Pregnant and life with someone in prison
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Hi,
I been with my oh for over a year now and he told me at the beginning of the relationship about his convictions and been a sa. ( in my past men have lied about everything and I found out later and felt so hurt, which end relationships because I couldn't trust them. So the fact he told me straight away I was able to make a decision from the get go)
I do love him and know he has made mistakes in his past but his convictions are none contact.
He not perfect in anyway, he says iam the one who changed him but I still to this day have no idea what I did,lol. I knew he had a previous court case hanging over him as it taken over 2 and half year to go through the system, I explained to him that it happened well before we got together and I was willing to stand by him. My family didn't like that and have now disowned me ( they choice and I'm not bothered on that front as they are toxic) my mother told me if I ever had a child with him, she would take them from me.
I got pregnant last year and knew at the time we would have a future with social services and possibly prison sentence for him. I sadly miscarriage in Oct and was heartbroken. My oh was incredible, the support he give me even tho he has loss this baby too. Fast Forward to January this year I found out I was pregnant again I was so scared from last year plus he had a date for court. Feb came and judge made example of him and he now got 36 months. Fast forward 5 months and I been to visit him, and also speak to him everyday and now only 3 months until I give birth. I still love him and still want that future with him. I know social services will be a big part of our lives when he gets out. I hoping that they will let me take our little girl to see him in prison so he doesn't have to wait 11 months to met her.
Has anyone had any dealing with taken a small child to see their partners to prison who is a sa?
I understand some people will not agree taking a small child to prison but I don't want to her to miss out on seeing her father tho.
Plus he only got until 2027 and he off everything. He will be out prison 2026.
I do get the road is long and Iam willing to work with ss and my oh said he will too as he wants a family doesn't want to make more mistakes that could make him go back to prison in the future. He does struggle with mental health and have adha too.
I read some of the post on here and gives me alot of hope. I have had a lot of negative experiences with people, now I don't really speak about it unless it's with my oh parents or 2 of my friends that know, anyone else who ask I just say he working away.
Sorry this is alot to read, but iam not the greatest at shorting anything,lol. I hope this also makes sense as I'm dyslexia.
Thank you if you go this far.
I been with my oh for over a year now and he told me at the beginning of the relationship about his convictions and been a sa. ( in my past men have lied about everything and I found out later and felt so hurt, which end relationships because I couldn't trust them. So the fact he told me straight away I was able to make a decision from the get go)
I do love him and know he has made mistakes in his past but his convictions are none contact.
He not perfect in anyway, he says iam the one who changed him but I still to this day have no idea what I did,lol. I knew he had a previous court case hanging over him as it taken over 2 and half year to go through the system, I explained to him that it happened well before we got together and I was willing to stand by him. My family didn't like that and have now disowned me ( they choice and I'm not bothered on that front as they are toxic) my mother told me if I ever had a child with him, she would take them from me.
I got pregnant last year and knew at the time we would have a future with social services and possibly prison sentence for him. I sadly miscarriage in Oct and was heartbroken. My oh was incredible, the support he give me even tho he has loss this baby too. Fast Forward to January this year I found out I was pregnant again I was so scared from last year plus he had a date for court. Feb came and judge made example of him and he now got 36 months. Fast forward 5 months and I been to visit him, and also speak to him everyday and now only 3 months until I give birth. I still love him and still want that future with him. I know social services will be a big part of our lives when he gets out. I hoping that they will let me take our little girl to see him in prison so he doesn't have to wait 11 months to met her.
Has anyone had any dealing with taken a small child to see their partners to prison who is a sa?
I understand some people will not agree taking a small child to prison but I don't want to her to miss out on seeing her father tho.
Plus he only got until 2027 and he off everything. He will be out prison 2026.
I do get the road is long and Iam willing to work with ss and my oh said he will too as he wants a family doesn't want to make more mistakes that could make him go back to prison in the future. He does struggle with mental health and have adha too.
