Family and Friends Forum

Hi,

how old is your child? Personally I didn't want a contact centre because of the things it might expose my daughter to from other users of the centre. I would come up with two safety plans, one for supervised contact within the home and one for supervised contact in the community. I told ss that I'd like to be able to have flexibility around contact rather than set days and times. This allows for a more normal life for our daughter and also doesn't commit me to supervising contact on certain days if I'm not in the right place to do so.

I was pregnant at the knock so flexibility with a newborn was important. We were also fortunate that his parents could supervise alongside myself so if I needed to catch up on sleep or housework they were there xxx

When I initially spoke to SS there biggest concern related to whether I understood the seriousness of the charges, how I would keep children safe and whether I intended to return to relationship. And understanding what supervising a visit was E. G. Not leaving alone to go to loo, been able to say no to ex, keeping school updated if required.I was signed off as such to supervise contact. If I had any support network etc



I initially supervised contact but it was extremely emotionally draining. The ex had a pitty face on throughout whilst I tried to keep a happy visit. I recontacted SS for further advice as knew I couldn't emotionally continue to supervise without draining my energy. They signposted to contact centres which ex owould pay for and left to it.... Ex tried a couple who wouldn't allow because of charges and he tried to leave it to me then me.... I did find a couple who were willing to supervise but needed him to make contact and he had full details on investigation. He never did unfortunately so contact fizzled out as I was the one putting in the constant effort and it really wasn't my job to make him a good parent when all the doors were open and happy for contact.

Be confident with your chat to SS but also if your not sure and ask where to contact if you need any further information if the situation changes. They ultimately want to know you can and will put child first and safe.

Yeah he won't be allowed contact in the home until bail conditions change. Maybe have a plan in place for when things change with contacting ss as the top thing on that plan. A safety plan should be a living document and grow and change with your situation.
A really good example of this is Prairie moms reply to hopingonamiracles post in the family and children section.
Our daughter is 4 so mine includes what she currently knows regarding privacy and pants work including anatomically correct names for body parts xxx

I was allowed as much contact in the home as I wanted, because bail conditions said he couldn't live in the home and we got it clarified that meant overnights. So he'd come round at 7am and do the morning routine and come back after work and stay til 10ish helping me do everything. We wanted to keep family life as normal as possibly for our son.

You need to make it clear that your assumption is that your husband is guilty and that this means you know there is a possibility of risk to your child, and therefore they will be 100% supervised - no toilet trips or showers or being in a different room to your child when dad is at home.