Unsupervised contact
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Three years ago, my husband admitted a sexual attraction to underage teens (no actual crime committed, police not interested, no court orders etc) and social services put a plan in place that he was to have no unsupervised contact with our child. Our marriage ended and we have since divorced. Social services not involved since.
He has now engaged with a therapist and stop it now, and we thought the time was right to consider that he might be able to see our child unsupervised. (We had previously discussed this with social services).
We drew up a safety plan, felt reasonably confident and contacted social services. They got in touch today to say they need to do an assessment and all of a sudden I feel extremely wobbly and questioning everything.
I'm not entirely sure I want social services in our lives again. I'm not even sure I'm doing the right thing any more.
Not sure why I'm posting. Looking for solidarity or a hand hold, maybe? Three years on and it never gets easier, does it?
He has now engaged with a therapist and stop it now, and we thought the time was right to consider that he might be able to see our child unsupervised. (We had previously discussed this with social services).
We drew up a safety plan, felt reasonably confident and contacted social services. They got in touch today to say they need to do an assessment and all of a sudden I feel extremely wobbly and questioning everything.
I'm not entirely sure I want social services in our lives again. I'm not even sure I'm doing the right thing any more.
Not sure why I'm posting. Looking for solidarity or a hand hold, maybe? Three years on and it never gets easier, does it?
I don't know what the answer is re unsupervised contact, but credit to your ex if he voluntarily admitted to his issues and hasn't offended in any way.
Hi,
it's normal for this to trigger a new assessment with ss as the previous one will no longer be valid due to the time that has passed. What happens during the assessment process really varies family to family. For myself I had one visit from a sw during which I went through everything we had done since the previous assessment, our safety plan including the work I've done and will continue to do with our daughter and who makes up our support network etc.
I think for many of us here the stigma of having ss involvement combined with the scrutiny we feel under is one of the biggest challenges in this journey.
What does your plan for unsupervised look like? I've chosen to do it very gradually ensuring that it can be fully led by our daughter and what she feels comfortable with. For example if I need to be somewhere that she can't come with me then I arrange alternative childcare rather than relying on dad having her. She actually asked recently to stay with dad while I took the dog for a walk which felt like a huge step forward but also not so long that I felt uncomfortable doing it. We started the gradual unsupervised with me being able to move around the house freely instead of having to be accompanied by either my daughter or my partner.
Is unsupervised something you are fully comfortable with? They will want to see that you haven't been coerced into agreeing to it and it's something you believe will enhance your child's life xxx
it's normal for this to trigger a new assessment with ss as the previous one will no longer be valid due to the time that has passed. What happens during the assessment process really varies family to family. For myself I had one visit from a sw during which I went through everything we had done since the previous assessment, our safety plan including the work I've done and will continue to do with our daughter and who makes up our support network etc.
I think for many of us here the stigma of having ss involvement combined with the scrutiny we feel under is one of the biggest challenges in this journey.
What does your plan for unsupervised look like? I've chosen to do it very gradually ensuring that it can be fully led by our daughter and what she feels comfortable with. For example if I need to be somewhere that she can't come with me then I arrange alternative childcare rather than relying on dad having her. She actually asked recently to stay with dad while I took the dog for a walk which felt like a huge step forward but also not so long that I felt uncomfortable doing it. We started the gradual unsupervised with me being able to move around the house freely instead of having to be accompanied by either my daughter or my partner.
Is unsupervised something you are fully comfortable with? They will want to see that you haven't been coerced into agreeing to it and it's something you believe will enhance your child's life xxx
Thanks for replying
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it feels intrusive. I think that's what niggling away at me.
Thanks for sharing your experiences with the unsupervised contact. I think that's an excellent idea to go at the child's pace (and one I will be borrowing).
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it feels intrusive. I think that's what niggling away at me.
Thanks for sharing your experiences with the unsupervised contact. I think that's an excellent idea to go at the child's pace (and one I will be borrowing).