I read some of the post on here and gives me alot of hope. I have had a lot of negative experiences with people, now I don't really speak about it unless it's with my oh parents or 2 of my friends that know, anyone else who ask I just say he working away.
Sorry this is alot to read, but iam not the greatest at shorting anything,lol. I hope this also makes sense as I'm dyslexia.
Thank you if you go this far.
Hi,
I must start by apologising in advance if any of what I post seems harsh. My intention is to educate and prepare you for what's ahead.
There are several things within your post that concern me; saying he says that you changed him (men who want to commit these crimes will often manipulate using flattery), taking your baby to prison so he doesn't have to wait to meet them (you must put the child's needs before his).
If he gets out of prison in 2026 then he will not be off the register and any SHPO in 2027. He may finish with probation in 2027. Were you in court? Do you have full disclosure about his offending? You have to be able to show that you are going in with eyes wide open and that you accept he is a risk to your child. What will you do to protect your child? Have you had any meetings with social services? You should have had a referral put in by now really so you can get things in place for when baby is born. Your lack of relationship with your family will be a huge red flag as you are limited in your support network xxx
I must start by apologising in advance if any of what I post seems harsh. My intention is to educate and prepare you for what's ahead.
There are several things within your post that concern me; saying he says that you changed him (men who want to commit these crimes will often manipulate using flattery), taking your baby to prison so he doesn't have to wait to meet them (you must put the child's needs before his).
If he gets out of prison in 2026 then he will not be off the register and any SHPO in 2027. He may finish with probation in 2027. Were you in court? Do you have full disclosure about his offending? You have to be able to show that you are going in with eyes wide open and that you accept he is a risk to your child. What will you do to protect your child? Have you had any meetings with social services? You should have had a referral put in by now really so you can get things in place for when baby is born. Your lack of relationship with your family will be a huge red flag as you are limited in your support network xxx
First of all I get everything your are saying.
I was there is court and do know the risk he can causes to my child. My child is my priority and I will do everything to make sure they are safe. There has been referral but in to ss but they closed the case until next year as there is no risk until he comes out. I need to get in touch before he leaves so we can put things in place. That is what ss said.
You also said that it's a red flag that I have no relationship with my family. My family come with their own risk. They are toxic and bullies and have been for years. The trauma that come from them I couldn't explain as it's that bad. I have been in counselling on and off for years because of them. In the end I had to cut them off, this all started when I was younger well before my oh came into my life. Since I did cut them off I been so happy and started to live my life.
My oh is in prison until 2026 but he will be off the list in 2027 that came from court and his documents he has. He will finish probation around the same time to.
I was looking for anyone that had gone through a similar thing or actually had positive advice instead of negative. Which is all people now days are. I'm not saying I'm taking your words the wrong way, far from it and would rather have the truth then someone been nice and lying. I understand that could be my fault as explaining thing I can find hard to put into words.
I will be contacting ss once I give birth to see if there is a possibility of any contract while he is inside. The worst thing they can say is no and that's fine and my oh said he expect what they say and work with them when is out. I willing to go on courses if that would help with ss.
I love my oh but I hate his convictions and the risk he pose because of them. I can't change them as I don't have a time machine even then it's his doing not mine. I just hope one day we can be a family together, but I also know it's going to take alot.of work from him and myself to get there.
I was there is court and do know the risk he can causes to my child. My child is my priority and I will do everything to make sure they are safe. There has been referral but in to ss but they closed the case until next year as there is no risk until he comes out. I need to get in touch before he leaves so we can put things in place. That is what ss said.
You also said that it's a red flag that I have no relationship with my family. My family come with their own risk. They are toxic and bullies and have been for years. The trauma that come from them I couldn't explain as it's that bad. I have been in counselling on and off for years because of them. In the end I had to cut them off, this all started when I was younger well before my oh came into my life. Since I did cut them off I been so happy and started to live my life.
My oh is in prison until 2026 but he will be off the list in 2027 that came from court and his documents he has. He will finish probation around the same time to.
