Supervised contact and the future help.
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Hi.
Firstly i am so relived to have found these forums
I'll try my best to keep this short and sweet.
My knock came in August 2013.
I had been with my partner for 8 years and at the time our sons were 1 and 2. My world completely blew apart.
Our relationship ended on the day of the arrest and he moved out to live with his parents where he remains today.
From arrest to conviction was a total of 2 years.
He received 5 years on the sor a spo and community service.
His iioc ranged from cat b to cat d no contact offenses or sharing of images.
Fast forward another 5 years and his "punishment" is almost spent.
After a visit from the police last week as part of his spo he was asked how contact is going in regards to our boys.
It's taken us 6 years but we have finally reached a point of borderline normality.We do things together on a Saturday as a family and believe this is what is best for the boys.
He will see them for a few hours with me or they will have contact at his parents where they stay overnight once a month. The boys are told he is going to work at bedtime (he works nights) and he stays at his grandparents down the road and returns in the morning
This is normal for the boys and apart from the odd "can daddy take us to football" question they know nothing other than me or there grandparents being there at contact. We decided as a family to not tell them of his conviction.
In a strange way us being forced to spend time together has been beneficial to the boys in being able to spend time with both parents together after separation which is rare.
Anyway sorry I am waffling.
During the visit he disclosed to the police officer that he would love to be able to be more of a dad to the boys and be able to take them to football or to the park etc.
The po agrreed and said she would contact cs on his behalf to try and get the ball rolling.
Now this has put the fear of God into me.
On the day of the arrest we were visited by 2 CP officers it was intrusive and traumatic but ended with me signing an agreement to state that I or someone I deemed suitable would supervise comtact.
I was then contacted again at sentencing and asked if we were still continuing with supervised contact . I said yes we have always stuck to the agreement I understand risk etc. I also asked what the future held for potential unsupervised contact to which she replied court would decide that!?
And that was all we have heard in 6 years
My questions are these
What is likely to happen now the po has contacted Cs?
Will they want to interview us all again?
Will they tell the children of dads conviction? (I'm terrified this will happen
The boys are 7 and 9 now adore there dad and we have tried so hard to give them a normal upbringing under nightmare circumstances.
This has been going on for 7 years now and just when I feel we have reached a level of borderline normality back comes that fear I felt after the knock.
Any advice is much appreciated x
Firstly i am so relived to have found these forums
I'll try my best to keep this short and sweet.
My knock came in August 2013.
I had been with my partner for 8 years and at the time our sons were 1 and 2. My world completely blew apart.
Our relationship ended on the day of the arrest and he moved out to live with his parents where he remains today.
From arrest to conviction was a total of 2 years.
He received 5 years on the sor a spo and community service.
His iioc ranged from cat b to cat d no contact offenses or sharing of images.
Fast forward another 5 years and his "punishment" is almost spent.
After a visit from the police last week as part of his spo he was asked how contact is going in regards to our boys.
It's taken us 6 years but we have finally reached a point of borderline normality.We do things together on a Saturday as a family and believe this is what is best for the boys.
He will see them for a few hours with me or they will have contact at his parents where they stay overnight once a month. The boys are told he is going to work at bedtime (he works nights) and he stays at his grandparents down the road and returns in the morning
This is normal for the boys and apart from the odd "can daddy take us to football" question they know nothing other than me or there grandparents being there at contact. We decided as a family to not tell them of his conviction.
In a strange way us being forced to spend time together has been beneficial to the boys in being able to spend time with both parents together after separation which is rare.
Anyway sorry I am waffling.
During the visit he disclosed to the police officer that he would love to be able to be more of a dad to the boys and be able to take them to football or to the park etc.
The po agrreed and said she would contact cs on his behalf to try and get the ball rolling.
Now this has put the fear of God into me.
On the day of the arrest we were visited by 2 CP officers it was intrusive and traumatic but ended with me signing an agreement to state that I or someone I deemed suitable would supervise comtact.
I was then contacted again at sentencing and asked if we were still continuing with supervised contact . I said yes we have always stuck to the agreement I understand risk etc. I also asked what the future held for potential unsupervised contact to which she replied court would decide that!?
And that was all we have heard in 6 years
My questions are these
What is likely to happen now the po has contacted Cs?
Will they want to interview us all again?
Will they tell the children of dads conviction? (I'm terrified this will happen
The boys are 7 and 9 now adore there dad and we have tried so hard to give them a normal upbringing under nightmare circumstances.
