Do you ever get over been used
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I met me person when I left college, very young niave and absolutely adored and admired him. Together 18yrs, gave up so much to constantly please him over the years as I thought that was what you did for your soul mate. although I realise now I was living with a true narcissist but ultimately he has admitted to his friend he has been interested in children since he was a teenager. (so our relationship was always a lie/cover up)
I feel like I was simply a great cover story all these years, he wanted to project to the world how he had a great normal life.
How can i ever trust myself to have a normal relationship when I've just been a cover story, I feel groomed and scared and so dam used and abused and tossed aside the moment I was no longer useful to him. I know I shouldn't be I don't feel I have anything to offer a relationship and long term probably will never have the confidence to pursue another emotional and especially a physical relationship.
I feel like I was simply a great cover story all these years, he wanted to project to the world how he had a great normal life.
How can i ever trust myself to have a normal relationship when I've just been a cover story, I feel groomed and scared and so dam used and abused and tossed aside the moment I was no longer useful to him. I know I shouldn't be I don't feel I have anything to offer a relationship and long term probably will never have the confidence to pursue another emotional and especially a physical relationship.
I know it's really hard to come to terms with my OH when I met him. Had just completed 12 months of a 24 month prison sentence and he swore to me it would never ever happen again but it did and I cannot describe how it makes you feel the hurt the pain the police turning your house upside down it is very difficult and hard to understand why they would do it
18 months down the line since the knock and I'm still trying to understand why he's done it again and get my head round it all at the end of the day I think it's something you just have to learn to live with whether you stay with them or not it really is a horrible situation and a very difficult situation that they put you in In short I don't think you ever do truly get over it. You just learnt how to deal with it and how to move on from it
have you tried ringing the helpline and talking to somebody? They're very good and very helpful and I'm sure you'll get a lot of support on this forum
sending you love x
18 months down the line since the knock and I'm still trying to understand why he's done it again and get my head round it all at the end of the day I think it's something you just have to learn to live with whether you stay with them or not it really is a horrible situation and a very difficult situation that they put you in In short I don't think you ever do truly get over it. You just learnt how to deal with it and how to move on from it
have you tried ringing the helpline and talking to somebody? They're very good and very helpful and I'm sure you'll get a lot of support on this forum
sending you love x
Hi Bondi
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You don't deserve this. You deserve much better and to be valued. What your ex has done is truly awful and on him! I think it will be useful to truly understand the dynamics of what he has done. Courses like LF one, might be helpful.
I can say that one of the most fundamental things I've had to deal with and I'm still dealing with - is the damage to my sense of self that has been caused my my husband's offending. I gave him everything and he apparently had little problem taking it for granted and betraying our family. It has profoundly shaken my trust in others and worse yet my trust in myself. It was hard acknowledging this. I'm healing from this through therapy, journalling and lots of walking.
If you're able to, I would strongly recommend therapy. I've found it very helpful in my recovery.
Take care
Hx
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You don't deserve this. You deserve much better and to be valued. What your ex has done is truly awful and on him! I think it will be useful to truly understand the dynamics of what he has done. Courses like LF one, might be helpful.
I can say that one of the most fundamental things I've had to deal with and I'm still dealing with - is the damage to my sense of self that has been caused my my husband's offending. I gave him everything and he apparently had little problem taking it for granted and betraying our family. It has profoundly shaken my trust in others and worse yet my trust in myself. It was hard acknowledging this. I'm healing from this through therapy, journalling and lots of walking.
If you're able to, I would strongly recommend therapy. I've found it very helpful in my recovery.
Take care
Hx
Bondi
GROOMED is the perfect description I've been searching for.
Hi, this is a huge issue for me.
I'd been with my person for 30 years when he was first arrested. During his first phonecall from prison I asked him how long it had been going on. He told me he'd started having sexual feelings towards children since the age of 12/13 and I now know that although he can have sex with adult females, if he had a choice he would not and that our relationship was an attempt at a "normal" life.
For me this is hugely problematic. The fact that he broke the law is one thing but be deceived me knowing full well what he really was. I therefore could never have consented to sex, marriage or producing children. If I'd known what he was I would never have done these things. Since I've known what he is I've not been in an intimate relationship and we divorced as soon as it was able to be done. I believe this was "rape by deception". I have sought advice around this via a mental health professional who agrees. Therefore I am going to seek legal advice. I'm not saying I would go for a prosecution if it turns out legally to be the case but I need to know for my own sort of "peace" of mind. X
GROOMED is the perfect description I've been searching for.
Hi, this is a huge issue for me.
I'd been with my person for 30 years when he was first arrested. During his first phonecall from prison I asked him how long it had been going on. He told me he'd started having sexual feelings towards children since the age of 12/13 and I now know that although he can have sex with adult females, if he had a choice he would not and that our relationship was an attempt at a "normal" life.
For me this is hugely problematic. The fact that he broke the law is one thing but be deceived me knowing full well what he really was. I therefore could never have consented to sex, marriage or producing children. If I'd known what he was I would never have done these things. Since I've known what he is I've not been in an intimate relationship and we divorced as soon as it was able to be done. I believe this was "rape by deception". I have sought advice around this via a mental health professional who agrees. Therefore I am going to seek legal advice. I'm not saying I would go for a prosecution if it turns out legally to be the case but I need to know for my own sort of "peace" of mind. X
Stan cat
there's a huge difference though between the cases of the man admitting to having ALWAYS been attracted to children and the others. I simply could not stay in a relationship with a man who was, is and always has been sexually attracted to children.
there's a huge difference though between the cases of the man admitting to having ALWAYS been attracted to children and the others. I simply could not stay in a relationship with a man who was, is and always has been sexually attracted to children.