Trying to imagine life alone
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So we have a court date for the plea hearing and today has been spent between trying to live life and crying.
Been to the gym which I am trying to keep at along with my diet even when everything is falling apart because I know being healthy will help my mental health.
I did do a thing today though, I cut and strimmed the grass. I know... what an achievement at 30 years old... but because ive been with my other half for nearly 13 years ive never really done it before. Yeah ive pushed the mower up and down etc but the whole getting all the stuff out always sounded like such a chore so it was easier to just ask him to do it. Now im realising I will need to do these things myself. Feeling proud ive actually just got on and done it, and first time using the strimmer haha.
I have a cheek to write haha when im crying as I write this. Trying to work out all my bills and how I will cope alone. Seems impossible... like I will just be existing rather than living. I dont live in a mansion, I should be able to live comfortably... but i work in the NHS so say no more eh!
Im sure it will get better. Just need to find the courage to tell him to start moving out and get on with my life.
Been to the gym which I am trying to keep at along with my diet even when everything is falling apart because I know being healthy will help my mental health.
I did do a thing today though, I cut and strimmed the grass. I know... what an achievement at 30 years old... but because ive been with my other half for nearly 13 years ive never really done it before. Yeah ive pushed the mower up and down etc but the whole getting all the stuff out always sounded like such a chore so it was easier to just ask him to do it. Now im realising I will need to do these things myself. Feeling proud ive actually just got on and done it, and first time using the strimmer haha.
I have a cheek to write haha when im crying as I write this. Trying to work out all my bills and how I will cope alone. Seems impossible... like I will just be existing rather than living. I dont live in a mansion, I should be able to live comfortably... but i work in the NHS so say no more eh!
Im sure it will get better. Just need to find the courage to tell him to start moving out and get on with my life.
Hi fellow NHS worker. Don't underestimate what an achievement it was for you to do the grass - it's another first to tick off the list and shows you are capable and can do this.
I am finding my feet with first things too - most recently it was going to the tip! All these little things add up to moving forward.
I do get it though - life feels like just an existence at the moment with no real living being done but I am confident that there will be happy times ahead for both of us.
Can I ask how long it has taken to get to the plea hearing? I'm only 5 weeks in to what feels like a long road ahead.
Keep strong, and keep moving forward however slowly that may be. Lots of love xx
I am finding my feet with first things too - most recently it was going to the tip! All these little things add up to moving forward.
I do get it though - life feels like just an existence at the moment with no real living being done but I am confident that there will be happy times ahead for both of us.
Can I ask how long it has taken to get to the plea hearing? I'm only 5 weeks in to what feels like a long road ahead.
Keep strong, and keep moving forward however slowly that may be. Lots of love xx
Thank you!
I hope so!
The knock was mid June last year. 2nd interview was 24th of April this year and then charges and plea hearing was just on Wednesday last week.
It's took me a long time to get to this point of realising I need to just be alone and put this behind me.
Im sorry you are just at the start of your journey, I hope you have a good support system around you but always here for a chat and thank you for your reply! Xx
I hope so!
The knock was mid June last year. 2nd interview was 24th of April this year and then charges and plea hearing was just on Wednesday last week.
It's took me a long time to get to this point of realising I need to just be alone and put this behind me.
Im sorry you are just at the start of your journey, I hope you have a good support system around you but always here for a chat and thank you for your reply! Xx
Daisy, you should be proud of those little things, because they'll all add up to knowing you're more than capable of being by yourself and doing all of these things on your own. I used to be much handier than I am now, because I used to just let idiot husband do it. Now he'll soon be moved out, and I'll need to remind myself how to do certain things again. But that's fine. I'm going replace my old tools and look forward to some rage sanding and drilling!
Rage sanding and drilling sounds good!!
Yeah its definitely not a bad thing to become more independent! I suppose it makes you think actually was this even a healthy relationship anyway or was it just codependency and now im being forced to make my decision to walk away. Whereas if you were just unhappy makes it harder as you try and convince yourself things aren't as bad as they seem...
