Don’t know what to do next
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Hi, I’m new to the forum and I’m here because in December last year my family were awaken by a loud knock on the door. It was 4 undercover police officers they said they wanted to see my 18 year old son who is Autistic but wouldn’t tell me why.
As we went to his room I told them that he was Autistic but they weren’t very understanding. When they woke him up he was so scared and confused he was like a little child , he didn’t understand what was going on. They said they were arresting him for sharing IIOC online and that they were taking his devices to examine them. He always struggles with waking up and he didn’t quite hear or understand what they were staying. After a few minutes while he was getting dressed he said “is it the pictures from when I was groomed online when I was younger" (found out later he was 13 when it started). My heart felt like it was breaking, I was so sad that he didn’t tell me this had happened to him and that he had been keeping this to himself for all these years, he hadn’t told anyone. I also felt so guilty for not having a clue and picking up on it.
In the police interview they said the arrest was for 4 IIOC cat C images (3 of them were cartoon ) which was posted on Twitter in 2022 when he was only 15. He answered all the questions he could honestly (don’t know if the solicitor had advised him to) but on some of questions I could tell from his expressions he didn’t understand what they were asking so I told them that. He also told them he’s not interested in children like that and doesn’t even know why he did it.
At the end of the interview they released him with a 3 month bail while his devices are being checked. We talked to the duty solicitor after and he told us not to worry too much and we haven’t heard anything else from him since. Is this a normal thing?
I was allowed to sit in the interview with him has his appropriate adult but only because I asked. He was on own in the police car, in the cell ,when they did his photos and fingerprints and also when he talked to the solicitor before the interview. I wasn’t told I was allowed to be with him and I didn’t know this then. Also after the interview he was also seen by the Liaison & Diversion team and when they asked him for a contact number and this is how bad is understanding can be, he gave them the only number he knew which was his phone number that had just been seized. After a couple of weeks of not hearing from them I rang them and this how we found out what he had done, he still hadn’t realised himself. They had been trying for weeks to contact him on that number.
When we got back home after the interview he said he didn’t understand much of what had happened at the police station and didn’t remember anything the duty solicitor had said to him before the interview. My son was so confused and scared that he couldn’t be alone or sleep on his own for weeks.
He is academically quite clever but he is socially and emotionally delayed. He doesn’t have any friends, all he does is go to College and I take him there and pick him up, he never leaves the house alone.
His Bail had been extended 2 more times.
Then on Friday I got a call from the OIC saying that they were applying to the court for another extension to his bail because they have found indecent images on his devices and needed to gather information to send to the CPS. They said a lot more but this At this point I was so upset and crying so much I didn’t really understand what they said. They said something about getting another bail letter and said some sort of form would be sent out which needed to be filled in but I can’t remember what form they said. I am so scared, confused and sad for my son and family.
My partner is working away until till tomorrow, I can’t tell him this over the phone. I don’t know what to do next. I was going to ring the helpline on Friday but then realised it closed early. So I decided to post on the Forum as I couldn’t hold it all in any longer. I’m not eating or sleeping and I’m constantly feeling sick. Every time I look at my son I have to stop myself from crying because I’m so sad and I feel so angry at him for what he has done. I'm not sure he fully understands.
I haven’t told any of my extended family because I’m scared of how they may react, only my partner and Adult kids know, they were all home when the police came.
I’m going to ring his duty solicitor on Monday and try get more information and advice, I’m am also wondering if I should find a different solicitor who specialises in people with Autism. Is this a good idea?
I’m also hoping to ring the helpline on Monday but I’m so terrified of saying all this out loud to someone I don’t even know but I need help and advice on what to do next, I feel so lost. I’m hoping I don’t back out. If I do at least I’ve written this on here for now.
Sorry this so long and thanks for reading. Any advice will be helpful.
