He reoffended...
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After everything my OH has put me through — police, interviews, SS, and other professionals — I found an illegal AI-generated illustrated image almost a year later. I confronted him and gave him the chance to call the police himself, even though I knew the consequences, as he already has a conviction for some illustrated CSA images. Naively, I trusted him, and he used the opportunity to delete the image. I understand he was scared, but it felt like yet another betrayal after being clearly told this could never happen again.
We have a son, and he’s the only thing that truly matters to me. Even though I know my OH loves us and is a wonderful dad, I just can’t understand how an addiction could outweigh us. Just because he was “bored” one time, he’s destroyed the family all over again. I don’t know what to do. I feel sick, nauseous, and my head is just pure chaos. Yes, I know relapse is common — but still.
I regret not installing monitoring software on his PC and phone. That’s all going to be done now, because I’m not taking the risk of the police showing up at the door again. It’s not so simple to just pack up and leave with a child. Our entire extended family lives here in this rural area, so it’s not just easy for either of us to move far away and start over. I have social anxiety and already struggle with things like this, and now everyday life has become so much harder to cope with.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I just needed to vent. To get the thoughts out of my head and into words. Are there others here with experience of an OH who has relapsed? I still love him, but I also hate him for what he’s done. Of course he feels ashamed and says he regrets it, but he’s still kind of like, “It was just one illustration.”
ONE ILLUSTRATION IS ONE TOO MANY.
I also can’t see myself monitoring and watching over him for the rest of my life. But for now — until I know whether I can afford to keep the house on my own and what steps to take — that’s what I have to do.
We have a son, and he’s the only thing that truly matters to me. Even though I know my OH loves us and is a wonderful dad, I just can’t understand how an addiction could outweigh us. Just because he was “bored” one time, he’s destroyed the family all over again. I don’t know what to do. I feel sick, nauseous, and my head is just pure chaos. Yes, I know relapse is common — but still.
I regret not installing monitoring software on his PC and phone. That’s all going to be done now, because I’m not taking the risk of the police showing up at the door again. It’s not so simple to just pack up and leave with a child. Our entire extended family lives here in this rural area, so it’s not just easy for either of us to move far away and start over. I have social anxiety and already struggle with things like this, and now everyday life has become so much harder to cope with.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I just needed to vent. To get the thoughts out of my head and into words. Are there others here with experience of an OH who has relapsed? I still love him, but I also hate him for what he’s done. Of course he feels ashamed and says he regrets it, but he’s still kind of like, “It was just one illustration.”
ONE ILLUSTRATION IS ONE TOO MANY.
I also can’t see myself monitoring and watching over him for the rest of my life. But for now — until I know whether I can afford to keep the house on my own and what steps to take — that’s what I have to do.
Oh Ashura I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. A relapse is one of my biggest fears which i'm sure is shared by many others who have been through the journey we've all travelled.
Just as the first time around, the most important thing at the moment is for you to take care of yourself as it's nearly impossible to take other steps if that doesn't happen first. Having an addicted love one is so hard, it tests all your coping resources and can become all consuming so try and reach out to either LFF or someone you can trust to help and support you.
Sending you my best wishes and lots of strength and I'm here if ever you want to DM me.
Just as the first time around, the most important thing at the moment is for you to take care of yourself as it's nearly impossible to take other steps if that doesn't happen first. Having an addicted love one is so hard, it tests all your coping resources and can become all consuming so try and reach out to either LFF or someone you can trust to help and support you.
Sending you my best wishes and lots of strength and I'm here if ever you want to DM me.