Husband arrested - KIK IIOC
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PLEASE someone reply and provide support.
Been with my OH for 7 years and very content and happy, he is an amazing father & husband, genuinly can not fault him. I am in absolute shock that the police knocked on our door yesterday, they wanted to speak with my husband. They asked me and my 3 year old son to leave the room. I was ear wigging from the stairs and heard the words IIOC, I still thought oh maybe someone he knows or something, I then hear him being placed under arrest. I went downstairs and the police still asked me to not enter but my husband said to let us in so he can explain. He then said he downloaded KIK (I'm only just finding out about this site today and it doesn't sound good) a while ago when he was buying replicas from Turkey, the suppliers would post on there. I am not naive, although I believe that may be the initial reason of downloading the site, since I now know what the site is I think he may have got carried away watching porn on there, anyway the police man said he is being questioned for uploading (does this mean distributing?) a picture to the site. I was speechless. He left with the police and husband said I have nothing to worry about. The police rang me to say he has now been interviewed and released on bail to no address as we live far away from family, he is not allowed at our home address and can only see our son supervised. I have not yet spoken to him to hear his version of events but I already feel like "who are you?" This can't be real. How am I going to manage? I have a full time job and mortgage. My son absolutely adores his dad, I fear I won't ever be able to look at him the same. Of course I need the facts but for the police to have a warrant and arrest there must be some evidence involved. This is so disturbing. I am so angry with him. I don't even think I can bring myself to share this with anyone so I will probably struggle in silence for the next however long until I have more facts. My son comes first so I will do this
Been with my OH for 7 years and very content and happy, he is an amazing father & husband, genuinly can not fault him. I am in absolute shock that the police knocked on our door yesterday, they wanted to speak with my husband. They asked me and my 3 year old son to leave the room. I was ear wigging from the stairs and heard the words IIOC, I still thought oh maybe someone he knows or something, I then hear him being placed under arrest. I went downstairs and the police still asked me to not enter but my husband said to let us in so he can explain. He then said he downloaded KIK (I'm only just finding out about this site today and it doesn't sound good) a while ago when he was buying replicas from Turkey, the suppliers would post on there. I am not naive, although I believe that may be the initial reason of downloading the site, since I now know what the site is I think he may have got carried away watching porn on there, anyway the police man said he is being questioned for uploading (does this mean distributing?) a picture to the site. I was speechless. He left with the police and husband said I have nothing to worry about. The police rang me to say he has now been interviewed and released on bail to no address as we live far away from family, he is not allowed at our home address and can only see our son supervised. I have not yet spoken to him to hear his version of events but I already feel like "who are you?" This can't be real. How am I going to manage? I have a full time job and mortgage. My son absolutely adores his dad, I fear I won't ever be able to look at him the same. Of course I need the facts but for the police to have a warrant and arrest there must be some evidence involved. This is so disturbing. I am so angry with him. I don't even think I can bring myself to share this with anyone so I will probably struggle in silence for the next however long until I have more facts. My son comes first so I will do this
I feel for you.
Have you contacted the helpline here for support? They've an instant chat option if you don't want to talk on the phone.
Have you contacted the helpline here for support? They've an instant chat option if you don't want to talk on the phone.
I am so sorry to hear that and yes you can use this forum to share and seek support
I'm so so sorry. Its all so confusing and scary when thus first happens. I second calling the helpline, they'll hopefully answer some of your questions. We, the spouses/family/friends are secondary victims in all of this and don't get much support from the police. And unless your husband gives them permission, they can't tell you anything about his case. I hit research mode to try and make sense of it all and understand what could happen. For now, take each day at a time, don't make any decisions yet, you won't be in a clear headspace to do so. Try and talk to your husband about it all and ask for full honesty and transparency. Why? When? How long?
