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It will be 2 weeks on Tuesday when my now ex husband did not come home from work, this was totally out of character for him , I went out looking in case he had crashed , only to have a phone call from my daughter that 2 officers in full police uniform were at the house , they told me they were here to search my house as my ex husband had been arrested for trying to incite sex with a minor , I laughed out loud , not my husband, my perfect marriage , the envy of everyone, the police officer was lovely and said they would not be there without good reason, so they took our laptops, iPads and his phones ,
the next morning I had been sent a live stream video of my husband being tracked and interviewed live by the vigilante hunters, he admitted what he had been doing and asking , my life imploded, my heart broke and shattered. The messages people wrote were all about how vile he was and then luckily just sympathy for myself and the children as he advised the vigilante's he was happily married !
He was bailed later that day , I took his car full of his possessions to the police station and just asked him why to which he just kept saying he didn't know. This made me so so mad!
he has been bailed at his 90 old mothers 60 miles away thank god, but his mother and sister are both trivialising it by saying , because he did not actually meet any of these children, he has just been a "little silly" which makes me even madder , his children were also sent the video and they are also now destroyed,
and all he is doing is feeling sorry for himself , he has not apologised to me or the children and just seems to be licking his own wounds ,
i al lucky that my friend is a solicitor so my divorce has already gone to court as I can't stay married to this man, I am just disgusted with him, I sway between crying , anger, hated and stupidity that I could have been conned so long
the next morning I had been sent a live stream video of my husband being tracked and interviewed live by the vigilante hunters, he admitted what he had been doing and asking , my life imploded, my heart broke and shattered. The messages people wrote were all about how vile he was and then luckily just sympathy for myself and the children as he advised the vigilante's he was happily married !
He was bailed later that day , I took his car full of his possessions to the police station and just asked him why to which he just kept saying he didn't know. This made me so so mad!
he has been bailed at his 90 old mothers 60 miles away thank god, but his mother and sister are both trivialising it by saying , because he did not actually meet any of these children, he has just been a "little silly" which makes me even madder , his children were also sent the video and they are also now destroyed,
and all he is doing is feeling sorry for himself , he has not apologised to me or the children and just seems to be licking his own wounds ,
i al lucky that my friend is a solicitor so my divorce has already gone to court as I can't stay married to this man, I am just disgusted with him, I sway between crying , anger, hated and stupidity that I could have been conned so long
Ellen, I’m so sorry that you have found yourself in this position. 5 months ago my husband was also trapped by vigilantes and the footage was streamed on Facebook. I remember very clearly the shock of the early days. I could hardly function and couldn’t believe how my husband of over 30 years, that I trusted with my life could do this to me.
I still really struggle. But I am trying to let this not define me. I have great support. I want to support my husband through this. He is many miles away. So we are separated in many ways and I get very angry with him as I am left to deal with everything whilst he recovers.
Some wives stick by their husbands and support them. Others choose to separate and divorce. There is no right or wrong here. No one on this forum judges.
I believe my marriage is over, I can’t get over the fact that he didn’t trust me to share the fact that he was suffering from stress, anxiety and depression. And hid his addiction to porn from me. I could, and would, have helped him. Anything but this. The pain of this situation is enormous. The public humiliation and judgment is truly dreadful.
As a result of his addiction he self medicated on porn and joined a chat room. Porn is very addictive, this I have learnt. I believe, and have been told by solicitors and therapists, that many of the the dreadful paedophile hunters trap only the vulnerable. I was told not to trust what you see on line at all. But of course the damage is done! The video is out there. The vigilantes have done what they set out to do, got their fame and adoration. In doing that they have destroyed many lives, including children’s. If they truly were doing this just to catch criminals, they would merely hand over information to the police. Society is very unforgiving in this area and they know it. The mob mentality
Is scary.
My husband has recently seen a psychiatrist, and had an evaluation which shows he is NOT attracted to underage nor is he a danger to others. He is a good man that made a very poor choice.
