What if its not just a one off
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Last year my 17 yr old was arrested and charged with possessing indecent images. It was and still is the worst time of our lives. We are a loving supportive family. My son has never experienced anything re Italy traumatic in his life, is fortunate enough to have never known struggles and has had every opportunity at his feet. However, he has struggled socially. Hes on the pathway now for autism bit school life was difficult. He has no friends, was very isolated and introverted and struggled with understanding social cues, rules and general fitting in with people. Hes never had a girlfriend ir any if the usual teenage experiences and has always just bern comfortable around family with people who get him. Unfortunately, he was charged and given a suspended sentence, a sexual harm prevention order and 2 years probation. As I have other children he has been taken from our home the day he was arrested and not allowed back understandably. I can not put into words the stress, trauma and consistent stress we, but particularly me, have been through. We had finally just started getting back to a new normal but tonight I've found out hes been arrested again. I have no idea what for as now hes 18 I have no right to know...now im left sat here wondering what if everything you try is not enough? What if this is us going back to square one. I love my son beyond words, I can not bare the thought of what might be and how the hell do we face the worst if thats what it is. I feel like I've failed him, I feel like I should have pushed him more to be sociable and build relationships, I feel guilty for all the things he cant be a part of. I feel so deeply sad and broken. I dont know what im looking for, I just just feel like nobody I know has the slightest clue how helpless and lonely this journey is and it feels like its relentless and there is no escape. I am grieving for the family life we had and all the future memories we will never get to make. If you got this far thank you for reading
Hi, read and didn't want to say nothing. I get where you are coming from when you say no one understands how it feels to be going through this. I can't imagine what it's like the 2nd time. All I can offer is to use this forum for support because it's helped me. Or do you have a close friend you can confide in.
My son sounds similar with struggling in social situations and not able to read situations. Plus no friends. We are actually considering looking at autism but just don't want him labelled. Our knock was last july but relates to him being 15. We are currently waiting for devices checking.
Sending hugs xx
My son sounds similar with struggling in social situations and not able to read situations. Plus no friends. We are actually considering looking at autism but just don't want him labelled. Our knock was last july but relates to him being 15. We are currently waiting for devices checking.
Sending hugs xx
Hi all ! Oh gosh , I can so relate to all your feelings of utter devastation, both for what's happened and what the future looks like . Please do not be afraid of an Autism 'label' . I was for years and my son was diagnosed aged 19, at 23 he was stung by vigilantes, he is now 26 and have started the court proceedings. It has been over 3 years of hell but the Autism diagnosis was possibly one of the best moves for him.
i am devastated, he has no friends at all and just can't build upon those social relationships as a result, isolated and socially naive , he is kind and gentle, trusting and naive. . Please DM me if you like but remember , you are not alone.
following on from a thread by Cedar (I think) I am trying hard to find a news outlet/ investigative journalist who will take the stories of our young people on board and expose the unfair and dehumanising way in which our whole police and criminal justice system works
i am devastated, he has no friends at all and just can't build upon those social relationships as a result, isolated and socially naive , he is kind and gentle, trusting and naive. . Please DM me if you like but remember , you are not alone.
following on from a thread by Cedar (I think) I am trying hard to find a news outlet/ investigative journalist who will take the stories of our young people on board and expose the unfair and dehumanising way in which our whole police and criminal justice system works
Echoing the posts above.. one thing l have learn't with all this is that an autism assessment is essential.. autism doesn't define a person but diagnosis will help to get support.. and although l don't agree with my son's actions l do feel that somewhere along the road the education system has failed him, and that warning flags could have been raised sooner.. we may never have got to where we are today.. not sure.. l genuinely think there is a story out there about how teenagers and vulnerable adults ending up making the wrong choice.. with serious implications..
Hi Dad in Limbo, yes, I believe my Son has been failed too by the Schools he attended and the Paediatrician he was under the care of until he was 16. Tbh, my gripe is not only about how they came to make wrong 'choices' (if there was indeed a choice ) but also about how their vulnerabilities have made them easy targets.
My Son has been assessed by two independent Consultants (Forensic Psychiatrist and Psychologist) and both say he has very little culpability and is Zero risk and that his Autism has played a significant part in his actions. (this is just a snapshot)
How is it right therefore that his life should be disadvantaged even more than it already is by a criminal justice system that is so inflexible and black and white .
Sorry, I'm just heartbroken like we all are
My Son has been assessed by two independent Consultants (Forensic Psychiatrist and Psychologist) and both say he has very little culpability and is Zero risk and that his Autism has played a significant part in his actions. (this is just a snapshot)
How is it right therefore that his life should be disadvantaged even more than it already is by a criminal justice system that is so inflexible and black and white .
