Friday check-in
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Hello, Friday check-in,
I had the week off work. The kids and I drove 5 hours to visit an old friend and her kids for a few days. I've known this friend since kindergarten and she's one of the only ones who've stuck by me. We had a lovely time. Went on a hike and spent a day at the beach and ate ice cream and watched movies. The kids all got along really well and it was so nice to see them smiling and having fun. I hope you all had a good week.
I had the week off work. The kids and I drove 5 hours to visit an old friend and her kids for a few days. I've known this friend since kindergarten and she's one of the only ones who've stuck by me. We had a lovely time. Went on a hike and spent a day at the beach and ate ice cream and watched movies. The kids all got along really well and it was so nice to see them smiling and having fun. I hope you all had a good week.
Happy Saturday Friday check in <3
Prairie your trip to see trusted friends sounds absolutely wonderful. Soul-restoring stuff. I'm taking my beautiful girls on a much smaller-scale road trip at the start of school holidays, to see family and friends and get away from everything.
I'm nicely numbed by the Mirtazapine - it's a relief to be back on it - and although my brain is working hard in little bursts I'm sort of not getting caught up in it.
I've asked to see the chat log in advance of Friday's (hopefully sentencing) hearing. I just want to be prepared for what salacious headline grabbing tidbit is going to be jumped on by the local paper. I don't want to see it until the morning of the hearing as it'll just fill me with useless rage / sadness / humiliation when I want to be focusing on keeping my daughters strong and keeping myself well.
I feel a lot of 'mental clarity' this week, but again I don't know if that's my brain trying to control the narrative by coming to a conclusion about things. I found myself looking at smaller houses again last night, as life would be so affordable if I downsized rather than cling on with an interest only mortgage. But I am not making any decisions til my brain chemistry is more stable. And it'll be the children who make that decision- do they want to be able to go on holidays, or do they want to keep the big house but live very modestly indeed until university, when I'd plan to sell up to pay for tuition etc.
Downsizing would also pretty much necessitate divorce which I just don't have the mental reserves for right now. So I think I'll plan to stay put and be very stingy. See, my brain is focused on 10 years away as it's easier to look at directly than 6 days from now...
Prairie your trip to see trusted friends sounds absolutely wonderful. Soul-restoring stuff. I'm taking my beautiful girls on a much smaller-scale road trip at the start of school holidays, to see family and friends and get away from everything.
I'm nicely numbed by the Mirtazapine - it's a relief to be back on it - and although my brain is working hard in little bursts I'm sort of not getting caught up in it.
I've asked to see the chat log in advance of Friday's (hopefully sentencing) hearing. I just want to be prepared for what salacious headline grabbing tidbit is going to be jumped on by the local paper. I don't want to see it until the morning of the hearing as it'll just fill me with useless rage / sadness / humiliation when I want to be focusing on keeping my daughters strong and keeping myself well.
I feel a lot of 'mental clarity' this week, but again I don't know if that's my brain trying to control the narrative by coming to a conclusion about things. I found myself looking at smaller houses again last night, as life would be so affordable if I downsized rather than cling on with an interest only mortgage. But I am not making any decisions til my brain chemistry is more stable. And it'll be the children who make that decision- do they want to be able to go on holidays, or do they want to keep the big house but live very modestly indeed until university, when I'd plan to sell up to pay for tuition etc.
Downsizing would also pretty much necessitate divorce which I just don't have the mental reserves for right now. So I think I'll plan to stay put and be very stingy. See, my brain is focused on 10 years away as it's easier to look at directly than 6 days from now...
Prairie - your trip sounds like just what you needed. Lisa - i hope yours is too.
I visited one of my oldest friends too this week. We spent a lovely couple of days together, doing some really nice things, chatting, reminiscing, and the weather was beautiful. I also told her about what my idiot husband has done, and while absolutely stunned, she's been wonderfully supportive.
Then, on returning home, I found out he's been looking at IIOC for years, not just since last December. All the way through our 13 year relationship. He says it was sporadic and sometimes went months or even years between looking, but that's irrelevant. He swears he'd told me when I first demanded the truth after his arrest, but I either misunderstood, or he thought he'd told me but hadn't, but it brought everything crashing down around me again. I'd already decided to tell him I want to seperate, but that revelation has sped that process up. So on Wednesday I ended my marriage and told him to leave. He's still at home now but I'll be putting the pressure on for him to go ASAP.
This weekend I'm throwing myself into work as a distraction and a way to avoid him, and meeting a good friend for lunch. Xx
I visited one of my oldest friends too this week. We spent a lovely couple of days together, doing some really nice things, chatting, reminiscing, and the weather was beautiful. I also told her about what my idiot husband has done, and while absolutely stunned, she's been wonderfully supportive.
Then, on returning home, I found out he's been looking at IIOC for years, not just since last December. All the way through our 13 year relationship. He says it was sporadic and sometimes went months or even years between looking, but that's irrelevant. He swears he'd told me when I first demanded the truth after his arrest, but I either misunderstood, or he thought he'd told me but hadn't, but it brought everything crashing down around me again. I'd already decided to tell him I want to seperate, but that revelation has sped that process up. So on Wednesday I ended my marriage and told him to leave. He's still at home now but I'll be putting the pressure on for him to go ASAP.
This weekend I'm throwing myself into work as a distraction and a way to avoid him, and meeting a good friend for lunch. Xx
Poppet there's a book called 'Mending a Shattered Heart' that I partly listened to on Audible. Couldn't finish it as I felt (like S-Anon) that the presumption was on the woman standing by the offender.
Anyway, one of the things that stayed with me was the observation that 'partial disclosure' by the addict is so profoundly damaging. I listened early in the post-knock months and thought 'well my person at least seems to be being honest with me'. Then the OIC visited the day of charging, and told me additional information that wouldn't form part of the charges, but was actually more horrifying to me. The impact of that was like a second knock. It absolutely knocked the air out of me. When I confronted my husband and said how I shouldn't be receiving new information if he'd been honest, he said 'but I told you I'd done things I was ashamed of.' As though that covered everything.
Tbh your person sounds like mine - very focused on the practicalities (specifically money) and very much 'but I'm a good person now'.
Sending hugs and copious wine (not that I drink much anymore) x
Anyway, one of the things that stayed with me was the observation that 'partial disclosure' by the addict is so profoundly damaging. I listened early in the post-knock months and thought 'well my person at least seems to be being honest with me'. Then the OIC visited the day of charging, and told me additional information that wouldn't form part of the charges, but was actually more horrifying to me. The impact of that was like a second knock. It absolutely knocked the air out of me. When I confronted my husband and said how I shouldn't be receiving new information if he'd been honest, he said 'but I told you I'd done things I was ashamed of.' As though that covered everything.
Tbh your person sounds like mine - very focused on the practicalities (specifically money) and very much 'but I'm a good person now'.
Sending hugs and copious wine (not that I drink much anymore) x
Hi LisaMargeMaggie - thanks for that recommendation, I'll give it a listen. I'm sure there's going to be plenty that will be relevant and helpful. Speaking of wine, I decided a whole bottle of wine to myself last night was a great idea. It really wasn't! I'm working up to telling idiot husband he has 2 weeks to leave, so that coupled with a hangover is not a good combination! A Berocca and cola will sort me out I'm sure. X