Everything's getting worse, I can't cope anymore
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I honestly thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel, SS said they were looking at closing my case everything was positive. Then I found out after being separated for nearly a month that I was pregnant. I was so shocked but happy & excited, up until my last PLO where I was made to feel disgusting and stupid for even entertaining the idea of being with my Ex, and the thing is- I believed them. They decided then and there to say it's escalating to court, even my solicitor was shocked.
Then, when I was having my dating scan...It was never meant to be and I miscarried a week later. My whole world is crashing and burning, I felt so libarated finally leaving my husband, excited to start a new life as much as the pregnancy was a shock, I was going to do it alone just fine but now its not happening.
I've never even had the chance to grieve as I'm bombarded with emails, letters, meetings about the upcoming court to the point where I just feel completely broken and numb. My whole mood & personality has changed massively for the worst and theres nothing anyone can do to help. Then to top it all off the one representing my toddler in court already sees me in a very negative light the whole "how could anyone even THINK of being with a man like that" hit hard and it makes me feel so ashamed of myself that I really am as stupid as they think I am. I made a mistake, I know that, and I regret it and I even hate myself for it. I wish I could just run away or even do the worst, but I can't for my child I can't but I just can't keep living like this anymore...
Then, when I was having my dating scan...It was never meant to be and I miscarried a week later. My whole world is crashing and burning, I felt so libarated finally leaving my husband, excited to start a new life as much as the pregnancy was a shock, I was going to do it alone just fine but now its not happening.
I've never even had the chance to grieve as I'm bombarded with emails, letters, meetings about the upcoming court to the point where I just feel completely broken and numb. My whole mood & personality has changed massively for the worst and theres nothing anyone can do to help. Then to top it all off the one representing my toddler in court already sees me in a very negative light the whole "how could anyone even THINK of being with a man like that" hit hard and it makes me feel so ashamed of myself that I really am as stupid as they think I am. I made a mistake, I know that, and I regret it and I even hate myself for it. I wish I could just run away or even do the worst, but I can't for my child I can't but I just can't keep living like this anymore...
This is awful and im not sure what to say. So sorry for your loss and that they have started care proceedings. SS are disgusting people on how they think they can remove a child from a non offending parent - it's gut wrenching. How old is your child? It's the judge who makes the decision, not SS, just make sure you and your solicitor put a strong case together - you can get through this, the love towards your child will make sure of that xx
Thank you Upset Mother, LUCKILY they aren't looking at removing my child from my care the way they described it was basicly everything is the same except they're looking at reducing how much contact my ex and our child has which I agreed to. Honestly if they were I don't think I'd be here typing this. My child is 2 but can't speak for themselves, I think even if my child was a teen SS wouldn't care less.
But the whole thing has made me just despise all SWs, yeah I know there might be some good ones out there, but in my experience, they're all two faced liars, saying one thing to my face then putting the complete opposite in their reports.
My solicitor's been amazing and isn't afraid to push back and ask questions that make them squirm, right now I've done all I can, once I get paid I'm finally looking at actual divorce proceedings and looking at how and where I can live. Luckily I've managed to get into contact with my therapist and we're looking at restarting sessions so hopefully that can help me, even if its just a little bit xx
But the whole thing has made me just despise all SWs, yeah I know there might be some good ones out there, but in my experience, they're all two faced liars, saying one thing to my face then putting the complete opposite in their reports.
My solicitor's been amazing and isn't afraid to push back and ask questions that make them squirm, right now I've done all I can, once I get paid I'm finally looking at actual divorce proceedings and looking at how and where I can live. Luckily I've managed to get into contact with my therapist and we're looking at restarting sessions so hopefully that can help me, even if its just a little bit xx
Completely agree about SW's - they are horrible people. They are not there to support and help, their sole intention is to judge. The 1st SW I had was a recent graduate and she was the most arrogant and obnoxious person I've ever met. I have always wondered if judges do remove children from mothers due to the fathers online offending- is it really justifiable. I am glad it's in relation to contact rather than removal in your case. I'm in the PLO process and have my capacity to protect assessment next week x
Hopefully your assessment goes OK, it's really not that bad just a lot of talking, even about pretty intimate details.
