I think I've finally made my decision
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I'm tired of being on this rollercoaster. Its chipping away at me and I'm starting to lose myself. Tomorrow it'll be 4 months and 1 week since that awful awful day of the police turning up at my door and him being arrested for downloading IIOC. It feels like much, much longer. I've felt all the feels, I've researched and gained an education in a subject I never wanted to learn about, I've done the Inform course, I've talked with my idiot husband, and I now know I can't get past this and our marriage is over.
I'm not living my life in fear that he may reoffend.
I'm not going to be on edge every day panicking that the knock at the door may be the police again.
I'm not going to support him financially and emotionally if/when he loses his job and he finds it hard to get another.
I'm not going to let the police make unannounced calls as part of the SOR.
I'm not going to continue to lie to my parents about why we're not in a good place.
I'm not going to continue living in hope that he'll eventually gain some emotional maturity and be able to open up to me.
I'm not going to think that after 6 years of no sex, that we'll be able to be intimate ever again. How could I even think of that, considering some of the content he viewed was of children as young as 6, and after the first time of seeing IIOC, he actively looked for it.
I'm not going to be suspicious every time he's online, wondering if his excessive porn habit has returned.
I'm not going to lose friends because of something hideous he's done.
I'm certainly not going to expose myself to any potential media coverage
I'm not going to lose myself.
I AM going to advocate for myself. I'm going to find some more strength from somewhere to get through this.
Thanks for reading. Sending you all love and strength. Xx
(Oh, and I'm going to gain some cupboard space back and a shed! - silver linings and all that!)
I'm not living my life in fear that he may reoffend.
I'm not going to be on edge every day panicking that the knock at the door may be the police again.
I'm not going to support him financially and emotionally if/when he loses his job and he finds it hard to get another.
I'm not going to let the police make unannounced calls as part of the SOR.
I'm not going to continue to lie to my parents about why we're not in a good place.
I'm not going to continue living in hope that he'll eventually gain some emotional maturity and be able to open up to me.
I'm not going to think that after 6 years of no sex, that we'll be able to be intimate ever again. How could I even think of that, considering some of the content he viewed was of children as young as 6, and after the first time of seeing IIOC, he actively looked for it.
I'm not going to be suspicious every time he's online, wondering if his excessive porn habit has returned.
I'm not going to lose friends because of something hideous he's done.
I'm certainly not going to expose myself to any potential media coverage
I'm not going to lose myself.
I AM going to advocate for myself. I'm going to find some more strength from somewhere to get through this.
Thanks for reading. Sending you all love and strength. Xx
(Oh, and I'm going to gain some cupboard space back and a shed! - silver linings and all that!)
Well done poppet, it's so good that you've really looked at it from all angles, you've educated yourself and you've thought about what makes sense for your life and decided the best path for you. I also left and have similar thoughts to you, I hope your future is bright, more carefree and filled with happiness and peace :)
Hey Poppet
I'm glad you have made your decision to take back control of your life - it's such a difficult one to make.
I've chosen the other path - I made that choice early on and I'm glad - we still have a long long way to go but we are stronger together.
He has been open and honest from day one (although there was more found at 2nd interview that even he wasn't aware of)
That said, I do reserve to right to change my mind at any time - but I'm not going to just desert him. 21 years is a long time and I won't give up without a fight.
I wish you all the very best xxx
I'm glad you have made your decision to take back control of your life - it's such a difficult one to make.
I've chosen the other path - I made that choice early on and I'm glad - we still have a long long way to go but we are stronger together.
He has been open and honest from day one (although there was more found at 2nd interview that even he wasn't aware of)
That said, I do reserve to right to change my mind at any time - but I'm not going to just desert him. 21 years is a long time and I won't give up without a fight.
