Suspended from Work
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My daughter got the first knock 3 years ago. As with many on here, she believed her partner (now ex) when he denied any wrongdoing. And with no evidence she had every reason to believe him. He was charged after the 3rd knock and pleaded guilty a few weeks ago.
My daughter has been struggling with the break-up and the loss of trust to the point where she has needed time off work. To enable her to get the space she needed she disclosed what has been going on for her to her manager. My daughter supports Children & Young People as a social prescriber so she was asked the question 'did your partner have access to any of those young people'. Her immediate reaponse was 'absolutely not'.
Her manager seemed very supportive of the situation and signed her off for 2 weeks on compassionate leave. Did a referral to occupational health and suggested she did her own referral to talking therapies. Whilst on leave she then receuved an email to her personal email with a letter attached requesting she went into work for an investigation meeting due to 'Breach of trust / confidence due to non-disclosure'
No explanation just a request to come in on her time off because the meeting needed to take place before her manager went on leave! Then a number of text messages to her personal phone requesting she replied as a matter of urgency.
After speaking to the OT she responded to the email saying she couldn't go into work whilst on compassionate leave. So now her manager has replied saying she"s suspended from work pending an iinvestigation.
Is it me? Where is the trauma informed care here? Knowing what my daughter has been going through. The knock, the shame. Is this victim shaming at ut's best? Yes her partner not only attempted sexual communication with a minor but shared an indecent image and video he had taken of my daughter, unbeknown to her.
I understand there are policies and procedures to follow so I just wanted to know if this had happened to anyone else. How did you approach it? She is being called in for a meeting on Thurs and her union rep is unavailable. Can she postpone it?
She just wants to get it over with as she's currently off work and feeling pretty down, with no reason to get up, amd still struggling to come to terms with what has happened with her relationship.....the person she loved and trusted.
Any help or thoughts very much appreciated as I try to support her through this
My daughter has been struggling with the break-up and the loss of trust to the point where she has needed time off work. To enable her to get the space she needed she disclosed what has been going on for her to her manager. My daughter supports Children & Young People as a social prescriber so she was asked the question 'did your partner have access to any of those young people'. Her immediate reaponse was 'absolutely not'.
Her manager seemed very supportive of the situation and signed her off for 2 weeks on compassionate leave. Did a referral to occupational health and suggested she did her own referral to talking therapies. Whilst on leave she then receuved an email to her personal email with a letter attached requesting she went into work for an investigation meeting due to 'Breach of trust / confidence due to non-disclosure'
No explanation just a request to come in on her time off because the meeting needed to take place before her manager went on leave! Then a number of text messages to her personal phone requesting she replied as a matter of urgency.
After speaking to the OT she responded to the email saying she couldn't go into work whilst on compassionate leave. So now her manager has replied saying she"s suspended from work pending an iinvestigation.
Is it me? Where is the trauma informed care here? Knowing what my daughter has been going through. The knock, the shame. Is this victim shaming at ut's best? Yes her partner not only attempted sexual communication with a minor but shared an indecent image and video he had taken of my daughter, unbeknown to her.
I understand there are policies and procedures to follow so I just wanted to know if this had happened to anyone else. How did you approach it? She is being called in for a meeting on Thurs and her union rep is unavailable. Can she postpone it?
She just wants to get it over with as she's currently off work and feeling pretty down, with no reason to get up, amd still struggling to come to terms with what has happened with her relationship.....the person she loved and trusted.
Any help or thoughts very much appreciated as I try to support her through this
If it is a disciplinary hearing then she has the right to be accompanied by a trade union representative and can ask for a postponement on those grounds, if she is refused she should refer her employer to ACAS guidelines on grievance and disciplinary proceedings and remind them that it is in both of their best interests that these proceedings are carried out fairly and in accordance with official guidelines.
Now I'm not sure how non disclosure is classed when you are not the offending party, but generally what is expected is that the employee refer themselves to a regulating body or safeguarding procedures or a fitness to practice hearing as soon as possible if they believe there is even the possibility that their ability to safeguard children may be compromised. It might be worth looking at her contract and requesting her employers safeguarding policies. Email her manager and cc HR in asking politely for them to highlight any policies or rules breached or a clear reason why they have suspended her before the meeting so that she can prepare to answer them, they may not do this but it's worth an ask. The first meeting is usually a fact finding meeting where they will ask a series of questions to determine if there has been misconduct or a breach of contract. Unfortunately whilst they should exercise compassion when you are employed it is a legal contract that you agree to abide by all company policies in line with this legal contract and if there is a breach then they are able to follow disciplinary proceedings.