I've put in so many complaints about SS but clearly it doesn't do anything or even change their attitude, like they know they can do or say whatever they want and know they can get away with it. My current SW is basicly a walking script and the one before used to brag how many years experience they had but I've never met a more incompetent person.
I was really hoping that this would all be over but now it looks like I have at least another year of their useless involvement. They know my child is safe, my ex never even lived with us and now we're getting a divorce it's like God what more do you people want from me you know? X
I've put in so many complaints about SS but clearly it doesn't do anything or even change their attitude, like they know they can do or say whatever they want and know they can get away with it. My current SW is basicly a walking script and the one before used to brag how many years experience they had but I've never met a more incompetent person.
I was really hoping that this would all be over but now it looks like I have at least another year of their useless involvement. They know my child is safe, my ex never even lived with us and now we're getting a divorce it's like God what more do you people want from me you know? X
What's happened to you is awful. You are not stupid, they are simply ignorant!! I can't stand these people. I can't offer any "help" but I completely understand and empathise with you. I know it feels like it a lot of the time but you're not alone. I'm more than happy to "hold your hand". X
So I have an update since going to court, honestly I was terrified but the SS got what they wanted and more. My child is staying with me thankfully but obv they want to do futher assessments and all that other stuff, thing is its been ordered that my ex cannot come round my parents house at all, no phonecalls to my child, literally nothing to the point where even I can't speak to him.
Like, I know what he did was very wrong, we've been separated and are going through a divorce I don't FEEL for him anymore but what these "people" fail to see is that we've been together for years, not only was he my husband, but also my best friend so to hear that I was basicly banned from seing/talking to him for whoever knows how long was a shock and I can't just switch off my feelings. But we did agree to it and we will stick by it. Even if he is my ex I am worried that now he's completely isolated that he may do something stupid, I can't even ask if he's ok, I can't even go to my own house, nothing.
he didn't even get to say goodbye to our child and knowing SS they'll probably take forever and a day to arrange any sort of contact, and saying goodbye to him, never knowing when I'll actually be able to talk to him again felt so much harder than saying that I wanted a divorce, we wanted to be friends for the sake of our child, and we can't even do that.
But we still have a very long road ahead with a ton of uncertainties, so I can only hope that things will get better in the future x
Like, I know what he did was very wrong, we've been separated and are going through a divorce I don't FEEL for him anymore but what these "people" fail to see is that we've been together for years, not only was he my husband, but also my best friend so to hear that I was basicly banned from seing/talking to him for whoever knows how long was a shock and I can't just switch off my feelings. But we did agree to it and we will stick by it. Even if he is my ex I am worried that now he's completely isolated that he may do something stupid, I can't even ask if he's ok, I can't even go to my own house, nothing.
he didn't even get to say goodbye to our child and knowing SS they'll probably take forever and a day to arrange any sort of contact, and saying goodbye to him, never knowing when I'll actually be able to talk to him again felt so much harder than saying that I wanted a divorce, we wanted to be friends for the sake of our child, and we can't even do that.
But we still have a very long road ahead with a ton of uncertainties, so I can only hope that things will get better in the future x
I honestly cannot believe they took you to court and very quickly! How are you feeling now xx
Honestly it was the quickest thing SS have ever done, I am feeling a little bit better but nerves are still at an all time high. I was thinking about emailing my ex's probation/offending officer to check up on him because I know he won't ask for help but I don't know if he'd do anything to himself but even then I don't know if that's overstepping or "showing that I still care about him".
