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Too little too late

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Dad in Limbo

Member since
June 2025

33 posts

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cm2zrylqzeyo

Wish this had been on the curriculum 6 or 7 years back ?? might have helped some of our young people...

Posted Tue July 15, 2025 8:15amReport post

Justdontknow

Member since
March 2024

34 posts

I think along side this, sex education needs to brought upto date.

In i.t classes, they need to be taught about online behaviour and actions.



I know one of the investigation officers on my sons case is doing 3 days per week to go into schools to teach them about the dangers not to themselves but about the law an the dangers to everyone else, but not every school wishes to take part. Which I dont think is right.... they should all be actively taking part.

Posted Tue July 15, 2025 11:35amReport post

Dad in Limbo

Member since
June 2025

33 posts

Totally agree, how are young adults supposed to fully understand the law.. l even think that social media needs no take responsibility and explain the laws in relation to using their apps.. but it is sadly an elephant in a room that no-one wants to address.. instead parents have to do their best to advise..

Posted Tue July 15, 2025 12:03pmReport post

BewilderedMum

Member since
May 2025

5 posts

dad in limbo / justdontknow

I agree with you both. Education is key to preventing more young men and their families going through this awful experience.

The dangers of 'free' online porn needs to be hammered home to boys and young men as this seems to be a common escalation pathway with IIOC bundled with 'normal' porn.

Rather than just expecting boys to fully comprehend the impacts on the victims of what they are watching, they need telling (repeatedly) how wrong (and illegal) it is to view IIOC... And they need to know that if they get caught the police will come to their home to arrest them and take all their devices and that they will face a conviction and feel shame because everyone will know, and they may feel like their life is over before it has even started.

The ease of accessibility of indecent content on popular social media sites is mind blowing - why has nothing been done about this yet? Society, it seems, is expecting young people to police themselves on it while they still believe in the myth of online anonymity.

Parents, as well as young people, need educating so they can have conversations with their young people about this. I was oblivious to all of this prior to the knock that has turned my world upside down. How I wish I'd known my son was watching porn from age 10/11 and had 'the conversation' with him sooner.

Posted Wed July 16, 2025 8:04pm
Edited Wed July 16, 2025 9:39pmReport post

Ajustcopingparent

Member since
August 2024

183 posts

I think a lot of kids don't realise they are still classed as children up to the age 18. People think IIOC and automatically assume the younger age bracket. I remember when my son was interviewed just turned 16 they just kept reiterating a child is someone under 18. Again this leads us to believe this relates to someone around his age.

Education for me is key. I never expected to be here with my son whose terrified of getting into trouble. The solicitor on day of arrest said normally they give him more information but they have just left us in limbo and it does feel like his life is over before it's began with first year at college ruined due to the stress. But nobody cares about the impact on these young lives.

Posted Wed July 16, 2025 11:34pmReport post

Holdingthegrenade

Member since
June 2024

262 posts

Hi all

My child has just had sex education in school and a separate online safety talk from the police in school (selfies, gaming chat etc) in Yr5. So it's definitely a step in the right direction.

Unfortunately they already knew a lot of the content as their dad was arrested about a year before. It has helped open up conversations about bodies, privacy and safety. It's reinforced what we've already told them. Parents are also thinking twice about leaving kids unsupervised/unrestricted online and with mobile phones and talking more about it in general so again more awareness.

Its just a shame that this type of thing wasn't taught to my age group (or many of the older teens/adults who didn't get this and were just handed smartphones with cameras and internet access with no idea what the laws were). I've only got the level of knowledge after all we've been through recently.

Now if someone can invent a virus that infects phones/PCs/internet and just auto deletes all this awful IIOC and chat involving children so it literally is wiped as soon as it's uploaded....I'd be a happy mother.

Posted Tue July 29, 2025 8:55pmReport post

Dad in Limbo

Member since
June 2025

33 posts

Totally agree with everything above.. was speaking to the woman from Liaison and Diversion (reviewing our son's potential autism) and she said that far too many too young adults have been let down by technology and social media.. Even mainstream music in my opinion is making things worse.. for instance CMAT's latest song.. l understand the back story but when teenagers hear the lyrics they can easily be taken in a different way.. and this can then transfer to social media..

At no point l have ever condoned my sons actions, but l do have sympathy for him... and l do genuinely feel that he never had the conversations he was having with intent to commit a crime.. l just don't think he even thought he was committing one.. just have to wait this out wondering what l could have done differently...

Posted Wed July 30, 2025 10:31amReport post

Winnie07

Member since
April 2022

119 posts

Hi Dad in Limbo,

yes I couldn't agree more with you. My son was diagnosed with Autism aged 19 after many difficult years. He was isolated and had not a single friend. He has solidly maintained that he just wanted a friend. He has been assessed by both Psychologist and Psychiatrist who support him in believing that he had no criminal intent and his risk is virtually nil. Whilst obviously what he did was very wrong (entrapped by vigilantes) , he would never intentionally hurt anyone or break the law. He is too scared.

This massive error of judgment will cost him dearly - I suppose it already has as the past 3.5 yrs have destroyed any bit of confidence he had.

Posted Wed July 30, 2025 11:48amReport post

Starr

Member since
December 2024

201 posts

Oh my life! The CMAT lyrics... I just checked..I'm sure she has no idea but this is part of the problem isn't it? It's all become so blurred. How are young people supposed to know where the hard boundaries/lines are in a world that is opaque?

AI, such easy access to pornography. It's an utter minefield.

Not excusing any of it but the context matters doesn't it? Although legally it doesn't and that seems unjust

Posted Fri August 1, 2025 2:30pmReport post

Dad in Limbo

Member since
June 2025

33 posts

Starr,

Totally.. have actually started turning off the song on the radio when it comes on... so misleading for young minds...

Posted Fri August 1, 2025 6:35pmReport post

Bethan

Member since
July 2025

4 posts

I feel the same that education is the key. I don't think my son realised when he was looking at images, how easily IIOC could be mixed up with those and what a devastating effect it could have.
This is obviously an enormous problem if people are waiting so long within this awful process.
surely, rather than have young people waiting for awful consequences and having their lives ruined at a young age, education is the key. Also, in my view, social media apps etc need holding to account.


our young people have grown up in an online world but aren't always aware of what they can get caught up in and how they can get caught up with something illegal too.
Surely it's time for education to really step up - even tv advertising would help - much cheaper I would think than the cost of investigations/ court etc.

I feel absolutely devastated as I know so many of you do. Like so many, my mental health and physical health has suffered massively. Not to mention my son who has shut down massively. I really fear for him as this process goes on.

There is not enough help out there- all I'm told by 'talking therapies' is that 'it's understandable I feel like this' - I've also faced 2 bereavement's this year and have been unable to grieve due to this massive burden I have carry every day.


sorry for the rant

Posted Sun August 3, 2025 4:21pm
Edited Sun August 3, 2025 4:29pmReport post

Quick exit