I really want my family back together
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Hi everyone
So basically I'm almost (I hope) at the end of the long road of this nightmare.
1.5 years ago I got the Knick at my family home . Husband was viewing and storing IIOC.
I left him immediately with the children , we have been separated since . Social services stopped all contact with the children and him.
He has been sentenced 6 months ago, he got probation community service and on register for 3 years I believe .
Cintact is on the cards soon I believe as it is just a waiting game he needs to do assessments etc and they want me to do protective parent assessment as well .
My problem now is I miss him , I live this man and this past 1.5 years I've hated him because of what he has done.
it's only recently I have had feelings of missing him and longing for our family to come back together some day .
Im scared I don't know what to do, he has no idea I'm feeling this way . We haven't seen each other in this whole time .
im scared about what social services would make of it . What happens etc . I'm just worried .
He case wasn't in the paper but speculation in my small village has came from somewhere . As my family member was asked a few questions about him . I of course lied and said no don't be ridiculous that's not true . As there's no facts it's just speculation and I imagine it hasn't been talked about since .
any one in similar situation give me some advice ?
thank you
So basically I'm almost (I hope) at the end of the long road of this nightmare.
1.5 years ago I got the Knick at my family home . Husband was viewing and storing IIOC.
I left him immediately with the children , we have been separated since . Social services stopped all contact with the children and him.
He has been sentenced 6 months ago, he got probation community service and on register for 3 years I believe .
Cintact is on the cards soon I believe as it is just a waiting game he needs to do assessments etc and they want me to do protective parent assessment as well .
My problem now is I miss him , I live this man and this past 1.5 years I've hated him because of what he has done.
it's only recently I have had feelings of missing him and longing for our family to come back together some day .
Im scared I don't know what to do, he has no idea I'm feeling this way . We haven't seen each other in this whole time .
im scared about what social services would make of it . What happens etc . I'm just worried .
He case wasn't in the paper but speculation in my small village has came from somewhere . As my family member was asked a few questions about him . I of course lied and said no don't be ridiculous that's not true . As there's no facts it's just speculation and I imagine it hasn't been talked about since .
any one in similar situation give me some advice ?
thank you
First off, I'm really surpised SS haven't allowed any contact at all. I'm in the same boat as you, except I've been in it slightly longer and things are moving slower (its with CPS currently), but my ex was allowed supervised contact within a month on the basis of a safety plan we all agreed to. Do you know why SS wouldn't permit contact at all initially?
I think the first step is to find out everything you can about his conviction, the evidence etc, as that might help you think through things. I don't know how you could about finding information once its gone through court (can you get a court transcript?). I'm not at that stage yet, but I've made sure I have disclosure with the OIC and his solicitor.
I think the first step is to find out everything you can about his conviction, the evidence etc, as that might help you think through things. I don't know how you could about finding information once its gone through court (can you get a court transcript?). I'm not at that stage yet, but I've made sure I have disclosure with the OIC and his solicitor.
It depends on each areas Social Services and basically is variable based on the SS worker you get, it's not that unusual to be no contact, we're no contact for the last year and I've heard lots of people in the same boat. I'm afraid it seems to be luck of the draw on the area you live in and the SW you get. I can't answer about feelings as I'm not in the same boat but would urge you to think very carefully about what your willing to accept as a relationship in the future, often these men don't come back to the family home and if they do it is by lots and lots of painstaking meetings and processes that often re focused on you and scrutinising your parenting and they still have to be heavily supervised, some posts on here have mentioned having to install cameras and alarms in the home, from what I've heard SS often will not allow you to supervise if you're in a relationship as they feel it's a greater risk for you not being a protective parent and once you open that door as tell SS you want a relationship they are likely to always be skeptical whether the relationship continues or not. Just consider the impact on your life and whether that's something you want.
I'd say, take it slow and start with gradual supervised contact once allowed first so SS don't think you're putting your needs above your children. If you still feel this way mutually in time then work openly with SS. Me and my OH chose to stay together and have our first baby 4.5 years after his arrest, 3.5 years after sentencing. It's been challenging but we've had positive external risk assessments and have been able to live together with me and other family members supervising. It's looking like our case will be closed soon and we've been able to be a family, so it's possible but will be different to other family dynamics xx
Hi it's nice to hear that it can be possible if you don't mind me asking you how was it when you feel pregnant in terms of the brith plan could he be there with you when you give birth .