As we went to his room I told them that he was Autistic but they weren’t very understanding. When they woke him up he was so scared and confused he was like a little child , he didn’t understand what was going on. They said they were arresting him for sharing IIOC online and that they were taking his devices to examine them. He always struggles with waking up and he didn’t quite hear or understand what they were staying. After a few minutes while he was getting dressed he said “is it the pictures from when I was groomed online when I was younger" (found out later he was 13 when it started). My heart felt like it was breaking, I was so sad that he didn’t tell me this had happened to him and that he had been keeping this to himself for all these years, he hadn’t told anyone. I also felt so guilty for not having a clue and picking up on it.
In the police interview they said the arrest was for 4 IIOC cat C images (3 of them were cartoon ) which was posted on Twitter in 2022 when he was only 15. He answered all the questions he could honestly (don’t know if the solicitor had advised him to) but on some of questions I could tell from his expressions he didn’t understand what they were asking so I told them that. He also told them he’s not interested in children like that and doesn’t even know why he did it.
At the end of the interview they released him with a 3 month bail while his devices are being checked. We talked to the duty solicitor after and he told us not to worry too much and we haven’t heard anything else from him since. Is this a normal thing?
I was allowed to sit in the interview with him has his appropriate adult but only because I asked. He was on own in the police car, in the cell ,when they did his photos and fingerprints and also when he talked to the solicitor before the interview. I wasn’t told I was allowed to be with him and I didn’t know this then. Also after the interview he was also seen by the Liaison & Diversion team and when they asked him for a contact number and this is how bad is understanding can be, he gave them the only number he knew which was his phone number that had just been seized. After a couple of weeks of not hearing from them I rang them and this how we found out what he had done, he still hadn’t realised himself. They had been trying for weeks to contact him on that number.
When we got back home after the interview he said he didn’t understand much of what had happened at the police station and didn’t remember anything the duty solicitor had said to him before the interview. My son was so confused and scared that he couldn’t be alone or sleep on his own for weeks.
He is academically quite clever but he is socially and emotionally delayed. He doesn’t have any friends, all he does is go to College and I take him there and pick him up, he never leaves the house alone.
His Bail had been extended 2 more times.
Then on Friday I got a call from the OIC saying that they were applying to the court for another extension to his bail because they have found indecent images on his devices and needed to gather information to send to the CPS. They said a lot more but this At this point I was so upset and crying so much I didn’t really understand what they said. They said something about getting another bail letter and said some sort of form would be sent out which needed to be filled in but I can’t remember what form they said. I am so scared, confused and sad for my son and family.
My partner is working away until till tomorrow, I can’t tell him this over the phone. I don’t know what to do next. I was going to ring the helpline on Friday but then realised it closed early. So I decided to post on the Forum as I couldn’t hold it all in any longer. I’m not eating or sleeping and I’m constantly feeling sick. Every time I look at my son I have to stop myself from crying because I’m so sad and I feel so angry at him for what he has done. I'm not sure he fully understands.
I haven’t told any of my extended family because I’m scared of how they may react, only my partner and Adult kids know, they were all home when the police came.
I’m going to ring his duty solicitor on Monday and try get more information and advice, I’m am also wondering if I should find a different solicitor who specialises in people with Autism. Is this a good idea?
I’m also hoping to ring the helpline on Monday but I’m so terrified of saying all this out loud to someone I don’t even know but I need help and advice on what to do next, I feel so lost. I’m hoping I don’t back out. If I do at least I’ve written this on here for now.
Sorry this so long and thanks for reading. Any advice will be helpful.
I saw that you had posted something over the weekend and I always worry as nobody is vetting the forum then, so the content of the post doesn't appear until this morning which looks as if it's been missed. Having said that, here you are and I'm so sorry that you and your lovely boy are going through this nightmare. You are not the only family posting on here with a young autistic son in this situation so I expect some others will reach out to you soon.
Firstly, please don't worry about speaking with the helpline - I haven't used them myself but I know from others how lovely, non judgmental and unshockable they are.