I wish you all the very best xxx
Thanks LRF. The same to you. Are you still supporting your person as a friend and through the process? Xx
Lostinthewoods thankyou for your kind words and I have the greatest admiration for you for staying. It sounds like you have your head screwed on about the future. Xx
Lostinthewoods thankyou for your kind words and I have the greatest admiration for you for staying. It sounds like you have your head screwed on about the future. Xx
Well done you ???? the best decision for you
Thanks Inturmoil. Ive not yet told him, but I'm building up to it.
Poppet
I can't tell you how much I wish I'd walked away from my ex completely the first time he was arrested. The lack of intimacy in my situation turned out to be a huge red flag, one I'll never get over. It meant he was a true P, but allowed me to believe that the intimacy issue was to do with my weight. He let me believe that for 30 years. It wasn't my weight. It was because he simply wasn't attracted to an adult. I should have known he'd reoffend but I thought we meant so much more to him than that and that he would never put us all through that again. But he did. For what it's worth, I 100% think your decision Is the right one, for YOU.
Wishing you peace and happiness going forward. X
I can't tell you how much I wish I'd walked away from my ex completely the first time he was arrested. The lack of intimacy in my situation turned out to be a huge red flag, one I'll never get over. It meant he was a true P, but allowed me to believe that the intimacy issue was to do with my weight. He let me believe that for 30 years. It wasn't my weight. It was because he simply wasn't attracted to an adult. I should have known he'd reoffend but I thought we meant so much more to him than that and that he would never put us all through that again. But he did. For what it's worth, I 100% think your decision Is the right one, for YOU.
Wishing you peace and happiness going forward. X
Thanks LittleRobin. My heart breaks for you every time I read about your situation. I so hope you can eventually get some help to help you deal with what your ex has put you through. Even though my husband said there was no sexual gratification from the content he viewed, and he's no threat to any child, and even after the course and all the research, I can't help but wonder. You may remember that our intimacy disappeared entirely 6 years ago, and the lack of it had always been a problem. Accordinging to him my weight (size 14/16 back then) was the issue, as with your husband.. what utter, utter, bulls*^t
I've realised that its chipped away at me for years, and I've just let it happen. I've accommodated his lack of social skills and its affected who I was. I've made so many excuses for him over the years. He doesn't want us to seperate and wants us to have therapy. Of course he does, now he's about to lose everything. When I suggested it a while ago on several occasions, he just shut me down. So no, we're not having therapy. If and when I go for therapy, it'll be for me. I've about had enough of this limbo and waiting for the consequences of something so awful that is not my fault.
I've realised that its chipped away at me for years, and I've just let it happen. I've accommodated his lack of social skills and its affected who I was. I've made so many excuses for him over the years. He doesn't want us to seperate and wants us to have therapy. Of course he does, now he's about to lose everything. When I suggested it a while ago on several occasions, he just shut me down. So no, we're not having therapy. If and when I go for therapy, it'll be for me. I've about had enough of this limbo and waiting for the consequences of something so awful that is not my fault.
Poppet, I can see that you've put a lot of time and thought into this decision. And I truly hope that you can find some peace now. Best wishes on your new adventures going forward!
Thankyou Prairie. The time for thought is over, its now time for action. Its going to take a while to get through this to find peace and happiness again, but I'll get there. Xx
Poppet
sending love and strength. That is such a brave decision. Well done for doing what's best for you. All our choices in this scenario are hard and it takes a while to get over the shock, find out your options and what is actually likely to happen as well as get in the right headspace to make your choice. For me it felt like such a big decision after so much had already gone on I couldn't even get past what I wanted to do on a daily basis never mind think about my future.
