How do I begin to discuss this?
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Long time lurker but this is my first post. The offender is my brother. He is currently in prison for online offences of a pretty serious nature. I am still navigating my relationship with him. I accept his phone calls when I am in the right headspace to talk to him and have visited him once. I don't know what I want our relationship to be in the future and whether I want him to have any type of access to future children I may have (I don't have children yet) even supervised be myself or family.
To top all this off, I have just gone through a break up of a fairly long term relationship. He was with me through me finding out about the offence and has been mostly supportive through the process. However, he did say that one of the reasons behind the break up was that he was uncomfortable with how my family navigated the situation and that he has concerns that the reasons behind the offending are either genetic (ridiculous in my opinion) or within the family dynamic (possible but I really can't see anything sinister in my loving family).
Although there were lots of other reasons behind the break up, this has really knocked me when I'm down. My worry is that if he's having these thoughts while knowing me and my family well, surely others who don't know me will draw similar conclusions. How am I ever going to be able to date again with this hanging over me? How do I bring it up in conversation because it is going to be a part of my future and the future of the father of any children I have whether I like it or not. Walking away from my brother would mean walking away from my parents and I would never do that when they have gone through so much already. It's all so unfair. My brother has no idea the far reaching affect of his actions.
To top all this off, I have just gone through a break up of a fairly long term relationship. He was with me through me finding out about the offence and has been mostly supportive through the process. However, he did say that one of the reasons behind the break up was that he was uncomfortable with how my family navigated the situation and that he has concerns that the reasons behind the offending are either genetic (ridiculous in my opinion) or within the family dynamic (possible but I really can't see anything sinister in my loving family).
Although there were lots of other reasons behind the break up, this has really knocked me when I'm down. My worry is that if he's having these thoughts while knowing me and my family well, surely others who don't know me will draw similar conclusions. How am I ever going to be able to date again with this hanging over me? How do I bring it up in conversation because it is going to be a part of my future and the future of the father of any children I have whether I like it or not. Walking away from my brother would mean walking away from my parents and I would never do that when they have gone through so much already. It's all so unfair. My brother has no idea the far reaching affect of his actions.
Hi, sorry no one has replied to your post. I can only say from experience of my adult children have had since their dad was convicted. My one son was due to be engaged and the fear i felt that she would abandon him, and want nothing to do with any of us. This was the not the case. Her and her family were nothing but supportive of my son and us. Though they want nothing to do with my OH, they do not hold us responsible. They are now happily married. My OH was not at the wedding, to be honest i dont know if he would have been invited, but they got married abroad so he would not be let in anyway. My daughter was going out with a boy, they did not last long after the conviction, full reasons i am unsure of, but she said that he was not supporting her when she needed him. I do not know if the reason is due to this, but she is very sensible and said that if he is not there when she needed him, then he is not the person she thought he was. A year down the line, she is in a new reationship. The new boyfriend knows, but almost said, 'so what' it has nothing to do with who you are. The reason why i am telling you this, any future partners worth their weight will not care, they shoudl only care about you and how they can be there for you. I am not saying that it does not add a new dimension to a new relationship, but it should also not be a deal breaker if the person cares for you.