My Best Friend
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I got the news on a work day that my friend was arrested. We didn't know for what. Where we live, crimes and allegations are posted publicly. I saw my best friend's mugshot plastered on local police's social media site... possession and distribution of CP. 14 counts.
I had a panic attack and I've not been doing well since. I was hoping it was an accident. This man is a big part of our family. He is on our emergency contact list. He has been there for us. My son loves him to the moon and back. The post the police made was full of comments calling for him to be killed. People are messaging us and sending it as if we don't know. Or they're trying to get more information. Either way it's not out of concern and it's devastating.
I waited for him after getting his card for bail. I wanted answers. He's battled depression and anxiety for years, but he was doing better I thought. He was going to start school.
He has never hurt my son. He said he's not interested in children in "real life", but rather the rush of pulling up disturbing videos and images. Some not CP but some are. He has a pornography addiction and sought out more and more, eventually trying to find the worst. I asked him to be honest because at this point it's all he can do to get help.
He lost his job and has to move from his home in 7 days. I'm helping him call his lawyer and find resources as he doesn't have a phone. I feel like I'm mourning the death of my best friend. Whenever I struggled with my mental illness or anything really, he was the person I sought for help. What do I do when he is the one causing so much pain and anger? How do you just turn off the love for someone? I don't think I can, and I feel like I am being judged for it. I keep thinking of those poor children out there suffering, if they're even still alive.
My friend himself was subjected to things as a child. He was too ashamed and scared to seek help. He considered killing himself. Everyone I know is telling me to just cut him off and leave him to figure this out himself. At this point I'm thinking of talking a break from my job because it involves the safety of living beings and I don't know if I can mentally be present and functional.
I wake up every morning and realize it's actually happening and cry and mourn and get angry.
I had a panic attack and I've not been doing well since. I was hoping it was an accident. This man is a big part of our family. He is on our emergency contact list. He has been there for us. My son loves him to the moon and back. The post the police made was full of comments calling for him to be killed. People are messaging us and sending it as if we don't know. Or they're trying to get more information. Either way it's not out of concern and it's devastating.
I waited for him after getting his card for bail. I wanted answers. He's battled depression and anxiety for years, but he was doing better I thought. He was going to start school.
He has never hurt my son. He said he's not interested in children in "real life", but rather the rush of pulling up disturbing videos and images. Some not CP but some are. He has a pornography addiction and sought out more and more, eventually trying to find the worst. I asked him to be honest because at this point it's all he can do to get help.
He lost his job and has to move from his home in 7 days. I'm helping him call his lawyer and find resources as he doesn't have a phone. I feel like I'm mourning the death of my best friend. Whenever I struggled with my mental illness or anything really, he was the person I sought for help. What do I do when he is the one causing so much pain and anger? How do you just turn off the love for someone? I don't think I can, and I feel like I am being judged for it. I keep thinking of those poor children out there suffering, if they're even still alive.
My friend himself was subjected to things as a child. He was too ashamed and scared to seek help. He considered killing himself. Everyone I know is telling me to just cut him off and leave him to figure this out himself. At this point I'm thinking of talking a break from my job because it involves the safety of living beings and I don't know if I can mentally be present and functional.
I wake up every morning and realize it's actually happening and cry and mourn and get angry.
Hi Meers, I'm sorry you've found yourself here and think that most of us can relate to the way you feel.
There is no easy way to get through this but taking one day at a time does help. If you haven't already done so, you might want to consider making contact with the help line and also your GP. If your friend is open to the idea, you may want to encourage them to start some therapy to help them understand why they did what they did and how they could make better choices in the future.
You don't need to make any decisions until you're ready but try to make the decision that you want and not the one that others are wanting you to make. Supporting your friend doesn't mean you condone their behaviour, yes they've done a bad thing but that doesn't define who they are.
Look after yourself and keep reaching out on here for support.
There is no easy way to get through this but taking one day at a time does help. If you haven't already done so, you might want to consider making contact with the help line and also your GP. If your friend is open to the idea, you may want to encourage them to start some therapy to help them understand why they did what they did and how they could make better choices in the future.
You don't need to make any decisions until you're ready but try to make the decision that you want and not the one that others are wanting you to make. Supporting your friend doesn't mean you condone their behaviour, yes they've done a bad thing but that doesn't define who they are.
Look after yourself and keep reaching out on here for support.
I am so sorry to hear this . I feel like I was reading my story . When you are so low, No one has the right to put this pressure on you , no one walks in our shoes . What ever decision we make won't agree with people and will cause upset .
unfortunately after telling a few of my close inner circle of friends my best friend gave me an ultimatum last week.
My BF is a police officer and is one of the unlucky ones who has to sit and view the IIOC and videos and grade them . For her there is no grey it's very black and white . As a result of her job She now has PTSD is suicidal and self harming and she told me that by allowing access this has escalated her mental health and allowing access between my 5 year old and his dad that she will step back from our friendship and not allow my son to see her 10 year old daughter.
we've been friends for 35 years since age 13 . Not only did I loose my mum 4 days before husband was arrested I've now lost my husband I've had to sell my car as I can't afford it and my husband has our dog , this is one more thing I am loosing over no fault of my own .
im scared and frightened and so angry . My son has been questioned by SS and they are happy as am I that my son is not at risk and has never been abused , my ex husband views images older teenage girls
My friend is worried that I will become complacent in the visits (we've seen dad 4 times since March) and then my husband will abuse our son. Firstly when you live with this you will never be one complacent, it's on my mind 24/7 and we have a safety plan in place with SS, if I jeprodise this , then this affects my supervised parenting with my son which will never happen . I'm angry that she is tarnishing my son with the same brush as his dad .
I've spoken to the helpline about this and I'm also currently on the inform program which is amazing and I have been told not to make a rash decision or a decision out of fear . I have also been told that stopping access will do more harm than good in the long term.
My husband has said that he will never see our son again if I want to choose my bestie.
I understand you and it's such a horrible position to be in . I am happy to message privately if you need to chat more xxx
unfortunately after telling a few of my close inner circle of friends my best friend gave me an ultimatum last week.
My BF is a police officer and is one of the unlucky ones who has to sit and view the IIOC and videos and grade them . For her there is no grey it's very black and white . As a result of her job She now has PTSD is suicidal and self harming and she told me that by allowing access this has escalated her mental health and allowing access between my 5 year old and his dad that she will step back from our friendship and not allow my son to see her 10 year old daughter.
we've been friends for 35 years since age 13 . Not only did I loose my mum 4 days before husband was arrested I've now lost my husband I've had to sell my car as I can't afford it and my husband has our dog , this is one more thing I am loosing over no fault of my own .
im scared and frightened and so angry . My son has been questioned by SS and they are happy as am I that my son is not at risk and has never been abused , my ex husband views images older teenage girls
My friend is worried that I will become complacent in the visits (we've seen dad 4 times since March) and then my husband will abuse our son. Firstly when you live with this you will never be one complacent, it's on my mind 24/7 and we have a safety plan in place with SS, if I jeprodise this , then this affects my supervised parenting with my son which will never happen . I'm angry that she is tarnishing my son with the same brush as his dad .
I've spoken to the helpline about this and I'm also currently on the inform program which is amazing and I have been told not to make a rash decision or a decision out of fear . I have also been told that stopping access will do more harm than good in the long term.
My husband has said that he will never see our son again if I want to choose my bestie.
I understand you and it's such a horrible position to be in . I am happy to message privately if you need to chat more xxx