It took me about 6months to finally have enough information and be emotionally and mentally strong enough to make my decision. The fact it was a weight off my shoulders and that I can't imagine the alternative just cements it for me that despite it being hard, and not what I would have ever wanted.....I have made the right choice. I can fully justify the decision o have made (as you have explained your reasoning) but we shouldn't have to! If our people hadn't made the bad decisions they have, we would t be in this situation having to plan an alternative future. I also have made peace with my decision because if I read out my situation in black and white on paper not knowing who it was about and was asked my opinion; my immediate response would be "leave". But it's very different when it's your own life. You've taken a big step and remember, do not let your person blame you, they put you in the decision making position, their actions triggered these consequences and in all honesty if they never expected you leaving as a possible outcome then I'd question their grasp on reality and understanding of the situation. If the boot was on the other foot and I'd done something this catastrophic id expect my partner to make the same decision. They have done something incredibly disturbing and stupid; equivalent to cheating, lying and betrayal as well as putting kids at risk of serious harm (knowing this would likely happen) they know my feelings and morals on these subjects are very strong and oppose this fiercely (why they likely hid it for so long even once caught) so why do they think I would accept it just because I know about it all in detail now?
Its just illogical. For me there are some things that love cannot overcome. I love my child more than anything, our safety and peace is worth more. I don't want to choose but I will pick my child over my partner any day. I had the conversation whilst I was pregnant....if it ever comes to a decision between me or the baby you pick the baby. However I am not willing to sacrifice both our lives and happiness for someone who doesn't value or appreciate them. I'm not willing to risk my child's safety or my happiness for someone who threw it away so carelessly and hasn't bent over backwards to attempt to fix/prevent make amends. The parity is just not there, I'm not picking up someone else's mess when they're not willing to pitch in or acknowledge that their selfishness has caused this. When they're not willing to put in the extra to get us back to even a shred of what it was before. It's not enough. We deserve better and I don't see them striving for better it's still all about them.
sending love and strength. That is such a brave decision. Well done for doing what's best for you. All our choices in this scenario are hard and it takes a while to get over the shock, find out your options and what is actually likely to happen as well as get in the right headspace to make your choice. For me it felt like such a big decision after so much had already gone on I couldn't even get past what I wanted to do on a daily basis never mind think about my future.
It took me about 6months to finally have enough information and be emotionally and mentally strong enough to make my decision. The fact it was a weight off my shoulders and that I can't imagine the alternative just cements it for me that despite it being hard, and not what I would have ever wanted.....I have made the right choice. I can fully justify the decision o have made (as you have explained your reasoning) but we shouldn't have to! If our people hadn't made the bad decisions they have, we would t be in this situation having to plan an alternative future. I also have made peace with my decision because if I read out my situation in black and white on paper not knowing who it was about and was asked my opinion; my immediate response would be "leave". But it's very different when it's your own life. You've taken a big step and remember, do not let your person blame you, they put you in the decision making position, their actions triggered these consequences and in all honesty if they never expected you leaving as a possible outcome then I'd question their grasp on reality and understanding of the situation. If the boot was on the other foot and I'd done something this catastrophic id expect my partner to make the same decision. They have done something incredibly disturbing and stupid; equivalent to cheating, lying and betrayal as well as putting kids at risk of serious harm (knowing this would likely happen) they know my feelings and morals on these subjects are very strong and oppose this fiercely (why they likely hid it for so long even once caught) so why do they think I would accept it just because I know about it all in detail now?
Its just illogical. For me there are some things that love cannot overcome. I love my child more than anything, our safety and peace is worth more. I don't want to choose but I will pick my child over my partner any day. I had the conversation whilst I was pregnant....if it ever comes to a decision between me or the baby you pick the baby. However I am not willing to sacrifice both our lives and happiness for someone who doesn't value or appreciate them. I'm not willing to risk my child's safety or my happiness for someone who threw it away so carelessly and hasn't bent over backwards to attempt to fix/prevent make amends. The parity is just not there, I'm not picking up someone else's mess when they're not willing to pitch in or acknowledge that their selfishness has caused this. When they're not willing to put in the extra to get us back to even a shred of what it was before. It's not enough. We deserve better and I don't see them striving for better it's still all about them.
