Family and Friends Forum

Help for offenders who want to change ?

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Lostsoulxo

Member since
January 2020

1 post

Posted Tue January 28, 2020 1:04amReport post

There's so many focuk spaces for people affected by someone else's actions. But when are people who offended who want help and to be listened too are actually going to get that?



So many like myself want to change. I don't know why I did what I did years ago and now I'm in trouble for breaching my SHPO (Deleted pornhub history from device).



Thing is, I asked my worker to place me in rehab or to put me on the horizon course because I need mental health help. She objected and said no.



Today I had my stuff seized by her and she's told me I won't be getting arrested but I'm lucky that she's being so easy on me. I have to go for a interview Friday and I'm just going to be straight up and tell them that there's nowhere to speak up or get help for someone to stop there actions before reoffending.



When will we finally be listened too? Not all of us are monsters and I see alot of posts here from wives and I can tell you, listen to your husbands. Noone else is willing too. We need to be able to speak about how we're feeling instead of being persecuted the moment we do.



II had so many goals for this year and now am just waiting for the knock all over again.

WorriedMum

Member since
July 2019

37 posts

Posted Wed January 29, 2020 5:21amReport post

A lot of women on here, whilst destroyed by their partners actions, are supportive of their husbands and DO listen. Or try to. My husband won't open up to me at all. But many have open , honest conversations with their partners or relatives and gain a real understanding of what is going on for them.

But it's also your responsibility to seek help. It is out there for you. Via LFF, StopSo, therapy. Yes there may be barriers to accessing this help but it IS available. A great place to start immediately is the free online modules on the StopItNow website. It's great that you have asked for help, and actively want help though. And frustrating that you haven't been offered horizon, did they say why?



Also it's your responsibility to strictly abide by your SHPO . Is accessing somewhere like pornhub a sensible place to visit considering your past actions? Some would argue that it's almost a "gateway drug" back to old habits.

This forum is intended as support for the families of offenders though - it's definitely worth you giving the Lucy Faithful Foundation Stop it Now helpline a call to talk this through.

snowdrop

Member since
September 2019

178 posts

Posted Wed January 29, 2020 11:08amReport post

Hello. LOST

I hope u get to read this reply before the LFF police remove it for not being part of there strict guidelines.

I think you should be commended in admitting you have a problem with porn and as with all addictions saying it loud and clear is the first step on the ladder of controlling its grip on your life.

As others have said hub.unlock.org.uk and the site fight the new drug Brain Heart World will also benefit you.

I hope the breach of your SHPO results in a slap across the wrist... If you are confident that only adult porn will be found then the authorities maybe sympathetic.

There is no need to delete porn hub and you won't be in trouble if this material is found on your phone however.... Its a slippery slope to the dark side of more extreme images and my advice is to avoid it if possible. Try and evaluate what reasons made you feel that porn was necessary to deal with the stress u were under and when that urge approaches like a dark cloud occupy your mind and yourself with something more constructive. Also put in place a porn blocker application on your phone or laptop... This will also help you from accessing this material simply by a few clicks....

Best wishes...

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

482 posts

Posted Thu January 30, 2020 3:58pmReport post

Hi Lostsoulxo,



I am sorry to hear that you are struggling to cope with your situation. Although it is positive that you are reaching out for support, unfortunately this forum would not be the best place for you to receive such support. This is because this forum has been designed for family and friends of those who have been involved in or allegedly involved in online sexual offences, therefore much of the content may not be relevant to your situation. I would therefore really encourage you to call the Stop it Now! helpline (0808 1000 900) if you have not done so already, in order to receive the best advice and support possible.



Kind regards,

Lucy

Edited by moderator Thu January 30, 2020 4:03pm