Make sure that all communication from this point onwards is written, do not discuss this on the phone so that you have a paper trail. Make sure that if she does decide not to a have a rep with her that she is accompanied by yourself or a friend so that there is a witness to the proceedings. Request the minutes of each metinftare recorded and provided to her.
Now I'm not sure how non disclosure is classed when you are not the offending party, but generally what is expected is that the employee refer themselves to a regulating body or safeguarding procedures or a fitness to practice hearing as soon as possible if they believe there is even the possibility that their ability to safeguard children may be compromised. It might be worth looking at her contract and requesting her employers safeguarding policies. Email her manager and cc HR in asking politely for them to highlight any policies or rules breached or a clear reason why they have suspended her before the meeting so that she can prepare to answer them, they may not do this but it's worth an ask. The first meeting is usually a fact finding meeting where they will ask a series of questions to determine if there has been misconduct or a breach of contract. Unfortunately whilst they should exercise compassion when you are employed it is a legal contract that you agree to abide by all company policies in line with this legal contract and if there is a breach then they are able to follow disciplinary proceedings.
Make sure that all communication from this point onwards is written, do not discuss this on the phone so that you have a paper trail. Make sure that if she does decide not to a have a rep with her that she is accompanied by yourself or a friend so that there is a witness to the proceedings. Request the minutes of each metinftare recorded and provided to her.
How long as she worked in the company?
Please ensure all tye minutes are captured, printed and both parties signed as no changes made thereafter ( this is inportant)
Please ensure all tye minutes are captured, printed and both parties signed as no changes made thereafter ( this is inportant)
I also work with children, which I told the police on the day of my ex arrest. They put a referral straight into LADO, which I thought was standard in this situation. Did no one put a referral in? X
Thanks for the replies. Sorry, just had to google LADO. Not aware of a referral. The police took a contact for her employer and said they would get in touch if they needed to. No contact wqs made that we know of.
A referral to rhe LADO by someone else makes perfect sense as its so hard for a victim to speak up. Her head at the time was probably all over the place and this is added pressure on an already difficult situation when you still don't believe the person you love could have done such a thing. It certainly takes the pressure of, an authority figure speaking on on her behalf if that is what needed to be done at the time.
A referral to rhe LADO by someone else makes perfect sense as its so hard for a victim to speak up. Her head at the time was probably all over the place and this is added pressure on an already difficult situation when you still don't believe the person you love could have done such a thing. It certainly takes the pressure of, an authority figure speaking on on her behalf if that is what needed to be done at the time.
I understand that a contract may have been breached and that her employer has policies and procedures in place that they need to follow but I'm really struggling with the ripple effect that can come from one person's actions. My daughter has already lost her home as she's had to move out as it was her partner's house. She is currently living with us and the thought she may lose her job too, through no fault of her own, though if you look at policies it could be her fault, is just heartbreaking
Are there any positives to come out of this horrible situation?
Are there any positives to come out of this horrible situation?
I totally agree with you, in my opinion this crime is misogyny personified, women are punished immeasurably for a crime that they did not commit and did not consent to someone bringing into their lives all so that men could satisfy a gross sexual need, there need to masturbate/satisfy dopamine cravings is not an excuse to destroy the lives of the women around them and feed the child pornography industry although often this 'addiction' theory let's it be treated that way. Men continue to feel entitled and superior to women seeing us as excess collateral damage, if they held respect and care for us then they would never risk our lives in this way.
We are left as single parents, financially burdened, careers lost/seriously affected, mental health issues, dealing with social services/police/schools, shame and stigamitisation from media publication.
Whilst the men often go on to lead single, independent lives able to work full time with no caring responsibility and often with lots of access to therapy and support from a range of services. It is madness and so unjust and so unfair.