I'm 5 months in since the knock, and it's taken me this long to process it all and get out of the initial shock. I've decided to soon end my marriage, but its easier for me as we don't have children. Keep posting on here whenever you have questions, keep to talk, rant or just get something out of your head. We're here for you xx
I'm 5 months in since the knock, and it's taken me this long to process it all and get out of the initial shock. I've decided to soon end my marriage, but its easier for me as we don't have children. Keep posting on here whenever you have questions, keep to talk, rant or just get something out of your head. We're here for you xx
I do plan to speak with the helpline tommorrow, I need to speak with someone without judgement for now. Social services have called me today and I am just numb to what is to come, how has this become my life overnight. I am so embarrassed. I have spoke with husband today but only briefly as I don't want to speak about it too much in front of my child. We are meeting tomorrow alone to discuss further. I have never seen the KIK site so I have no clue how it looks or works and I'm too scared to google anything as I don't want to come across anything I shouldn't but he said you get a lot of pop ups on there and when you join a group, you can be added to other groups without needing to approve? Anyone know this to be true? This site needs to be shut down if it is so easy to share these things around. Such a scary world, the police have said he was in a group on KIK were category A-C were shared, not by him apparantly but he was in this group, he had the app on his phone for one month June 2024 and deleted it after that. I just don't know what to think right now. I'm doubting my judgement as a person. He is confident that nothing has ever been downloaded or uploaded from his phone. I guess time will tell.
I've never used Kik, but my understanding is that it's somewhat like WhatsApp, except your phone number isn't visible to anyone else. And its pretty much completely unmoderated. So it's very popular for any kind of secretive sexual activity, both legal & illegal - infidelity in all forms, kink stuff, voyeurism content, IIOC. I don't think there's any 'good' reason to use it. In my case my ex swore blind he wasn't seeking out IIOC and had received one unsolicited file he instantly deleted. 18 months later the forensics came back and seemed to support that, but I also found out about a whole secret sex life including infidelity and voyeurism (against me). I guess I'm quite suspicious of the 'it was just bundled up with some legal porn' stuff - even if it's true in the narrow sense, I think you have to be somewhere pretty sordid to get anywhere near child abuse material. That isn't a popular opinion though I think! And my ex was likewise a model husband and father outwardly. It's a long slow wait for solid answers - you don't really get anything till forensics comes back and that rarely takes less than a year. It does get 'easier' though.
Just to add kik is a US company IIRC, so out of the UK's jurisdiction. I honestly think it won't be shut down because the police in various countries know it's users would just disperse elsewhere, probably to apps / sites with much less police infiltration. Those people will always find a way.
sad&scared,
Thanks for your reply, After reading more about KIK, I agree there is just no good reason to be on there, I am hoping to get some more answers when I speak to him alone tomorrow but if not I will just have to wait and see what the forensics come back with however long that may be.
Thanks for your reply, After reading more about KIK, I agree there is just no good reason to be on there, I am hoping to get some more answers when I speak to him alone tomorrow but if not I will just have to wait and see what the forensics come back with however long that may be.
My experience is very similar to yours.
when the police first attended and OH was taken away a police officer remained with me and gave me the advice not to seem to keen to SS to get him home etc.
I moved out with the children as luckily had space at my parents. the OIC obviously thought I was nuts letting him be bailed to our home address and me and the children moving out but financial OH could then keep his job was on bail and we wouldn't lose the house.
the children found it very hard at first and cried most nights and were like my shadow. Now over 12 months down the line we are settled in a new house, they see their dad twice a week and they are doing well xx
when the police first attended and OH was taken away a police officer remained with me and gave me the advice not to seem to keen to SS to get him home etc.
I moved out with the children as luckily had space at my parents. the OIC obviously thought I was nuts letting him be bailed to our home address and me and the children moving out but financial OH could then keep his job was on bail and we wouldn't lose the house.
the children found it very hard at first and cried most nights and were like my shadow. Now over 12 months down the line we are settled in a new house, they see their dad twice a week and they are doing well xx
It frightens me to accept that I will now be a single parent household and how I will manage everything, I know many do it and it can be done. It's still so fresh so I'm sure every will take time. And I know I'm not the main victim in all of this, it's these poor children. Other than his version of events when should I expect to find out the facts? Will that be at 2nd interview or court? I feel sick to my stomach and just keeping a brave face for my child but fighting back tears when he mentions daddy. How long did it take people to get over the initial shock and start accepting? Also did you make the decision to leave him and live seperate from him or was that how long the bail/ss conditions lasted? Just so I can get my head around decisions I need to make.
I chose to end the relationship straight away, however feel that wasn't my decision at the time it was forced upon me by the police etc saying cannot be in the same house.
he was on bail for nearly a year and then charged and sentenced.
However after the first couple of months didn't feel like I wanted the relationship anymore.
children settled down and things got easier when we had a routine set of when they would see him and we were in our own house.