I hope you have some good support. Try to take a day at a time and talk to the helpline. There are some amazing people on here who are so strong. It’s a great place to offload when you are feeling low. And a place to get practical help and support.
Keep strong! x
I still really struggle. But I am trying to let this not define me. I have great support. I want to support my husband through this. He is many miles away. So we are separated in many ways and I get very angry with him as I am left to deal with everything whilst he recovers.
Some wives stick by their husbands and support them. Others choose to separate and divorce. There is no right or wrong here. No one on this forum judges.
I believe my marriage is over, I can’t get over the fact that he didn’t trust me to share the fact that he was suffering from stress, anxiety and depression. And hid his addiction to porn from me. I could, and would, have helped him. Anything but this. The pain of this situation is enormous. The public humiliation and judgment is truly dreadful.
As a result of his addiction he self medicated on porn and joined a chat room. Porn is very addictive, this I have learnt. I believe, and have been told by solicitors and therapists, that many of the the dreadful paedophile hunters trap only the vulnerable. I was told not to trust what you see on line at all. But of course the damage is done! The video is out there. The vigilantes have done what they set out to do, got their fame and adoration. In doing that they have destroyed many lives, including children’s. If they truly were doing this just to catch criminals, they would merely hand over information to the police. Society is very unforgiving in this area and they know it. The mob mentality
Is scary.
My husband has recently seen a psychiatrist, and had an evaluation which shows he is NOT attracted to underage nor is he a danger to others. He is a good man that made a very poor choice.
I hope you have some good support. Try to take a day at a time and talk to the helpline. There are some amazing people on here who are so strong. It’s a great place to offload when you are feeling low. And a place to get practical help and support.
Keep strong! x
Tabs your post is spot on! I can't stress this enough, although it is such a cruel thing for us to be dragged into I genuinely believe that most people who explain the offenders as on this forum are just people who have became anxious and depressed and have a porn addiction to which has got out of hand and they have not thought of the implications when in this addiction as they are blind to everything!
It is the worst situation to be in and it never leaves me I think about it everyday, but as it is such a taboo subject they are not giving the support which should be given and that's why we all end up on this forum because people are too scared to admit they have a porn addiction (and not to be stereotypical) but because most of the offenders on here are men, men aren't so used to expressing their feelings and coop everything up!
It is the worst situation to be in and it never leaves me I think about it everyday, but as it is such a taboo subject they are not giving the support which should be given and that's why we all end up on this forum because people are too scared to admit they have a porn addiction (and not to be stereotypical) but because most of the offenders on here are men, men aren't so used to expressing their feelings and coop everything up!
Thank you both so much , I love my ex husband so much he was my rock , and it took a lot for me to marry him as my previous husband was just vile , so I feel betrayed on so many levels , part of me hopes he is I'll as it would make this all easier to understand as we had the perfect marriage although he was never really interested I the intimacy department, I of course am now second guessing this ,
I have to divorce him as in my eyes this is cheating as originally he thought he was chatting to people over 18 and sending pics of his private parts , and when we married we both discussed what we thought would be cheating , also I have to do this to keep my job , I hope to one day lose my anger to be his friend as I want answers, I feel so much for everyone on here as none of us could have guessed this in a million years x
I have to divorce him as in my eyes this is cheating as originally he thought he was chatting to people over 18 and sending pics of his private parts , and when we married we both discussed what we thought would be cheating , also I have to do this to keep my job , I hope to one day lose my anger to be his friend as I want answers, I feel so much for everyone on here as none of us could have guessed this in a million years x
Oh Ellen. My experiences are different (images) but I can relate to the feelings of betrayal and trauma. I've still not made final decisions yet and can't imagine what strength it took to make decisions so quickly. You mentioned your job, do you work with children?
This newspaper article that I found sums up how the vigilantes operate, they need to be stopped. I don't know how they can lane people as paedophiles publicly and it not be an offence, I couldn't go on Facebook and be racist or sexist and get away with it!!!Not that I would of course!
