Why am I being punished?
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We had the knock at the begining of January, and nearly all of our devices were taken.
I stayed in the house as they carried on searching once my partner had been arrested and taken in for questioning.
On the day, they took notes as to which devices belonged to who. This has been clarified through his solicitor as well but this dosn't seem to matter. It feels very much like i'm the one under suspiscion!
I just want my devices back - my phone is on a contract and while I've aquired a cheap phone so I can carry on some semblence of normality I'm still paying for a contract phone which I don't have! They have all my har drives containing all my photoghraphy backups and music collection. They have everything.
All we get from the solicitor is that they have spoken to the police and that as my partners crime isn't the worst in the grand scheme of things they are not currently a priority so dealing with our/my devices isn't a priority. All I can read from this is that as the police are dealing with people who have been "naughtier" they have much beter things to be doing than letting me (an innocent partner) have their things back. Which massively sucks.
All this bacause i'm guilty by association.
Sorry - bit of a rambling rant, not sure where I was going with it but I've tried writing this for the last few weeks and keep deleting it. I've no one I can talk to about this - my partner just seems to be getting on with life as if nothing has hapned where as I'm keeping it together at work and drinking when I get home to make things go away - so much for cutting out the booze in the new year and losing some weight!
I stayed in the house as they carried on searching once my partner had been arrested and taken in for questioning.
On the day, they took notes as to which devices belonged to who. This has been clarified through his solicitor as well but this dosn't seem to matter. It feels very much like i'm the one under suspiscion!
I just want my devices back - my phone is on a contract and while I've aquired a cheap phone so I can carry on some semblence of normality I'm still paying for a contract phone which I don't have! They have all my har drives containing all my photoghraphy backups and music collection. They have everything.
All we get from the solicitor is that they have spoken to the police and that as my partners crime isn't the worst in the grand scheme of things they are not currently a priority so dealing with our/my devices isn't a priority. All I can read from this is that as the police are dealing with people who have been "naughtier" they have much beter things to be doing than letting me (an innocent partner) have their things back. Which massively sucks.
All this bacause i'm guilty by association.
Sorry - bit of a rambling rant, not sure where I was going with it but I've tried writing this for the last few weeks and keep deleting it. I've no one I can talk to about this - my partner just seems to be getting on with life as if nothing has hapned where as I'm keeping it together at work and drinking when I get home to make things go away - so much for cutting out the booze in the new year and losing some weight!
Replying to my own post I know... but thoughts are all over the place so please forgive!
One of the things that bugs me is that when the police left on the morning of the knock they suggested at the timne that they would be able to prioritise me devices. They said that given it was a Friday it would obviosuly not be that week but that maybe they could deal with them in the next week or 2 - which has now been and gone.
They did say that I could contact them at any time but now my partner is saying that the solicitors have told him that all contact should go through them? I don't want to jeapordise his case so have respected this wish but it's frustrating not being able to have a real-time dialogue with anyone about the case. As part of his bail conditions he is only able to access the internet at work or at a library, as he can't access his personal email at work he's limited ot using the library for this. As his solicitor uses email as the primary communication this makes things really slow and annoying!
One of the things that bugs me is that when the police left on the morning of the knock they suggested at the timne that they would be able to prioritise me devices. They said that given it was a Friday it would obviosuly not be that week but that maybe they could deal with them in the next week or 2 - which has now been and gone.
They did say that I could contact them at any time but now my partner is saying that the solicitors have told him that all contact should go through them? I don't want to jeapordise his case so have respected this wish but it's frustrating not being able to have a real-time dialogue with anyone about the case. As part of his bail conditions he is only able to access the internet at work or at a library, as he can't access his personal email at work he's limited ot using the library for this. As his solicitor uses email as the primary communication this makes things really slow and annoying!
Sacredandafraid. What a truly awful position we dind ourselves in. How terrible that you have had to step away from a major part of your life because of it. My situation was made very public, and husband left home straight away and I have found that many people are very sympathetic, I'm not sure though if they would be the same if I was still living with him. I'm discovering who my true and dear friends are, and those that just want a bit of gossip. I've had some unpleasantness, mostly from his family!!
Please take care of yourself, I'm trying to look after myself, as this is such an immensely stressful situation and can't be doing our mental and physical health much good. I know I was aware that I could have made things much worse for myself by turning to alcohol. But as I was alone I knew I'd have no one to help me if I drank too much!
im sure you'll get some great advice from others on here that are further along or through the process. This is really my only source of real support, as people here know exactly what it feels like.
Take care xx
Please take care of yourself, I'm trying to look after myself, as this is such an immensely stressful situation and can't be doing our mental and physical health much good. I know I was aware that I could have made things much worse for myself by turning to alcohol. But as I was alone I knew I'd have no one to help me if I drank too much!
im sure you'll get some great advice from others on here that are further along or through the process. This is really my only source of real support, as people here know exactly what it feels like.