I was looking for anyone that had gone through a similar thing or actually had positive advice instead of negative. Which is all people now days are. I'm not saying I'm taking your words the wrong way, far from it and would rather have the truth then someone been nice and lying. I understand that could be my fault as explaining thing I can find hard to put into words.
I will be contacting ss once I give birth to see if there is a possibility of any contract while he is inside. The worst thing they can say is no and that's fine and my oh said he expect what they say and work with them when is out. I willing to go on courses if that would help with ss.
I love my oh but I hate his convictions and the risk he pose because of them. I can't change them as I don't have a time machine even then it's his doing not mine. I just hope one day we can be a family together, but I also know it's going to take alot.of work from him and myself to get there.
Hi,
I was aiming for kind and truthful in my advice to you. I read your post as perhaps your family had disowned you because of this and you saying you didn't care as they are toxic anyway was kind of a defence mechanism, does that make sense? I'm sorry for that.
I think it would be better for you to contact them after baby's 6 week/8 week check because then you will be in more a settled routine with your baby and they will have been seen in your care by professionals several times. Do you have a safeguarding midwife or are you released into universal care (normal midwife)?
There is a way for you to be a family and manage the risk accordingly. We are 5 years down the line and are doing a phased return and gradual unsupervised contact. It's not easy and you should prepare yourself for every possible outcome xxx
I was aiming for kind and truthful in my advice to you. I read your post as perhaps your family had disowned you because of this and you saying you didn't care as they are toxic anyway was kind of a defence mechanism, does that make sense? I'm sorry for that.
I think it would be better for you to contact them after baby's 6 week/8 week check because then you will be in more a settled routine with your baby and they will have been seen in your care by professionals several times. Do you have a safeguarding midwife or are you released into universal care (normal midwife)?
There is a way for you to be a family and manage the risk accordingly. We are 5 years down the line and are doing a phased return and gradual unsupervised contact. It's not easy and you should prepare yourself for every possible outcome xxx
Hi Lozy,
I will add that I have taken my children (teenagers) to visit their dad in prison and I've seen young babies there too. I'm in Canada so I'm not a completely relatable situation but I wanted you to know there are babies in prison visiting rooms.
I decided to go myself first and feel it out before deciding. Then I walked them through what it was going to be like before we went. I made sure they knew they didn't have to go and if at any time they wanted to leave we would. For us it was the right decision.
I will add that I have taken my children (teenagers) to visit their dad in prison and I've seen young babies there too. I'm in Canada so I'm not a completely relatable situation but I wanted you to know there are babies in prison visiting rooms.
I decided to go myself first and feel it out before deciding. Then I walked them through what it was going to be like before we went. I made sure they knew they didn't have to go and if at any time they wanted to leave we would. For us it was the right decision.
Hey I have no advice on anything other than the fact that dealing with social services is a very long tough road. You have to show them you understand dangers and risks and you have a full understanding of abuse. Id definitely ask for full disclosure, there's no way your partner was sentenced to 36 months in prison and then is getting off of the SOR& no SHPO just a year later. I'd maybe ask for full disclosure. Do a claires law&Sarah's law on him also. If nothing else it will show social services your gathering all of the facts and making an informed decision. Social services twist alot so your going to be better off going in with eyes wide open knowing all of the facts.
My son is in prison and for the first year was not allowed any contact at all with his two year old son. He is now allowed to receive photographs only, no letters, phone contact or visits. This is ultimately decided by the prison who ask police and Social Services their opinion but the prison has the final say. In our case Social Services supported contact but the prison still refused as they had no staff to do further risk assessments since he was sentenced and they are all classed as high risk when they enter prison until they can get recategorised. It seems to be the case that most sex offenders in prison are denied contact with their children at least in the first few years.
Possibly you might get some support and solid information from PACT who operate within the prison system to help family and friends.
Possibly you might get some support and solid information from PACT who operate within the prison system to help family and friends.