My new parallel Universe
Notifications OFF
Hi everyone,
Looking for any words of comfort and support.
I find it hard to describe my life now when people ask (which isn't many to be honest), post-media 2 months ago. I genuinely feel like I've experienced a life earthquake and the fault line is running right down the middle of everything I've ever known. I've always been the big personality, positive, outgoing, life and soul, the loving caring friend, the one who brought people together. Now.....I don't know who I am or where I fit in my family and friendship circles. I don't know how people feel, but the lack of contact tells me what I need to know. No-one will see my OH, barr one of my most amazing friends who's seen him once since conviction, but me and my OH are a team,,he's my life partner, the one everyone completely loved ....before the press worked its magic.
So now I have 3 lives - the day to day home life with my children, time alone with my OH then the rest of it (which is fractured beyond words, silence from friends I've had for many years). I thought we could move forward after conviction but for us the media impact has been profound and significantly destroyed the life I had before.
My elderly parents are struggling, they think a huge amount about my OH, see how happy he makes me and have said "it's such a shame, because he's your perfect partner'' ....and that's exactly why I'm sticking by him, but my goodness this is not an easy path to tread.
My kids are great, confused about SS involvement more than anything.
I'd love counselling but can't afford it. GP referral I'm not keen on because of the subject matter. Feel very lost, lonely and confused. I pray that I can get through this ...I'm trying to focus on the positive and I know the truth having had full disclosure throughout. I know what our people have done is truly sickening, but for many it was something they needed help with. They are humans, but forgotten as such. By default we carry that burden and have our very own moral compass and judgement criticised.
My OH is scraping by, factory work won't cover his outgoings so he'll end up homeless (again) or in more debt. The future feels grim at the minute and I'm doing my absolute best not to let it beat me down.
This is my lived experience. I feel so relieved, but jealous in equal measure, of those who avoided media coverage. Keep thinking I want to write to the editor of the paper and the journalist who wrote the damming article ...I want them to know the ripple effect of the damage they have caused. Or perhaps my local MP. Not sure it would do any good and at the minute I'm running out of fight.
Love as always to you all and I do genuinely hope and pray for as many of you as possible to keep your outcomes private - because when it's not, it's truly the most heartbreaking process. Xxxx
Looking for any words of comfort and support.
I find it hard to describe my life now when people ask (which isn't many to be honest), post-media 2 months ago. I genuinely feel like I've experienced a life earthquake and the fault line is running right down the middle of everything I've ever known. I've always been the big personality, positive, outgoing, life and soul, the loving caring friend, the one who brought people together. Now.....I don't know who I am or where I fit in my family and friendship circles. I don't know how people feel, but the lack of contact tells me what I need to know. No-one will see my OH, barr one of my most amazing friends who's seen him once since conviction, but me and my OH are a team,,he's my life partner, the one everyone completely loved ....before the press worked its magic.
So now I have 3 lives - the day to day home life with my children, time alone with my OH then the rest of it (which is fractured beyond words, silence from friends I've had for many years). I thought we could move forward after conviction but for us the media impact has been profound and significantly destroyed the life I had before.
My elderly parents are struggling, they think a huge amount about my OH, see how happy he makes me and have said "it's such a shame, because he's your perfect partner'' ....and that's exactly why I'm sticking by him, but my goodness this is not an easy path to tread.
My kids are great, confused about SS involvement more than anything.
I'd love counselling but can't afford it. GP referral I'm not keen on because of the subject matter. Feel very lost, lonely and confused. I pray that I can get through this ...I'm trying to focus on the positive and I know the truth having had full disclosure throughout. I know what our people have done is truly sickening, but for many it was something they needed help with. They are humans, but forgotten as such. By default we carry that burden and have our very own moral compass and judgement criticised.
My OH is scraping by, factory work won't cover his outgoings so he'll end up homeless (again) or in more debt. The future feels grim at the minute and I'm doing my absolute best not to let it beat me down.
This is my lived experience. I feel so relieved, but jealous in equal measure, of those who avoided media coverage. Keep thinking I want to write to the editor of the paper and the journalist who wrote the damming article ...I want them to know the ripple effect of the damage they have caused. Or perhaps my local MP. Not sure it would do any good and at the minute I'm running out of fight.
