Feeling stronger today
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Thanks to everyone who responded to my burnt out post on Sunday. I restarted Mirtazapine last night, got a decent night's sleep and woke without that awful seething dread that's been constant for the last fortnight. I was calm and present with the children getting them ready for school and residential trip, and feel able to work today.
I think the lesson for me is: this is such a traumatic process that I can't expect to get through it safely - with the children - without some kind of chemical support. I'm not weak - the process is horrendous. There's no shame in needing medication, nor pride to be taken in doing without it. I've tried and failed and mustn't beat myself up. I know I'm stuck with the Mirtazapine - and the carb cravings / expanding arse - for the rest of this year probably and I just need to be at peace with that.
life without it was awful but mostly it was the impact on my children - they matter more than getting back into my pre-knock clothes.
9 days to go til next (hopefully last) hearing.
I think the lesson for me is: this is such a traumatic process that I can't expect to get through it safely - with the children - without some kind of chemical support. I'm not weak - the process is horrendous. There's no shame in needing medication, nor pride to be taken in doing without it. I've tried and failed and mustn't beat myself up. I know I'm stuck with the Mirtazapine - and the carb cravings / expanding arse - for the rest of this year probably and I just need to be at peace with that.
life without it was awful but mostly it was the impact on my children - they matter more than getting back into my pre-knock clothes.
9 days to go til next (hopefully last) hearing.
I'm so glad to read you're feeling stronger. Its a clichéd thing to say but if you need insulin for diabetes, aspirin for angina etc you take them. This is no different - if you need some chemical help to get through this period, then take it. I've been on citalopram for anxiety for almost 2 decades, and last year I'd successfully reduced the dose to 10mg. Perimenopausal anxiety, fatique, trouble sleeping and generally feeling overwhelmed started to kick in, so I increased my dose back to 20mg. And boy, am I glad I did, because, even though I'm a strong, independent person, I'm not sure I'd be getting through my own situation and coping with it without that chemical help. Xx
Never feel ashamed to get help through what everyone would consider their worst nightmare.
The fact I'm still a functioning human and haven't needed serious mental health intervention is a miracle. Don't get me wrong it's going to take a lot more therapy, black humour and some stress relief via rage fuelled exercise to get me anywhere near "normal" but hey. We all deserve medals as big as pizzas for getting through this hellscape. We did not ask for this or deserve this and LisaMaggieMarge you are an inspiration sharing your hardest times via the forum to help raise up others stuck in the situation. Thank you. Chin up chick. You're bloody amazing, just keep going.
The fact I'm still a functioning human and haven't needed serious mental health intervention is a miracle. Don't get me wrong it's going to take a lot more therapy, black humour and some stress relief via rage fuelled exercise to get me anywhere near "normal" but hey. We all deserve medals as big as pizzas for getting through this hellscape. We did not ask for this or deserve this and LisaMaggieMarge you are an inspiration sharing your hardest times via the forum to help raise up others stuck in the situation. Thank you. Chin up chick. You're bloody amazing, just keep going.