Family and Friends Forum

How long does this process normally take I'm so lost and in the same position as lady above

Thank you I just have no idea, they have sized devices so assuming it will be longer than six weeks, I have been asked if I want full disclosure but am scared I feel helpless at the moment I'm not sure where to gain correct information.

Thank you I appreciate this, I just feel so sad. I'm not sure what to say to people I'm just avoiding everything and everyone. I will wait a little longer until I'm stronger for full disclosure I think.

Get full disclosure. Find out everything you can!

It is a slow process. I'm so sorry to be depressing, but I wouldn't expect forensics to come back before 12 months (it was 15 in 'my' case). Treat anything less than 12 months as a bonus.

Thanks for your advice

I went against the usual advice and told both families and a small circle of friends. Everyone has been great and nearly two years later not a word has leaked out. Everyone else was told we were separating because of infidelity (which was also true - he admitted to years of online / offline cheating). I have no idea how I would have coped without telling people - 'my' case is at the waiting on CPS stage and I think I feel less stressed knowing all the people who really matter already know. And I hate lying. I think it's also been good for my children (teen & preteen) - they know there are people inside and outside the family they can talk to freely if they need to - my eldest actually has the numbers of two or three family friends in his phone and knows he can ring them. I think that may well have got me an easier ride with SS as well - I was able to reassure SS that plenty of people around the children were in the know, which is a positive from a safeguarding perspective. And if it hits the media and some other people are dicks about it, I can point to a list of people who've all known for years and still care about them just the same.

But that is very very much not the advice you'll hear from other people, and some people have gotten badly burnt. I just think I'd have had a breakdown trying to carry it all, and friends & family would not unreasonably feel lied to when it came out.

ES - regarding telling people. Its totally up to you and who you have around you that you trust with your life. All i can do to help is tell you my perspective.

When the police came to my house in early February, I called my best friend after they left. It didnt even feel like a decision, it was automatic. I don't know how I would've got through that day without her. A couple of weeks later I accidentally told a couple more of really close friends. That was by accident, when they asked me how my husband was, and I crumbled.

The whole thing has been too huge to be able to keep in, and my friends know me too well for my hiding it to be convincing. I've since told some more of my closest friends and my parents. He doesn't know this, but he has no right to know.

I don't know how I would be getting through this without all of them. I think I would've retreated into my own world and been very isolated. They've also been the voice of reason that I've needed. Some things a couple of them have said have been quite blunt and hard to accept, but its helped break through the fog. If that hadn't have happened, I might have still been excusing his behaviour, been distanced myself from friends I've known for 30 years and more, and become very lonely, living in suspicion and fear. I know I'm lucky to have these people in my life, and I hope you have people like that too. Xx

Hey there. I had that horrible knock on my door 4 days before my daughters 1st Christmas. He had already left for work and I was completely disorientated because only a few days before I'd been in A&E with my daughter until 3am so I was very tired still with a recovering baby. The police where really lovely, there was quiet a lot of them I think it's a bit of a blur now. They checked the laptop at the house as i use it too, rhey found devises i forgot we even owned and i was like if you can get it to work search it but ive not seen that in 5 years. He was arrested at work, but they did it as discreatly as you can. It's been a hard nearly 7 months! The only update I've had is they were hoping to search his phone last months. Admittedly I've not been asking for updates because it's just easier to avoid it all and i just dont have time.When im not looking after my child im at work. It's a long process is what I've found. We have been lucky and the friends we have told have been very understanding and I know that's not always the case. It has split his family the ones that do know which made christmas difficult.

Does anyone know likely outcomes?