So I totally agree and my post before was not to say they shouldnt be compassionate, it is in no way her fault, I disclosed to my employer straight away, offered to refer myself to a fitness to practice hearing and left my partner on the day of the knock and I believe this was why I didnt face any outside referral other than a check in with HR. That's why I don't know the specifics involved in non disclosure.
However what I was trying to say is that if you are aware of the contract and aware of the policies before the meeting there could potentially be answers you could prepare that may minimise the damage. For example if the policy is not explicit in its wording about what procedures should be followed you could claim to have not been aware that you needed to disclose as a non offending party related to an offender. If they explain that because you didn't disclose XYZ they fear there is a risk that XYZ has happened then you could explain the steps you took to ensure that the risk was minimised.
She'll probably need to apologise, take accountability and also it would be helpful for her to have identified how she can improve her future ability to safeguard (like a safety plan but for her job)
We are left as single parents, financially burdened, careers lost/seriously affected, mental health issues, dealing with social services/police/schools, shame and stigamitisation from media publication.
Whilst the men often go on to lead single, independent lives able to work full time with no caring responsibility and often with lots of access to therapy and support from a range of services. It is madness and so unjust and so unfair.
So I totally agree and my post before was not to say they shouldnt be compassionate, it is in no way her fault, I disclosed to my employer straight away, offered to refer myself to a fitness to practice hearing and left my partner on the day of the knock and I believe this was why I didnt face any outside referral other than a check in with HR. That's why I don't know the specifics involved in non disclosure.
However what I was trying to say is that if you are aware of the contract and aware of the policies before the meeting there could potentially be answers you could prepare that may minimise the damage. For example if the policy is not explicit in its wording about what procedures should be followed you could claim to have not been aware that you needed to disclose as a non offending party related to an offender. If they explain that because you didn't disclose XYZ they fear there is a risk that XYZ has happened then you could explain the steps you took to ensure that the risk was minimised.
She'll probably need to apologise, take accountability and also it would be helpful for her to have identified how she can improve her future ability to safeguard (like a safety plan but for her job)
Thank you for your response Lrf. I really do appreciate it and it is helping me make sense of it all and support her as best I can. I will definitely be passong on your thoughts because I agree, she needs to be as prepared as possible for the meeting
I think it's very unfair that we get treated so badly for something we haven't done or unlikely to do. I lost my job as a community nurse because of what my OH did they said I couldn't be trusted to work in the community And I was accused of all sorts of things it was so unfair. unfortunately employers seem to take a really dim view on what your partners do in case it's like this I think they're worried that it will have a detrimental effect on them too and despite going to my union and getting support from them I did end up losing my job
I do have a new job now which may not be quite as fulfilling as my old one but unfortunately it is what it is and it is a horrible place to be in especially as you feel like everybody at work knows your business and is talking about you so make sure you stand up for yourself and don't let them walk all over you sending you hugs xx
I do have a new job now which may not be quite as fulfilling as my old one but unfortunately it is what it is and it is a horrible place to be in especially as you feel like everybody at work knows your business and is talking about you so make sure you stand up for yourself and don't let them walk all over you sending you hugs xx
My scenario is different as I informed my work straight away but I wanted to share to say it's not always the case that you'll lose your job.
I told my manager immediately as I got a phone call from the police station literally as I walked through the door of the office. I have one of those expressive faces that practically gives off subtitles. They immediately put me on emergency leave whilst I found out what was going on. Later said they wouldn't refer to LADO as I'd been honest and upfront with them through the whole time off, and they knew me personally and professionally and would support me because they know it would not affect my ability to do my job in terms of safeguarding (plus I'm not directly involved with vulnerable people....just supporting other staff who are). They also supported me via occ health referral and with time off due to sickness (stress and anxiety-my GP signed me off as I wasn't sleeping and couldn't function). Looking back I probably had PTD as I was forgetting things like my keys and losing things because I was struggling so much with the shock and all the sudden stress of what I had to do in the early days. I didn't eat or sleep and was anxious and jumpy, I was also very withdrawn not wanting to see anyone or leave the house out of fear of someone spotting me and asking why I wasn't at work. I would also shake uncontrollably whenever I had to discuss the offending or meet with social workers about our child.
