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Hi,
So my young adult son was arrested for SCWAC.... our lives have been thrown into turmoil and now he is on bail... My wife and l have gone through all the emotions, shock, disbelief, anger, dread and fear... this is torture...
So, a little about his case from what he has told us, and what the police have mentioned.. Snapchat communications of an explicit nature, my son assures me he didn't try to meet, didn't ask for pictures or send pictures and didn't ask her to do things..
Police recognised vulnerabilities before his interview, and arranged an appropriate adult (son didn't want us). Interview lasted less than 15 minutes.. he was bailed and came home.. in their conversations with me (whether l can trust them) they believe after speaking to him the motivation was not sexual but through loneliness and a need for attention..
Our son lives in a stable home environment, doesn't drink excessively, doesn't go out much, has been working since leaving college.. He has taken the first steps with support and has been referred to L&D by the police.. they have arranged a practitioner assessment for Autism... we have never had him tested but wish we had now... he had speech therapy when he was young and has struggled with communication and social awareness since... we help with complicated financial understanding and where he struggles to explain things..
l really am struggling to understand what has happened... although l fully support my son l can't trust him at the moment.. l always think that if you can't control it why worry about it... but this is just like watching a car crash in slow motion whilst being bound and gagged... l've come to the conclusion that l should just leave things for the time being and see what happens..
Sorry for rambling just needed to put this down in writing..
So my young adult son was arrested for SCWAC.... our lives have been thrown into turmoil and now he is on bail... My wife and l have gone through all the emotions, shock, disbelief, anger, dread and fear... this is torture...
So, a little about his case from what he has told us, and what the police have mentioned.. Snapchat communications of an explicit nature, my son assures me he didn't try to meet, didn't ask for pictures or send pictures and didn't ask her to do things..
Police recognised vulnerabilities before his interview, and arranged an appropriate adult (son didn't want us). Interview lasted less than 15 minutes.. he was bailed and came home.. in their conversations with me (whether l can trust them) they believe after speaking to him the motivation was not sexual but through loneliness and a need for attention..
Our son lives in a stable home environment, doesn't drink excessively, doesn't go out much, has been working since leaving college.. He has taken the first steps with support and has been referred to L&D by the police.. they have arranged a practitioner assessment for Autism... we have never had him tested but wish we had now... he had speech therapy when he was young and has struggled with communication and social awareness since... we help with complicated financial understanding and where he struggles to explain things..
l really am struggling to understand what has happened... although l fully support my son l can't trust him at the moment.. l always think that if you can't control it why worry about it... but this is just like watching a car crash in slow motion whilst being bound and gagged... l've come to the conclusion that l should just leave things for the time being and see what happens..
Sorry for rambling just needed to put this down in writing..
Hello Dad in Limbo
I am sorry that you find yourself here, but you have come to the right place for support.
From what you have said about your son it sounds like he could be neurodivergent, so it is positive that he is now being assessed for Autism. Many young nuerodivergent can find socialising more challenging and may feel safer socialising and communicating online, making them vulnerable to the dangers of the internet.
How is your son doing? It is a terrible shock when a young person receives the knock.
If you haven't already spoken to the helpline, it may be worth considering for support for you, your son and your wife.
Thinking of you and your son.
I am sorry that you find yourself here, but you have come to the right place for support.
From what you have said about your son it sounds like he could be neurodivergent, so it is positive that he is now being assessed for Autism. Many young nuerodivergent can find socialising more challenging and may feel safer socialising and communicating online, making them vulnerable to the dangers of the internet.
How is your son doing? It is a terrible shock when a young person receives the knock.
If you haven't already spoken to the helpline, it may be worth considering for support for you, your son and your wife.
Thinking of you and your son.
Thank you Alison, my son and l have both spoke to the help line.. and have found it helpful.. my son is trying to understand his behaviour and the third party support he is getting is helping.. hopefully the assessments will help to understand things as well..
Our son has always being introverted, especially after bullying at school.. he really has to think about things before talking... and struggles to meet new people and make friends... he suffers from esteem issues and covid hasn't helped during the years young people develop.. l just wish we had noticed the signs more and got him help sooner... he has been working for a couple of years now and gets on really well with the people he works with and has started to gain in confidence... maybe this is why we didn't notice things...
l know the seriousness of the alleged offence and cannot condone what he has done.. and do not think the above excuses his actions.. l just don't know what the future holds.. l guess we just have to support each other for the time being..
