Family and Friends Forum

If you spend time trawling through this forum you'll find all kinds of scenarios as like so much of this, it all depends on the people you are dealing with.

Generalising it's quite unlikely you can change bail conditions easily although it can be done at a big cost to you probably in solicitor's fees. The time to challenge them is when they are first given and that should be the job of the solicitor who attends the first interview, which seems to never or rarely happens with duty solicitors plus sometimes the person refuses to have a solicitor anyway. In my opinion this is a fault in the system as the emotional state of someone who has been subjected to the Knock rarely finds them thinking clearly, not understanding the implications of bail conditions on their lives. The police don't bother to explain this to them and your person's conditions seem to be the 'one size fits all' standard, regardless of the individual and what they've been accused of doing. I guess anyone who is deemed really dangerous to children would be remanded rather than bailed anyway.

It might be worth a try to get things changed when the bail is extended as you'd have another chance to say something but the police often just ignore communications like that, which can be extremely frustrating. Once someone is Released Under Investigation, which often happens once the police reach the stage where they have to get a magistrate to agree to a bail extension, it feels like freedom but that is when SS can sweep in as they work on risk and not proof. Until the police investigation is concluded they usually still expect safeguarding in case there are things in the person's history that haven't been discovered yet. As RUI you can officially do as you please as SS conditions aren't legally binding BUT if you do that it can backfire spectacularly as SS might say it shows you can't protect your children adequately as you are minimising your person's offences. Sorry to be so gloomy but that is how it usually works although there are a few happier tales on here. But is it worth the risk?

So to sum up (sorry to be so wordy!) you can try to change things now but very little chance of succeeding, and if/when it changes to RUI you are free to do what you like legally but it could be with a huge implication in the eyes of SS and that is a whole other nightmare scenario.

PS I just reread your post and would caution you about saying you don't think for a minute your child is at risk to anyone official like a SW, however well you get on with them. Even if they agree with you they are duty bound to listen for any signs of minimising the offence as a safeguarding duty. It's an absolutely awful spot to be in and I do send you a hug and all the best for a good outcome ultimately.

Unlikely, SS's do see him as a risk hence the restrictions put in already. They always assume that these fathers are a contact offending risk to our children. I think you've been extremely fortunate that your child is able to continue to have a relationship with their Dad. I guess as time goes on you could ask for a review but they'll make you jump through all sorts of hoops and you run the risk of SS's saying you can't keep your children safe and don't understand the risks, as I've seen many times on here. Wishing you all the best. X

You tend to find that SS close the case while bail conditions are in place as they see that as a protective factor. It's unlikely that the police will change the conditions. You just need to prepare yourself that when he does face charges and bail conditions are lifted thats when SS will become properly involved again. A lot of women on here have a very difficult time with SS including myself- saying that you don't see him as a risk is a red flag to SS, they will say your not being protective. They are very difficult to deal with unfortunately. I have had to supervise contact since August 2023, it's affecting my ability to do my job as I have to do school drop offs and picks ups, I have to take unpaid leave to cover the school holidays. SS don't care about any of this, they want to see that you are putting your child before anything else x

I agree with what others have said regarding risk. And you are still in the early stages, so you only know what he is telling you. I know that's hard to hear.

Is there anyone else who can be approved to supervise? Grandparent, friend whatever? The other thing I would say is that ultimately if you aren't coping it's up to him to accept that and scale back a bit on contact. He put you all in this situation after all!