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5876149/amp/Disturbing-truth-Britains-growing-army-self-appointed-paedophile-hunters.html
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5876149/amp/Disturbing-truth-Britains-growing-army-self-appointed-paedophile-hunters.html
This newspaper article that I found sums up how the vigilantes operate, they need to be stopped. I don't know how they can lane people as paedophiles publicly and it not be an offence, I couldn't go on Facebook and be racist or sexist and get away with it!!!Not that I would of course!
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5876149/amp/Disturbing-truth-Britains-growing-army-self-appointed-paedophile-hunters.html
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5876149/amp/Disturbing-truth-Britains-growing-army-self-appointed-paedophile-hunters.html
Agreed! They don't do it to be good people, they do it purely for the likes/shares etc. If they was doing it to be good they would report the case to the police and leave it in their hands, rather than publicly shaming someone. Not only that someone, as that someone comes with family and friends which they are ruining the lives off. As I say because it is such a taboo subject people do immediately think must be a pedophile and that's as far as there mind goes, they can't see into it further unlike us as we have had to unfortunately learn why these things happen to our Family members/friends and most of this is due to the fact that they are struggling mentally and have got into a horrible addiction which has stemmed to the worst case scenario which is this.
I just wish this was something that was spoken out more about to educate people of why this could be happening and to help prevent it happening - rather than making people feel shameful for how they feel or there porn addiction, try to make them feel comfortable talking to someone so that maybe it would prevent them getting this far into it where they would end up looking at/distributing indecent images/speaking to younger people online etc. But everyone's too scared to speak out about it (myself included) as because everyone is so narrow minded they'd probably think we're trying to justify/condone their behaviour but that is not the case.
(sorry for the rant) x
I just wish this was something that was spoken out more about to educate people of why this could be happening and to help prevent it happening - rather than making people feel shameful for how they feel or there porn addiction, try to make them feel comfortable talking to someone so that maybe it would prevent them getting this far into it where they would end up looking at/distributing indecent images/speaking to younger people online etc. But everyone's too scared to speak out about it (myself included) as because everyone is so narrow minded they'd probably think we're trying to justify/condone their behaviour but that is not the case.
(sorry for the rant) x
Hi all, I am feeling a little better this morning and read the links provided and watched the video that was suggested and my mind set has changed,
i know that I still can't be married to my husband due to the live steaming / backlash received , but if this is seen as an illness then I feel that I can be a friend to him as ultimately he may get answers which I feel me and my kids , his kids all want ,
I am so so glad that this group is here as you are so right it is not something many people want to discuss as they have black and white thinking , just feel for everyone one here xx
i know that I still can't be married to my husband due to the live steaming / backlash received , but if this is seen as an illness then I feel that I can be a friend to him as ultimately he may get answers which I feel me and my kids , his kids all want ,
I am so so glad that this group is here as you are so right it is not something many people want to discuss as they have black and white thinking , just feel for everyone one here xx
Thanking you all so much x
Dear all,
I totally agree with everything you have written, they are disgusting thugs no more than that!
The news article was very interesting, it proves so often these people are covering up for what they are themselves.
my partner was caught by vilgiantes in a town a long way from where we live. This particular group don't livestream. We are still waiting 20 months later for the police to come to a conclusion on the investigation.
I pray for the day these groups are banned! They cause trouble and misery.
sending best wishes
mabel x x x
I totally agree with everything you have written, they are disgusting thugs no more than that!
The news article was very interesting, it proves so often these people are covering up for what they are themselves.
my partner was caught by vilgiantes in a town a long way from where we live. This particular group don't livestream. We are still waiting 20 months later for the police to come to a conclusion on the investigation.
