Starting Contact
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Hi I'm new here, still in a bit of shock I think. Partner (now ex) was arrested 1st June for contact with a 14 year old girl (decoy). Released on bail, no contact with children without permission. Due to be charged in court at the end of August. After he's been charged, and depending on what he's charged with, I'd like to know the process for starting contact. We've had our section 47 with social services and that was closed with no further action. I would consider allowing supervised contact every other weekend at a neutral location. I want to be there to support my children, I'm not willing to leave them with anyone else supervising. What's involved? Obviously some kind of risk assessment or safety plan. How much intrusion into my home will this involve? The section 47 was so traumatic for me i don't think I can have regular home visits again. I think I would like the children to still be able to see him, they're 1, 3 and 6.
Hi,
did you discuss contact with social services? Did they have any suggestions? I would recommend writing up a safety plan, it doesn't have to be pages and pages bullet points would be fine. Trying to cover a few scenarios around how you would navigate 3 young children being supervised by yourself outside of the home. Trips to the bathroom would need to be you and all of the children together. Obviously I know this is likely to be something you are used to doing on days out but it's good to show you're on the ball and aware that he can't be left with any of the children while you go to the toilets. No personal care. Depending on what your thoughts are you may consider looking after your ex's phone for the duration of contact if you feel that's necessary (usually more appropriate for iioc cases) xxx
did you discuss contact with social services? Did they have any suggestions? I would recommend writing up a safety plan, it doesn't have to be pages and pages bullet points would be fine. Trying to cover a few scenarios around how you would navigate 3 young children being supervised by yourself outside of the home. Trips to the bathroom would need to be you and all of the children together. Obviously I know this is likely to be something you are used to doing on days out but it's good to show you're on the ball and aware that he can't be left with any of the children while you go to the toilets. No personal care. Depending on what your thoughts are you may consider looking after your ex's phone for the duration of contact if you feel that's necessary (usually more appropriate for iioc cases) xxx
It would cost and if he has the money you could make him pay at least half if not all but there are centres that get used for child contact. Social services might be able to suggest some local places if the Internet is no help.
I haven't really discussed it with Social. I told them I didn't see any contact happening in the near future, I hadn't really had a chance to absorb what had happened really.
And it's not iioc, it's sexual communication and sending an indecent image of himself.
I don't know what to do for the best. The 6 year old is reasonably happy, he had a bad relationship with his dad. The 3 year old hasn't asked where dad is for several weeks. And the 1 year old I have no idea if she misses him or not at that age.
At their ages is it kinder to let them forget and get on with our new life? Or let them see him infrequently for a short amount of time and keep reminding them they have a dad but he can't come home. What if he gets bored or gets a new girlfriend and can't be bothered anymore. How am I supposed to decide this?
And it's not iioc, it's sexual communication and sending an indecent image of himself.
I don't know what to do for the best. The 6 year old is reasonably happy, he had a bad relationship with his dad. The 3 year old hasn't asked where dad is for several weeks. And the 1 year old I have no idea if she misses him or not at that age.
At their ages is it kinder to let them forget and get on with our new life? Or let them see him infrequently for a short amount of time and keep reminding them they have a dad but he can't come home. What if he gets bored or gets a new girlfriend and can't be bothered anymore. How am I supposed to decide this?
It's really hard to make decisions when so much is unknown. I made the decision for supervised contact before our daughter was born because it seemed like the right decision at the time.
Maybe wait and see what he is charged with and if anything else comes out before making decisions on contact. Him moving on and deciding to reduce contact is a risk in any break up. Social services will have another referral put in when he enters a plea. They may make contact with you then to discuss any changes to bail conditions and if you want contact.
Whatever you decide has to feel right to you, it's nobody else's choice. You make the best decisions with the information you have at the time, that's all you can do xxx
Maybe wait and see what he is charged with and if anything else comes out before making decisions on contact. Him moving on and deciding to reduce contact is a risk in any break up. Social services will have another referral put in when he enters a plea. They may make contact with you then to discuss any changes to bail conditions and if you want contact.
Whatever you decide has to feel right to you, it's nobody else's choice. You make the best decisions with the information you have at the time, that's all you can do xxx