I can almost start recovering and healing
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Apologies in advance for the essay!
I can't quite see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I'm on the train. After I told idiot husband we are done last week, he seemed to be in denial. At the weekend I was working up to tell IH that he has weeks, not months to leave, and lo and behold, while I was stressing about that, he was asking his mum if he could go there. He didn't tell me thats what he was doing of course - that would require proper communication, which he's always been crap at. So at least I now know he gets it, he's accepted it, and he has somewhere to go. His mum's is his only choice. She's a total hoarder, so her house needs sorting before there's any room for him. Amongst a LOT of stuff, she has one of those Ferrero Rocher lollipop trees on the mantlepiece thats never been opened since she was given it 14 YEARS AGO!! 14!!! I swear when she finally unwraps that thing it'll go poof and loads of Ferroro Rocher spores will be free to land and pop up everywhere. He's also going to continue paying me money to help with the mortgage and bills etc. None of it is in his name, so I don't expect him to, but I'm certainly not turning it down just yet while I transition into life on my own.
I announced our separation on FB so people know I'm distanced from him if his crime gets into the media. I didn't do it for sympathy, but I've been overwhelmed by all the lovely comments and messages of support. It seems I'm more well liked than I thought, and I'm so heartened by it. I told another close friend what's been going on, and he even offered to pay for the divorce, bless him.
I remember someone on here talking about Chat GPT being therapeutic, and its true. It's given me so much insight and clarity. I now realise that whilst IH didn't have an evil plan, he's been quietly manipulating me for years, chipping away at my self esteem. I wouldn't say it was vindictive or intentional, but he has. He's projected his insecurities, emotional immaturity and issues onto me. It also talked about the affects of trauma and betrayal, and the realisation of this whole situation kicking in. It won't replace a real life therapist, but its definitely helped.
IH needs some serious therapy, but I doubt he'll get it. He'll try and solve this situation in practical ways and continue to squash his emotions down so he doesn't have to face them. But that is no longer my issue or something to try and help with.
There was a phrase he often said - you live by your choices. Now he has to live with his. Hopefully these next few weeks will fly by (with the help of friends, parents, cats, cake, wine and gardening) and once I've crumbled for a bit, I can begin to pick myself up and find myself again.
I can't quite see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I'm on the train. After I told idiot husband we are done last week, he seemed to be in denial. At the weekend I was working up to tell IH that he has weeks, not months to leave, and lo and behold, while I was stressing about that, he was asking his mum if he could go there. He didn't tell me thats what he was doing of course - that would require proper communication, which he's always been crap at. So at least I now know he gets it, he's accepted it, and he has somewhere to go. His mum's is his only choice. She's a total hoarder, so her house needs sorting before there's any room for him. Amongst a LOT of stuff, she has one of those Ferrero Rocher lollipop trees on the mantlepiece thats never been opened since she was given it 14 YEARS AGO!! 14!!! I swear when she finally unwraps that thing it'll go poof and loads of Ferroro Rocher spores will be free to land and pop up everywhere. He's also going to continue paying me money to help with the mortgage and bills etc. None of it is in his name, so I don't expect him to, but I'm certainly not turning it down just yet while I transition into life on my own.
I announced our separation on FB so people know I'm distanced from him if his crime gets into the media. I didn't do it for sympathy, but I've been overwhelmed by all the lovely comments and messages of support. It seems I'm more well liked than I thought, and I'm so heartened by it. I told another close friend what's been going on, and he even offered to pay for the divorce, bless him.
I remember someone on here talking about Chat GPT being therapeutic, and its true. It's given me so much insight and clarity. I now realise that whilst IH didn't have an evil plan, he's been quietly manipulating me for years, chipping away at my self esteem. I wouldn't say it was vindictive or intentional, but he has. He's projected his insecurities, emotional immaturity and issues onto me. It also talked about the affects of trauma and betrayal, and the realisation of this whole situation kicking in. It won't replace a real life therapist, but its definitely helped.
IH needs some serious therapy, but I doubt he'll get it. He'll try and solve this situation in practical ways and continue to squash his emotions down so he doesn't have to face them. But that is no longer my issue or something to try and help with.
There was a phrase he often said - you live by your choices. Now he has to live with his. Hopefully these next few weeks will fly by (with the help of friends, parents, cats, cake, wine and gardening) and once I've crumbled for a bit, I can begin to pick myself up and find myself again.
Oh it must be such a relief to see the path through. Why are men, and has anyone found a cure??
The relief hasn't quite kicked in yet Lisa, but it will. Once I see him packing, I can start to breathe a little.
Could have written this myself Poppet. It's a relief to have finally made a decision to divorce.