Our son has always being introverted, especially after bullying at school.. he really has to think about things before talking... and struggles to meet new people and make friends... he suffers from esteem issues and covid hasn't helped during the years young people develop.. l just wish we had noticed the signs more and got him help sooner... he has been working for a couple of years now and gets on really well with the people he works with and has started to gain in confidence... maybe this is why we didn't notice things...
l know the seriousness of the alleged offence and cannot condone what he has done.. and do not think the above excuses his actions.. l just don't know what the future holds.. l guess we just have to support each other for the time being..
Hello Dad in Limbo
It sounds like you are doing all you can.
It is also a positive that the police have referred to L&D (first time I have heard of this). Many people on here (myself included) have had negative experience of the police on this journey, so I would still be very wary of them.
I am pleased that your son is trying to understand how he has ended up going down this path. The Young person inform course may be worth looking into that Stop it Now run.
This whole process can be quite a journey, so try and look after yourself the best you can, as it can take its toll on your wellbeing.
It sounds like you are doing all you can.
It is also a positive that the police have referred to L&D (first time I have heard of this). Many people on here (myself included) have had negative experience of the police on this journey, so I would still be very wary of them.
I am pleased that your son is trying to understand how he has ended up going down this path. The Young person inform course may be worth looking into that Stop it Now run.
This whole process can be quite a journey, so try and look after yourself the best you can, as it can take its toll on your wellbeing.
I can identify with so much of your post. We had 'the knock' nearly a year ago, the Police were very understanding and professional. They soon realised that our adult son is vulnerable due to having learning difficulties. We were petrified that the neighbours would find out, but the Police were very discreet. The Police arranged for him to have an appropriate adult for his interview and kept us fully updated. Thankfully they gave us a Stop it Now leaflet, we have since engaged with Stop it Now.
What we have found difficult is understanding the bail conditions, we have found different answers from the various professionals involved. Fortunately we have found a really good Legal Aid solicitor who has arranged for our son have a psychiatric assessment, to assess his capacity and if he is possibly autistic. He regularly sees his Stop it Now worker and a psychologist.
We know that the justice system moves slowly, but we are getting on with our lives.
What we have found difficult is understanding the bail conditions, we have found different answers from the various professionals involved. Fortunately we have found a really good Legal Aid solicitor who has arranged for our son have a psychiatric assessment, to assess his capacity and if he is possibly autistic. He regularly sees his Stop it Now worker and a psychologist.
We know that the justice system moves slowly, but we are getting on with our lives.
Alison, I'll be honest last few weeks been worst of our life... just got to keep on going... Thank you for your kind words... going to have a few beers and a pizza and try and forget about things..
Dad in Limbo, hi !
You are definitely not alone. Mt 23 yr old Autistic Son was stung by Vigilantes 3.5 yrs ago. I thought I'd experienced stress in my life but the last few years have been the most terrible of all. He sounds so much like your Son - socially naive, lonely , difficult communicating, no fiends , isolated etc .... oh hindsight is a wonderful thing but we are where we are and coming to a conclusion.
Try not to look too far ahead and try not to overthink as it's terrifying, it's screwed my mind and now I'm off work with stress. Please feel free to direct message me but also know you are not alone. Lots of us on here are traumatised but also very willing to offer some support when you need it x
You are definitely not alone. Mt 23 yr old Autistic Son was stung by Vigilantes 3.5 yrs ago. I thought I'd experienced stress in my life but the last few years have been the most terrible of all. He sounds so much like your Son - socially naive, lonely , difficult communicating, no fiends , isolated etc .... oh hindsight is a wonderful thing but we are where we are and coming to a conclusion.
Try not to look too far ahead and try not to overthink as it's terrifying, it's screwed my mind and now I'm off work with stress. Please feel free to direct message me but also know you are not alone. Lots of us on here are traumatised but also very willing to offer some support when you need it x
Hi Winnie,
Thank you, as you say.. only if we had hindsight.. One thing l have discovered over the last week or so is that things like this happen and after all your fears you do find places that other people are in the same situation .. thank you for saying Hi..
Thank you, as you say.. only if we had hindsight.. One thing l have discovered over the last week or so is that things like this happen and after all your fears you do find places that other people are in the same situation .. thank you for saying Hi..