Yeah its definitely not a bad thing to become more independent! I suppose it makes you think actually was this even a healthy relationship anyway or was it just codependency and now im being forced to make my decision to walk away. Whereas if you were just unhappy makes it harder as you try and convince yourself things aren't as bad as they seem...
I'm 3 years post knock. Can mow the grass but anything car related and I'm clueless. But I can ask for help and advice.
I've just put our house on the market - have done it without the help from him. Have applied and got myself a mortgage and some where new to live. We can achieve the unimaginable if we put our minds to it.
I've just put our house on the market - have done it without the help from him. Have applied and got myself a mortgage and some where new to live. We can achieve the unimaginable if we put our minds to it.
Hi anxious girl
That's the next step but im not ready yet. I hope to keep my house, even though its too big for me I couldnt actually get anything cheaper. Which is annoying because I will be scraping the barrell just to pay the bills. I hate that im so reliant on someone else's money!
That's the next step but im not ready yet. I hope to keep my house, even though its too big for me I couldnt actually get anything cheaper. Which is annoying because I will be scraping the barrell just to pay the bills. I hate that im so reliant on someone else's money!
Hi
I'm so relating to what you're saying Daisy. We've been together since we were teenagers. We've each had our responsibilities. There are so many skills I didn't develop :'/ It's been hard. I keep reminding myself that he developed these skills over many years so there is no way I'll be able to do it all quickly. Sometimes when I look at all I'll have to take on I can become paralysed. So I've been pushing myself to celebrate thesesirts of wins. So you celebrate! Don't minimise what it means! In this situation just doing normal things is tough let alone learning new skills/doing more.
I'm also still reliant on his money. So I'm feeling trapped. I've looked at selling but if we split the proceeds ...I doubt I'd be able to buy anything. I'm trying desperately to hang onto the house but I'm.not sure that I can, especially if he gets a prison sentence. If it was just me, I'd just go with..'this will be tough but it'll be an opportunity to build a new life elsewhere'. I have my child to think about and I'm trying to provide as much stability in the face of what is coming. I wish these men could have thought about the consequences of their actions for the victims in those images and their partners/children. Selfish! He's very remorseful, etc. and I know he is suffering, etc. I feel sorry for him but I do want out. This process is tortourously slow.
Wishing the best for everyone on here.
Hx
I'm so relating to what you're saying Daisy. We've been together since we were teenagers. We've each had our responsibilities. There are so many skills I didn't develop :'/ It's been hard. I keep reminding myself that he developed these skills over many years so there is no way I'll be able to do it all quickly. Sometimes when I look at all I'll have to take on I can become paralysed. So I've been pushing myself to celebrate thesesirts of wins. So you celebrate! Don't minimise what it means! In this situation just doing normal things is tough let alone learning new skills/doing more.
I'm also still reliant on his money. So I'm feeling trapped. I've looked at selling but if we split the proceeds ...I doubt I'd be able to buy anything. I'm trying desperately to hang onto the house but I'm.not sure that I can, especially if he gets a prison sentence. If it was just me, I'd just go with..'this will be tough but it'll be an opportunity to build a new life elsewhere'. I have my child to think about and I'm trying to provide as much stability in the face of what is coming. I wish these men could have thought about the consequences of their actions for the victims in those images and their partners/children. Selfish! He's very remorseful, etc. and I know he is suffering, etc. I feel sorry for him but I do want out. This process is tortourously slow.
Wishing the best for everyone on here.
Hx
hi Daisychain
I too used to work for the NHS but left because the wages was so awful and the shift was so long and hard I then went into private healthcare it was so much easier more money less than hours and I could also choose my hours better. I don't know whether this helps or not but I just thought I'd put it out there. Take care x
I too used to work for the NHS but left because the wages was so awful and the shift was so long and hard I then went into private healthcare it was so much easier more money less than hours and I could also choose my hours better. I don't know whether this helps or not but I just thought I'd put it out there. Take care x