MIL Pressurising me to be Allowed to Supervise
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My mother in law is pressuring me to allow her to supervise contact of my sons with my ex. I told her I wanted to talk to her about it first becuase I don't think she thinks supervision is necessary. So she keeps sending me messages asking when do I want to talk. I'm not ready to let her supervise without me there. Im worried what she will say to my boys and how she will go on and on about what a hard time my ex is having and how ill he has been - which is all mental health illness. My ex is in no fit state to have our boys anyway as he can't cope with anything.
what do you think I should do?
what do you think I should do?
Tell her to back off. You have enough to deal with without possibly inviting more difficulties into your, and the childrens, lives.
Just reiterate that you're doing what's best for your children right now and you believe that, that is her not supervising right now. You will let her know when you are happy for her to supervise or something like that.
If your ex is on your side then maybe he can talk to her too. But I know for some people that's not the case
If your ex is on your side then maybe he can talk to her too. But I know for some people that's not the case
Are social services involved? I'm not sure where you are on your journey with all this but for us we had to have anyone wanting to supervise vetted with a quick DBS check by SS first and also we could express any misgivings we had about anyone with our SW first. This could be your lifesaver. We couldn't just let someone supervise ourselves. Maybe you are further along or have no SS involvement, in which case sorry!
If she is making out that she misses seeing the grandkids could you maybe invite her along with you occasionally (I say that knowing how it might sound like a ridiculous idea if I only knew her! Please ignore if it's an insensitive suggestion!)
If she is making out that she misses seeing the grandkids could you maybe invite her along with you occasionally (I say that knowing how it might sound like a ridiculous idea if I only knew her! Please ignore if it's an insensitive suggestion!)
Thank you for the responses. SS have said that his parents could be added to the safety plan but it would be my descision. They didn't say anything about having to be vetted. Technically our case has been closed with SS but I still have to do supervision. I am the only one on the safety plan who is allowed to do supervision.
his parents do get to see my sons as they sometimes accompany my ex to days out. What they want is to have them without me around. I know it would be easier on me if I wasn't the only one allowed to supervise but I think I would spend all that time worrying about my sons. I know it sounds petty but I'd also worry about what she was saying to them about my ex and about me.
his parents do get to see my sons as they sometimes accompany my ex to days out. What they want is to have them without me around. I know it would be easier on me if I wasn't the only one allowed to supervise but I think I would spend all that time worrying about my sons. I know it sounds petty but I'd also worry about what she was saying to them about my ex and about me.
It sounds like your MIL is in denial about her son's offence? If so I would refuse too, on the basis she probably couldn't be trusted to supervise reliably. How is FIL about everything?
I have a really horrible situation with my MIL and I just wanted to send my sympathy and love because for me my MIL has added to the trauma tremendously and I know it's a very difficult situation to be put in. Stand your ground though, grandparents actually have no legal rights to contact in the UK and you've been very generous in letting her tag along on visits, what I have found is that mine pushes for control, because it's not on her terms, it's not actually about the children at all she's mad because she's not getting it the way she wants it (for good reasons) so she pushes all the boundaries and tries to intimidate me in to it, runs a narrative that I'm the villain and she's the victim etc. (she loves a bit of the 'woe is me') So now I've cut contact and she has to go through a third party if she wants to talk to me and it's been the best decision I ever made, you are being completely sensible and reasonable and your protecting your children, you sound like a great mum xx