Im sorry you have found yourself on here.
Can I ask, what is L&D?
Can I ask, what is L&D?
Hi,
Liaison and Diversion
Liaison and Diversion
Hi Upsetparent,
Sorry missed your post, yes sounds very similar, to be fair police have also been discreet and other than the odd mixed message they have been professional..
l suspect we are now on a long road of uncertainty.. but hopefully our son gets the appropriate help to understand his behaviour better.. All we can do is stay strong l guess..
Take care
Sorry missed your post, yes sounds very similar, to be fair police have also been discreet and other than the odd mixed message they have been professional..
l suspect we are now on a long road of uncertainty.. but hopefully our son gets the appropriate help to understand his behaviour better.. All we can do is stay strong l guess..
Take care
Hi Dadinlimbo
Another parent of a young person under investigation..Still feeling bewildered and angry really..hope you and your family are getting through the days as best you can
Another parent of a young person under investigation..Still feeling bewildered and angry really..hope you and your family are getting through the days as best you can
Starr,
Thank you, we are getting through things at the moment... a few weeks ago we were saying how proud we were of him and this juggernaut came along.. this week he got his Year 2 apprentice result (distinction)... ups and downs l guess...
Think the most annoying thing about all this is that we never recognised him as being autistic... maybe if we had done something sooner we could have avoided all of this... although he is fully functioning he does struggle with communication and social situations.. lots of things now falling into place.. especially with genetics on my wife's side of the family.. hopefully he gets the support he needs..
Thank you, we are getting through things at the moment... a few weeks ago we were saying how proud we were of him and this juggernaut came along.. this week he got his Year 2 apprentice result (distinction)... ups and downs l guess...
Think the most annoying thing about all this is that we never recognised him as being autistic... maybe if we had done something sooner we could have avoided all of this... although he is fully functioning he does struggle with communication and social situations.. lots of things now falling into place.. especially with genetics on my wife's side of the family.. hopefully he gets the support he needs..
That's an amazing result! You have to really hold onto the positives..and that's a great positive. I've DM'd you..hope that's ok.
Hi,
My autistic son has also gone through this and although the police reconised his vunrabilities, they didn't look into the grooming that happened when he was 17, just the few images found and 3 shares, that people sent to him and then he was asked by their friend for them. Although I do understand there had to be punishment for this behavior, I'm angry that when I asked them if they went after the people he was talking to and groomed him, I got the answer "we try". I think we was very lucky and the judge took into acount the whole picture. He realsied the work he had done (LFF course and weekly counselling) and we had done as a family as well as charactor statements from family and friends and a very good probation report.
I too am like Alison and after respecting the system for years, after a deep dive and investigations, there needs to be more support for our young autistic community and not becoming a satistic.
This is the most horendous thing I have gone through as a parent, so my heart goes out to you both.
My autistic son has also gone through this and although the police reconised his vunrabilities, they didn't look into the grooming that happened when he was 17, just the few images found and 3 shares, that people sent to him and then he was asked by their friend for them. Although I do understand there had to be punishment for this behavior, I'm angry that when I asked them if they went after the people he was talking to and groomed him, I got the answer "we try". I think we was very lucky and the judge took into acount the whole picture. He realsied the work he had done (LFF course and weekly counselling) and we had done as a family as well as charactor statements from family and friends and a very good probation report.
I too am like Alison and after respecting the system for years, after a deep dive and investigations, there needs to be more support for our young autistic community and not becoming a satistic.
This is the most horendous thing I have gone through as a parent, so my heart goes out to you both.
Heart goes out too.. take care
Has anyone found that the Judge actually takes much notice from the Psychiatrist and Psychologist assessment reports in terms of mitigation?
Also, has anyone had any experience of using an Intermediary in Court . This has been proposed for my Son 23 with Autism.
Also, has anyone had any experience of using an Intermediary in Court . This has been proposed for my Son 23 with Autism.
Winnie,
Not 100% sure, but l think it is more of a consideration for the court in which it progresses to (magistrates/crown)... and cannot then be taken into account in sentencing as it has already been considered..
Dad in Limbo
Not 100% sure, but l think it is more of a consideration for the court in which it progresses to (magistrates/crown)... and cannot then be taken into account in sentencing as it has already been considered..
Dad in Limbo