Sorry, I'm just heartbroken like we all are
I agree with Winnie that an autism assessment and diagnosis is not something to be feared, it can help bring clarity to why the person behaves and sees the world in certain ways, both for themselves and those around them.
I was diagnosed earlier this year at the age of 40 having spent the whole of my life always feeling that I didn’t quite fit in. Unfortunately my symptoms were fairly subtle so were never picked up by my parents or school, and I dont blame either for not spotting it. I was just one of the generally shy, awkward kids. Of course now knowing what I do it all seems completely obvious but not so to people during the 90s. When I discussed it with my assessor she said that even if I had been assessed as a child/teen I probably wouldnt have met the diagnostic critera at the time.
I had suspected that I was autistic for at least the last 15 years, kept ignoring it, but kept coming back to the subject and deep diving it every two to three years (I mean if that’s not an obvious sign I don’t know what is). It was actually the knock which forced my hand into getting the assessment done, and that apparently is fairly typical, people often only seek assessment after some major life changing event.
Getting the diagnosis hasn’t really changed anything per say, had I known sooner would things in my life have been different, who knows? I will say though that this is my experience only, others have found that diagnosis has created more problems for them.
I was diagnosed earlier this year at the age of 40 having spent the whole of my life always feeling that I didn’t quite fit in. Unfortunately my symptoms were fairly subtle so were never picked up by my parents or school, and I dont blame either for not spotting it. I was just one of the generally shy, awkward kids. Of course now knowing what I do it all seems completely obvious but not so to people during the 90s. When I discussed it with my assessor she said that even if I had been assessed as a child/teen I probably wouldnt have met the diagnostic critera at the time.
I had suspected that I was autistic for at least the last 15 years, kept ignoring it, but kept coming back to the subject and deep diving it every two to three years (I mean if that’s not an obvious sign I don’t know what is). It was actually the knock which forced my hand into getting the assessment done, and that apparently is fairly typical, people often only seek assessment after some major life changing event.
Getting the diagnosis hasn’t really changed anything per say, had I known sooner would things in my life have been different, who knows? I will say though that this is my experience only, others have found that diagnosis has created more problems for them.
26a20 - yes I agree, each one's experience is different. All I can say is that I am sure if my Son didn't already the autism diagnosis (diagnosed at 19yrs), he wouldn't have received the help and support post vigilante sting that he has. That's the irony in all this, that is ,any ways his life has improved since the sting but that is only because he got the help which was triggered by his diagnosis - and breaking the law !
Hello Heartsinpieces
It must have been such a terrible shock and worry for you to find out your son has been arrested again. I am posting to see how you are doing?
I hope you are receiving support for yourself and I am thinking of you.
It must have been such a terrible shock and worry for you to find out your son has been arrested again. I am posting to see how you are doing?
I hope you are receiving support for yourself and I am thinking of you.
Thank you all for your support. Sorry for the delay in replying, there has been a lot going on. My son is now on remand and is being sentenced tomorrow. In all honesty its actually been beneficial in some ways, hes getting so much more support now, the prison are already in the process of assessing him and my son is actually surviving which was my biggest concern. I am obviously extremely worried that the behaviour has been repeated but feel that has lead to more support so trying to hold onto hope.
Unfortunately today I am personally feeling some repercussions, a group of friends have decided they can no longer support me and have completely iced me out of their lives. This feels devastating that im losing people because of choices my son made and because I as a mother cant turn my back on him yet. I guess its easy for outsiders to hold a moral boundary when its not their child going through it and they can't possibly understand the situation you face as a parent. I was having quite a good week but today im just floored again. It feels like a constant 2 steps forward 10 steps back. Im so mentally drained from this. Ive booked a drs appointment to discuss ptsd because I really feel im suffering from some symptoms. Thank you for all your sharing, its nice to know im not alone on this rollercoaster x
Unfortunately today I am personally feeling some repercussions, a group of friends have decided they can no longer support me and have completely iced me out of their lives. This feels devastating that im losing people because of choices my son made and because I as a mother cant turn my back on him yet. I guess its easy for outsiders to hold a moral boundary when its not their child going through it and they can't possibly understand the situation you face as a parent. I was having quite a good week but today im just floored again. It feels like a constant 2 steps forward 10 steps back. Im so mentally drained from this. Ive booked a drs appointment to discuss ptsd because I really feel im suffering from some symptoms. Thank you for all your sharing, its nice to know im not alone on this rollercoaster x
Heartsinpieces , you are most definitely not alone . I totally understand the mental turmoil you are in. My head is a complete shed right now . I need people to talk my situation through with but don't know where to go or turn to . This forum is great but I need real people to chat to who understand. I feel hidden in plain sight trying to cope with this
Heartsinpieces,my heart is breaking reading your post. I have literally had exactly the same experience as you ,and have sent you a DM.Sending you hugs and prayers xxx