Son has been reported for messaging a minor
Notifications OFF
Son is 21, I have two younger kids, 12 and 10. I don't think I've ever felt so physically sick in my life, the parents of the girl reported to.poluce in November/December and I assume the investigation went nowhere as the family emailed my son's employer to tell them he is a danger to children. His stepdad took him to the police to get to the bottom of it as we didn't have much knowledge other than disturbing messages, in my head I thought well it can't be child based as surely he would if been arrested??!! Anyway the police confirmed there was an actual investigation but couldn't /didn't say much more just that it was a Snapchat conversation. My partner (son's stepdad) was invited in to discuss the matter but the police still hadn't asked to interview my son. He was there for two hours. This was last week and still we have had nothing back. They did tell him what the messages said , (content has been removed), some other vile messages and there was another man messaging at the same time. There is a picture of a penis, that can't be identified as to who sent it. Did my son send it? Does he have two accounts? He admits sending the written messages, won't say why. Do we ask him to move out? I'm so scared of this getting out, my friends will stay away, the kids friends will be told go stay away . What do I do? He has been invited in for a voluntary interview next Tuesday . NEXT Tuesday???!!! Go now and sort it out for goodness sake.
So sorry to hear you have joined this 'club' no one wants to be part of. You will find lots of non judgemental support here, we are all here through no fault of our own wether we are partners, wife's mums or daughters etc we are here to support each other and not importantly a sounding board because we understand. I would suggest calling the helpline and encourage your son to call too. I would also suggest he takes legal advice and he is entitled to a duty solicitor during interview or you can use one of your choice.
As most would say take things day by day and keep talking to your son I'm sure there will someone along soon who can give more advice please have a look on the forum as there are plenty of mums with good advice who have been in your situation.
sending huge virtual hugs x
As most would say take things day by day and keep talking to your son I'm sure there will someone along soon who can give more advice please have a look on the forum as there are plenty of mums with good advice who have been in your situation.
sending huge virtual hugs x
Hi scaedmum
Our situations are very similar. My son commited an offence with a 14/15 year old. The conversation was willingly had by both but that makes no difference in the eyes of the law. The girl refused to report anything but her parents reported it so next thing we knew our son was arrested for communication offence as well as images of the girl he had several conversations with.
This all happened over a year ago. We live in Scotland so everything went faster because we had no cps to wait for. It took seven months until our son was convicted. To be honest by the time he got convicted we were just relieved that it had been dealt with.
i can remember feeling just as you do right now when this first happened and even still do at times. I went from shock, to anger to suicidal to traumatised to not sleeping round the clock with worry over what people would say if it all came out and many more besides. It did all come out but it wasn't as bad as expected. Certainly nowhere near as bad as some people on here. In the end I got to acceptance because if I hadn't I wouldn't be here today.
I accepted my son made a very bad choice and that he would have to be punished for it. He was punished quite harshly for a first offence but there's nothing I can do about it. I can say that I love my son as much today as I did the day before the knock. It helped a lot that our son was honest about what he'd done from day one. What was read out in court was exactly what he'd told us so we had no surprises along the way.
At the moment your not thinking straight. You need to give it time to sink in. I promise you things will get that bit better in time. I moved away from my area. Not because of any trouble we were getting though. I moved because I couldn't take the thought that people may be talking about me every time I went out. I'm sure it would have got better over time if we had stayed but I wanted out. We also lived in a very very small village which was another reason we moved.
my advise to you is to ask your son why he did this and try and get him some help. We did not try for help and I personally believe that was one of the reasons our son was treated harshly. I did not know this site existed until he was almost convicted. Had I known I'd have tried for help long before conviction.
Anotherpiece of advice I'd give is that your son does not under any circumstances talk to the police without a solicitor whether the interview is voluntary or now. Please make sure he has a solicitor as they are properly trained to deal with those interviews.
last piece of advice is keep coming here for support. Nobody on here will judge you because we are all in the same boat. The only difference is some are images/ videos and some are communication but the feelings felt by every single person here are the exact same. Sadness, anger, frustration and trauma.
some of us have also messaged via mumsnet which is a private message facility. This can also help with support so perhaps in time you may want to try that to. X
Our situations are very similar. My son commited an offence with a 14/15 year old. The conversation was willingly had by both but that makes no difference in the eyes of the law. The girl refused to report anything but her parents reported it so next thing we knew our son was arrested for communication offence as well as images of the girl he had several conversations with.
