Completely broken
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I'm new to this forum and I'm struggling to cope every day.
my son was arrested last November (2024) - this was very sudden and I answered the door at 8.45 to police who went into his room. They arrested him on suspicion of downloading and distributing images on Snapchat.
This was relating to an incident which had apparently happened in June 2023 when he would have just turned 20. He was completely bewildered and I was unable to go with him - my whole house was searched and his devices were seized. He said no to a solicitor as he couldn't work out what he'd done so didn't have legal help. I haven't had my since spoken to a solicitor, but they said they can't do anything until he has been re interviewed and we know what he's facing etc
When he came home he told me that all he could think of was that he had been looking at pictures of what he thought were adults. He said he saved a file of pictures someone sent him and when he looked at them, there were a couple which looked a bit suspect as though they could have been under 18, so he deleted them straight away. Although, they are likely to be retrievable.
since this happened, the stress has caused my blood pressure to rise needing a stay in hospital. I also now have heart problems.
He is very stressed and said he thinks about it every second and distracts himself constantly.
I haven't had my 5 yr old granddaughter to the house since his arrest and bail conditions for fear of getting into trouble despite me being the type of person who would supervise any contact 100%.
because bail has been extended so many times and permission now has to be sought from court to be extended by a further 6 months, social services are now involved and are speaking to my son and his partner ( parents of my granddaughter). I had already told them what is going on though thankfully.
I'm massively struggling with my mental health and receiving support. Even months later, I have days when I can't control my emotions as I'm so very worried for him. I feel like my life is on hold.
this is something I never thought would happen in my life
I've also had to cope with the passing of my dad and I have a very challenging life as it is and this has tipped me over the edge. My partner is getting angry with me when I get upset and I feel very traumatised each time there is a knock at the door.
I'm really not sure how I'll be strong enough to get through the next 6 months
my son was arrested last November (2024) - this was very sudden and I answered the door at 8.45 to police who went into his room. They arrested him on suspicion of downloading and distributing images on Snapchat.
This was relating to an incident which had apparently happened in June 2023 when he would have just turned 20. He was completely bewildered and I was unable to go with him - my whole house was searched and his devices were seized. He said no to a solicitor as he couldn't work out what he'd done so didn't have legal help. I haven't had my since spoken to a solicitor, but they said they can't do anything until he has been re interviewed and we know what he's facing etc
When he came home he told me that all he could think of was that he had been looking at pictures of what he thought were adults. He said he saved a file of pictures someone sent him and when he looked at them, there were a couple which looked a bit suspect as though they could have been under 18, so he deleted them straight away. Although, they are likely to be retrievable.
since this happened, the stress has caused my blood pressure to rise needing a stay in hospital. I also now have heart problems.
He is very stressed and said he thinks about it every second and distracts himself constantly.
I haven't had my 5 yr old granddaughter to the house since his arrest and bail conditions for fear of getting into trouble despite me being the type of person who would supervise any contact 100%.
because bail has been extended so many times and permission now has to be sought from court to be extended by a further 6 months, social services are now involved and are speaking to my son and his partner ( parents of my granddaughter). I had already told them what is going on though thankfully.
I'm massively struggling with my mental health and receiving support. Even months later, I have days when I can't control my emotions as I'm so very worried for him. I feel like my life is on hold.
this is something I never thought would happen in my life
I've also had to cope with the passing of my dad and I have a very challenging life as it is and this has tipped me over the edge. My partner is getting angry with me when I get upset and I feel very traumatised each time there is a knock at the door.
I'm really not sure how I'll be strong enough to get through the next 6 months
Hi Bethan , you have made a great move by reaching out for support from this Forum.
im not much help I'm afraid as im in a complete mess myself but I wanted to let you know that you are most definitely not alone in this horrendous position. The shock is a real body blow which as you are finding out , has a long reaching affect.
Be prepared for the long haul as lots on here experience often years before they have some sort of conclusion (of sorts anyway).
Find a few trusted family members/friends as they will be a godsend . I am so glad I immediately confided in my other two sons . It was very hard and their initial reaction was shocking but after 3.5 yrs, they are now so supportive of me and my Son who is being sentenced in 4 weeks.
Feel free to pm me if you like and well done for coping so well so far - I am sure you are stronger than you think !
im not much help I'm afraid as im in a complete mess myself but I wanted to let you know that you are most definitely not alone in this horrendous position. The shock is a real body blow which as you are finding out , has a long reaching affect.
Be prepared for the long haul as lots on here experience often years before they have some sort of conclusion (of sorts anyway).
Find a few trusted family members/friends as they will be a godsend . I am so glad I immediately confided in my other two sons . It was very hard and their initial reaction was shocking but after 3.5 yrs, they are now so supportive of me and my Son who is being sentenced in 4 weeks.
Feel free to pm me if you like and well done for coping so well so far - I am sure you are stronger than you think !
Hi Winnie
thank you so very much for your kind words. I feel like I can't enjoy myself whilst this is going on.
I think like so many others on here, it's that shock of the situation and so many different thoughts and emotions. A very hard place to be.
I can't imagine how you are feeling after 3.5 years of this. I'm happy for you to reach out for me too. It must be so scary to be approaching sentencing.
