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Whyhasthishappened

Member since
February 2025

36 posts

Hi everyone.



im new here.



my person was arrested back in January for malicious communications. It was a horrible alleged offence of someone in a private chat from a bdsm website he was messaging. She claimed he did all this horrible stuff over messages and graphically described stuff about her daughter.

basically she started the conversation, he wasn't talking about this stuff but he asked what else are u into: she replied with young and he said how young is young and she replied with a age and asked him about and he stupidly replied with a young age she then went into describe horrible stuff about her daughter but he didn't respond at all and came off the app for that day. She asked him if he basically likes the play with his kids (absolutely disgusting) and he said no. The police confirmed his answers.



he had his devices all checked and they all came back as clean. Absolutely nothing not even this chat but he admitted it was him in the interview. It went to cps and they changed the charge to obscene publications as they're was insufficient evidence about him writing about her daughter as he didn't do it and they confirmed that.



his solicitor is baffled as how they can use a old law like obscene publications for a private chat when she essentially depraved him but he stupidly replied.
Solicitor wants him to plead not guilty as he doesn't believe he's committed the offence but my person wants too as he wants it to get over and done with without crown court and in reality he's only said a age and then he's cut off from it.



His solicitor says their clutching at straws and doesn't understand how the cps have passed this.



He's not interested in this topic at all he thought she was joking but stupidly implicated himself!



sorry for long one just wondering if anyone else has been in a similair position?



thank you! X

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 3:52pmReport post

Upset mother

Member since
March 2025

135 posts

This is what happened to my OH- police officer posing as a mother with two young children and coaxed my OH into a very graphic conservation about the fake children. He was charged with obscene publication- he did plead guilty on the advice of his solicitor as you run the risk of it being prolonged and going to trial. He was put on probabtion for 15 months with a community order x

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 6:40pmReport post

Upset mother

Member since
March 2025

135 posts

Meant to add aswell that my OH thought the profile was fake so was stupidly replying to it to try and find out who was behind it! Even his solicitor called him an idiot for getting involved in it

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 6:41pmReport post

Whyhasthishappened

Member since
February 2025

36 posts

Thank you for replying!



Sorry to sound silly but what's on probation? Mine just replied with a age he thought she was joking, he didn't know who she was. Turns out she didn't even have a daughter was all make believe!

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 6:43pmReport post

Upset mother

Member since
March 2025

135 posts

The children are fake- it's a tactic to trap potential sex offenders. My OH has said all along that it wasn't any sinister from his side. He thought it was a fake profile and wanted to find out who it was. Probabtion don't believe him, they are trying to find a trigger as to why he got involved in the conversation. Like you, no further evidence found, all devices clean so the only thing they could charge him with was obscene publication x

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 6:51pmReport post

Whyhasthishappened

Member since
February 2025

36 posts

How did you find out it was a decoy? Most of his interview was questions about if he knew her etc and she accused him of saying things he hadn't. I think maybe she's been done for something and his chat has showed up on her phone. X

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 7:03pmReport post

Whyhasthishappened

Member since
February 2025

36 posts

How did you find out it was a decoy? Most of his interview was questions about if he knew her etc and she accused him of saying things he hadn't. I think maybe she's been done for something and his chat has showed up on her phone. X

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 7:03pmReport post

Whyhasthishappened

Member since
February 2025

36 posts

And the police told me they have the other adult in custody x

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 7:04pmReport post

Upset mother

Member since
March 2025

135 posts

The police told him it was an undercover police person when he was charged, I'm not sure how they caught him. Maybe found his IP address or something, he was arrested at work x

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 7:09pmReport post

Whyhasthishappened

Member since
February 2025

36 posts

Oh ok. Mine wasn't told that. I think he was found through this woman or whoever it was.



did your case have any media? X

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 7:11pmReport post

Upset mother

Member since
March 2025

135 posts

No we didn't get any media attention fortunately, not sure if that was due to him being charged at a magistrate rather than a crown court or because of the charge. Obscene publication can cover a lot of things x

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 7:39pmReport post

Whyhasthishappened

Member since
February 2025

36 posts

Ah that's good I'm pleased for you! Yeah solicitor thinks my person will be in magistrates. I suppose it's not really that interesting is it compared to other things x

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 7:40pmReport post

Whyhasthishappened

Member since
February 2025

36 posts

Ah that's good I'm pleased for you! Yeah solicitor thinks my person will be in magistrates. I suppose it's not really that interesting is it compared to other things x

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 7:40pmReport post

Upset mother

Member since
March 2025

135 posts

That's the risk you run, if he pleads not guilty it could go to crown court then and the punishment could be harsher if he is then found guilty x

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 7:43pmReport post

Whyhasthishappened

Member since
February 2025

36 posts

Yeah absolutely I don't think it'll be mega harsh as he's only said 1 word. He's got BPD and various health conditions, he's already seeking private mental health help: has alor of mitigation so I think for the sake of getting it wrapped up better to go guilty x

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 8:04pmReport post

SoSoSad

Member since
April 2025

11 posts

I am in the same situation. Communication with an adult police decoy (about daughter). My husband knew it wasn't a real person and wrote ludicrous/ obscene things to try and shock the person on the other end. They have not found anything else and I know he does not have any sexual interest in children.

But what a mess we are all in now! I have 3 very young children. He cannot come home and I don't even know if there is ever any chance of ever being a normal family again with social service involvement. I am just so angry with it all. I know why decoys used and my husband absolutely shouldn't have written the things he did. In our case, they have created a criminal and torn apart a loving family. What an absolute waste. And for nothing!

Posted Mon June 2, 2025 11:18pmReport post

Upset mother

Member since
March 2025

135 posts

Same here- he hasn't lived at the house since the offence (August 2023). SS have just taken us to PLO and we are waiting assessments- what sexual harm he poses and my capacity to protect. It's ridiculous, his probabtion officer has said all along that he supports this being managed as a child in need case which SS are completely ignoring x

Posted Tue June 3, 2025 7:55amReport post

Whyhasthishappened

Member since
February 2025

36 posts

How ridiculous for both of you. Saying stupid things doesn't mean someone is a monster. I'm fortunate that ss have dropped our case and my partners allowed to live at home but it's all just bloody ridiculous.

Posted Tue June 3, 2025 11:10amReport post

mum1982H

Member since
September 2022

50 posts

whyhasthishappened this sounds in some way similar to my oh. An investigation into a woman they are dealing with brought them to him. He was talking to her in a chat room, massivly breaking my trust with just that. The oic obviously couldn't tell me about that investigation just that it was ongoing. for him it was them believing he's been sent images by the sound of things but who even knows.

I'm too angry to even look at blaming anyone other than him but it really makes me sick to think of any woman being involved in this kind of crime

Posted Tue June 3, 2025 10:00pmReport post

Whyhasthishappened

Member since
February 2025

36 posts

Oh bless you, where are you at with it now?

Posted Wed June 4, 2025 9:24amReport post

Quick exit