to come. Was he sentenced to prison or what outcome was it for him. Hope you find the strength to get through it, I'm grateful for your response x
Hi all, I've not posted for a while but have felt so strong about this area for a long time!! In short my son offended 7+ years ago, felt all the emotions that I've read so many times on this forum sadly. I felt very strongly that there should be more education in schools about this & wished I could be the person who would stand up & talk to prevent the heartache & destruction this causes, but while I'm strong, I still can't put myself out there. While I think some things have improved from our knock there is still so much stigma with this crime & I feel there are so many different levels of offending, which sentencing doesn't really reflect. There are very many strong people at different stages of this on here, all on here to help another & even more importantly not be judged x a long time ago I thought my family's life wasn't worth living with this trauma but over time I've become proud of how we have all kept going through the ups & downs, learnt a lot of things & rebuilt our future as best we could. Sorry got a bit carried away with post x just really wanted to send out some help & hope for anyone in need xxx
Pheonixmum thank you so much for coming back on. It's a lovely positive post that life goes on. Lovely that you still look through here 7 years later, just shows the impact this has on our lives, sadly. So happy for you that you have come out the other end. I too would love to start a movement to get more education around this subject which is still taboo, I too, am too scared to out myself out there. The questions around why I would do this, would obviously highlight something to raw for me. Are LFF campaigning I wonder for this? Maybe we could start something. As prevention is preferable to cure and all the heartbreak this causes
I can totally relate to you. I am at the start of this nightmare, police still going through devices with next bail Oct but more than likely extended to next May. I also had no idea of this site and still wish I had no need for it but I do. Yes, hindsight is a wonderful thing re checking what they are looking at versus trusting them but at the end of the day they are still our son and I will support however I can. Hopefully the darkness at the end of the tunnel changes to a tiny speck of light which gets bigger as time goes on. Keep strong everyone.
Tabs and Lizzie, i've been reading your views and they so reflect my thoughts they could have been written by me! It's just over 3 weeks since the knock, we're still in total shock. I have come to realize that my lovely husband has for many years been wrestling with an addiction, it probably did begin with something as harmless as the catalogue lingere pages, which is something we have laughed over often, never thinking it would progress in the way it has.
Now that it is out in the open it turns out that he has been acessing more and more images that he knew were wrong, many of the things that were more than what I now know as cat c he deleted immediately but there wil lbe traces in the computer. the police said they had been alerted to our ip adress last May because it had acessed a site!
I know that he is not and has never been a danger to children, porn was a way to escape from stress and I truly believe he became numb to what he was seeing. He is truly devastated and trying everything that he can to make himself better, doing the modules, talking to the stopitnow counsellors, reading the porn trap and will be speaking to a stopso approved councellor next week. My thought would be if he could get caught up in this sort of thing anyone could, I know he isn't a bad person, he's probably ill, but seeking treatment, and talking more than he ever has about his feelings. So I have to believe that he'll get better.
I know he will be punished (and he accepts this) but the thing you said about the stigma and the way it affects the family is the thing i'm really struggling with, we live in a small place and have an unusual name and myself and our daughters are terrified that we'll be tarred with the same brush the local press seem to reserve for cases like this. It' so comforting to read situations like ours we are not alone. much love x
Now that it is out in the open it turns out that he has been acessing more and more images that he knew were wrong, many of the things that were more than what I now know as cat c he deleted immediately but there wil lbe traces in the computer. the police said they had been alerted to our ip adress last May because it had acessed a site!
I know that he is not and has never been a danger to children, porn was a way to escape from stress and I truly believe he became numb to what he was seeing. He is truly devastated and trying everything that he can to make himself better, doing the modules, talking to the stopitnow counsellors, reading the porn trap and will be speaking to a stopso approved councellor next week. My thought would be if he could get caught up in this sort of thing anyone could, I know he isn't a bad person, he's probably ill, but seeking treatment, and talking more than he ever has about his feelings. So I have to believe that he'll get better.
I know he will be punished (and he accepts this) but the thing you said about the stigma and the way it affects the family is the thing i'm really struggling with, we live in a small place and have an unusual name and myself and our daughters are terrified that we'll be tarred with the same brush the local press seem to reserve for cases like this. It' so comforting to read situations like ours we are not alone. much love x
Angie your story could have been written by me apart from the surname, my husbands first name is the problem and I live just outside a big city.