Re the duty solicitor, some will be good I'm sure, and maybe have an off the record chat with you afterwards to set your mind at rest. That is what a decent human being would do anyway, but from our own experience they do their shift at the station and that's it. Any other help would need to be your own arrangement for which you will be charged unless you qualify for legal aid. Yes there are solicitors who are specialists for autistic clients and hopefully someone will send you a name or you could do a search on the forums as I know it's been mentioned on here.
I really feel your boy was treated badly by the police and not telling you about your right to sit with him is shameful - either inefficiency or deliberately wanting to get the most from the interview without you advocating for your boy. The phone number fiasco reminds me of our son's case when the police accused him of deliberately giving them the wrong password for his phone and threatened to ask his work for it. It turned out they were typing it in wrongly but there was no apology and it caused so much emotional stress to us all. Whether you complain about your treatment is up to you - many of us have good reason to complain about the police but we are all afraid of making a bad situation worse with them. It does sound cynical of me but my advice is not to believe anything the police tell you unless you have irrefutable proof, as their main objective is to get a conviction (part of their success or failure as a force relies on how many convictions they get, my OH retired from the police because that was making his job untenable) We found a solicitor eventually so now our son liaises with the police via the solicitor which has made things much easier on our stress levels. But it cost an arm and a leg.
Who you tell about this is up to you but you do need someone who you trust on your side, whether that's a friend or a relative. Please look after your own mental health and seek some support from LFF or your GP - they will have heard things like this before and will be totally non judgmental and sympathetic.
I sound like I'm delivering a sermon now, so I'll stop here but I'm sending you an empathetic hug and one for your son.
Firstly, please don't worry about speaking with the helpline - I haven't used them myself but I know from others how lovely, non judgmental and unshockable they are.
Re the duty solicitor, some will be good I'm sure, and maybe have an off the record chat with you afterwards to set your mind at rest. That is what a decent human being would do anyway, but from our own experience they do their shift at the station and that's it. Any other help would need to be your own arrangement for which you will be charged unless you qualify for legal aid. Yes there are solicitors who are specialists for autistic clients and hopefully someone will send you a name or you could do a search on the forums as I know it's been mentioned on here.
I really feel your boy was treated badly by the police and not telling you about your right to sit with him is shameful - either inefficiency or deliberately wanting to get the most from the interview without you advocating for your boy. The phone number fiasco reminds me of our son's case when the police accused him of deliberately giving them the wrong password for his phone and threatened to ask his work for it. It turned out they were typing it in wrongly but there was no apology and it caused so much emotional stress to us all. Whether you complain about your treatment is up to you - many of us have good reason to complain about the police but we are all afraid of making a bad situation worse with them. It does sound cynical of me but my advice is not to believe anything the police tell you unless you have irrefutable proof, as their main objective is to get a conviction (part of their success or failure as a force relies on how many convictions they get, my OH retired from the police because that was making his job untenable) We found a solicitor eventually so now our son liaises with the police via the solicitor which has made things much easier on our stress levels. But it cost an arm and a leg.
Who you tell about this is up to you but you do need someone who you trust on your side, whether that's a friend or a relative. Please look after your own mental health and seek some support from LFF or your GP - they will have heard things like this before and will be totally non judgmental and sympathetic.
I sound like I'm delivering a sermon now, so I'll stop here but I'm sending you an empathetic hug and one for your son.
Hi SoSad
i am so sorry you are in this dreadful position - many of us on here are parents of autistic sons. My son is autistic too and in two weeks time he is in Crown Court for sentencing . There really are no words to explain (unless have been through something similar), the trauma and the way it completely overwhelms me.
Like you, we have kept quiet about it except for a handful of people we completely trust - apart from anything else, I couldn't actually speak about it without dissolving into tears.
Unfortunately, as I was reading your post, it could have been myself writing when you were describing your son except mine is a few years older. We have lost all faith in the criminal justice system as a result of this. We have not had a good experience of the legal system - emails ignored, lack of communication, so many questions but no one will answer. Be prepared for a long process , gradually you will have some normalish periods only to come crashing back down again - but, hang on to the fact that there will be an end to it however long it takes.
