Ground zero
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Hi all, 2 weeks ago my family life was blown apart by a knock at the door! Turns out my husband had been looking at and sending child abuse images over the internet, as well as attempting to incite a child to watch videos of him masterbating and attempting to meet up with her. The content was horrific and so alien to the man I know. He was loved by all as a real pillar of the community and so timid and bashful.
No idea where to go from here but am left alone with children in a house I can't afford.I feel guilty by association and so so shameful. I don't know if we should run and hide or face it out, don't know what to expect from sentencing or the future. Everything feels very uncertain and frightening.
Any shared experience or reassuring words/advice would be hugely appreciated as I feel very alone x
No idea where to go from here but am left alone with children in a house I can't afford.I feel guilty by association and so so shameful. I don't know if we should run and hide or face it out, don't know what to expect from sentencing or the future. Everything feels very uncertain and frightening.
Any shared experience or reassuring words/advice would be hugely appreciated as I feel very alone x
Hi, I'm so sorry your husband has brought this into your life. This process to sentencing could take years, unfortunately. A few of your comments really resonated with me. My now ex husband was also quiet, mild mannered, pillar of the community. I also wondered if he was gay during our long marriage. We had problems with intimacy which he allowed me to believe was my fault due to my weight. The day after the arrest, he admitted to me that he'd started having sexual feelings towards children from the age of 12/13. He married me to try to "have a normal life". My weight was not the issue. The issue was he is a P.
You don't need to make any drastic decisions straight away. This process is long. Take your time to make the right decisions for you.
Lucy Faithfull run an online course called INFORM. It covers all aspects of this journey such as Police procedures, social services, sentencing, courts and the press. It might be of value to you and might make you feel less alone through all this.
Wishing you all the very best. X
You don't need to make any drastic decisions straight away. This process is long. Take your time to make the right decisions for you.
Lucy Faithfull run an online course called INFORM. It covers all aspects of this journey such as Police procedures, social services, sentencing, courts and the press. It might be of value to you and might make you feel less alone through all this.
Wishing you all the very best. X
Thank you so much and I'm sorry you went through this too.
I also wondered if perhaps my husband was asexual or gay as we too had massive intimacy problems which I always managed to make excuses for. Eventually I assumed it was me and the fact I had put weight on. I genuinely thought we would be together forever so this is just broken my heart.
His initial reaction was to tell me to sell the house - we had only found out that morning what had happened, so to put that on me too was mind blowing. Talk about pulling the rug out from under us!
It's the house that worries me - how I will cope financially as a single parent. We had a really comfortable life and it feels unfair that the kids are going to lose everything they know. I also don't know if the media will find out and if people will be cruel and even blame me. I feel like I'm having to keep endless secrets and layer upon layer of lies which I hate doing :-(
I also wondered if perhaps my husband was asexual or gay as we too had massive intimacy problems which I always managed to make excuses for. Eventually I assumed it was me and the fact I had put weight on. I genuinely thought we would be together forever so this is just broken my heart.
His initial reaction was to tell me to sell the house - we had only found out that morning what had happened, so to put that on me too was mind blowing. Talk about pulling the rug out from under us!
It's the house that worries me - how I will cope financially as a single parent. We had a really comfortable life and it feels unfair that the kids are going to lose everything they know. I also don't know if the media will find out and if people will be cruel and even blame me. I feel like I'm having to keep endless secrets and layer upon layer of lies which I hate doing :-(
I hope you know you are not alone. I am 4 weeks in and feel the same worries about finance, being able to provide my kids with same standard of living and trying to hold it all together. Take your time to grieve, I fluctuate between tears, anger, numbness and feeling ok. Remember to eat, hydrate and breathe. We can only take it day by day
Thank you so so much. My emotions are definitely fluctuating - I'm mostly angry at the moment and profoundly sad. Wish I could see how all this will play out. I also don't know if I should move away and start again or stay in the area we know and love?
Bewildered you've been dreadfully hurt by something that is not your fault. Your mind may be all over the place for some time and there are so many unknowns. It seems these investigations rarely progress quickly so don't feel you have to rush into any decisions. Take your time and prioririse your own needs. You are very important and deserving of kindness and compassion - including your own.
Bewildered 54
"Should I move away", that's a complicated question to answer however, as someone who isn't able to move, I really wish I could. If I could, I 100% would. X
"Should I move away", that's a complicated question to answer however, as someone who isn't able to move, I really wish I could. If I could, I 100% would. X
It all just feels so unfair that we (collateral damage) have to run because of the shame brought on us by him. All I ever wanted was stability for my children and the thought of them having to start again from scratch is heartbreaking ????