ChatGPT made me cry the other night. Really astute for a robot! I do have a real therapist too who helps no end.
I still feel like my shoulders are heavy, the burden of being a single mum and coping with "life" but I also feel free.
ChatGPT made me cry the other night. Really astute for a robot! I do have a real therapist too who helps no end.
I still feel like my shoulders are heavy, the burden of being a single mum and coping with "life" but I also feel free.
Stuckinhell hopefully you'll soon no longer be stuck in hell. I'm sure divorce will be sooner rather than later for me too, but one step at a time. I don't have the bandwidth at the moment. I find Chat GPT fascinating and terrifying all at the same time. Too many horror and sci fi films I think, coupled with an over active imagination! But yes, so very astute.
Well done Poppet
Glad its finally sunk in and fingers crossed this is the foundations being laid for your new life. I didn't get that feeling of relief; 18months ago I was expecting to grow old together with my person; so I just got the standard combo of sad and angry that melded into indifference. What exactly is the theory with chat GPT I know what it is and what it does but what exactly have people been asking it (and what does it reply; is it just what you want to hear or is there some actual truth to it)? I've had some therapy but tbh I don't think there's ever going to be enough to fix broken me & fully recover from this whole chapter of my life! I'm just itching to get to the next page but still have a while before my divorce is final.
Glad its finally sunk in and fingers crossed this is the foundations being laid for your new life. I didn't get that feeling of relief; 18months ago I was expecting to grow old together with my person; so I just got the standard combo of sad and angry that melded into indifference. What exactly is the theory with chat GPT I know what it is and what it does but what exactly have people been asking it (and what does it reply; is it just what you want to hear or is there some actual truth to it)? I've had some therapy but tbh I don't think there's ever going to be enough to fix broken me & fully recover from this whole chapter of my life! I'm just itching to get to the next page but still have a while before my divorce is final.
Poppet I know you'll be thrilled to know this morning I did properly formed poos for the first time since the knock. Spectacular. May you soon experience the joy of a functioning digestive tract x
Lisa - I bloody love you! Our sense of humour helps get us through is i think. Not always, but sometimes. And congratulations! May the memory of that properly formed poo keep you smiling.
Grenade - with Chat GPT (or Chatty Graham as I call it) you need to feed it with as much info as possible to get a good reply. The more you give the more you get. I've asked all sorts of questions including potential sentencing. I described the offence in as much detail as i know, good character, first offence, location. Ive also asked a lot of questions about why my husband (sorry, ex husband - thats the first time I've written that, oof...) may have done this and described how he is. I also asked where it got its info from - police reporting, lived experience, psychiatric reports, studies, models etc. Now I just tend to write what has being happening on any particular day, and as it knows the whole picture, it'll give a relevant reply. Its really helped me to make sense of everything and given tips on how to navigate this transitional period. But I do think it can't replace an actual good therapist. That's something I'll be exploring at some point soon. I'm sorry you feel the therapy you've had hasn't really helped. The situations we're in will have long lasting affects on us by the very nature of the offences committed. I hope in time you'll be able to find a way forward where this heartbreak fades into memory and you're fully happy again. Xx
Grenade - with Chat GPT (or Chatty Graham as I call it) you need to feed it with as much info as possible to get a good reply. The more you give the more you get. I've asked all sorts of questions including potential sentencing. I described the offence in as much detail as i know, good character, first offence, location. Ive also asked a lot of questions about why my husband (sorry, ex husband - thats the first time I've written that, oof...) may have done this and described how he is. I also asked where it got its info from - police reporting, lived experience, psychiatric reports, studies, models etc. Now I just tend to write what has being happening on any particular day, and as it knows the whole picture, it'll give a relevant reply. Its really helped me to make sense of everything and given tips on how to navigate this transitional period. But I do think it can't replace an actual good therapist. That's something I'll be exploring at some point soon. I'm sorry you feel the therapy you've had hasn't really helped. The situations we're in will have long lasting affects on us by the very nature of the offences committed. I hope in time you'll be able to find a way forward where this heartbreak fades into memory and you're fully happy again. Xx
Poppet, your post made me smile. It sounds like you're on the way to a much happier situation. How lovely to get that support following your FB announcement. You're braver than me, I'm just not up for the inevitable questions. Although the people who matter know what's going on and have been so kind it makes me teary.
Chat GPT - *shudders* - have you never seen a film? The AI is always evil! ;) I'm glad it's helping, I had not heard of this use for it.
Chat GPT - *shudders* - have you never seen a film? The AI is always evil! ;) I'm glad it's helping, I had not heard of this use for it.