Love as always to you all and I do genuinely hope and pray for as many of you as possible to keep your outcomes private - because when it's not, it's truly the most heartbreaking process. Xxxx
Ironically I've just cheered myself up slightly from reading one of my own posts on 20 May where I was obviously feeling stronger! It's a total rollercoaster! C'mon Eye, you got this!!! Xx
We also had the dreaded media coverage, we have been so fortunate there is one family member who doesn't speak to oh but continues to keep contact myself and my daughter birthdays and general catch up I feel I have to respect his choice I think its more about the association and what friends would think of him as he knows the story I even shared the cyber report with him, I am at peace with his decision, oh met an ex colleague in local supermarket at weekend he said he was terrified but the guy just chatted like nothing had happened and felt like some people have forgotten what happened, our circle has gotten smaller for sure but I think that's been our doing as we put a protective wall around us, the important ones are still here, we are 16 months since media exposure we have not went back near Facebook as its toxic.
Sending love and hugs x
Sending love and hugs x
You absolutely have! It sounds like you have been through a particularly horrible time with the media. I miss feeling how I did before all of this (oh to be able to go back). It is amazing how resilient you can be when you have to be. Sending you lots of strength from one heartbroken soul to another xx
Eye, I hear you and felt very similar to you after sentencing and Media exposure. In my mind I thought that once sentencing was over, we’d be able to start moving forward but instead the anxiety I’d struggled with for the previous 22 months continued and I felt totally flat.
I too was a bubbly, social person but my son’s arrest changed that and instead of wanting to socialise I started to avoid people and social situations. I didn’t have it in me to make small talk but neither did I feel ready to talk about my situation. I didn’t want to pretend things were ok when inside my heart was breaking. I found that I’d become isolated, my friends didn’t contact me which in the main suited me because I wanted to hide away and isolate but there was also a small part of me that longed for them to reach out to me, to give me a hug and to tell me it was all going to be ok.
It was only after I’d been through Talking therapies and engaged with a local mental health wellbeing organisation who offered various activities and workshops that I started to heal and began to understand that it wasn’t that my friends were avoiding me but more a case that I’d been avoiding them. I learned that I had always been the one to make the first move in meeting up and in arranging social engagements. That’s in no way a negative reflection of my friends but a realisation of our different personality types.
Once I began to feel stronger and able to start making contact with them again, we started to return to the way we’d previously been. I’d make contact with one of them, invite them for a coffee or out shopping for the day and they’d happily accept my invitation. Yes I have lost a few people along the way but that’s their decision and I’ve come to accept that. I’ve also gained a few new friends, new friends who I’ve been open and upfront with and who see past our story and accept me and my family for who we are.
Therapy doesn’t have to cost money, the therapy and workshops I accessed were all free. You can self refer to Talking therapies and you may well have a mental health wellbeing organisations in your local area in the same way I do.
Try to be kind to yourself and remember you’ve been through a huge trauma and the healing process is going to be a long journey of recovery. I’m now 20 months post sentencing, I’m doing well, I’ve embraced a journey of self discovery but I’m still recovering and you are still recovering too. Sending you love, strength and a big virtual hug.
I too was a bubbly, social person but my son’s arrest changed that and instead of wanting to socialise I started to avoid people and social situations. I didn’t have it in me to make small talk but neither did I feel ready to talk about my situation. I didn’t want to pretend things were ok when inside my heart was breaking. I found that I’d become isolated, my friends didn’t contact me which in the main suited me because I wanted to hide away and isolate but there was also a small part of me that longed for them to reach out to me, to give me a hug and to tell me it was all going to be ok.
It was only after I’d been through Talking therapies and engaged with a local mental health wellbeing organisation who offered various activities and workshops that I started to heal and began to understand that it wasn’t that my friends were avoiding me but more a case that I’d been avoiding them. I learned that I had always been the one to make the first move in meeting up and in arranging social engagements. That’s in no way a negative reflection of my friends but a realisation of our different personality types.
Once I began to feel stronger and able to start making contact with them again, we started to return to the way we’d previously been. I’d make contact with one of them, invite them for a coffee or out shopping for the day and they’d happily accept my invitation. Yes I have lost a few people along the way but that’s their decision and I’ve come to accept that. I’ve also gained a few new friends, new friends who I’ve been open and upfront with and who see past our story and accept me and my family for who we are.
Therapy doesn’t have to cost money, the therapy and workshops I accessed were all free. You can self refer to Talking therapies and you may well have a mental health wellbeing organisations in your local area in the same way I do.
Try to be kind to yourself and remember you’ve been through a huge trauma and the healing process is going to be a long journey of recovery. I’m now 20 months post sentencing, I’m doing well, I’ve embraced a journey of self discovery but I’m still recovering and you are still recovering too. Sending you love, strength and a big virtual hug.
Hi, I hear you. Just so you know in case it helps, StopSO counsellors do give a discount, often around 50% for their services and you could have a session every other week. My ex has been with over of their counsellors for over 2 years, every other week and it's been so worth it. X. PS. The press suck!