This has been going on for 7 years now and just when I feel we have reached a level of borderline normality back comes that fear I felt after the knock.
Any advice is much appreciated x
Thank you for your reply poster.
It has been such a lonely journey and I had tears in my eyes when I found this forum at the realisation there is ladies like me out there going through the same thing
I feel as though my life has been in a strange limbo for 6 years now.
Although I have moved on and built a career and met someone new. This is constantly a dark cloud that looms over me. I feel as though I have a constant underlying anxiety that this may never officially "end"
If cs do contact me I would like to say that the boys have a positive relationship with dad and that with appropriate risk assessments on their side I would be willing to consider moving contact to un supervised in order from them to have a more "normal" relationship with their dad also now being older and at the age of being able to vocalise any concerns to myself or trusted adults in their life .
I actually worked as a cse support worker for 2 years so I am well aware of risks posed etc.
However I am terrified of saying the "wrong" thing to cs and being seen as a non protective parent.
It's all just very difficult.
I would love to stay in touch. Hopefully we may be able to provide some support to eachother X
It has been such a lonely journey and I had tears in my eyes when I found this forum at the realisation there is ladies like me out there going through the same thing
I feel as though my life has been in a strange limbo for 6 years now.
Although I have moved on and built a career and met someone new. This is constantly a dark cloud that looms over me. I feel as though I have a constant underlying anxiety that this may never officially "end"
If cs do contact me I would like to say that the boys have a positive relationship with dad and that with appropriate risk assessments on their side I would be willing to consider moving contact to un supervised in order from them to have a more "normal" relationship with their dad also now being older and at the age of being able to vocalise any concerns to myself or trusted adults in their life .
I actually worked as a cse support worker for 2 years so I am well aware of risks posed etc.
However I am terrified of saying the "wrong" thing to cs and being seen as a non protective parent.
It's all just very difficult.
I would love to stay in touch. Hopefully we may be able to provide some support to eachother X
Hi Scaredmummy29
Like poster said it sounds like you have a good relationship with your ex and have family time on a Saturday with you altogether. I hope you don't mind me asking, how does your current partner feel about that? X
Like poster said it sounds like you have a good relationship with your ex and have family time on a Saturday with you altogether. I hope you don't mind me asking, how does your current partner feel about that? X
Thanks so much for the replys.
My ex seems convinced he's going to be able to have unsupervised access due to good reports from probation etc .. I on the other hand am not so sure. It seems to be rare in these circumstances?
I'm lucky in that my dad is a family lawyer and has experience of these cases he says it does happen however it ussualy goes through court as Cs rarely change their minds?
I just don't know what to think.
Does anyone know what the court process involves?
To the poster who asked about my current partner no he has no problem with us spending time together as a family as he knows in the circumstances there isn't really much choice and understands it's best for the boys.
My biggest fear is having to tell them one day .
Dad is dead set on saying they must never know but I'm not sure if that will be possible
I guess I'll have to wait until cs contact me and take it from there.
It really is such a nightmare.
I'm so glad I joined this forum. The relief in realising others are facing the same is immense.
Another thing is do you think cs would have concerns over us spending time as a family and visiting wider family together? For example a few weeks ago we went for a walk with my family with their children etc. My family are aware of dads conviction and have a positive relationship with him. My sister is actually a social worker.
Would this look as though we are "too close"?
God I'm just terrified of doing the wrong thing and loosing my boys
Thanks in advance xx
My ex seems convinced he's going to be able to have unsupervised access due to good reports from probation etc .. I on the other hand am not so sure. It seems to be rare in these circumstances?
I'm lucky in that my dad is a family lawyer and has experience of these cases he says it does happen however it ussualy goes through court as Cs rarely change their minds?
I just don't know what to think.
Does anyone know what the court process involves?
To the poster who asked about my current partner no he has no problem with us spending time together as a family as he knows in the circumstances there isn't really much choice and understands it's best for the boys.
My biggest fear is having to tell them one day .
Dad is dead set on saying they must never know but I'm not sure if that will be possible
I guess I'll have to wait until cs contact me and take it from there.
It really is such a nightmare.
I'm so glad I joined this forum. The relief in realising others are facing the same is immense.
Another thing is do you think cs would have concerns over us spending time as a family and visiting wider family together? For example a few weeks ago we went for a walk with my family with their children etc. My family are aware of dads conviction and have a positive relationship with him. My sister is actually a social worker.
Would this look as though we are "too close"?
God I'm just terrified of doing the wrong thing and loosing my boys
Thanks in advance xx