The idea of losing my job and my home on top of everything else was pretty awful; but my manager confirmed there were no internal policies that meant that was necessary and I would not be punished for something someone else had done and I didn't know about. This was not my crime and not my fault. Only if I was seeing vulnerable people in my home or bringing my person with me to work (which I don't) would it have been an issue and they still would have supported me throughout any type of referral anyway.
it sounds like your daughter is having a really tough time of it but I'm sure with the support of her fantastic mum she absolutely will come through this; she'll find strength she never knew she had.
I told my manager immediately as I got a phone call from the police station literally as I walked through the door of the office. I have one of those expressive faces that practically gives off subtitles. They immediately put me on emergency leave whilst I found out what was going on. Later said they wouldn't refer to LADO as I'd been honest and upfront with them through the whole time off, and they knew me personally and professionally and would support me because they know it would not affect my ability to do my job in terms of safeguarding (plus I'm not directly involved with vulnerable people....just supporting other staff who are). They also supported me via occ health referral and with time off due to sickness (stress and anxiety-my GP signed me off as I wasn't sleeping and couldn't function). Looking back I probably had PTD as I was forgetting things like my keys and losing things because I was struggling so much with the shock and all the sudden stress of what I had to do in the early days. I didn't eat or sleep and was anxious and jumpy, I was also very withdrawn not wanting to see anyone or leave the house out of fear of someone spotting me and asking why I wasn't at work. I would also shake uncontrollably whenever I had to discuss the offending or meet with social workers about our child.
The idea of losing my job and my home on top of everything else was pretty awful; but my manager confirmed there were no internal policies that meant that was necessary and I would not be punished for something someone else had done and I didn't know about. This was not my crime and not my fault. Only if I was seeing vulnerable people in my home or bringing my person with me to work (which I don't) would it have been an issue and they still would have supported me throughout any type of referral anyway.
it sounds like your daughter is having a really tough time of it but I'm sure with the support of her fantastic mum she absolutely will come through this; she'll find strength she never knew she had.
If the police were given info on her employer then it should be up to them to make a referral if they had concerns.
Make sure she postponed the meeting until union can be there.
I had to move back with my parents and feared for my job but a year later I'm living in my own house and job is safe so tell her things will get better xx
Make sure she postponed the meeting until union can be there.
I had to move back with my parents and feared for my job but a year later I'm living in my own house and job is safe so tell her things will get better xx
I'm sorry to hear this, it's really not fair for those of us who have done nothing wrong to be penalised when we are also victims in all of this.
When the police came, I gave them details of my job and said I was worried about it because although I'm a community carer, I do occasionally look after children with additional needs. Once the search was done, the oic arrested my partner and said both myself and girls were all cleared. (my eldest works with me) The day after I called work, clearly upset down the phone so management were aware of the situation. They imediately took me off rota for 2 weeks and gave office staff strict instructions not to contact me. I'm so glad I was honest because the oic invited my boss to a meeting with themselves, CS and my daughter's school!
Had a back to work meeting yesterday and they queried if I'm ready to go back, I said I need to because I'm climbing the walls at home and I miss my ladies. Thankfully both bosses have told me that they are supporting me.
I do hope the meeting goes well for your daughter, she has already gone through enough trauma to have to deal with this as well. Keep us updated x
When the police came, I gave them details of my job and said I was worried about it because although I'm a community carer, I do occasionally look after children with additional needs. Once the search was done, the oic arrested my partner and said both myself and girls were all cleared. (my eldest works with me) The day after I called work, clearly upset down the phone so management were aware of the situation. They imediately took me off rota for 2 weeks and gave office staff strict instructions not to contact me. I'm so glad I was honest because the oic invited my boss to a meeting with themselves, CS and my daughter's school!
Had a back to work meeting yesterday and they queried if I'm ready to go back, I said I need to because I'm climbing the walls at home and I miss my ladies. Thankfully both bosses have told me that they are supporting me.
I do hope the meeting goes well for your daughter, she has already gone through enough trauma to have to deal with this as well. Keep us updated x
The "ripple" effect comes from the umbrella of "safeguarding" that makes even the most seemingly ludicrous decisions employers make around this hard to fight against. When my ex Was first arrested, I had 2 family members in the NHS including one of my adult children who was in the first year of Medical School, about to sit her first end of year exams. Complete nightmare!