Getting fed up with social services
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My husband was arrested before Christmas for uploaded 2 class C images. No evidence of contact or communication offenses. I have a 1 year old and so social services are involved.
When this first happened I was still in the deep pit of depression caused by my traumatic birth and it feels social services have kept that against me as I really just didn't want to know at the start with any of what he had been accused of and why it may have happened. I'd made my decision to stay with him because this just isn't him and that was it. The rest at the time was irrelevant. I was trying to stop myself spiraling and loosing my child because I wasn't well.
Since then we have obviously had a chat, but social services havent seemed to aknowledge this and think im not taking the alligations seriously. Social services have gone over every single senario possible with me including him sexually assaulting our daughter in the future as an example of the more extreme scenarios. And despite going over and over and over again what I'd do in every single senario possible and how I would safe guard my daughter. When I had my family plan with social connections social services concerns were to me odd. We had been over them all multipul times. I know I'm not the best at articulation but it's now frustrating me. It's starting to feel the only option they want from me is I leave him because I have been asked a few times why I've stayed with him. And this is out of character doesn't cut it.
When this first happened I was still in the deep pit of depression caused by my traumatic birth and it feels social services have kept that against me as I really just didn't want to know at the start with any of what he had been accused of and why it may have happened. I'd made my decision to stay with him because this just isn't him and that was it. The rest at the time was irrelevant. I was trying to stop myself spiraling and loosing my child because I wasn't well.
Since then we have obviously had a chat, but social services havent seemed to aknowledge this and think im not taking the alligations seriously. Social services have gone over every single senario possible with me including him sexually assaulting our daughter in the future as an example of the more extreme scenarios. And despite going over and over and over again what I'd do in every single senario possible and how I would safe guard my daughter. When I had my family plan with social connections social services concerns were to me odd. We had been over them all multipul times. I know I'm not the best at articulation but it's now frustrating me. It's starting to feel the only option they want from me is I leave him because I have been asked a few times why I've stayed with him. And this is out of character doesn't cut it.
SS are a law to themselves I'm afraid. I'm fed up with them and I'm in the PLO process. There are a number of key things to know about them:
They generally don't like you staying with your partner as they see this as you minimising the risk and not being protective which is stupid and many women on here I'm sure can share their stories of staying together as a family.
They don't like you defending your partner ie he isn't a risk, it was out of character etc
They accuse you of putting your loyalty to your OH above the safety of your child again which is stupid.
Feel free to message me with any questions you have, they have been in my life for the last year for an offence that happened two years ago xx
They generally don't like you staying with your partner as they see this as you minimising the risk and not being protective which is stupid and many women on here I'm sure can share their stories of staying together as a family.
They don't like you defending your partner ie he isn't a risk, it was out of character etc
They accuse you of putting your loyalty to your OH above the safety of your child again which is stupid.
Feel free to message me with any questions you have, they have been in my life for the last year for an offence that happened two years ago xx
Oh they definitely don't like me then, i dont think it helps i have a newley qualified social worker and theyve made it rather clear they believe he is sexually attracted to children and there is no other possible reason to offend in this way other then that. What's frustrating is they really don't seem to get that you can support someone and want to move forward together because you understand why someone like my husband ends up offending in the way he has been accused of and still be very angry and not agree with any of it. All I get from them is if you don't agree with it then why stay? But yet say they don't want to force me to leave and know it's in the best interest if possible to stay together.
They've admitided they don't believe he is a danger to her physically from what they've seen of interactions though.
I want to help him, which is really hard to do when you're 35 miles away and you're jobs now clash with working hours.
Oh she's also manipulated things I've said to completely change the senario.And I'm like I'm just not going to be 100% honest if youre going to turn what I've said like that. They're getting a telling off from my parents for ringing me at work and asking leading questions during a time they know I'm not alone. I struggled to answer due to my senario and ended up crying for 3 hours because I knew they'd do the same again and manipulate what I've said.
They've admitided they don't believe he is a danger to her physically from what they've seen of interactions though.
I want to help him, which is really hard to do when you're 35 miles away and you're jobs now clash with working hours.
Oh she's also manipulated things I've said to completely change the senario.And I'm like I'm just not going to be 100% honest if youre going to turn what I've said like that. They're getting a telling off from my parents for ringing me at work and asking leading questions during a time they know I'm not alone. I struggled to answer due to my senario and ended up crying for 3 hours because I knew they'd do the same again and manipulate what I've said.
Where are you in the process? I'm guessing from the timeframe that forensics aren't back yet. My honest advice at this stage is to wait till you know more before making any decisions about the future. It's really not uncommon for the men involved to lie or minimise, even though rationally they must know it'll all come out anyway???? Also you can get disclosure with both the OIC and his solicitor, provided he agrees (and it's a red flag if he doesn't!). Though the OIC in my case is very cagey and tells no one anything anyway! I'd imagine these steps will help with SS as well - you can go to them and say that you want to be as informed as possible.
In the meantime there are lots of older threads which will help. When I came on here first I read through right through the forum going back years and it was very helpful.
In the meantime there are lots of older threads which will help. When I came on here first I read through right through the forum going back years and it was very helpful.
@ Sad&Scared Forensics haven't come back, they were hoping to do his phone by the end of June. So hopefully they get it done before the end of his next bail. It will then be easier to know what the future holds.
I know he hasn't lied to me, I have requested to not know past what the police told me - this is to protect my own mental health for now. The only thing I asked was that he be honest and if it was worse then image offenses to tell me now (i did say if its worse then just class C id be pissed but id forgive him. But again i dont know if this could be a portential yet, but im prepared for if it is). He did ask me a couple of months after he was arrested if I was going to leave him, and if I was to just do it. And I said as long as you haven't lied to me about it only being image offenses then I will help you and I still stay with you on the grounds that this was truly out of the blue and soo out of character. He doesn't do things that are against the law. Litrally will go back into the shop if they've missed something on the check out and pay for it type of person (its very cute how flustered he gets). He will also ruminate on it for months that he must have done something wrong for it to happen. So for him to even get to doing image offenses is truly out of character 100%.
Social services want every senario covered. Which we have at least 25 times in 7 months. It's very tiring. I see them every 3 weeks and then call every week some weeks. Some times I see them every week and a half ontop of a weekly call. They're rather annoying at this point due to that. I've had to take a lot of time off of work due to them, luckily works understanding but I'm going to run out of parental leave due to them
I know he hasn't lied to me, I have requested to not know past what the police told me - this is to protect my own mental health for now. The only thing I asked was that he be honest and if it was worse then image offenses to tell me now (i did say if its worse then just class C id be pissed but id forgive him. But again i dont know if this could be a portential yet, but im prepared for if it is). He did ask me a couple of months after he was arrested if I was going to leave him, and if I was to just do it. And I said as long as you haven't lied to me about it only being image offenses then I will help you and I still stay with you on the grounds that this was truly out of the blue and soo out of character. He doesn't do things that are against the law. Litrally will go back into the shop if they've missed something on the check out and pay for it type of person (its very cute how flustered he gets). He will also ruminate on it for months that he must have done something wrong for it to happen. So for him to even get to doing image offenses is truly out of character 100%.
Social services want every senario covered. Which we have at least 25 times in 7 months. It's very tiring. I see them every 3 weeks and then call every week some weeks. Some times I see them every week and a half ontop of a weekly call. They're rather annoying at this point due to that. I've had to take a lot of time off of work due to them, luckily works understanding but I'm going to run out of parental leave due to them