Hugs to you all xx
Hugs to you all xx
After reading this thread with everyone's comments it makes me so sad how many of us speak about how much of a taboo subject this is and how much more education we believe people need on this subject.
The main thing that gets me down about this situation is how us (children, wife's, mums, brothers/sisters etc) have to suffer in silence and for myself the only people I feel comfortable speaking too is people on this forum as were all on the same boat. But like people have said in the posts previously is people who have a drug addiction/gambling addiction etc they get offered help where as people who have a porn addiction which has results to this just get frowned upon and get left no help at all other than their life's and there family life's being torn apart and have to rebuild themselves all on their own with such little support.
not condoning there actions one bit, as what they've done is completely wrong but it's true they're not going to openly say I have a porn addiction or I've been viewing things I shouldn't have as they know what the judgements are on it.
Everyone's views these people as monsters but us family members know first hand that they are good people that have made a mistake and I just wish there was so much more education out their on it and allowing people to realise we are all just normal families trying to live a normal life!
I have definitely ranted on here and probably chatted absolute rubbish but I just hate how little there is out there for everyone to have an insight and maybe be less judgemental and so nasty as were all human and all have feelings.
The main thing that gets me down about this situation is how us (children, wife's, mums, brothers/sisters etc) have to suffer in silence and for myself the only people I feel comfortable speaking too is people on this forum as were all on the same boat. But like people have said in the posts previously is people who have a drug addiction/gambling addiction etc they get offered help where as people who have a porn addiction which has results to this just get frowned upon and get left no help at all other than their life's and there family life's being torn apart and have to rebuild themselves all on their own with such little support.
not condoning there actions one bit, as what they've done is completely wrong but it's true they're not going to openly say I have a porn addiction or I've been viewing things I shouldn't have as they know what the judgements are on it.
Everyone's views these people as monsters but us family members know first hand that they are good people that have made a mistake and I just wish there was so much more education out their on it and allowing people to realise we are all just normal families trying to live a normal life!
I have definitely ranted on here and probably chatted absolute rubbish but I just hate how little there is out there for everyone to have an insight and maybe be less judgemental and so nasty as were all human and all have feelings.
Evie. I totally agree. Why is there support? I hope someone from LFF is reading these, and hopefully start something to stop other families going through this. My son contacted them numerous times to get help, but because it wasn't confidential, he was too afraid to speak out and seek help, hence his offending went on for years. It's heartbreaking when he says his he tried to stop, but as you say, where do you go? Who will listen and not judge. Please can someone start, or tell us how to campaign for this.
I honestly believe that a lot of people's outlook is probably thinking that people that offend are just lonely men with no one around them but as we can see on this forum that is far from the case (a lot) of the people that offend are good people who have made a VERY bad choice but at the same time have had 0 help and 0 support. If only people could see the types of familys/people this is happening too and maybe they'd have a less narrow minded outlook. Also it's amazing to see how many people are supportive of their family members who offend and were not monsters and we don't condone it? Just upsets me that nothing is out there for people to be educated.
Hi Luxy and lee1969, I am glad to see that you are finding the forum a useful source of support and somewhere where you can speak to others who you can relate to, or are in similar situations. I can appreciate that you are in incredibly difficult situations, we find that while recognising their loved one's actions are illegal callers often talk to us about how difficult it is to see them go through the investigation process. Many callers speak to us about wishing their loved one could get support earlier, or a wish to 'turn back the clock'.
Unfortunately, this offence is becoming more and more prevalent, and as a child protection charity focused on the prevention of child sexual abuse we do a lot of work to prevent the perpetration of these offences. Including education in schools, training of professionals, national campaigns to deter those at risk of viewing illegal images as well as speaking to those at risk of offending (e.g. those with a pornography addiction) and supporting them to address their online behaviour. Additionally, there are services such as Sex Addicts Anonymous who support those who have a pornography addiction. However, the nature of this online behaviour can often lead to individuals feeling extremely ashamed and anxious about speaking to someone about their thoughts and behaviours. We hope to combat this by providing a safe space via our anonymous and confidential helpline, where all conversations are confidential unless they provide us with identifying information and tell us that a crime has been committed or someone (including themselves) is at risk of harm.
If you would like to discuss your concerns or the work we do further, please do contact us via our helpline (on 0808 1000 900) where we will do our best to support you.
Thank you again for your use of the forum, and I hope you have found the above information useful.
