Family and Friends Forum

Hi everyone, I’m struggling with something right now, and I don’t know where to turn for advice. My boyfriend of two years has been accused of online child abuse. I still can’t fully wrap my head around it.

We don’t live together, so I didn’t know until the police came to my house when I was at work. They were asking about my 9-year-old daughter and whether she was okay. I was horrified. They were there to check if she was safe, and I assured them she was. My daughter and him had only been alone together for a couple of hours on two occasions during these two years, and I thought everything was fine.

He knocked on the door to speak to a woman who turned out to be an undercover cop, pretending to be a mom. After everything came out, he didn’t try to explain much. He said whatever he said would sound like lies, and that he never thought it was real, but he had been talking to this woman about... well, disgusting things.

I’ve stopped seeing him, of course, but I’m left feeling shattered. I thought he would be part of my family. It was just me and my daughter, alone in a new country, and he was so kind, loving, and understanding. Or at least, I thought he was. He seemed like someone who would be there for us.

I’m devastated, and I honestly don’t even know how to process all of this. I can’t talk to my family or friends because I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I still find myself thinking about him, wondering how he could’ve been capable of this. And I worry about him—what’s going to happen to him now.

But I know I can’t have him in my life again. My daughter comes first, and this is something I can’t ignore. I just don’t know what to do with all the feelings I’m having.

Has anyone here gone through something like this? How did you cope with the shock and the emotional rollercoaster? And does anyone know what might happen next? What will happen to him now, legally or otherwise? I really just need some advice right now.

Thank you so much for your message — it really helped me feel less alone in this. I just wanted to clarify a few things: he didn’t actually go to meet anyone in person, according to the police. They told me it was just an online chat, and he said he didn’t think it was real, then ended the conversation quickly when it got serious. I didn’t live with him, and when the police came, they asked if they could inform social services — I agreed.

I’ve since had a phone call with social services where I explained I haven’t seen him since and have no intention of doing so. Just today I received a letter from them confirming that there’s no need for any further action as long as the relationship doesn’t restart. I feel extremely lucky that no harm ever came to my daughter, and I’m grateful things didn’t go further.

That said, I’m still trying to process it all. He was the most loving person I’d ever known, and now I keep wondering — did he really love me, or was it all just to get close to my daughter? It’s such a painful and confusing thought. But I know I need to keep moving forward for her sake, and for mine.

Thank you again for your words. They meant more than you know. ??