Thankyou so much Grenade. You've put it so well. We have to go through each stage to get to our decision, because its a hard one. Some people can make it immediately, but many of us can't. I've been trying to explain this to my best friend, who's been such a support since the start of this. I think she can see more than I can how much this is starting to change me, and is starting to put the pressure on to take action. But even though I've made my choice, its still so hard to voice it, and I'm in the early stages of acceptance, so I'm not giving in to that pressure. Its not like ending a relationship of a couple of years. This is ending a marriage, ending what I thought was my future, changing my life and direction. Like you, I'm only starting to feel strong enough to do it.
I'm so glad to read that you now know you've made the right decision. I'm sure there will be days when I have doubts, but I'm sure this will be the right decision for me too. Not dreading him coming home will be a weight off my shoulders. And you are so right about if we heard this story about someone else, we'd be saying to leave, get out, go. But until you're in an awful situation like this, you don't know how you'll react.
My husband blames only himself for what he's done, but I don't think he can fully see how his blaming his lack of physical interest in me on my weight has affected me. I'm not even that big! I don't think he's yet fully aware how his porn habit has affected his whole life since he started viewing it as a teenager. He's due to start the Inform Plus course soon, but he only registered when I got angry that he still hadn't. I've done so much work to try and understand why people do what he's done. He may have done some work, but he doesn't tell me. Not that I'm shocked, his inability to open up prevents it. I don't want to do anymore work, research, reading. I'm no longer interested, and to me that speaks volumes. I hope that the course will help him understand himself more so that he becomes more self aware to be able to move on from this. But I won't be by his side through that. I've given enough. I've done enough work. I'm not sacrificing anymore for someone who didn't think that his selfish actions could have serious consequences for me.
I'm so glad to read that you now know you've made the right decision. I'm sure there will be days when I have doubts, but I'm sure this will be the right decision for me too. Not dreading him coming home will be a weight off my shoulders. And you are so right about if we heard this story about someone else, we'd be saying to leave, get out, go. But until you're in an awful situation like this, you don't know how you'll react.
My husband blames only himself for what he's done, but I don't think he can fully see how his blaming his lack of physical interest in me on my weight has affected me. I'm not even that big! I don't think he's yet fully aware how his porn habit has affected his whole life since he started viewing it as a teenager. He's due to start the Inform Plus course soon, but he only registered when I got angry that he still hadn't. I've done so much work to try and understand why people do what he's done. He may have done some work, but he doesn't tell me. Not that I'm shocked, his inability to open up prevents it. I don't want to do anymore work, research, reading. I'm no longer interested, and to me that speaks volumes. I hope that the course will help him understand himself more so that he becomes more self aware to be able to move on from this. But I won't be by his side through that. I've given enough. I've done enough work. I'm not sacrificing anymore for someone who didn't think that his selfish actions could have serious consequences for me.
Hi Poppet,
I've been on this forum since November 2023 and I posted and commented early in my situation, but I haven't for a while, although I still read posts from time to time. I fully respect everyone's personal choices and that every situation is different but, for me, having decided to leave my now-ex husband, I've found it difficult to comment when most people are supporting their person.
I wanted to say well done for having the strength to make the right decision for YOU. It doesn't matter what anyone else does or doesn't do, it has to be an individual choice.
My ex was arrested in October 2023 after I found images on our PC and contacted our surgery for help. He initially swore to me that it had only been going on for a couple of months. Then after his arrest he confessed it had been all his adult life and to taking photos of a young family member some 15 years ago. He then swore to me, again, that he'd told me everything and that he'd never had any in-person contact with anyone else. But I felt there was more to it. I searched our house and business premises and found SO much more evidence.
Until this point I was in two minds about supporting him, but there was no going back.
I found printed IIOC, there were DVDs with IIOC dating back to 2008/2009, and I found pages he'd written in explicit detail about him exposing himself to young children at our local leisure centre and how "heaven would be like this only touching would be allowed". I handed everything to the police and the court issued him with an interim SRO in March 2024 (which he tried and failed to contest) and it has since been extended until he's sentenced.
