The waiting is agony
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My husband was arrested in June for allegedly talking on a social media platform and "uploading" indecent images.
He had been living with me and my child. His bail conditions were that he could no longer live with me, even when my child isn't here. I don't know if he did it, it's come to light since that there's lots of addiction problems and things I wasn't aware of. The offending apparently took place before we were living together. I don't know what to think. His bail is now being extended. Since being apart he's tried to take his own life multiple times and we're looking for psychological support for him.
I just feel the waiting is a punishment. It's driving me to take meds and drink to cope with it all. I feel like I'm drowning. One moment I'm ok and I have fight in me and the next I'm terrified I will be hauled in and arrested and have my child taken away for trying to support him, when the police and social workers have been clear they want me to leave him.
my ex partner has held this over my head too - I've had to keep the fact my husband and I are still in contact and I'm helping him with mental and physical health, benefits, letter writing etc. He is checking in on me constantly checking I havent seen my husband and bringing up solicitors. I do understand his concern, but he will never have contact with her again, and what I do when my daughter isn't with me shouldn't be my ex's concern.
im on sleeping tablets, pain killers, I'm drinking. I just don't know how to cope with this pressure and all the secrets. I feel so so so alone.
He had been living with me and my child. His bail conditions were that he could no longer live with me, even when my child isn't here. I don't know if he did it, it's come to light since that there's lots of addiction problems and things I wasn't aware of. The offending apparently took place before we were living together. I don't know what to think. His bail is now being extended. Since being apart he's tried to take his own life multiple times and we're looking for psychological support for him.
I just feel the waiting is a punishment. It's driving me to take meds and drink to cope with it all. I feel like I'm drowning. One moment I'm ok and I have fight in me and the next I'm terrified I will be hauled in and arrested and have my child taken away for trying to support him, when the police and social workers have been clear they want me to leave him.
my ex partner has held this over my head too - I've had to keep the fact my husband and I are still in contact and I'm helping him with mental and physical health, benefits, letter writing etc. He is checking in on me constantly checking I havent seen my husband and bringing up solicitors. I do understand his concern, but he will never have contact with her again, and what I do when my daughter isn't with me shouldn't be my ex's concern.
im on sleeping tablets, pain killers, I'm drinking. I just don't know how to cope with this pressure and all the secrets. I feel so so so alone.
Can you call the stop it now helpline?
Maybe. I'm just scared I'll get someone into trouble. Either myself or him. Very wary about talking to anyone to be honest. It all feels very unsafe.
Dear Forum Users,
We wanted to add a short post here to outline the type of support the Stop It Now Helpline can provide. The Helpline is a confidential and anonymous service, which means that any information you share with the Helpline is kept within the organisation and you will only be asked to share your first name, age and county and not any details which identify you (e.g., your full name, email address). Like we have on the Forum, there are limits on the Helpline’s confidentiality, which they explain when you call. The policy is that if identifying information is provided and there is a disclosure of an offence the Police don’t know about or a disclosure of risk issues to yourself or someone else, they are required to pass it on to the appropriate agencies. This means that you, or anyone else in a similar situation, can call the Helpline and access anonymous and confidential support, to speak with someone independent of the situation and answer any questions you might have. You can find the Helpline details here.
Kind regards,
The Forum Team
We wanted to add a short post here to outline the type of support the Stop It Now Helpline can provide. The Helpline is a confidential and anonymous service, which means that any information you share with the Helpline is kept within the organisation and you will only be asked to share your first name, age and county and not any details which identify you (e.g., your full name, email address). Like we have on the Forum, there are limits on the Helpline’s confidentiality, which they explain when you call. The policy is that if identifying information is provided and there is a disclosure of an offence the Police don’t know about or a disclosure of risk issues to yourself or someone else, they are required to pass it on to the appropriate agencies. This means that you, or anyone else in a similar situation, can call the Helpline and access anonymous and confidential support, to speak with someone independent of the situation and answer any questions you might have. You can find the Helpline details here.
