At a complete loss
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My 18 year old son has been arrested for having indecent images on his phone to make matters worse he also forwarded them on now I really have never been in this situation before nor what I am to expect next.
As I wrote this I have not stop crying feeling like I should have known, what could I have done etc
I've been on various sites looking for answers which I'm struggling to find helpful as it stands my son has been released pending further investigations his phone and laptop have been seized for forensic examination so I realise this may take sometime.
I've also had a call from children's services as I have 4 younger children and I understand why they are involved and will help them in anyway I can.
They have asked various questions with regards to my younger children as in do they have access to my eldest sons devices etc ( which they don't as all his devices are password locked ) and he doesn't actually live at home but visits frequently) and all of my younger children's devices have secitry settings on them so they cannot go on anything that isn't age appropriate they are 13 11 9 and 6 so I'm at a loss to what else I can do.
I will support my son through this but am dreading the knock on effect this will have on his future and us as a family.
He is currently at college with extremely high grades and various applications to university have been submitted.
He has been told to continue with his day to life and they will be in touch in due course I don't see how he can possibly do this he's not sleeping struggling with his emotions etc and looking up things on Google and scaring himself and me with the answers I've said to him it's a case by case scenario and that no 2 cases are the same but not even sure what I should be saying to him.
As his mother I've basically been left to deal with what's happened and no support or help as to how I deal with this and I'll be honest I'm struggling any help and advice would be appreciated I am by no means defending his actions but I also feel this is a stupid mistake on his part that he got in way over his head he realises what he has done is wrong and admits everything from the start ( he believed the images were people of age but this isn't the case ) and I fully understand a child is anyone under the age of 18.
Please help a desperate mum help herself and her son through a horrendous situation
Many think for your time it's appreciated x
As I wrote this I have not stop crying feeling like I should have known, what could I have done etc
I've been on various sites looking for answers which I'm struggling to find helpful as it stands my son has been released pending further investigations his phone and laptop have been seized for forensic examination so I realise this may take sometime.
I've also had a call from children's services as I have 4 younger children and I understand why they are involved and will help them in anyway I can.
They have asked various questions with regards to my younger children as in do they have access to my eldest sons devices etc ( which they don't as all his devices are password locked ) and he doesn't actually live at home but visits frequently) and all of my younger children's devices have secitry settings on them so they cannot go on anything that isn't age appropriate they are 13 11 9 and 6 so I'm at a loss to what else I can do.
I will support my son through this but am dreading the knock on effect this will have on his future and us as a family.
He is currently at college with extremely high grades and various applications to university have been submitted.
He has been told to continue with his day to life and they will be in touch in due course I don't see how he can possibly do this he's not sleeping struggling with his emotions etc and looking up things on Google and scaring himself and me with the answers I've said to him it's a case by case scenario and that no 2 cases are the same but not even sure what I should be saying to him.
As his mother I've basically been left to deal with what's happened and no support or help as to how I deal with this and I'll be honest I'm struggling any help and advice would be appreciated I am by no means defending his actions but I also feel this is a stupid mistake on his part that he got in way over his head he realises what he has done is wrong and admits everything from the start ( he believed the images were people of age but this isn't the case ) and I fully understand a child is anyone under the age of 18.
Please help a desperate mum help herself and her son through a horrendous situation
Many think for your time it's appreciated x
Hi jc, similar situation in the fact it's my son too ????
I was utterly disgusted when I found out, he's had a voluntary interview yesterday and came home to tell me they will write to him within 3-6 months!! He has two younger siblings, but ss have not been in contact.
I believe it was an error of judgement, an isolated incident as much as I know. Think me and his stepdad are more worried than he is!
I feel for you x
I was utterly disgusted when I found out, he's had a voluntary interview yesterday and came home to tell me they will write to him within 3-6 months!! He has two younger siblings, but ss have not been in contact.
I believe it was an error of judgement, an isolated incident as much as I know. Think me and his stepdad are more worried than he is!