I also found photos and videos he'd taken of himself, naked, and doing various sexual acts at our home, our business, and in public places, and this all goes back as far as when we were first together over 20 years ago. Obviously, none of that's illegal - unless he shared anything with a child; I don't know if he did - but it shows his obsession with sexual imagery, exposing himself, and his disrespect for me from day one.
I was diagnosed with PTSD because of everything I'd seen and read. I've had intensive treatment, which has helped with the flashbacks, but I'll never forget the look in the eyes of the children being abused in the photos I saw.
The police are still going through all of our/his devices - they've got 27 separate devices containing IIOC, plus printed images - and there are over 300,000 images and videos to go through (not necessarily all IIOC) and, whilst they'd normally get to so many thousand and stop counting, because of what he told me about with the family member, they've got to search through everything, so it's taking a very long time.
I've also recently learned that someone reported him back in July 2019 for something that happened between him and a child in the jacuzzi at the leisure centre. So the police are looking into that too.
It goes on and on. IMO this level of addiction can never go away, even if it's controlled in the short term, so I hope he gets the punishment he deserves and justice is done when his case eventually goes to court.
I've lost everything, my home, my business, my future hopes and plans, the person I thought was my sole mate, and I have no idea what my future holds, but I'm hanging in there, thanks to the support of my family and friends, and I'm determined to get through it.
Poppet, I wish you all the strength and courage to find your way through your situation and if you ever need to chat, please feel free to message me.
I've been on this forum since November 2023 and I posted and commented early in my situation, but I haven't for a while, although I still read posts from time to time. I fully respect everyone's personal choices and that every situation is different but, for me, having decided to leave my now-ex husband, I've found it difficult to comment when most people are supporting their person.
I wanted to say well done for having the strength to make the right decision for YOU. It doesn't matter what anyone else does or doesn't do, it has to be an individual choice.
My ex was arrested in October 2023 after I found images on our PC and contacted our surgery for help. He initially swore to me that it had only been going on for a couple of months. Then after his arrest he confessed it had been all his adult life and to taking photos of a young family member some 15 years ago. He then swore to me, again, that he'd told me everything and that he'd never had any in-person contact with anyone else. But I felt there was more to it. I searched our house and business premises and found SO much more evidence.
Until this point I was in two minds about supporting him, but there was no going back.
I found printed IIOC, there were DVDs with IIOC dating back to 2008/2009, and I found pages he'd written in explicit detail about him exposing himself to young children at our local leisure centre and how "heaven would be like this only touching would be allowed". I handed everything to the police and the court issued him with an interim SRO in March 2024 (which he tried and failed to contest) and it has since been extended until he's sentenced.
I also found photos and videos he'd taken of himself, naked, and doing various sexual acts at our home, our business, and in public places, and this all goes back as far as when we were first together over 20 years ago. Obviously, none of that's illegal - unless he shared anything with a child; I don't know if he did - but it shows his obsession with sexual imagery, exposing himself, and his disrespect for me from day one.
I was diagnosed with PTSD because of everything I'd seen and read. I've had intensive treatment, which has helped with the flashbacks, but I'll never forget the look in the eyes of the children being abused in the photos I saw.
The police are still going through all of our/his devices - they've got 27 separate devices containing IIOC, plus printed images - and there are over 300,000 images and videos to go through (not necessarily all IIOC) and, whilst they'd normally get to so many thousand and stop counting, because of what he told me about with the family member, they've got to search through everything, so it's taking a very long time.
I've also recently learned that someone reported him back in July 2019 for something that happened between him and a child in the jacuzzi at the leisure centre. So the police are looking into that too.
It goes on and on. IMO this level of addiction can never go away, even if it's controlled in the short term, so I hope he gets the punishment he deserves and justice is done when his case eventually goes to court.
I've lost everything, my home, my business, my future hopes and plans, the person I thought was my sole mate, and I have no idea what my future holds, but I'm hanging in there, thanks to the support of my family and friends, and I'm determined to get through it.