This all happened over a year ago. We live in Scotland so everything went faster because we had no cps to wait for. It took seven months until our son was convicted. To be honest by the time he got convicted we were just relieved that it had been dealt with.
i can remember feeling just as you do right now when this first happened and even still do at times. I went from shock, to anger to suicidal to traumatised to not sleeping round the clock with worry over what people would say if it all came out and many more besides. It did all come out but it wasn't as bad as expected. Certainly nowhere near as bad as some people on here. In the end I got to acceptance because if I hadn't I wouldn't be here today.
I accepted my son made a very bad choice and that he would have to be punished for it. He was punished quite harshly for a first offence but there's nothing I can do about it. I can say that I love my son as much today as I did the day before the knock. It helped a lot that our son was honest about what he'd done from day one. What was read out in court was exactly what he'd told us so we had no surprises along the way.
At the moment your not thinking straight. You need to give it time to sink in. I promise you things will get that bit better in time. I moved away from my area. Not because of any trouble we were getting though. I moved because I couldn't take the thought that people may be talking about me every time I went out. I'm sure it would have got better over time if we had stayed but I wanted out. We also lived in a very very small village which was another reason we moved.
my advise to you is to ask your son why he did this and try and get him some help. We did not try for help and I personally believe that was one of the reasons our son was treated harshly. I did not know this site existed until he was almost convicted. Had I known I'd have tried for help long before conviction.
Anotherpiece of advice I'd give is that your son does not under any circumstances talk to the police without a solicitor whether the interview is voluntary or now. Please make sure he has a solicitor as they are properly trained to deal with those interviews.
last piece of advice is keep coming here for support. Nobody on here will judge you because we are all in the same boat. The only difference is some are images/ videos and some are communication but the feelings felt by every single person here are the exact same. Sadness, anger, frustration and trauma.
some of us have also messaged via mumsnet which is a private message facility. This can also help with support so perhaps in time you may want to try that to. X
Thanks for your replies! Bit more supportive than Mumsnet who told me he was a predatory paedophile who should not be under my roof! That I'd get my kids taken away if I continued to support him!
His stepdad has spoke to two solicitors today and they both said if it's his username on the screenshots then he's bang to rights ... My son did finally admit what he'd done, but after hours and nights of conversations over it. I could tell he was mortified especially given as we know what he said in detail.
There is the question over who sent the explicit photo, my son or this over lad messaging ... My son is adamant he didn't send one, although he was adamant he knew nothing about the situation!! His stepdad is wondering now if this other profile even exists (what are the chances of two men messaging the same girl??)
I just feel.physically sick over it.
I think he feels shame at what he's done but not remorseful ... He said he had no intention of meeting her, and it's like he Is drip feeding me information in the hope we don't react too badly. I just can't believe I am in this situation. My whole life will be ruined, who would let their kids at a house where a paedophile lived? And has been in the property whilst said kids have been in my house. . We had a sleepover for my daughter's birthday, for 5 9-10 year Olds.
My son has already been to youth offenders for a robbery 2017-2018 and a year of probation. It came to light then he already had a solicitor who had dealt with a sexual conduct offence with a 15 year old (to what extent I don't know but it was never taken any further,) so in the police eyes he already has history.
I'm a very private person and the thought of people I know gossiping about this fills me with horror, were their kids abused under my roof??
His stepdad has spoke to two solicitors today and they both said if it's his username on the screenshots then he's bang to rights ... My son did finally admit what he'd done, but after hours and nights of conversations over it. I could tell he was mortified especially given as we know what he said in detail.
There is the question over who sent the explicit photo, my son or this over lad messaging ... My son is adamant he didn't send one, although he was adamant he knew nothing about the situation!! His stepdad is wondering now if this other profile even exists (what are the chances of two men messaging the same girl??)
I just feel.physically sick over it.
I think he feels shame at what he's done but not remorseful ... He said he had no intention of meeting her, and it's like he Is drip feeding me information in the hope we don't react too badly. I just can't believe I am in this situation. My whole life will be ruined, who would let their kids at a house where a paedophile lived? And has been in the property whilst said kids have been in my house. . We had a sleepover for my daughter's birthday, for 5 9-10 year Olds.