Take care xx
Thanks for your replies - it's very comforting knowing that there are other people out there going through the same things.
On a positive note - some of my stuff is starting to come back- my phone and a load of my work stuff has been returned today when the investigating officer turned up unannounced to release my partner from bail. He has now been released under investigation which is a step further.
They still have some of my stuff but having my phone back, for me at least, makes things a little easier.
On a positive note - some of my stuff is starting to come back- my phone and a load of my work stuff has been returned today when the investigating officer turned up unannounced to release my partner from bail. He has now been released under investigation which is a step further.
They still have some of my stuff but having my phone back, for me at least, makes things a little easier.
So I thought I was doing welll - until tonight!
I think in a way, I'm just using this as a way to vent as I can't discuss this with anyone I know so here is about the only place I can think of to allow me to vent!
I know we're only 6 weeks since the knock but I keep having waves of feeling like nothing is hapening and the next day I need vast quantities of gin to make it all go away.
Tonight is a gin night (I have the day off tomorrow) and now I'm sat in tears realising that in the last 6 weeks so much has changed. From having a really active social life to it just being the two of us is really shit.
I want to go out and see our friends, but I'm scared that they'll not want to know me.
My partner seems to be just getting on as if nothing is happening, and i'm here trying to keep it together so as not to add anymore stress. A I too caring?
We keep getting mesages from people who know us through the "hobby" that we had to step awy from offering support and a shoulder - which is great. But they don't know whjy we have stepped away and I just feel guilty for not letting them know why. I keep thinking I should just tell them why and see what happens but I know if I do this I would probably end up alienating myself.
I just want to scream out that this is not my doing and not my fault but I can't.
I read so many of the posts on here, and it all seems to be wives/girlfiends/fiances who need the help. Are there others on here who are in a same sex relatiosnhip with someone who's putting them through this? Throughout all of this, I've felt like I've been treated as though I'm as much a suspect as my partner - is this the same feeling from hetero-sexual couples?
I think in a way, I'm just using this as a way to vent as I can't discuss this with anyone I know so here is about the only place I can think of to allow me to vent!
I know we're only 6 weeks since the knock but I keep having waves of feeling like nothing is hapening and the next day I need vast quantities of gin to make it all go away.
Tonight is a gin night (I have the day off tomorrow) and now I'm sat in tears realising that in the last 6 weeks so much has changed. From having a really active social life to it just being the two of us is really shit.
I want to go out and see our friends, but I'm scared that they'll not want to know me.
My partner seems to be just getting on as if nothing is happening, and i'm here trying to keep it together so as not to add anymore stress. A I too caring?
We keep getting mesages from people who know us through the "hobby" that we had to step awy from offering support and a shoulder - which is great. But they don't know whjy we have stepped away and I just feel guilty for not letting them know why. I keep thinking I should just tell them why and see what happens but I know if I do this I would probably end up alienating myself.
I just want to scream out that this is not my doing and not my fault but I can't.
I read so many of the posts on here, and it all seems to be wives/girlfiends/fiances who need the help. Are there others on here who are in a same sex relatiosnhip with someone who's putting them through this? Throughout all of this, I've felt like I've been treated as though I'm as much a suspect as my partner - is this the same feeling from hetero-sexual couples?
Hi scared and afraid,
So I'm a guy and it was my husband that was arrested.
I was very lucky in that when they attended our house, I handed all my partners devices over whilst he was talking to one of the other officers, when I was handing his stuff over I offered both my laptop and my phones and the officer said that as it was a communication they knew it was my partner and didn't need any of my devices.
The first few weeks/months are terribly draining and I know that I considered hitting the booze but it really wont make the issue go away and it will just give you a bloody hangover which is far from ideal!
You need to talk to your partner and express how isolating your finding this and if you are feeling up to it find a trusted friend or family member to open up too.
If all else fails then go chat to your GP and they can offer support and a referral to mental health specialists as we all know to well this really fucks with your head!
It's all messy and your in for the long haul, we have been waiting 15 months with only 2 updates from police in that process again because what my partner did is just not top of the gross list.
Ttkit
So I'm a guy and it was my husband that was arrested.
I was very lucky in that when they attended our house, I handed all my partners devices over whilst he was talking to one of the other officers, when I was handing his stuff over I offered both my laptop and my phones and the officer said that as it was a communication they knew it was my partner and didn't need any of my devices.
The first few weeks/months are terribly draining and I know that I considered hitting the booze but it really wont make the issue go away and it will just give you a bloody hangover which is far from ideal!
You need to talk to your partner and express how isolating your finding this and if you are feeling up to it find a trusted friend or family member to open up too.
If all else fails then go chat to your GP and they can offer support and a referral to mental health specialists as we all know to well this really fucks with your head!
It's all messy and your in for the long haul, we have been waiting 15 months with only 2 updates from police in that process again because what my partner did is just not top of the gross list.
Ttkit