I feel for you x
Hi scared mum it's absolutely awful isn't it I the same as you believe it was poor judgement on my son's part and believe he would never do this again..... As for social services the police told me they would have to make a referal as there are other children at the address.
This all happened on Monday and I received a call today from social services at the moment they just had a polite phone call asking me about my other children having access to my eldest sons devices and what safeguarding measures were in place for my younger children's devices etc but I'm still jumping when the door knock or my phone rings it's just awful. I don't have anyone to talk to other than my partner about this as people are very opinionated when it comes to this subject and assume that means my son is a paedophile which I strongly dispute.
I can't make you feel any better or offer you my advice as I am at a loss myself but please keep in touch as it seems our cases are very similar good luck and best wishes x
This all happened on Monday and I received a call today from social services at the moment they just had a polite phone call asking me about my other children having access to my eldest sons devices and what safeguarding measures were in place for my younger children's devices etc but I'm still jumping when the door knock or my phone rings it's just awful. I don't have anyone to talk to other than my partner about this as people are very opinionated when it comes to this subject and assume that means my son is a paedophile which I strongly dispute.
I can't make you feel any better or offer you my advice as I am at a loss myself but please keep in touch as it seems our cases are very similar good luck and best wishes x
Hi both of you.
Just wanted to reach out. It was my husband that had indecent images or iioc as you may find on here. We got the knock September 2018 and only had the second interview October 2019. he was sent the charges via post and text between Christmas and New year and he's in court next month. From the knock till the second interview can be a long time. Trust me try and forget for a little while because it can drive you crazy. The sicky feeling and anxiety after the knock does fade over time trust me I suffer from depression and anxiety and it took me a while. Every stage of the process you get the same feelings as day one but trust me it does get easier and you will get through it.if you wanted you could join some of us on Mumsnet too and have one on one chats privately to get support. We are all non judgemental on here and will always have someone with advice for you.
Keep coming back we are all here in the same situation, just maybe different people to us.
Just wanted to reach out. It was my husband that had indecent images or iioc as you may find on here. We got the knock September 2018 and only had the second interview October 2019. he was sent the charges via post and text between Christmas and New year and he's in court next month. From the knock till the second interview can be a long time. Trust me try and forget for a little while because it can drive you crazy. The sicky feeling and anxiety after the knock does fade over time trust me I suffer from depression and anxiety and it took me a while. Every stage of the process you get the same feelings as day one but trust me it does get easier and you will get through it.if you wanted you could join some of us on Mumsnet too and have one on one chats privately to get support. We are all non judgemental on here and will always have someone with advice for you.
Keep coming back we are all here in the same situation, just maybe different people to us.
Hi j
I would say I'm sorry that you've had to come but but I won't simply because I know from experience it won't help.
Im also a mother who's son commited an offence. It was not images, it was a communication with a girl approaching 15 years old. It was all two sided which does not make what my son did right. He was a stupid boy to have a conversation with someone underage and now him as well as us are paying the price.
My son wwwwssss not caught in the way most men are. The girls parents stumbled upon the conversation and called the police. I was angry and bitter at her parent at the start until I put myself in their shoes. What's to say I wouldn't have called the police had I stumbled across similar to do with my daughter.
my son was arrested in June and convicted the next February which was quite quick compared to a lot of people on here. Sadly my son was sent to prison where he is still serving his sentence. It seems here in Scotland communication is more serious than images or videos. Our son got quite a harsh sentence for a first offence but we have no option other than to get on with it.
Our son is lucky in that his dad , myself, his sister aunts and uncles have stood by him. We can all see he was a man hi chose the wrong way. We still love him as we alway did and always will. He's our son. What's a mother or father meant todo? Walk away and have nothing more to do with their child? It seems the majority of the public thinks that's exactly what mums and dads should do but it's not that simple. The majority of the public has not walked a mile in my shoes so therefor have no right to judge.