Poppet, I wish you all the strength and courage to find your way through your situation and if you ever need to chat, please feel free to message me.
Took me 10 months to make the decision to leave. In those 10 months I thought about taking my own life. What angers me is that he made me feel so bad that I thought that way - even though I had done nothing wrong.
Other stuff came out along the way and I knew however hard I would find it on my own it was the only way forward.
I don't trust him at all. Don't even like him very much even though our marriage spanned 3 decades.
There is a whole new world out there and I fir one sm going to enjoy it. I'm in the final stages now - 3 years later - of taking the final steps of ending the marriage. It's scary but also a good feeling.
I wish you all the best for the future
Other stuff came out along the way and I knew however hard I would find it on my own it was the only way forward.
I don't trust him at all. Don't even like him very much even though our marriage spanned 3 decades.
There is a whole new world out there and I fir one sm going to enjoy it. I'm in the final stages now - 3 years later - of taking the final steps of ending the marriage. It's scary but also a good feeling.
I wish you all the best for the future
Thankyou Anxiousgirl. Well done for taking the rights steps for YOU. Xx
Hi Poppet
Just come across your post and I has to reply. I'm very new to this horrendous journey and like you, have decided to seperate. My situation is different where him being whisked 100miles away as that's where his family live for bail conditions has made this easier for me. Also, because a similar incident happened 8 years ago which fizzled out I have realised that he is lying. Even if this also comes to nothing, I am done. I'm not living with the fear of the door knocking any more, he's brought enough anxiety to my life as it is.
Intimacy has been an issue our whole relationship and made me feel like I was disgusting. I lost all confidence in myself but now I know it wasn't me. If it wasn't for the family we have together, the whole 19 years we've shared would have been a waste.
We can both survive this, I hope you're doing well.
Just come across your post and I has to reply. I'm very new to this horrendous journey and like you, have decided to seperate. My situation is different where him being whisked 100miles away as that's where his family live for bail conditions has made this easier for me. Also, because a similar incident happened 8 years ago which fizzled out I have realised that he is lying. Even if this also comes to nothing, I am done. I'm not living with the fear of the door knocking any more, he's brought enough anxiety to my life as it is.
Intimacy has been an issue our whole relationship and made me feel like I was disgusting. I lost all confidence in myself but now I know it wasn't me. If it wasn't for the family we have together, the whole 19 years we've shared would have been a waste.
We can both survive this, I hope you're doing well.
Hi Secretsquirrel, thanks so much for your reply. Everyone's replies have been so supportive and encouraging, and it's truly warmed my heart and helped me feel that I'm making the right choice. I still haven't told him, mainly because I need his bill money this month, and he's had an awful week this week, but I'm building up to it.
When I first told my parents our marriage was in trouble, I wouldn't tell them why. My dad then kept asking if I was trying to make it work. It's been hard to keep what has happened from them, so to try and ward my dad off I told them my idiot husband is in trouble with the police and I'm not sure I could forgive him. Cue the "we all make mistakes" comments, so I've told them everything. They're shocked and upset, but I have their full support, emotionally and financially should I need it, and I know I can be open with them. It's been a big "phew" moment for sure.
I've always been a fairly confident person, but when you want the person you share your life with to find you attractive, and they say they don't, it chips away at you. Bizarrely, even though we've not shared a bed since the knock, I haven't even wanted to sleep naked for the past few years, even on my own. But since I've decided what to do, this past week I have been doing and I'm getting more and more comfortable with it. I was wandering around upstairs naked this morning and had a mad thought of how nice it would be to walk up and down my garden starkers, feeling the warmth and the breeze on my skin. I didn't of course, but the thought made me smile. And everyday I'm looking at myself in the mirror and pointing out something positive, rather than focusing on my weight. The person I loved is not going to take my confidence away anymore. I'm going to start being nice to myself and like myself again.
