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My sons been arrested for sharing photos on an online forum

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Clarrissa

Member since
June 2025

4 posts

Feeling like everyone else does disgusted but still love my son , so have said he can be in the home with his child as long as he's supervised but not to sleep over ,

I know it's like I'm trying to go fast forward but does this mean he never will be or that God willing his wife doesn't leave him and in time they may want more children will he ever be able to sleep over again

Posted Fri June 6, 2025 3:21pmReport post

rainyday52

Member since
April 2023

552 posts

Hello Clarissa - another 'appalled by behaviour but still love my son' and much further down the track than you are, as we are over 2 years after arrest and only just been told that the police have sent their investigations to the CPS so we're on the road to the next step now.

I know you will want answers in black and white but the frustrating news is that there are so many factors going on which you have no control over and that can feel so mentally painful and exhausting.

Is your son with you now and his wife is somewhere with his children? Part of the pieces in this will be her own decisions which may change as she deals with her own reactions to what your son has done. For us, our son left the family home and stayed with us for about 18 months, seeing his children when they came to visit, but he had to leave the house overnight. Even when his bail was changed to Released Under Investigation he was still expected to comply with the bail conditions by Social Services. It wasn't legally binding then but would have looked as if we, as the children's protective factor, weren't being protective so it was a no brainer to continue with the 'rules' and our son agreed.

Social Services wil be involved and I hope that like us you get a good and understanding social worker. We are very lucky.

The best thing you can do is to try not to think too far into the future - try to encourage your son to start some therapy to show why he did what he did and maybe you and he do the Inform and Inform plus courses offered by Lucy faithfull. We did that and it has been such a help in so many ways plus it is proof that your son wants to overcome whatever made him behave in this way (and there are many reasons) which will be a mitigating factor as the nightmare proceeds.

And lastly, do keep posting on here either on the forum or even privately if anyone seems like someone you could talk to more privately.

Look after yourself and keep loving your son - this is only part of who he is.

Posted Fri June 6, 2025 5:23pm
Edited Fri June 6, 2025 5:27pmReport post

Clarrissa

Member since
June 2025

4 posts

Thank you for your sensible/practical advice .

Lots happened in the last four days , he's already seeking concilling, they've decided to part although he says he doesn't see his child as the same as online , he wants to do everything to make it easier for his wife and the family to move on whilst he works on himself . We just can't believe that's how he gets (got) his kicks

He's such a gentle thoughtful loving lad who works hard to provide for his family , we just feel numb

Posted Sat June 7, 2025 8:41amReport post

LittleRobin3

Member since
April 2024

846 posts

Clarissa,

Thinking of you. X

Posted Wed June 11, 2025 5:53pmReport post

rainyday52

Member since
April 2023

552 posts

Hi again - your son sounds just like ours and also many many other men mentioned on here. People throw around the P word (I probably did) but that only applies in some cases, and your son separating his own children from his behaviour is absolutely typical and generally true in my opinion, that the men wouldn't dream of hurting their own children. Unfortunately Children's Services have to treat them as if they might, as they go on 'risk', so just indulging in this kind of behaviour, even online only, puts the men into the risk category in the eyes of the professionals who become involved. This might change once the police finish investigating but it's not guaranteed and also depends on the social work team involved which reading this forum shows how different their decisions can be. My best advice is to take each hurdle as it comes, ask on here if you need advice about anything and use us to offload. I hope you have support for yourself through this as our gut instinct is to keep it secret but havinga person or two who love you and your son and don't condone but want to support is invaluable for your mental health. It's great that your son is open to getting help which is a mitigating factor in his favour already. Hang onto these small rays of hope as there will be plenty to drag you down as this nightmare unfolds (often our own thoughts and fears) but it will pass and one day life will find a new normal for you all xx

Posted Thu June 12, 2025 7:56am
Edited Thu June 12, 2025 7:57amReport post

Clarrissa

Member since
June 2025

4 posts

Thank you both for reaching out and your words have brought me some comfort.

Trying not to look too far into future , I'm totally convinced that my sons behaviour was of an online fantasy world . His wife and him have decided to seperate/divorce for the sake of their child , so his wife can give her normality without restrictions. He still has her support and her parents support which is amazing . We've decided to tell a couple of close relatives a slimmed down version of his addiction ,so we can hopefully get their support working around his ss restrictions and he wants to do everything as right as possible, which is how he's always been to the outside world . The only thing that bothers me is how much information are the press allowed to print , as the family members that we're confiding in now may change their views if they ever found out the full extent of his addiction .

I know you haven't got all the answers but I just needed to put my thoughts out there today instead of the repeating ear worms I keep having .

Sorry if I've rambled

Posted Sat June 14, 2025 10:08amReport post

Quick exit