I really want my family back together
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Hi everyone
So basically I'm almost (I hope) at the end of the long road of this nightmare.
1.5 years ago I got the Knick at my family home . Husband was viewing and storing IIOC.
I left him immediately with the children , we have been separated since . Social services stopped all contact with the children and him.
He has been sentenced 6 months ago, he got probation community service and on register for 3 years I believe .
Cintact is on the cards soon I believe as it is just a waiting game he needs to do assessments etc and they want me to do protective parent assessment as well .
My problem now is I miss him , I live this man and this past 1.5 years I've hated him because of what he has done.
it's only recently I have had feelings of missing him and longing for our family to come back together some day .
Im scared I don't know what to do, he has no idea I'm feeling this way . We haven't seen each other in this whole time .
im scared about what social services would make of it . What happens etc . I'm just worried .
He case wasn't in the paper but speculation in my small village has came from somewhere . As my family member was asked a few questions about him . I of course lied and said no don't be ridiculous that's not true . As there's no facts it's just speculation and I imagine it hasn't been talked about since .
any one in similar situation give me some advice ?
thank you
So basically I'm almost (I hope) at the end of the long road of this nightmare.
1.5 years ago I got the Knick at my family home . Husband was viewing and storing IIOC.
I left him immediately with the children , we have been separated since . Social services stopped all contact with the children and him.
He has been sentenced 6 months ago, he got probation community service and on register for 3 years I believe .
Cintact is on the cards soon I believe as it is just a waiting game he needs to do assessments etc and they want me to do protective parent assessment as well .
My problem now is I miss him , I live this man and this past 1.5 years I've hated him because of what he has done.
it's only recently I have had feelings of missing him and longing for our family to come back together some day .
Im scared I don't know what to do, he has no idea I'm feeling this way . We haven't seen each other in this whole time .
im scared about what social services would make of it . What happens etc . I'm just worried .
He case wasn't in the paper but speculation in my small village has came from somewhere . As my family member was asked a few questions about him . I of course lied and said no don't be ridiculous that's not true . As there's no facts it's just speculation and I imagine it hasn't been talked about since .
any one in similar situation give me some advice ?
thank you
First off, I'm really surpised SS haven't allowed any contact at all. I'm in the same boat as you, except I've been in it slightly longer and things are moving slower (its with CPS currently), but my ex was allowed supervised contact within a month on the basis of a safety plan we all agreed to. Do you know why SS wouldn't permit contact at all initially?
I think the first step is to find out everything you can about his conviction, the evidence etc, as that might help you think through things. I don't know how you could about finding information once its gone through court (can you get a court transcript?). I'm not at that stage yet, but I've made sure I have disclosure with the OIC and his solicitor.
I think the first step is to find out everything you can about his conviction, the evidence etc, as that might help you think through things. I don't know how you could about finding information once its gone through court (can you get a court transcript?). I'm not at that stage yet, but I've made sure I have disclosure with the OIC and his solicitor.
It depends on each areas Social Services and basically is variable based on the SS worker you get, it's not that unusual to be no contact, we're no contact for the last year and I've heard lots of people in the same boat. I'm afraid it seems to be luck of the draw on the area you live in and the SW you get. I can't answer about feelings as I'm not in the same boat but would urge you to think very carefully about what your willing to accept as a relationship in the future, often these men don't come back to the family home and if they do it is by lots and lots of painstaking meetings and processes that often re focused on you and scrutinising your parenting and they still have to be heavily supervised, some posts on here have mentioned having to install cameras and alarms in the home, from what I've heard SS often will not allow you to supervise if you're in a relationship as they feel it's a greater risk for you not being a protective parent and once you open that door as tell SS you want a relationship they are likely to always be skeptical whether the relationship continues or not. Just consider the impact on your life and whether that's something you want.
I'd say, take it slow and start with gradual supervised contact once allowed first so SS don't think you're putting your needs above your children. If you still feel this way mutually in time then work openly with SS. Me and my OH chose to stay together and have our first baby 4.5 years after his arrest, 3.5 years after sentencing. It's been challenging but we've had positive external risk assessments and have been able to live together with me and other family members supervising. It's looking like our case will be closed soon and we've been able to be a family, so it's possible but will be different to other family dynamics xx
Hi it's nice to hear that it can be possible if you don't mind me asking you how was it when you feel pregnant in terms of the brith plan could he be there with you when you give birth .