Lucy
Unfortunately, this offence is becoming more and more prevalent, and as a child protection charity focused on the prevention of child sexual abuse we do a lot of work to prevent the perpetration of these offences. Including education in schools, training of professionals, national campaigns to deter those at risk of viewing illegal images as well as speaking to those at risk of offending (e.g. those with a pornography addiction) and supporting them to address their online behaviour. Additionally, there are services such as Sex Addicts Anonymous who support those who have a pornography addiction. However, the nature of this online behaviour can often lead to individuals feeling extremely ashamed and anxious about speaking to someone about their thoughts and behaviours. We hope to combat this by providing a safe space via our anonymous and confidential helpline, where all conversations are confidential unless they provide us with identifying information and tell us that a crime has been committed or someone (including themselves) is at risk of harm.
If you would like to discuss your concerns or the work we do further, please do contact us via our helpline (on 0808 1000 900) where we will do our best to support you.
Thank you again for your use of the forum, and I hope you have found the above information useful.
Lucy
Lee1969 I completely agree with you where you said 'think what we are trying to say is that this addiction is affecting so many people now so why cant society open their eyes and how many more families have to suffer until someone wakes up' that's exactly what I was trying to get at! Hopefully one day it'll become better and less taboo! Xxx
I agree so wholeheartedly with everything that's been said here about prevention. My husband, now he's had to confront his issues, said he was scared because he knew what he was doing was illegal and so didn't know how to ask for help without getting arrested.
Although the helpline is available we had no idea it existed until he'd been arrested. Perhaps if he'd known about and tried the helpline before this it might gave helped but I'm not sure. And they can't do the course without losing anonymity and so admitting the crime, which then surely would have to be reported to the police? It may be that the offenders won't stop until the shock of arrest forces them to. I keep telling myself it's like the drug addict who overdoses but still won't stop even if its killing them. It's so self destructive.
Sad for us all.
Although the helpline is available we had no idea it existed until he'd been arrested. Perhaps if he'd known about and tried the helpline before this it might gave helped but I'm not sure. And they can't do the course without losing anonymity and so admitting the crime, which then surely would have to be reported to the police? It may be that the offenders won't stop until the shock of arrest forces them to. I keep telling myself it's like the drug addict who overdoses but still won't stop even if its killing them. It's so self destructive.
Sad for us all.
Hi hun,
My son had literally turned 16 when we got the knock a few months ago,and my whole world was turned upside down !!
I had no Idea it had been going on and my son has since told me he had about 6000 of cat A,b,and c on his laptop!!!
I have been through every emotion possible as his mother including blame (both him and me ) EVERY emotion !!!
We are getting help and my hope for him is that he will understand that EVERY image/video is ABUSE (he never saw it as that if they we're smiling etc !!!).but why would he? He is so young himself .
He is enrolled on the Young persons course and I am hoping it has a profound effect on him .I am also getting him help on general addiction as addicts will often go from one addiction to another and I am hoping to stop that cycle . I have also explained that the only way to deal with addiction is complete abstanance. and to avoid all porn,as it will eventualy lead again to a slippery slope.
Can I also suggest to any mothers with sons that live at home to try and safeguard your house as much as possible against suicide ? As the shame of being caught is so destroying !.I locked away all meds and removed anything like leads etc from the house.
I also demand complete honesty now and spot check his phone etc randomly .
please REMEMBER,your son made bad choices ,but that doesn't define him.I constantly remind myself that my son has some wonderful qualities and this is an addiction,but with help like other addictions can be managed.
I am praying that his sentence doesn't completley destroy his future,and we can get through this .I litereally felt my heart break when he was arrested.my whole world was blown apart, and now I am trying to find the pieces and put something back together again.
He is still my son,and I am still his mum....and I have to remind myself of that and try and help him through this xx
My son had literally turned 16 when we got the knock a few months ago,and my whole world was turned upside down !!
I had no Idea it had been going on and my son has since told me he had about 6000 of cat A,b,and c on his laptop!!!
I have been through every emotion possible as his mother including blame (both him and me ) EVERY emotion !!!
We are getting help and my hope for him is that he will understand that EVERY image/video is ABUSE (he never saw it as that if they we're smiling etc !!!).but why would he? He is so young himself .
He is enrolled on the Young persons course and I am hoping it has a profound effect on him .I am also getting him help on general addiction as addicts will often go from one addiction to another and I am hoping to stop that cycle . I have also explained that the only way to deal with addiction is complete abstanance. and to avoid all porn,as it will eventualy lead again to a slippery slope.
