My life is spiralling
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Hi everyone
It feels surreal for me to be writing this but our knock came 11th June so it's still very fresh for me. They came at 7.30 in the morning, tested majority of our electronics whilst here and then arrested my partner of 19 years. Some items they took with them because we either didn't have cables or they were broke. They also took his gaming pc.
As expected, he isn't allowed access to any under 18s so he has had to be bailed at his mum's which is over 100miles away as we have a 13 year old. Our other daughter is 18 so is able to contact him and I also have an adult daughter from a previous relationship.
He is instantly denying it and as much as I want to believe him, I don't think I can. We had a knock in 2017 about messages sent on an app which didn't come to anything and at the time I put it down to a mistake. After this, I have to face facts that he is lying to me and there is no way we can stay together. I'm not risking losing my daughter and I really can't cope with the stress and anxiety, waiting for another knock to come, even if this becomes NFA.
What he claims he was arrested for... Video of our oldest girls in the bath as toddlers and some pics of my girls partially naked, typical family pics and videos we've all taken of our kids. He told me this once he got to his mum's and that there was messages to a girl on Snapchat which he denies was him. Well today he says they also said there was communication back to 2023 and they've been investigating for a while and he thinks our IP address has been compromised. Really? How does that happen to someone once, let alone twice!?
Anyway I don't believe him, feel so angry and disgusted. Also absolutely terrified about it becoming public knowledge and carrying the stigma of this for the rest of our lives. I also feel desperately sad for him, probably because of my attachment to him for so long.
I'm back to work on Monday, I had to have some time off because of the shock but feel I need to distract myself. I've told my sister and my boss knows and is supporting me 100% which is a huge relief. Dreading the long road ahead.
It feels surreal for me to be writing this but our knock came 11th June so it's still very fresh for me. They came at 7.30 in the morning, tested majority of our electronics whilst here and then arrested my partner of 19 years. Some items they took with them because we either didn't have cables or they were broke. They also took his gaming pc.
As expected, he isn't allowed access to any under 18s so he has had to be bailed at his mum's which is over 100miles away as we have a 13 year old. Our other daughter is 18 so is able to contact him and I also have an adult daughter from a previous relationship.
He is instantly denying it and as much as I want to believe him, I don't think I can. We had a knock in 2017 about messages sent on an app which didn't come to anything and at the time I put it down to a mistake. After this, I have to face facts that he is lying to me and there is no way we can stay together. I'm not risking losing my daughter and I really can't cope with the stress and anxiety, waiting for another knock to come, even if this becomes NFA.
What he claims he was arrested for... Video of our oldest girls in the bath as toddlers and some pics of my girls partially naked, typical family pics and videos we've all taken of our kids. He told me this once he got to his mum's and that there was messages to a girl on Snapchat which he denies was him. Well today he says they also said there was communication back to 2023 and they've been investigating for a while and he thinks our IP address has been compromised. Really? How does that happen to someone once, let alone twice!?
Anyway I don't believe him, feel so angry and disgusted. Also absolutely terrified about it becoming public knowledge and carrying the stigma of this for the rest of our lives. I also feel desperately sad for him, probably because of my attachment to him for so long.
I'm back to work on Monday, I had to have some time off because of the shock but feel I need to distract myself. I've told my sister and my boss knows and is supporting me 100% which is a huge relief. Dreading the long road ahead.
Hi, I'm so very sorry your husband has brought this to your door again.
Obviously I don't know you or him, however, for this to happen twice - "no smoke without fire" springs to mind. In a way, I hope the Police can pinpoint the issue this time so it's clear for you and your children. It's really hard when one child is allowed contact due to being over 18, but another child isn't. I had this and it caused alot of problems for my then 12 year old. X
Obviously I don't know you or him, however, for this to happen twice - "no smoke without fire" springs to mind. In a way, I hope the Police can pinpoint the issue this time so it's clear for you and your children. It's really hard when one child is allowed contact due to being over 18, but another child isn't. I had this and it caused alot of problems for my then 12 year old. X
Hi Littlerobin
This is exactly my thought, no smoke without fire. In the first incident, he was at work and the police called at around 11am (Feb 2017) and told me this message had been sent in the afternoon of Jan 31st. My ex so was so convincing and I found info online that backed up what he said happened. I also realised we were out that day and also because it didn't come to anything,I genuinely believed it was a mistake.
I'm wondering if the message was reported by a parent and the police were unable to find any other evidence at the time so couldn't get a warrant, had to do a house call. They actually took his phone and I'm guessing nothing was found as years went by as normal. For so many police and forensics to turn up this time, tells me it isn't a mistake.
He's ruined ours and our kids lives, for what? For his disgusting habits and I'm done. Any sane person would have seen how much it affected me the first time and not did it again. But here we are again.
This is exactly my thought, no smoke without fire. In the first incident, he was at work and the police called at around 11am (Feb 2017) and told me this message had been sent in the afternoon of Jan 31st. My ex so was so convincing and I found info online that backed up what he said happened. I also realised we were out that day and also because it didn't come to anything,I genuinely believed it was a mistake.
I'm wondering if the message was reported by a parent and the police were unable to find any other evidence at the time so couldn't get a warrant, had to do a house call. They actually took his phone and I'm guessing nothing was found as years went by as normal. For so many police and forensics to turn up this time, tells me it isn't a mistake.
He's ruined ours and our kids lives, for what? For his disgusting habits and I'm done. Any sane person would have seen how much it affected me the first time and not did it again. But here we are again.
I "supported " my husband at the time even though we divorced within a year of the first knock. I truly believed he would never put us all through it again because it was absolute Hell. But he did do it again and has been sent to prison the second time. I really wish I'd walked away completely the first time round x.
I'm so sorry LittleRobin, you must have gone through so much! We both deserve better. And if these men can't put us before their urges then they deserve whatever they have coming to them.