I'm really dreading as things progress and people find out near where I live.
it seems that I sometimes get to a place where I can manage day to day and then all of a sudden, I find myself really overwhelmed with everything and feel unable to cope at all.
Best wishes
Bethan
thank you so very much for your kind words. I feel like I can't enjoy myself whilst this is going on.
I think like so many others on here, it's that shock of the situation and so many different thoughts and emotions. A very hard place to be.
I can't imagine how you are feeling after 3.5 years of this. I'm happy for you to reach out for me too. It must be so scary to be approaching sentencing.
I'm really dreading as things progress and people find out near where I live.
it seems that I sometimes get to a place where I can manage day to day and then all of a sudden, I find myself really overwhelmed with everything and feel unable to cope at all.
Best wishes
Bethan
Hi Bethan
You will get some great advice support and understanding from people in the forum. So sorry you find yourself here.
please remember to take care of yourself. Easier said than done, but try eat well, get fresh air and exercise and try to get good sleep. This takes a toll on your mental health and it isn't a quick simple process; the waiting and uncertainty can really affect you. If you're suffering from anxiety or stress please reach out to your GP. They were really helpful for me in the early days and I got some therapy sessions, some people find medication for insomnia, anxiety etc can take the edge off so you feel more able to cope. If your work offer it through occupational health that might also be an option.
I'd also recommend your son and the supporting family get some guidance and resources on how to recognise how they came to be in this situation. The stop it now helpline is really good too. Also practical elements as to how and you can support to be protective and prevent anything that might put your granddaughter in harms way (or your son at risk if this happening to him again). It will really help with social services if they're involved to show you have an understanding of what you can do to prevent/protect and support the whole family in keeping everyone safe.
Things like parental restrictions, keeping away from porn online chat and sexting (as it leads too easily to offending), therapy or counselling. Family plans, knowing how to block and report stuff online.
sending virtual hugs
You will get some great advice support and understanding from people in the forum. So sorry you find yourself here.
please remember to take care of yourself. Easier said than done, but try eat well, get fresh air and exercise and try to get good sleep. This takes a toll on your mental health and it isn't a quick simple process; the waiting and uncertainty can really affect you. If you're suffering from anxiety or stress please reach out to your GP. They were really helpful for me in the early days and I got some therapy sessions, some people find medication for insomnia, anxiety etc can take the edge off so you feel more able to cope. If your work offer it through occupational health that might also be an option.
I'd also recommend your son and the supporting family get some guidance and resources on how to recognise how they came to be in this situation. The stop it now helpline is really good too. Also practical elements as to how and you can support to be protective and prevent anything that might put your granddaughter in harms way (or your son at risk if this happening to him again). It will really help with social services if they're involved to show you have an understanding of what you can do to prevent/protect and support the whole family in keeping everyone safe.
Things like parental restrictions, keeping away from porn online chat and sexting (as it leads too easily to offending), therapy or counselling. Family plans, knowing how to block and report stuff online.
sending virtual hugs
Hi Bethan.
I understand how you feel. My 20 year old son was also arrested a few months ago for allegedly downloading a cat A image from Snapchat. We are currently in limbo - phone/ipad taken - and bail has already been extended once. It is absolutely heartbreaking to have him in this situation and the endless waiting is cruel for the whole family. I've lost count of the amount of times I've been in floods of tears over worrying about the future. Anyway, I just wanted to share so you don't feel so alone. Take care.
I understand how you feel. My 20 year old son was also arrested a few months ago for allegedly downloading a cat A image from Snapchat. We are currently in limbo - phone/ipad taken - and bail has already been extended once. It is absolutely heartbreaking to have him in this situation and the endless waiting is cruel for the whole family. I've lost count of the amount of times I've been in floods of tears over worrying about the future. Anyway, I just wanted to share so you don't feel so alone. Take care.
Thank you Holdingthegrenade and BewilderedMum for replying to my post.
I'm trying so hard to keep going each day but it's so hard isn't it ? I am not really coping- I have been to my Gp and on medication, but it's not really working. my counselling has come to an end and I feel very isolated. All my partner says is that it's my son's problem, not mine. If only it were that easy!
like you - this is a situation I thought I'd never be in.
It's incredibly hard BewilderedMum, what your son is going through. I know with my son, I feel at 20 his whole life is now ruined and this will potentially be on his DBS check forever and I think that's a really hard place to be.
How's your son coping ? I fear for my son as the process goes on as he's very shut down and won't accept help.
I know my son has allegedly accessed images, but I'm angry at the people who put these images on Snapchat to start with - I hope they catch them and support the victims too.
Bethan x
I'm trying so hard to keep going each day but it's so hard isn't it ? I am not really coping- I have been to my Gp and on medication, but it's not really working. my counselling has come to an end and I feel very isolated. All my partner says is that it's my son's problem, not mine. If only it were that easy!
like you - this is a situation I thought I'd never be in.
It's incredibly hard BewilderedMum, what your son is going through. I know with my son, I feel at 20 his whole life is now ruined and this will potentially be on his DBS check forever and I think that's a really hard place to be.
How's your son coping ? I fear for my son as the process goes on as he's very shut down and won't accept help.
I know my son has allegedly accessed images, but I'm angry at the people who put these images on Snapchat to start with - I hope they catch them and support the victims too.
Bethan x