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Hi,
So my young adult son was arrested for SCWAC.... our lives have been thrown into turmoil and now he is on bail... My wife and l have gone through all the emotions, shock, disbelief, anger, dread and fear... this is torture...
So, a little about his case from what he has told us, and what the police have mentioned.. Snapchat communications of an explicit nature, my son assures me he didn't try to meet, didn't ask for pictures or send pictures and didn't ask her to do things..
Police recognised vulnerabilities before his interview, and arranged an appropriate adult (son didn't want us). Interview lasted less than 15 minutes.. he was bailed and came home.. in their conversations with me (whether l can trust them) they believe after speaking to him the motivation was not sexual but through loneliness and a need for attention..
Our son lives in a stable home environment, doesn't drink excessively, doesn't go out much, has been working since leaving college.. He has taken the first steps with support and has been referred to L&D by the police.. they have arranged a practitioner assessment for Autism... we have never had him tested but wish we had now... he had speech therapy when he was young and has struggled with communication and social awareness since... we help with complicated financial understanding and where he struggles to explain things..
l really am struggling to understand what has happened... although l fully support my son l can't trust him at the moment.. l always think that if you can't control it why worry about it... but this is just like watching a car crash in slow motion whilst being bound and gagged... l've come to the conclusion that l should just leave things for the time being and see what happens..
Sorry for rambling just needed to put this down in writing..
So my young adult son was arrested for SCWAC.... our lives have been thrown into turmoil and now he is on bail... My wife and l have gone through all the emotions, shock, disbelief, anger, dread and fear... this is torture...
So, a little about his case from what he has told us, and what the police have mentioned.. Snapchat communications of an explicit nature, my son assures me he didn't try to meet, didn't ask for pictures or send pictures and didn't ask her to do things..
Police recognised vulnerabilities before his interview, and arranged an appropriate adult (son didn't want us). Interview lasted less than 15 minutes.. he was bailed and came home.. in their conversations with me (whether l can trust them) they believe after speaking to him the motivation was not sexual but through loneliness and a need for attention..
Our son lives in a stable home environment, doesn't drink excessively, doesn't go out much, has been working since leaving college.. He has taken the first steps with support and has been referred to L&D by the police.. they have arranged a practitioner assessment for Autism... we have never had him tested but wish we had now... he had speech therapy when he was young and has struggled with communication and social awareness since... we help with complicated financial understanding and where he struggles to explain things..
l really am struggling to understand what has happened... although l fully support my son l can't trust him at the moment.. l always think that if you can't control it why worry about it... but this is just like watching a car crash in slow motion whilst being bound and gagged... l've come to the conclusion that l should just leave things for the time being and see what happens..
Sorry for rambling just needed to put this down in writing..
Hello Dad in Limbo
I am sorry that you find yourself here, but you have come to the right place for support.
From what you have said about your son it sounds like he could be neurodivergent, so it is positive that he is now being assessed for Autism. Many young nuerodivergent can find socialising more challenging and may feel safer socialising and communicating online, making them vulnerable to the dangers of the internet.
How is your son doing? It is a terrible shock when a young person receives the knock.
If you haven't already spoken to the helpline, it may be worth considering for support for you, your son and your wife.
Thinking of you and your son.
I am sorry that you find yourself here, but you have come to the right place for support.
From what you have said about your son it sounds like he could be neurodivergent, so it is positive that he is now being assessed for Autism. Many young nuerodivergent can find socialising more challenging and may feel safer socialising and communicating online, making them vulnerable to the dangers of the internet.
How is your son doing? It is a terrible shock when a young person receives the knock.
If you haven't already spoken to the helpline, it may be worth considering for support for you, your son and your wife.
Thinking of you and your son.
Thank you Alison, my son and l have both spoke to the help line.. and have found it helpful.. my son is trying to understand his behaviour and the third party support he is getting is helping.. hopefully the assessments will help to understand things as well..
Our son has always being introverted, especially after bullying at school.. he really has to think about things before talking... and struggles to meet new people and make friends... he suffers from esteem issues and covid hasn't helped during the years young people develop.. l just wish we had noticed the signs more and got him help sooner... he has been working for a couple of years now and gets on really well with the people he works with and has started to gain in confidence... maybe this is why we didn't notice things...
l know the seriousness of the alleged offence and cannot condone what he has done.. and do not think the above excuses his actions.. l just don't know what the future holds.. l guess we just have to support each other for the time being..
Our son has always being introverted, especially after bullying at school.. he really has to think about things before talking... and struggles to meet new people and make friends... he suffers from esteem issues and covid hasn't helped during the years young people develop.. l just wish we had noticed the signs more and got him help sooner... he has been working for a couple of years now and gets on really well with the people he works with and has started to gain in confidence... maybe this is why we didn't notice things...
l know the seriousness of the alleged offence and cannot condone what he has done.. and do not think the above excuses his actions.. l just don't know what the future holds.. l guess we just have to support each other for the time being..
Hello Dad in Limbo
It sounds like you are doing all you can.
It is also a positive that the police have referred to L&D (first time I have heard of this). Many people on here (myself included) have had negative experience of the police on this journey, so I would still be very wary of them.
I am pleased that your son is trying to understand how he has ended up going down this path. The Young person inform course may be worth looking into that Stop it Now run.
This whole process can be quite a journey, so try and look after yourself the best you can, as it can take its toll on your wellbeing.
It sounds like you are doing all you can.
It is also a positive that the police have referred to L&D (first time I have heard of this). Many people on here (myself included) have had negative experience of the police on this journey, so I would still be very wary of them.
I am pleased that your son is trying to understand how he has ended up going down this path. The Young person inform course may be worth looking into that Stop it Now run.
This whole process can be quite a journey, so try and look after yourself the best you can, as it can take its toll on your wellbeing.
Alison, I'll be honest last few weeks been worst of our life... just got to keep on going... Thank you for your kind words... going to have a few beers and a pizza and try and forget about things..
Dad in Limbo, hi !
You are definitely not alone. Mt 23 yr old Autistic Son was stung by Vigilantes 3.5 yrs ago. I thought I'd experienced stress in my life but the last few years have been the most terrible of all. He sounds so much like your Son - socially naive, lonely , difficult communicating, no fiends , isolated etc .... oh hindsight is a wonderful thing but we are where we are and coming to a conclusion.
Try not to look too far ahead and try not to overthink as it's terrifying, it's screwed my mind and now I'm off work with stress. Please feel free to direct message me but also know you are not alone. Lots of us on here are traumatised but also very willing to offer some support when you need it x
You are definitely not alone. Mt 23 yr old Autistic Son was stung by Vigilantes 3.5 yrs ago. I thought I'd experienced stress in my life but the last few years have been the most terrible of all. He sounds so much like your Son - socially naive, lonely , difficult communicating, no fiends , isolated etc .... oh hindsight is a wonderful thing but we are where we are and coming to a conclusion.
Try not to look too far ahead and try not to overthink as it's terrifying, it's screwed my mind and now I'm off work with stress. Please feel free to direct message me but also know you are not alone. Lots of us on here are traumatised but also very willing to offer some support when you need it x
Hi Winnie,
Thank you, as you say.. only if we had hindsight.. One thing l have discovered over the last week or so is that things like this happen and after all your fears you do find places that other people are in the same situation .. thank you for saying Hi..
Thank you, as you say.. only if we had hindsight.. One thing l have discovered over the last week or so is that things like this happen and after all your fears you do find places that other people are in the same situation .. thank you for saying Hi..