My son has already been to youth offenders for a robbery 2017-2018 and a year of probation. It came to light then he already had a solicitor who had dealt with a sexual conduct offence with a 15 year old (to what extent I don't know but it was never taken any further,) so in the police eyes he already has history.
I'm a very private person and the thought of people I know gossiping about this fills me with horror, were their kids abused under my roof??
Lee, the girl was 10, and said "I am 10" twice to which my son apparently said "like fuck u are you are more like 17" which is causing me questions such as had he been talking to a woman his age who gave him her Snapchat and he typed it in wrong and got this kid?? What was the conversation prior to them taking screenshots? Was he thinking it was a grown woman who then changed her mind about talking to him and to put him off say "I'm 10"?
It pained him to admit he had said it, and if I bring the subject up, he's like "I can't remember" "stop asking me" to be honest I can't get anything out of him about anything.
It pained him to admit he had said it, and if I bring the subject up, he's like "I can't remember" "stop asking me" to be honest I can't get anything out of him about anything.
Hi. My son - 20 - is under investigation too. He got caught up in some on-line thing.
The girls on here have and are still my saviour.
The pricess is so slow as tge investigations happen and I have found it very hard. I contacted the StopItNow helpline and this forum and that gelped. Depending on where you live there us also 'saferlives'.
These p3ople are here to help. They want to help the person stop and realise why they did it etc.
Defo get a solicitor and speak with them to ensure they are there to support and guide your son.
Keep chatting on here and my advice is keep who you talk to to a minimum.
Other than that follow the advice already given by the other great ladies on here.
Take care xx
The girls on here have and are still my saviour.
The pricess is so slow as tge investigations happen and I have found it very hard. I contacted the StopItNow helpline and this forum and that gelped. Depending on where you live there us also 'saferlives'.
These p3ople are here to help. They want to help the person stop and realise why they did it etc.
Defo get a solicitor and speak with them to ensure they are there to support and guide your son.
Keep chatting on here and my advice is keep who you talk to to a minimum.
Other than that follow the advice already given by the other great ladies on here.
Take care xx
Thanks for comment, I only have my partner to talk to, and we both thoroughly believe he isn't a sex offender. I don't think he had intention of meeting her, and that is was a huge mistake. He is at the police on Tuesday with a duty solicitor.
I am just praying the police put a decoy on him and he didn't respond.
My son is carrying on as usual, he has a new job which this is only his second week, he is just burying his head in the sand and not thinking about it. I've given him the number for the helpline do asked him today if he had rung it, he said no, so I said well they are open till 9pm tonight so you have time to ring them, he sloped off to bed so I don't think he has done.
I read somewhere he should seek help before a trial as it will look better, do I've looked into it but my partner says that by doing that he will look guilty and it shows he has a problem, which we genuinely don't think he has.
How am I going to know what the police have said in Tuesday? What if it's worse than I know, eh more kids he has contacted? Images on his phone? He just refuses to talk to us about it.
I only have discussed it with my partner who has known my son since he was 7. My son had a nice life, yes I was a single mum but he had a roof over his head, a bed, a stable life, I just don't know where things went wrong! My mum was saying today how good it is he has got this new job and how he's obviously turned his life round ... I just can't tell her, I'm waiting till Tuesday when hopefully there will be some answers.
I
I am just praying the police put a decoy on him and he didn't respond.
My son is carrying on as usual, he has a new job which this is only his second week, he is just burying his head in the sand and not thinking about it. I've given him the number for the helpline do asked him today if he had rung it, he said no, so I said well they are open till 9pm tonight so you have time to ring them, he sloped off to bed so I don't think he has done.
I read somewhere he should seek help before a trial as it will look better, do I've looked into it but my partner says that by doing that he will look guilty and it shows he has a problem, which we genuinely don't think he has.
How am I going to know what the police have said in Tuesday? What if it's worse than I know, eh more kids he has contacted? Images on his phone? He just refuses to talk to us about it.
I only have discussed it with my partner who has known my son since he was 7. My son had a nice life, yes I was a single mum but he had a roof over his head, a bed, a stable life, I just don't know where things went wrong! My mum was saying today how good it is he has got this new job and how he's obviously turned his life round ... I just can't tell her, I'm waiting till Tuesday when hopefully there will be some answers.
I