Can I also suggest to any mothers with sons that live at home to try and safeguard your house as much as possible against suicide ? As the shame of being caught is so destroying !.I locked away all meds and removed anything like leads etc from the house.
I also demand complete honesty now and spot check his phone etc randomly .
please REMEMBER,your son made bad choices ,but that doesn't define him.I constantly remind myself that my son has some wonderful qualities and this is an addiction,but with help like other addictions can be managed.
I am praying that his sentence doesn't completley destroy his future,and we can get through this .I litereally felt my heart break when he was arrested.my whole world was blown apart, and now I am trying to find the pieces and put something back together again.
He is still my son,and I am still his mum....and I have to remind myself of that and try and help him through this xx
Hi LFF
I'm just reading older threads and...
Although your post is helpful, and lovely. I just want to let you know that even though you say and think you are getting the message through to educate students in schools. Which I'm sure you are doing your best at.
I can honestly say I've worked in a lot schools since 2006 and still do, and some I've been back to since our 'knock' prior to that I've been the volunteer classroom, reader, Baker, library, spelling. Support, TA. Etc etc for over 20 years. In primary and secondary.
And as a parent, whose had a lot of connection with schools, I have never never ever, had a newsletter regarding Anything remotely related to this subject or a staff meeting, or a parents evening.
So i just want to say, as the numbers increase daily, whatever message you think you're getting out there, isn't happening and maybe you need to apply for more funding, or more publicity or something.
So the message gets spread wider and more prominently.
To help stop people getting Into this horrific journey.
Just an observation.
How many more victims (in all areas) will it take before this gets addressed nationally. And more importantly stopped.
I'm just reading older threads and...
Although your post is helpful, and lovely. I just want to let you know that even though you say and think you are getting the message through to educate students in schools. Which I'm sure you are doing your best at.
I can honestly say I've worked in a lot schools since 2006 and still do, and some I've been back to since our 'knock' prior to that I've been the volunteer classroom, reader, Baker, library, spelling. Support, TA. Etc etc for over 20 years. In primary and secondary.
And as a parent, whose had a lot of connection with schools, I have never never ever, had a newsletter regarding Anything remotely related to this subject or a staff meeting, or a parents evening.
So i just want to say, as the numbers increase daily, whatever message you think you're getting out there, isn't happening and maybe you need to apply for more funding, or more publicity or something.
So the message gets spread wider and more prominently.
To help stop people getting Into this horrific journey.
Just an observation.
How many more victims (in all areas) will it take before this gets addressed nationally. And more importantly stopped.
Hi Lizzy 2.0
Thank you for your message.
As an organisation we continue to engage in many different sectors to raise the messages of our campaigns and to further our work in child protection. I understand that you may not have come into contact with this work and it is helpful for us to have your feedback both as a parent and professional, and we will relay this information to our Media and Comms team. However, as I am sure you can understand, we are a small charity and not always able to carry out some of the activities we would like, due to funding.
Saying this, our message is getting out there and we have had record numbers contact us on our helpline last month and seek our support. We will continue to push these messages in the media, social media and with our campaigns to ensure that this support is available to those that need it.
In regards to our school engagement, our Media and Comms department contacts schools on a regular basis with information about our charity and the work that we do and who we support including courses we provide for professionals. This includes information on how they might be able to help our work. During the pandemic we have been even more proactive in contacting schools with specific information about our helpline and useful resources that they are able to use and share with colleagues and families.
Best wishes,
Lucy
Thank you for your message.
As an organisation we continue to engage in many different sectors to raise the messages of our campaigns and to further our work in child protection. I understand that you may not have come into contact with this work and it is helpful for us to have your feedback both as a parent and professional, and we will relay this information to our Media and Comms team. However, as I am sure you can understand, we are a small charity and not always able to carry out some of the activities we would like, due to funding.
Saying this, our message is getting out there and we have had record numbers contact us on our helpline last month and seek our support. We will continue to push these messages in the media, social media and with our campaigns to ensure that this support is available to those that need it.
In regards to our school engagement, our Media and Comms department contacts schools on a regular basis with information about our charity and the work that we do and who we support including courses we provide for professionals. This includes information on how they might be able to help our work. During the pandemic we have been even more proactive in contacting schools with specific information about our helpline and useful resources that they are able to use and share with colleagues and families.
Best wishes,
Lucy