My son was referred to Social Services by the police at the outset and I can't fault social services in our area. They have been fantastic in getting help for him. How is your Son doing, is he getting any support ?
I would definitely recommend getting him on the Young Persons Inform Course with Lucy Faithful Foundation, my Son's practitioner was excellent and he built up a great relationship with her. Even now he can email her for support if he needs to.
The whole situation is just so shocking, you will definitely find out who your friends are. I also confided in my GP who has been amazing as I had to take time off work due to stress. Be kind to yourself and always follow your gut instinct !
Feel free to dm me I'm always here for a gab
i am so sorry you are in this dreadful position - many of us on here are parents of autistic sons. My son is autistic too and in two weeks time he is in Crown Court for sentencing . There really are no words to explain (unless have been through something similar), the trauma and the way it completely overwhelms me.
Like you, we have kept quiet about it except for a handful of people we completely trust - apart from anything else, I couldn't actually speak about it without dissolving into tears.
Unfortunately, as I was reading your post, it could have been myself writing when you were describing your son except mine is a few years older. We have lost all faith in the criminal justice system as a result of this. We have not had a good experience of the legal system - emails ignored, lack of communication, so many questions but no one will answer. Be prepared for a long process , gradually you will have some normalish periods only to come crashing back down again - but, hang on to the fact that there will be an end to it however long it takes.
My son was referred to Social Services by the police at the outset and I can't fault social services in our area. They have been fantastic in getting help for him. How is your Son doing, is he getting any support ?
I would definitely recommend getting him on the Young Persons Inform Course with Lucy Faithful Foundation, my Son's practitioner was excellent and he built up a great relationship with her. Even now he can email her for support if he needs to.
The whole situation is just so shocking, you will definitely find out who your friends are. I also confided in my GP who has been amazing as I had to take time off work due to stress. Be kind to yourself and always follow your gut instinct !
Feel free to dm me I'm always here for a gab
So sorry. It's all just too awful. I am DMing you with solicitor details.
I am so sorry that you have found yourself here. It really saddens me to hear how your son was treated by police, but it doesn't surprise me at all. The young person in our family was only 16 when they received the knock and we wre appalled at how they were treated by the police - their lack of understanding Autism was truly shocking. Unfortunately from our experience the police are only interested in getting a conviction and are not to be trusted, no matter how nice they may appear.
We did lodge a complaint once the young person in our family had been to court and included our shock on how we felt he was treated badly as a vulnerable youth with autism. It really opened up our eyes to the police /criminal justice system generally and not in a good way at all. You may want to keep a log of all your concerns so that you can log a complaint if you decide to at some point in the future.
I am thinking of you and your son.
We did lodge a complaint once the young person in our family had been to court and included our shock on how we felt he was treated badly as a vulnerable youth with autism. It really opened up our eyes to the police /criminal justice system generally and not in a good way at all. You may want to keep a log of all your concerns so that you can log a complaint if you decide to at some point in the future.
I am thinking of you and your son.
Hi Alison,
Do you mind me asking what happened with your complaint regarding the Police, also who did you direct it towards ?
I emailed bothe the Police Crime Commissioner who I have to say was absolutely useless but I also wrote to the Chief Inspector who delegated it to an underling. It sort of fizzled out as I felt to overwhelmed to deal with it at the time but it was never wrapped up so to speak.
Did they deal with your complaint satisfactorily?
Do you mind me asking what happened with your complaint regarding the Police, also who did you direct it towards ?
I emailed bothe the Police Crime Commissioner who I have to say was absolutely useless but I also wrote to the Chief Inspector who delegated it to an underling. It sort of fizzled out as I felt to overwhelmed to deal with it at the time but it was never wrapped up so to speak.
Did they deal with your complaint satisfactorily?
Hi Winnie
Our complaint was dealt satisfactory. I will private message you later this evening or tomorrow sometime.
Our complaint was dealt satisfactory. I will private message you later this evening or tomorrow sometime.