I pray for the day these groups are banned! They cause trouble and misery.
sending best wishes
mabel x x x
Hi Ellen,
You will be a whirlwind of emotion right now. That is completely normal. Please use this forum as support as much as needed. I must have posted every day in the first month. The only advice I would give is not to make any decision right away. Wait until time has passed, dust has settled and you can see and think more clearly. Most of all make time for you. X
You will be a whirlwind of emotion right now. That is completely normal. Please use this forum as support as much as needed. I must have posted every day in the first month. The only advice I would give is not to make any decision right away. Wait until time has passed, dust has settled and you can see and think more clearly. Most of all make time for you. X
Thanks all , I am feeling a lot better and less up and down . Due to my job I have to divorce my husband , but have taken a lot of strength from the group so far and I do feel that these vigilante groups should not be allowed to do what they do, as we are the victims too , we get judged by their actions , I feel that if they are that concerned, they should take their proof to the police and let them deal with it ,
i do think I will always love my husband , but I can't forgive him for not speaking out and for the actions he took , I hope that he takes all the help he is offered and one day we can be friends , as I have not just lost my marriage , at the moment I have lost my step children who I love as they have shut down and are dealing with it in their own way , x
i do think I will always love my husband , but I can't forgive him for not speaking out and for the actions he took , I hope that he takes all the help he is offered and one day we can be friends , as I have not just lost my marriage , at the moment I have lost my step children who I love as they have shut down and are dealing with it in their own way , x
Hi lee, yes he still texts me, which some days I can deal with as I just can't turn my love off , he was my everything and so much more , when I ask him why he did it he just shrugs his shoulders and says he doesn't know, which makes me mad as I am screaming in my head "you must know" part of me feels it is a cop out and he does not have to face up to anything and just stick his head in the sand , but the other part of me had listened to the group and maybe he does not know why, which winds me up even more ,
he has not said sorry for it. And originally he said he was on websites sending pictures to women of his private parts , which again to me if he was happily married he would not have done that ,
sending all of us a hug, because we need it x
he has not said sorry for it. And originally he said he was on websites sending pictures to women of his private parts , which again to me if he was happily married he would not have done that ,
sending all of us a hug, because we need it x
Lee1969, I completely agree - It is a fantasy world it's horrendous that I had to speak to my dad about his porn addiction (not really the kind of conversation dad and daughter should be having) but when he was trying to explain he would just explain it as a fantasy world and that nothing was real it was just a kind of escapism, and that's why a lot of these men who have been prosecuted for this aren't actually sexually attracted to younger children/teenagers it's all just in the head.
And (really sorry forgot the name who wrote this, bad memory and can't look back) but everyone's thought process against this is so black and white that no one can see passed it. However if it was a drug problem or gambling there is so many places out there too help! Makes me so angry! If people like our husbands/fathers/friends etc had more help they'd be less people like us on this forum with no where to turn or speak to just anonymous names on a forum.
And (really sorry forgot the name who wrote this, bad memory and can't look back) but everyone's thought process against this is so black and white that no one can see passed it. However if it was a drug problem or gambling there is so many places out there too help! Makes me so angry! If people like our husbands/fathers/friends etc had more help they'd be less people like us on this forum with no where to turn or speak to just anonymous names on a forum.
Hi all , the more I read about this the more I do believe my husband went into a fantasty world to deal with whatever he has in his head , I think he was just stupid and went down a rabbit hole, I do still feel shame and embarrassed, but now I think it is because he would not talk or tell me what was going on in his head to get us to this point,
I know I still can't be married to him as this is too much for me personally to come back from , but I now know I will be his friend and see him through this , as I don't want to lose my relationship with my step children either ,
tou are totally right with it being an additctin , if it was drugs or alcohol there is so much help and we can talk about it openly but this topic is so taboo ,
we all have this cross to bear which we never wanted , I just hope we will all come out the other end , x
I know I still can't be married to him as this is too much for me personally to come back from , but I now know I will be his friend and see him through this , as I don't want to lose my relationship with my step children either ,
tou are totally right with it being an additctin , if it was drugs or alcohol there is so much help and we can talk about it openly but this topic is so taboo ,
we all have this cross to bear which we never wanted , I just hope we will all come out the other end , x