Distress
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Just need to share my distress.
4 months on and today I feel like I did in the very early days.
I’m on my own now . No was children, and husband of over 30 years was trapped by vigilantes and live streamed, sacked and left home. He hasn’t been home since, and I am left with dealing with friends, family, neighbours and maintaining the home. Today the central heating boiler failed. I organised an engineer, as it’s Sunday I have to wait; I put on electric immersion heater, that’s not working, why? So no heat or hot water. A blind then broke. All those things that husband would have dealt with. I’ve googled what I can do, checked fuses, switches on and off, crying. He’s alive. He’s able. But he can’t be home at all so he can’t help. He tried to talk me through it on phone but neither of us were calm. He was upset that he can’t help me, I’m angry that he has let me down. He is many miles away, in hiding and in shame and in therapy. Can’t sneak in and out quickly. I hate him and feel sorry for him in equal measures. But mostly I hate what he’s done to me. I hate my life now. who is actually being punished here? And this could go on for many many more months.
People who care are busy with their lives and families. Particularly on a Sunday, I get it. I would be too. That makes me feel even lonelier.
Husband had a psychological evaluation recently. Shows he is not attracted to children, shows he had a poor childhood with emotional abuse, I want to shout it out to the vigilante believers, which include his family. Point out how these dreadful people reel in only the stupid vulnerable. But don’t want to draw attention to myself. I want it all to go away, but it won’t. I have no control. I hate it.
This awful world I find myself in, with the rest of you, is going to become an overcrowded world soon if someone doesn’t get a handle on this epidemic of online porn, and the criminals that trap others and destroy their life and the lives of everyone they know for entertainment. It’s so sick and so damaging.
Sorry for the rant. I just feel so bad today.
4 months on and today I feel like I did in the very early days.
I’m on my own now . No was children, and husband of over 30 years was trapped by vigilantes and live streamed, sacked and left home. He hasn’t been home since, and I am left with dealing with friends, family, neighbours and maintaining the home. Today the central heating boiler failed. I organised an engineer, as it’s Sunday I have to wait; I put on electric immersion heater, that’s not working, why? So no heat or hot water. A blind then broke. All those things that husband would have dealt with. I’ve googled what I can do, checked fuses, switches on and off, crying. He’s alive. He’s able. But he can’t be home at all so he can’t help. He tried to talk me through it on phone but neither of us were calm. He was upset that he can’t help me, I’m angry that he has let me down. He is many miles away, in hiding and in shame and in therapy. Can’t sneak in and out quickly. I hate him and feel sorry for him in equal measures. But mostly I hate what he’s done to me. I hate my life now. who is actually being punished here? And this could go on for many many more months.
People who care are busy with their lives and families. Particularly on a Sunday, I get it. I would be too. That makes me feel even lonelier.
Husband had a psychological evaluation recently. Shows he is not attracted to children, shows he had a poor childhood with emotional abuse, I want to shout it out to the vigilante believers, which include his family. Point out how these dreadful people reel in only the stupid vulnerable. But don’t want to draw attention to myself. I want it all to go away, but it won’t. I have no control. I hate it.
This awful world I find myself in, with the rest of you, is going to become an overcrowded world soon if someone doesn’t get a handle on this epidemic of online porn, and the criminals that trap others and destroy their life and the lives of everyone they know for entertainment. It’s so sick and so damaging.
Sorry for the rant. I just feel so bad today.
It's actually over 5 months.....even more painful when in realise
Tabs, it is horrible. I remember the beginning, not being able to leave my kids with my husband. Everyone going out to pubs and I was just at home miserable. I lost friendships and I lost my freedom. When he went to prison it was even worse. I was completely alone. I had my kids but no adults to talk to except my mum really but that's all. It takes a toll on you and your mental health.
If you haven't already I highly recomend seeing your doctor. Keep them up to date with your feelings and check in with them every so often. You need to be strong sweetheart. I'm always here if you need me x
If you haven't already I highly recomend seeing your doctor. Keep them up to date with your feelings and check in with them every so often. You need to be strong sweetheart. I'm always here if you need me x
Thanks SallyBlue, sadly my doctors are not very understanding. They are in my community so very aware of the vigilante sting. On the advice of a GO friend I tried to contact another surgery in the practice, so not local, they wouldn't allow me to talk to anyone there, referred me back to my surgery to the 'safeguarding' doctor. I phoned and tried to speak with them. Having had to tell the receptionist why I wanted to talk to someone and not go in, in tears. Many hours later the doctor called, she was quite obviously disgusted and didn't even asked basic questions, eg sleeping, eating, dressing, coping! She did she'd look into what help she could signpost me to. Called back the following day to say there was nothing, other than police victim support helpline!!!! So I'm not keen to see Doctor again!!! Touch wood, I rarely need to go tonDoctor, so was very upset that when I needed help they really didn't care!
I am looking after myself beat I can, friends are being great too. I think you are amazing coping with all that you have. Thanks for your kind words! X
I am looking after myself beat I can, friends are being great too. I think you are amazing coping with all that you have. Thanks for your kind words! X
That is horrible about your Dr Tabs. I was very fortunate with mine, she was quite possibly the best support I had. I'm glad you have your friends stick by you, they will be a great support for you. It's a tough time but you're strong x
Oh Tabs,
I just want to send some support and love your way. Hope you have the heat and hot water fixed now. It's the little things - the straw that breaks the camel's back - isn't it? Your GP sounds dreadful - sounds like a reason to change surgeries if at all possible - they should be able to offer some sort of counselling. This is such a sad situation to be stuck in. Nightmare.
I've not been really helpful have I? sigh.
I just want to send some support and love your way. Hope you have the heat and hot water fixed now. It's the little things - the straw that breaks the camel's back - isn't it? Your GP sounds dreadful - sounds like a reason to change surgeries if at all possible - they should be able to offer some sort of counselling. This is such a sad situation to be stuck in. Nightmare.
I've not been really helpful have I? sigh.