Our sons case was all over the local paper so there was no way of hiding it. Everyone knew. Bearing that in mind we were lucky as nobody said a word to our face.
please look after yourself because I did not. I got to the stage twice where I was within two minutes from not being around anymore. I genuinely did not think I'd come through it but I have. I still have bad days but they are nowhere near what they were thank god.
i can honestly say I did not see the sun for the clouds until my son was convicted. It was hard but I truly believe my healing (for want of a better word) started after he was convicted. I think this was because we then knew our son had not lied to us about anything and also we knew what was going to happen to our son. Believe me one of the worst parts of the whole process is trying to work out whether your sonwill be charged and what will happen to him in court if he is charged.
Its hard to explain how gut wrenching it is to visit my son in prison two or three times a week but we get on with it. We are working towards him coming home and what we will do when he comes home etc. This keeps us all going until he comes home. No doubt some people out there would say let him rot. I neither want to or will do that. Right or wrong? You tell me.
my uncle made a comment to me one day while I was in a very dark place. He said, it's terrible wwwwhats happened but it's not the end of the world. He said to me, at least you can see your son three times a week and speak on the phone on the days you don't sse him. He reminded me of how many parents are not so luckY and can only visit their child at the graveside. I'm so thankful for that x
I would say I'm sorry that you've had to come but but I won't simply because I know from experience it won't help.
Im also a mother who's son commited an offence. It was not images, it was a communication with a girl approaching 15 years old. It was all two sided which does not make what my son did right. He was a stupid boy to have a conversation with someone underage and now him as well as us are paying the price.
My son wwwwssss not caught in the way most men are. The girls parents stumbled upon the conversation and called the police. I was angry and bitter at her parent at the start until I put myself in their shoes. What's to say I wouldn't have called the police had I stumbled across similar to do with my daughter.
my son was arrested in June and convicted the next February which was quite quick compared to a lot of people on here. Sadly my son was sent to prison where he is still serving his sentence. It seems here in Scotland communication is more serious than images or videos. Our son got quite a harsh sentence for a first offence but we have no option other than to get on with it.
Our son is lucky in that his dad , myself, his sister aunts and uncles have stood by him. We can all see he was a man hi chose the wrong way. We still love him as we alway did and always will. He's our son. What's a mother or father meant todo? Walk away and have nothing more to do with their child? It seems the majority of the public thinks that's exactly what mums and dads should do but it's not that simple. The majority of the public has not walked a mile in my shoes so therefor have no right to judge.
Our sons case was all over the local paper so there was no way of hiding it. Everyone knew. Bearing that in mind we were lucky as nobody said a word to our face.
please look after yourself because I did not. I got to the stage twice where I was within two minutes from not being around anymore. I genuinely did not think I'd come through it but I have. I still have bad days but they are nowhere near what they were thank god.
i can honestly say I did not see the sun for the clouds until my son was convicted. It was hard but I truly believe my healing (for want of a better word) started after he was convicted. I think this was because we then knew our son had not lied to us about anything and also we knew what was going to happen to our son. Believe me one of the worst parts of the whole process is trying to work out whether your sonwill be charged and what will happen to him in court if he is charged.
Its hard to explain how gut wrenching it is to visit my son in prison two or three times a week but we get on with it. We are working towards him coming home and what we will do when he comes home etc. This keeps us all going until he comes home. No doubt some people out there would say let him rot. I neither want to or will do that. Right or wrong? You tell me.
my uncle made a comment to me one day while I was in a very dark place. He said, it's terrible wwwwhats happened but it's not the end of the world. He said to me, at least you can see your son three times a week and speak on the phone on the days you don't sse him. He reminded me of how many parents are not so luckY and can only visit their child at the graveside. I'm so thankful for that x
Thank you both for your replys and sharing your stories we at a loss and know it's going to be a long wait and an uncertain future but we need to remain strong for our sons we are all they have in this nasty world if they haven't got us what have they got xx