Take care, thanks again, and I wish you a happy future xx
When I first told my parents our marriage was in trouble, I wouldn't tell them why. My dad then kept asking if I was trying to make it work. It's been hard to keep what has happened from them, so to try and ward my dad off I told them my idiot husband is in trouble with the police and I'm not sure I could forgive him. Cue the "we all make mistakes" comments, so I've told them everything. They're shocked and upset, but I have their full support, emotionally and financially should I need it, and I know I can be open with them. It's been a big "phew" moment for sure.
I've always been a fairly confident person, but when you want the person you share your life with to find you attractive, and they say they don't, it chips away at you. Bizarrely, even though we've not shared a bed since the knock, I haven't even wanted to sleep naked for the past few years, even on my own. But since I've decided what to do, this past week I have been doing and I'm getting more and more comfortable with it. I was wandering around upstairs naked this morning and had a mad thought of how nice it would be to walk up and down my garden starkers, feeling the warmth and the breeze on my skin. I didn't of course, but the thought made me smile. And everyday I'm looking at myself in the mirror and pointing out something positive, rather than focusing on my weight. The person I loved is not going to take my confidence away anymore. I'm going to start being nice to myself and like myself again.
Take care, thanks again, and I wish you a happy future xx
Hi poppet
It sounds to me like you're taking back control of your life and that's amazing. I am too! Today, for the first time I didn't wake up with anxiety and have a bit of positivity for the future.
I can appreciate how hard it is for you knowing you have to end your relationship. I was worried about it too but I think my ex just guessed. Also my daughter asked me the other day if we'd separated the other day so I'm wondering if she's said something. Relieved about that.
There doesn't seem to be many of us here who are making this decision and after reading this post, I know I'm not so alone.
It sounds to me like you're taking back control of your life and that's amazing. I am too! Today, for the first time I didn't wake up with anxiety and have a bit of positivity for the future.
I can appreciate how hard it is for you knowing you have to end your relationship. I was worried about it too but I think my ex just guessed. Also my daughter asked me the other day if we'd separated the other day so I'm wondering if she's said something. Relieved about that.
There doesn't seem to be many of us here who are making this decision and after reading this post, I know I'm not so alone.
Hi Secretsquirrel,
I think my husband may have guessed too, and I cant put it off much longer. You're definitely not alone here! Our choices are ours alone to make, and I admire everyone on here for making whatever choice suits them the best xx
I think my husband may have guessed too, and I cant put it off much longer. You're definitely not alone here! Our choices are ours alone to make, and I admire everyone on here for making whatever choice suits them the best xx
Poppet, your post really resonated with me and exhoed thoughts I've had since the knock.
You have to put your own needs first. I've come believe you only get one life and there's no medal for being the biggest martyr. You have a responsibility to yourself. Many of us have others counting on us for support. What use will we be to them if we go under?
So if you need to get out, do it and have no regrets. If you need to stay for whatever reason, that's okay too. Be kind to yourself. x
You have to put your own needs first. I've come believe you only get one life and there's no medal for being the biggest martyr. You have a responsibility to yourself. Many of us have others counting on us for support. What use will we be to them if we go under?
So if you need to get out, do it and have no regrets. If you need to stay for whatever reason, that's okay too. Be kind to yourself. x
Blessings, thankyou so much. I'm definitely looking out for me now. I've done all I can, and want to, to try and understand his actions. I might be able to to a certain extent, but forgiveness is out of the question, for both downloading IIOC, and his emotional neglect that's been going on for years. I've let these red flags fly for far too long, its time to take them down. Xx
Someone said about rebuilding your own life. I hadn't realised that this is exactly what I'm doing. It's exciting and scary all at the same time
But step by step we will rebuild our lives and get to a much better place
But step by step we will rebuild our lives and get to a much better place
Anxiousgirl - we WILL rebuild our lives and it'll be better for it! Embrace the exciting and face the scary the head. We can do this!!