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Hi all, finally a place where I can share. I am four weeks after OH arrest (two days before our 10th wedding anniversary). I am still traumatised by the police arrival, search and public article they shared. I have two little kids 5 and 7 and was escorted to school with them that morning (holding in tears and shaking like a leaf). My OH was so detached that morning, from the honest, hard working, mild man I thought him to be. He has destroyed our lovely, safe life and i am navigating the fall out very much alone. My mother has dementia and I have no other form of support. I can do this, but my goodness it is devastating. I had absolutely no idea that for years of our life together, I was living in parallel universe. How do you get to the point of knowing how to manage contact or whether you even should? I have put house up for sale and in process of divorce proceedings...it is a lot, as you all know. Appreciate you all
Thanks LittleRobin, already feel less alone. As you say, great dad and husband....it feels very surreal and while he compartmentalised, I find it impossible to think clearly as it infiltrates every part of my (and the kids) current and future life. I will defo check out the group. It is so difficult as family have so many opinions and I don't even know my own feelings yet as still a bit numb. Glad to have found some support. Thank you
Hi startingagain123
sorry you're in the club nobody wants to be in with us. The whole situation is hard but the early months are the hardest. But from someone post sentencing please know that you do get through, you find strength you never knew you had and will find support from the most unlikely places despite the challenges. Just do what's best for your little ones and you, put the 3of you first and you won't go wrong. All our situations are slightly different but equally awful.
some people compare it to grief; there are lots of different stages and you'll probably spend time experiencing all or most of them at some point. When you're ready and have all your practical things sorted, house divorce etc is highly recommend counselling or therapy. I had talking therapies via my GP and also Lucy Faithful inform course. Talking forwards is also a really good peer support group, I've recently started listening to a single parent podcast called parenting; not as we planned which helps me navigate the guilt of making my decision to split up the family (totally justified and completely the right decision for me but it's still it what I wanted or ever expected).
Take care of yourself (easier said than done) and cut yourself some slack; you are navigating a hellish nightmare and you are still standing, still carrying on for your kids. That is one hell of a strong example and role model for them growing up.
sorry you're in the club nobody wants to be in with us. The whole situation is hard but the early months are the hardest. But from someone post sentencing please know that you do get through, you find strength you never knew you had and will find support from the most unlikely places despite the challenges. Just do what's best for your little ones and you, put the 3of you first and you won't go wrong. All our situations are slightly different but equally awful.
some people compare it to grief; there are lots of different stages and you'll probably spend time experiencing all or most of them at some point. When you're ready and have all your practical things sorted, house divorce etc is highly recommend counselling or therapy. I had talking therapies via my GP and also Lucy Faithful inform course. Talking forwards is also a really good peer support group, I've recently started listening to a single parent podcast called parenting; not as we planned which helps me navigate the guilt of making my decision to split up the family (totally justified and completely the right decision for me but it's still it what I wanted or ever expected).
Take care of yourself (easier said than done) and cut yourself some slack; you are navigating a hellish nightmare and you are still standing, still carrying on for your kids. That is one hell of a strong example and role model for them growing up.