Right now I'm trying to let the dust settle over the weekend and finally have a chance to breathe as literally these past couple of weeks its been every single day. Just trying to take it one step at a time xx
Right now I'm trying to let the dust settle over the weekend and finally have a chance to breathe as literally these past couple of weeks its been every single day. Just trying to take it one step at a time xx
Tryingtokeephope
OMG I'm so sorry for your loss. I think the one thing SS forget about this is it's an awful shock and many of us have been with our partners most of our lives. It takes a very long time to get over the shock and the trauma of what theyve done, before we can even begin to accept it and decide what to do. Unfortunately no matter how hard we try some of us may not be able to instantly hate these men and what theyve done because they still look and sound like the person we loved and thought we knew. Unfortunately theyre sometimes one of the only people who know what we're going through (mostly because they've caused it).
The fact that social services throw you in the deep end right whilst your head is still in pieces anyone would make bad decisions at the start! Especially as many of us may not have known the full story, or had any idea what our people were upto at that point.
You are a human being with feelings and cannot just switch them off. As you've said your priority has always been your children; you chose them over your person and always would have; so what is their reasoning? As for the comment how could you think of sleeping with a man like that? Like what? Your partner, A man you've loved for years, the father of your child? You've admitted yourself it was a bad decision but how did that put your child at risk? It happened before you had decided to separate, had it happened afterward I could understand their worries. I bet they're not half as bothered about who your ex may or may not be sleeping with. Why is this a witch hunt against the non-offending partners? This really frustrates me. Where is their empathy or compassion. Youve just lost a baby and a husband and they're trying to take you to court to stop your child from seeing their father as much? Sorry if I'm coming across as stupid but how is that helping the mother to protect their child and try give the child a safe and normal childhood. Somebody make it make sense.
Also what they fail to realise is some of us (speaking only of my experience here) don't want to have any relationship with our ex....but like it or not they are the father of my child and it is in my child's best interests to have the person they love in their life (safely and within what is allowed), and that is purely why I'm facilitating it because I know my child will be emotionally and mentally harmed to no longer have their dad in their life. I am my child's mother, I know them best and have known and loved them their whole life -I'm the expert on the subject of MY child.
OMG I'm so sorry for your loss. I think the one thing SS forget about this is it's an awful shock and many of us have been with our partners most of our lives. It takes a very long time to get over the shock and the trauma of what theyve done, before we can even begin to accept it and decide what to do. Unfortunately no matter how hard we try some of us may not be able to instantly hate these men and what theyve done because they still look and sound like the person we loved and thought we knew. Unfortunately theyre sometimes one of the only people who know what we're going through (mostly because they've caused it).
The fact that social services throw you in the deep end right whilst your head is still in pieces anyone would make bad decisions at the start! Especially as many of us may not have known the full story, or had any idea what our people were upto at that point.
You are a human being with feelings and cannot just switch them off. As you've said your priority has always been your children; you chose them over your person and always would have; so what is their reasoning? As for the comment how could you think of sleeping with a man like that? Like what? Your partner, A man you've loved for years, the father of your child? You've admitted yourself it was a bad decision but how did that put your child at risk? It happened before you had decided to separate, had it happened afterward I could understand their worries. I bet they're not half as bothered about who your ex may or may not be sleeping with. Why is this a witch hunt against the non-offending partners? This really frustrates me. Where is their empathy or compassion. Youve just lost a baby and a husband and they're trying to take you to court to stop your child from seeing their father as much? Sorry if I'm coming across as stupid but how is that helping the mother to protect their child and try give the child a safe and normal childhood. Somebody make it make sense.
Also what they fail to realise is some of us (speaking only of my experience here) don't want to have any relationship with our ex....but like it or not they are the father of my child and it is in my child's best interests to have the person they love in their life (safely and within what is allowed), and that is purely why I'm facilitating it because I know my child will be emotionally and mentally harmed to no longer have their dad in their life. I am my child's mother, I know them best and have known and loved them their whole life -I'm the expert on the subject of MY child.