Trying hard not to be hurt
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I left my husband on the day of the knock, however we maintain civil contact to sort out the divorce etc. he is no contact with the children, by SS but also his own choice. Anyway I feel like I'm constantly getting hurt by the whole situation, when talking to him he goes on about how he's socially isolated etc. and how badly this affected him but I am now a single parent with no help, I never leave the house, I can't go anywhere Im a parent 24/7 I've missed all the things my friends have been doing and am slowly losing touch with those relationships, I can't work full time so I'm broke, my little boy is disabled so this makes it even harder to go places and do things with all the children, I've lost everything and I'll probably never meet anyone else because I can't go on a date, I can't go anywhere without my children and all for a crime I didn't commit. So it just really stings when he moans about it because he made the decision to commit the crime I've had this forced on me.
Then on what would of been our daughter who died as a babys birthday, silence, no check in .....nothing, mother's day silence even though I've been raising his kids single handed for a year. And I don't want to be hurt by it because really what does it matter it just confirms that he never cared about me but It has caused me pain, it think it's just the lack of respect for me working myself to death and being punished over and over for something I didn't do. Im working on not letting anything he does cause me pain because he shouldn't have that access to my feelings but I've checked in on him and made the effort and he just continues to hurt me ......
Then on what would of been our daughter who died as a babys birthday, silence, no check in .....nothing, mother's day silence even though I've been raising his kids single handed for a year. And I don't want to be hurt by it because really what does it matter it just confirms that he never cared about me but It has caused me pain, it think it's just the lack of respect for me working myself to death and being punished over and over for something I didn't do. Im working on not letting anything he does cause me pain because he shouldn't have that access to my feelings but I've checked in on him and made the effort and he just continues to hurt me ......
Hi LRF x
Like most mums on here, we see the struggle you've been put through, we can relate heavily and just wanted to make sure you knew that. You're not alone in what you're going through...
However your personal circumstances are much harder to deal with because of your poor child that has a disability on top of raising the other little ones
You're an amazing mum, I don't know your husband, what he's intentions are when he talks about his loss, but he should be apologising profusely for the things he's put you and the kids through
This will all settle down, and you will definitely find someone who will love you, appreciate you, and most importantly work with you
Every relationship needs that perfect balance.. best of luck with everything, you are a strong mummy and keep the good people that you know around xx
Like most mums on here, we see the struggle you've been put through, we can relate heavily and just wanted to make sure you knew that. You're not alone in what you're going through...
However your personal circumstances are much harder to deal with because of your poor child that has a disability on top of raising the other little ones
You're an amazing mum, I don't know your husband, what he's intentions are when he talks about his loss, but he should be apologising profusely for the things he's put you and the kids through
This will all settle down, and you will definitely find someone who will love you, appreciate you, and most importantly work with you
Every relationship needs that perfect balance.. best of luck with everything, you are a strong mummy and keep the good people that you know around xx
Many of us know exactly how hard it is. Be grateful to yourself. What would have happend to your children if not for you? You have kept them alive, looked after and loved. He will not give you any respect or gratitude by the sound of it. Mine didn't either, he was far too self obsessed to ever consider me, his wife of 21 years. Reward yourself some respect and be grateful that your children have you as a Mum. You are doing an amazing job in the worst circumstances most of people can ever imagine
Maybe put up some boundaries with him? You can be civil for your children but that doesn't mean that he gets to bring more negativity to a life he has ruined. Maybe tell him that as someone that his actions have hurt, you can't be responsible for offering comfort, understanding or sympathy.
You are doing a great job.
I hope it gets easier x
Maybe put up some boundaries with him? You can be civil for your children but that doesn't mean that he gets to bring more negativity to a life he has ruined. Maybe tell him that as someone that his actions have hurt, you can't be responsible for offering comfort, understanding or sympathy.
You are doing a great job.
I hope it gets easier x
I hear you. I was left, disabled and thrown permanently into the benefits system to look after two children and two adult children and all their trauma. I'm now left looking after my young adult son who is Autistic and has severe ME. We rarely leave home. I'm always broke. I lost three of my adult children because of the ex. I have no family. Once the ex was released from prison, he was put into a shared house with other criminals. He was living his best life! He had no bills to pay, no responsibility for our children, no job to deal with and no longer had to have adult relations with me and his secret was out. He felt free. Great. X. And I became homeless.
There's no way to sugar coat this - he sounds spectacularly selfish. In your shoes I would just tell him bluntly when he starts up that you don't want to hear it, and want to stick very narrowly to the practicalities of divorce, shared children etc.
I presume given he seems happy with NC there's no reason to maintain more than the absolute bare minium of contact once the divorce is sorted out / his maintenance contribution settled. So there's a point where you can draw a pretty clear line if you want to.
I presume given he seems happy with NC there's no reason to maintain more than the absolute bare minium of contact once the divorce is sorted out / his maintenance contribution settled. So there's a point where you can draw a pretty clear line if you want to.
My kids are older so their decision to cut contact with their father was theirs and as adults I respect their decision.
I feel sad that 2 young men will grow up without any help or support from their father.
His attitude is that they chose to cut contact, that it's their decision then that's up to them. No attempt to try a conciliation. It's like he doesn't care. He doesn't ask about them which I find odd behaviour but very hurtful.
But it reinforces my opinion of him now and glad I'm in the final stages of getting him out of my life.
I feel sad that 2 young men will grow up without any help or support from their father.
His attitude is that they chose to cut contact, that it's their decision then that's up to them. No attempt to try a conciliation. It's like he doesn't care. He doesn't ask about them which I find odd behaviour but very hurtful.
But it reinforces my opinion of him now and glad I'm in the final stages of getting him out of my life.