My husband and I have stayed together since his arrest over 1.5 years ago. He can't live at home with me and the children but over the first 4 months we slowly adapted our safety plan with SS to be as good as it'll get. I can supervise at home. We had a brilliant SW who was really supportive and I was open and honest. One this I will say is that supervising ALL the time on my own can get really intense and I can feel like a prisoner in my own home sometimes without freedom to move around as I want to...so my advice is take it slowly and build up trust with your support network and your partner.
Hi,
So my story was long and hard. Our daughter was on child protection when pregant with her, then PLO and then taken at birth in December 2023.
I wanted to be a family. They saw him as a risk and me as not protective due to past issues in relationship, his offending and my past. I made mistakes. And i often question if I did the right thing. I missed out on all my daughters firsts.
We spent 18 months fighting. Doing courses, therapy. We saw our daughter twice a week supervised for an hour and half.
We lived separately during this time and I did not allow him in my home. I made it clear my home would be our daughters safe space and that I was putting boundaries in place and trying to show I would put her above him.
After 18 months of fighting she came home in July 2024. We had a year saftey plan for him to move back home.
I never pushed for unsupervised but 1 week into having my duaghter home I broke my foot. The social worker suggested that he could take her to the park for a short time. Yes I was surprised! We had gone from he was a risk and wasn't allowed unsupervised contact to unsupervised in a matter of weeks.
He stayed out of the home for the first few months having a couple of hours 2 times a week and then 4 hours a day 2 times a week and slowly upping it and allowing home contact.
Now he stays 2 nights a week spends unlimited time with us when he's off is allowed unsupervised contact as long as he just doesn't do nappy changes once she's old enough to use the toilet he could have her for full days on his own.
Our social workers manager seems to class personal care as only the wiping part! Which I don't fully understand.
We also originally had to book 2 rooms if we wanted to go away as a family. 2 months ago we were told we don't have to. We can share a room as long as our daughter sleeps on a bed thats on my side of the room. This weekend we finally went away together for the first time and stayed in a hotel as a family.
If someone had said we would make it to this point 3 years ago I would have said no way.
Due to past relationship issues we are waiting till we get a 2 bed before he moves back in this was also on our saftey plan. But that shouldn't be too much longer.
They are also discharging the care order in the next month or so.
It is possible.
So my story was long and hard. Our daughter was on child protection when pregant with her, then PLO and then taken at birth in December 2023.
I wanted to be a family. They saw him as a risk and me as not protective due to past issues in relationship, his offending and my past. I made mistakes. And i often question if I did the right thing. I missed out on all my daughters firsts.
We spent 18 months fighting. Doing courses, therapy. We saw our daughter twice a week supervised for an hour and half.
We lived separately during this time and I did not allow him in my home. I made it clear my home would be our daughters safe space and that I was putting boundaries in place and trying to show I would put her above him.
After 18 months of fighting she came home in July 2024. We had a year saftey plan for him to move back home.
I never pushed for unsupervised but 1 week into having my duaghter home I broke my foot. The social worker suggested that he could take her to the park for a short time. Yes I was surprised! We had gone from he was a risk and wasn't allowed unsupervised contact to unsupervised in a matter of weeks.
He stayed out of the home for the first few months having a couple of hours 2 times a week and then 4 hours a day 2 times a week and slowly upping it and allowing home contact.
Now he stays 2 nights a week spends unlimited time with us when he's off is allowed unsupervised contact as long as he just doesn't do nappy changes once she's old enough to use the toilet he could have her for full days on his own.
Our social workers manager seems to class personal care as only the wiping part! Which I don't fully understand.
We also originally had to book 2 rooms if we wanted to go away as a family. 2 months ago we were told we don't have to. We can share a room as long as our daughter sleeps on a bed thats on my side of the room. This weekend we finally went away together for the first time and stayed in a hotel as a family.
If someone had said we would make it to this point 3 years ago I would have said no way.
Due to past relationship issues we are waiting till we get a 2 bed before he moves back in this was also on our saftey plan. But that shouldn't be too much longer.
They are also discharging the care order in the next month or so.
It is possible.