Kind regards,
The Forum Team
That's an incredibly difficult situation. Prioritize your child's safety first. His recovery is his responsibility, even from afar. Stay strong.
Ellesse, you must be so exhausted. I am sure you will get some source of support on this forum. Please call the helpline , it may be a relief to chat in confidence x
If you are worried about revealing your identity to the helpline you can simply decline to give any personal details, you could even use a pseudonym. Though I have been told that they don’t have access to your phone number when you call you could also make use of caller ID blocking if you wish to secure your anonymity.
Additionally if your own mental health is suffering, you can always discuss it with your GP or local mental health support services. If your employed by a large organisation you may also have access to services through occupational health which will often be quicker to access.
Additionally if your own mental health is suffering, you can always discuss it with your GP or local mental health support services. If your employed by a large organisation you may also have access to services through occupational health which will often be quicker to access.
Thank you. I just hate my life.
I will try to find time to call the helpline. I rarely get time.
I will try to find time to call the helpline. I rarely get time.
Oh my love, I couldn't read your post and not reply. Like you, we had the knock in June so it's all very fresh for us. My situation is different to yours because I've ended things with my partner so I am in a much better place mentally.
What has happened to you is a huge shock and it sounds like you're carrying a huge weight on your shoulders and it really isn't fair. Does your partner have any family to support him to take the pressure off you?
What has happened to you is a huge shock and it sounds like you're carrying a huge weight on your shoulders and it really isn't fair. Does your partner have any family to support him to take the pressure off you?
Sorry your going through this, but try mentally put yourself in a better place cause it will eat you up overthinking things and trying to play out scenarios...
we've been waiting 2 years and 2 months, bail got lifted after 10 month but we still haven't heard anything, basically prepare for a long haul cause they rarely solve any of this fast /: all you can do is stay strong, surround yourself with people you trust, get help if needed. I'm always a message away if you need to talk. X
we've been waiting 2 years and 2 months, bail got lifted after 10 month but we still haven't heard anything, basically prepare for a long haul cause they rarely solve any of this fast /: all you can do is stay strong, surround yourself with people you trust, get help if needed. I'm always a message away if you need to talk. X
It's so raw and so hard
You do get stronger and the early days are the hardest.
Your GP can refer for mental health/talking therapies. You don't have to tell them the full reason....just that youre having relationship problems or someone in your life phas got in trouble with the law and you're struggling because of it. I was referred for anxiety and they were a massive help. Really made the effort to try to stop worrying about the things out of my control and look at small things i can control/do to help.
Sometimes they can also offer medication to try get you functioning again, and out of that panic that can overwhelm at the start.
The helpline or even Samaritans are good if you just need someone to talk to, if you don't have that support yet in your own circle.
Remember you haven't done anything wrong, wanting to support someone you love even though they've done something wrong and hurt you is not a bad thing. It is a lot to get your head around, you will go through all the feelings and emotions. You know what type of person you are don't let anyone in this situation make you question that. Equally you can't pour from an empty glass; if supporting your person is dragging your mental and physical health into dark places it's ok to look after yourself and step away (temporarily or completely).
You are not expected to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
You do get stronger and the early days are the hardest.
Your GP can refer for mental health/talking therapies. You don't have to tell them the full reason....just that youre having relationship problems or someone in your life phas got in trouble with the law and you're struggling because of it. I was referred for anxiety and they were a massive help. Really made the effort to try to stop worrying about the things out of my control and look at small things i can control/do to help.
Sometimes they can also offer medication to try get you functioning again, and out of that panic that can overwhelm at the start.
The helpline or even Samaritans are good if you just need someone to talk to, if you don't have that support yet in your own circle.
Remember you haven't done anything wrong, wanting to support someone you love even though they've done something wrong and hurt you is not a bad thing. It is a lot to get your head around, you will go through all the feelings and emotions. You know what type of person you are don't let anyone in this situation make you question that. Equally you can't pour from an empty glass; if supporting your person is dragging your mental and physical health into dark places it's ok to look after yourself and step away (temporarily or completely).
You are not expected to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.