I've had to claim UC now but I'm managing with my job and extra help off UC.
it's very daunting at the start but you'll survive it and you and your child will be ok x
he was on bail for nearly a year and then charged and sentenced.
However after the first couple of months didn't feel like I wanted the relationship anymore.
children settled down and things got easier when we had a routine set of when they would see him and we were in our own house.
I've had to claim UC now but I'm managing with my job and extra help off UC.
it's very daunting at the start but you'll survive it and you and your child will be ok x
I am sorry you are going through all of this. Here I am at 3am posting on here as my mind races. My kids are 5 and 7 and we are only 4 weeks in. Also struggling to adjust to a one parent household. Ive put our house up for sale to ensure financially I can support my kids but it has been the hardest choice to leave our forever home. It just seems so tainted now. Trying to just function day to day and supervise some contact between kids and their dad (which brings so many mixed emotions). Also work full time, so that is exhausting. You are not alone
I am also considering putting our forever home up for sale, because regardless of the outcome this house will never feel the same now. I don't really see any point in waiting around because this forum shows how long these things can take. Some difficult big decisions to make. If you don't mind me asking are you supervising the visits then currently? And are they outside of your house? We have nothing in place just yet but we have seen him and tried to gain some clarity on things, so hard to accept things will never be the same. I can't even bring myself to tell anyone until I've accepted it for what it is myself
I had someone else supervise at first but then I started doing it as the children wanted to see him more.
Either go out or he comes for tea.
Adjusting to being a single parent I think is the hardest, my mind kept saying you'll never be able to just nip to the shops alone etc and that took some adjusting with the children too as things like we have a dog so they now need to walk him everyday, whereas before I could leave them with dad and go alone. I've started having shopping delivered so that they don't have to come with me.
in the beginning for me I think that's what I found the hardest to accept, the foreverness of it, that things could never go back to normal. He will miss out on so much and for the rest of their childhood but have to remind yourself it's not your fault x
Either go out or he comes for tea.
Adjusting to being a single parent I think is the hardest, my mind kept saying you'll never be able to just nip to the shops alone etc and that took some adjusting with the children too as things like we have a dog so they now need to walk him everyday, whereas before I could leave them with dad and go alone. I've started having shopping delivered so that they don't have to come with me.
in the beginning for me I think that's what I found the hardest to accept, the foreverness of it, that things could never go back to normal. He will miss out on so much and for the rest of their childhood but have to remind yourself it's not your fault x
Ok I'm thinking to do the same, SS were ok with you being the protective person and the supervisor? Is he allowed to visit the house because he has his own accomodation now?
I want to keep it as healthy as I can for my child but yeah same I'm struggling to accept that it's just me who's responsible for everything now. I'm sure it will all take some time to process and one day things will be happy again.
I want to keep it as healthy as I can for my child but yeah same I'm struggling to accept that it's just me who's responsible for everything now. I'm sure it will all take some time to process and one day things will be happy again.
Adjusting to being a single parent is the hardest. Having to do school drop offs and picks everyday by yourself and working full time is the hardest part. Then it's juggling school holidays all by yourself aswell. I took a weeks unpaid leave over the Easter holidays as my daughter was getting upset as the thought of going into holiday club. SS don't care, they even used it against me, they put it in their assessment on whether I can provide for my daughter. They are absolute rats! What they don't know is how financially secure I am because they never asked, losing a weeks income as a one off doesn't bother me. I've already told the SW that my daughter will have to go into holiday club over the six weeks and any planned visits will have to be at 6pm as that is when she will be home. SW face just dropped, they are clearly used to dealing with people who don't work. She was talking about a planned visit on on 28th July, as she has a court hearing all that week she said she will drop by first. I just said I'll be at work and daughter will be in holiday club. She was just casually talking like she was expecting me to be at home and booking her visit in her calandar! Xx
I am supervising contact at moment as I really didn't want kids having any more change. It is hard as he comes to the house and presents as the great dad he always has been and my boys are so happy to see him. I try to take time to sit in the next room and have a cuppa. It is all quite tiring but I am trying to be guided by the kids behaviour and requests when it comes to seeing their dad. Give yourself permission to not know what to do....my mind changes hourly. We are processing grief and trauma and just eating, cuddling kids and trying to sleep is enough for now