Guilty feelings
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I'm supporting my person, but I've started to move on and distance myself from them - which has included moving out. I told myself I needed to do that or I'd break down and be no help to anyone. Was that just an excuse? I don't know.
Since moving out I feel lighter. It's sort of relief, like a weight's being taken off me gradually, and just contentment sometimes. But I also feel guilty for feeling that way. I feel like they are suffering so why should I be able to spend days at a time not thinking about CPS, possible sentencing outcomes, etc.
And maybe not just those things, but also the whole relationship which was often a stressful place to live. I feel like I've been let out of prison. And I feel like I don't deserve it. Does that make any sense at all?
Since moving out I feel lighter. It's sort of relief, like a weight's being taken off me gradually, and just contentment sometimes. But I also feel guilty for feeling that way. I feel like they are suffering so why should I be able to spend days at a time not thinking about CPS, possible sentencing outcomes, etc.
And maybe not just those things, but also the whole relationship which was often a stressful place to live. I feel like I've been let out of prison. And I feel like I don't deserve it. Does that make any sense at all?
You shouldn't feel guilty at all blessings, the reason you SHOULD be able to spend days at a time not thinking about all those horrible things is because you did not commit a crime, you have no reason to spend your time dreading all those things a because you're an innocent party in this, and it was pushed upon you by someone else's actions. I guess what I would think is that he did not feel guilty enough about what this would do to your life to not commit a crime. You have done nothing wrong and you are allowed to feel lighter and allowed to not feel terrible for something you haven't done. Take the time to think about whether the way you feel now is how you want to spend the next few years or if you want to sit in the misery with him, no judgement it's totally up to you, but I quite often here women on here disregard their own need for happiness to 'help' someone who turned their lives upside down without much care for the consequences for the woman.
Blessings,
you absolutely deserve to feel peace and joy in your life. The way you talk about your relationship suggests that it was stifling you to be in it before all of this happened. I supported from a distance for about 2 and a half years. That distance gave me space to heal and him space to take accountability, both things needed to happen. Sending you love and strength xxx
you absolutely deserve to feel peace and joy in your life. The way you talk about your relationship suggests that it was stifling you to be in it before all of this happened. I supported from a distance for about 2 and a half years. That distance gave me space to heal and him space to take accountability, both things needed to happen. Sending you love and strength xxx
I can remember the day after my husband went to prison so clearly. I had told him our marriage was over a few weeks previously. I went for a walk and felt lighter and freer than I had in mk ths and months. For about a week I was a bit manic I think - cleaning, chucking stuff out etc.
The time in prison gave me time to think and I then knew I had made the right decision. I obviously needed that space and got some counselling. If he hadn't gone to prison would I still be there. Most probably. But would I have been happy. Doubtful.
You are doing the right thing by putting some distance and giving yourself space
You will make the right decision for yourself
Don't feel guilty. These men bring it in themselves even though most seem to protest innocence. I now don't give 2 shits what happens to him. I am rebuilding my life but can't forgive him for what he has done to his kids and his mum. He has no clue and not sure he even cares. I'm not angry with him just feel a bit bitter - but I now have stuff to look forward to.
The time in prison gave me time to think and I then knew I had made the right decision. I obviously needed that space and got some counselling. If he hadn't gone to prison would I still be there. Most probably. But would I have been happy. Doubtful.
You are doing the right thing by putting some distance and giving yourself space
You will make the right decision for yourself
Don't feel guilty. These men bring it in themselves even though most seem to protest innocence. I now don't give 2 shits what happens to him. I am rebuilding my life but can't forgive him for what he has done to his kids and his mum. He has no clue and not sure he even cares. I'm not angry with him just feel a bit bitter - but I now have stuff to look forward to.
Lrf - I've also read posts on here and thought, why on earth is she still putting this man's needs ahead of her own? I didn't apply it to myself for some reason! Thanks for the clarity, it helps.
Distressed and pregnant - I'm glad to hear the distance helped. It's already been 2 years since the knock - this process takes forever - and the accountability still isn't there for him. I hadn't thought of this space giving him a chance for self examination and not just being me running away. Thank you for the love and strength, we all need ad much as we can get I think!
AnxiousGirl - Thank you. Moving out has certainly helped not just by giving me space from him, but by giving me something new to focus on. Slowly kitting out the new place and making the empty rooms feel like home is a pretty all-consuming hobby at the moment, aside from work, and I have a lot less energy for fretting over things I can't fix. I think that's part of it.
When you live with someone their bad days are your bad days, inevitably. When you've lived with them for many years it can feel wrong to suddenly lose that, but I'm coming round to the idea that this is the whole reason I moved out - to heal - and it's not a crime to actually start to feel healed.
Distressed and pregnant - I'm glad to hear the distance helped. It's already been 2 years since the knock - this process takes forever - and the accountability still isn't there for him. I hadn't thought of this space giving him a chance for self examination and not just being me running away. Thank you for the love and strength, we all need ad much as we can get I think!
AnxiousGirl - Thank you. Moving out has certainly helped not just by giving me space from him, but by giving me something new to focus on. Slowly kitting out the new place and making the empty rooms feel like home is a pretty all-consuming hobby at the moment, aside from work, and I have a lot less energy for fretting over things I can't fix. I think that's part of it.
When you live with someone their bad days are your bad days, inevitably. When you've lived with them for many years it can feel wrong to suddenly lose that, but I'm coming round to the idea that this is the whole reason I moved out - to heal - and it's not a crime to actually start to feel healed.