The future? Is it worth it
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We're 1 week post sentence. 1 week post press and 1 horrible neighbour interaction.
Does it ever get better? I'm not sure if by allowing the person to remain in our lives I'm ruining not mine but the kids lives too. There was no searches, no intent (of course the press didn't include this and gave the cat A description of children being raped, misled the facts and mentioned i was 'supportive') we've had a neighbour threatening to tell everyone this is the house even though he don't live here. I feel like it's never going to be okay again.
I feel like I'm setting my kids up for a life of guilty by association and I just can't do this anymore.
Does it ever get better? I'm not sure if by allowing the person to remain in our lives I'm ruining not mine but the kids lives too. There was no searches, no intent (of course the press didn't include this and gave the cat A description of children being raped, misled the facts and mentioned i was 'supportive') we've had a neighbour threatening to tell everyone this is the house even though he don't live here. I feel like it's never going to be okay again.
I feel like I'm setting my kids up for a life of guilty by association and I just can't do this anymore.
Hi,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's all still very raw for you. We're almost 4 and a half years post sentence and media coverage. Life is better although I'm not sure that fear truly goes away.
Only you can make decisions about your life and the lives of your children. Try to let things settle before you make any big decisions xxx
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's all still very raw for you. We're almost 4 and a half years post sentence and media coverage. Life is better although I'm not sure that fear truly goes away.
Only you can make decisions about your life and the lives of your children. Try to let things settle before you make any big decisions xxx
I'm sorry you are in this situation. It's scary when you are the 1 making the decisions for your children. They are obviously your number 1 priority and that stress is intense.
Have you considered moving. This isn't for everyone. I picked up my children and moved over 100 miles away from where we have always lived. It's been better for us. I feel as if I protected my children and have given them to opportunity to have a life separate from what their father had done. It's not easy, and it's not quick but for us, I don't regret it 1 bit.
I'm not saying you should rush into anything and it might not be for you, but it's worth considering. You deserve a life where you aren't looking over your shoulder to see if people are gossiping. The horror of the situation is enough without having to factor in people's gossiping or the gossip possibly effecting your children. Even if you stay with your person it might be worth considering a fresh start in a new place. With your comfort being the priority.
I hope you find a way of coping. I wish I had some actual advice but sadly there is no way of making all of this (for all of us) disappear.
Have you considered moving. This isn't for everyone. I picked up my children and moved over 100 miles away from where we have always lived. It's been better for us. I feel as if I protected my children and have given them to opportunity to have a life separate from what their father had done. It's not easy, and it's not quick but for us, I don't regret it 1 bit.
I'm not saying you should rush into anything and it might not be for you, but it's worth considering. You deserve a life where you aren't looking over your shoulder to see if people are gossiping. The horror of the situation is enough without having to factor in people's gossiping or the gossip possibly effecting your children. Even if you stay with your person it might be worth considering a fresh start in a new place. With your comfort being the priority.
I hope you find a way of coping. I wish I had some actual advice but sadly there is no way of making all of this (for all of us) disappear.
Thanks both.
Swecal- did you leave your person? I feel like no matter where we move we run the risk of people finding out and it all starts over again. I think eventually I want to move, I never wanted to stay here long term but if I decide to let him stay in our lives people could turn on us whereever we go.
Swecal- did you leave your person? I feel like no matter where we move we run the risk of people finding out and it all starts over again. I think eventually I want to move, I never wanted to stay here long term but if I decide to let him stay in our lives people could turn on us whereever we go.
I did leave my person. We have lived here for almost a year before I have reconciled with him. He will eventually move here too once work allows.
I hadn't planned to be where I was, long term, either. It just seemed like the only way I could take a breath was to get out of there.
It has worked for me. Bring away from places that had so many memories has been a little easier. Now I am surrounded by places that are fresh and clean. It felt as if everywhere I went previously was tainted by what he had done. All the good memories had been a lie. Making my own way with my children was hard and scary but it was also empowering for me and my daughter (23). She was old enough to know ehat was happening when the knock came. She needed to get out as well. Neither of us regrets it.
As I said, it might not work that way for you. Being close to family and friends may be more important to your own mental health for a while. I would however, definitely bare in mind that a complete fresh start is possible if you think it may work for you. If not right now then maybe it's something to plan for.
Take care of yourself and your children. You are the priority in this awful situation. I hope you find your way x
I hadn't planned to be where I was, long term, either. It just seemed like the only way I could take a breath was to get out of there.
It has worked for me. Bring away from places that had so many memories has been a little easier. Now I am surrounded by places that are fresh and clean. It felt as if everywhere I went previously was tainted by what he had done. All the good memories had been a lie. Making my own way with my children was hard and scary but it was also empowering for me and my daughter (23). She was old enough to know ehat was happening when the knock came. She needed to get out as well. Neither of us regrets it.
As I said, it might not work that way for you. Being close to family and friends may be more important to your own mental health for a while. I would however, definitely bare in mind that a complete fresh start is possible if you think it may work for you. If not right now then maybe it's something to plan for.
Take care of yourself and your children. You are the priority in this awful situation. I hope you find your way x
3 years this weekend post knock.
I took was reported as being supportive
That was one of the things that did the most damage sadly. I wasn't supportive. I just didn't know what to do.
Eventually I realised his offending would never truly go away so I ended out long marriage.
Now making the final moves towards my fresh start. Have a new super supportive and loving partner. Life is good and I'm happy.
I took was reported as being supportive
That was one of the things that did the most damage sadly. I wasn't supportive. I just didn't know what to do.
Eventually I realised his offending would never truly go away so I ended out long marriage.
Now making the final moves towards my fresh start. Have a new super supportive and loving partner. Life is good and I'm happy.